The Hell With Him If He Thinks You Are Too Needy

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    May 11, 2009 1:58 PM GMT
    Needy? Me? Mr.Indepedent? I was insulted and shocked when he told me that. I'm not clingy and hate when someone does it to me.

    He didn't like that I preferred some pillow talk after sex rather than switching the TV on.

    He preferred the quick kiss rather than what I wanted.(the long sensual passionate smooch).

    I wanted to discuss issues rather than him saying "somehow it will work out"...or he would tell me "why are you so serious and insecure"? (BTW, I don't care for too much touchy feely talking, but sometimes its required.).

    He felt uncomfortable with guys always checking me out......cruising me, and giving me a lot of attention, so he told me I was somehow spoiled, always got what I wanted and "needed" the attention.....( a stupid thing to say, cause nobody gets everything they want, no matter what they look like).

    He wanted to do just one type of sexual activity in bed.......I wanted to do everything with every body part.

    We were mismatched and the relationship ended.

    At first, I thought maybe he was right. But then I realized that like most human beings, I NEEDED comfort, kindness, appreciation and sensitivity. And then I felt proud again.

    His criticisms were just a deflection of what he was unwilling/unable to give.

    Has anyone else been in a situation where you have been rejected for what is otherwise known as basic human needs?






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    May 11, 2009 2:58 PM GMT
    I had this happen to me a few times. I usually told the guy in question that he wasn't attracted to ME, just a stage version.
    As for needy, I fired back at this one guy, " Needy. You need me to be aloof and act uncaring. You need me to be beyond modest and look crappy so no one else will look at me. You need me to want nothing from you or a relationship. You need me to be completely yours with no effort. You need me to want or desire nothing from you. Here, I'll give you what you need....
    See ya.

    ........usually I got a call in a couple of days from a distraught individual. After listening a bit I'd say, "But I'm not what you need..."
    firmly and politely.

    Anyone who calls another needy better be doing so for good reason because there ain't one person walking on this earth that doesn't have needs. Not one.

    your friend -Doug
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    May 11, 2009 3:10 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidHis criticisms were just a deflection of what he was unwilling/unable to give.

    Has anyone else been in a situation where you have been rejected for what is otherwise know as basic human needs?

    Yep, some guys will blame you for their own shortcomings, inventing things about you that aren't true. So he accuses you of being needy, when it may be him who's actually cold & unfeeling. Had a few of those myself.

    Or sometimes they'll blame you for a fault that's really their own, not yours, a term called "projection" I believe. Doesn't seem like it happened in your case, but I've encountered that a few times, too.
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    May 11, 2009 3:16 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    KissingPro saidHis criticisms were just a deflection of what he was unwilling/unable to give.

    Has anyone else been in a situation where you have been rejected for what is otherwise know as basic human needs?

    Yep, some guys will blame you for their own shortcomings, inventing things about you that aren't true. So he accuses you of being needy, when it may be him who's actually cold & unfeeling. Had a few of those myself.

    Or sometimes they'll blame you for a fault that's really their own, not yours, a term called "projection" I believe. Doesn't seem like it happened in your case, but I've encountered that a few times, too.


    Yeah..........and they don't accept any imperfections in themselves, so they don't allow you any either.
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    May 11, 2009 3:30 PM GMT
    meninlove said I had this happen to me a few times. I usually told the guy in question that he wasn't attracted to ME, just a stage version.
    As for needy, I fired back at this one guy, " Needy. You need me to be aloof and act uncaring. You need me to be beyond modest and look crappy so no one else will look at me. You need me to want nothing from you or a relationship. You need me to be completely yours with no effort. You need me to want or desire nothing from you. Here, I'll give you what you need....
    See ya.
    ........usually I got a call in a couple of days from a distraught individual. After listening a bit I'd say, "But I'm not what you need..."
    firmly and politely.
    Anyone who calls another needy better be doing so for good reason because there ain't one person walking on this earth that doesn't have needs. Not one.
    your friend -Doug


    Wow! These are awesome words!
    Thank you guys

    I've always been very affectionate, more so than most people. The latin american heritage has a lot to do with it icon_razz.gif
    There are people who aren't, and it's just a matter of differences in personality, culture or upbringing.
    Calling someone "needy" makes no sense. It's akin to telling someone to either feel less or show it less, and what's the point of being in a committed relationship if you're forced to hold back, or if you have to force someone to hold back?
    My advice is to seek balance and compatibility.
    You should not feel like you love, care or are more attracted to your partner than he is. That just brings grief, pain, jealousy and arguing.
    Move along, keep looking, and find someone as affectionate as you are.
    Then you'll most likely realize that you were not as needy as you were told you were, and you'll be able to give happily and without restraint, and receive the same amount in return.
    That's the stuff healthy relationships are made out of.
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    May 11, 2009 3:51 PM GMT


    I was a little worried about how some of you would take those words of mine. Thanks.

    This is for anyone that has reached out to another and been called needy.






    There I was with the old man
    Stranded again so off I’d ran
    My young world crashing around me
    No possibilities of getting what I need
    He looked at me and smiled
    Said no, no, no, no, no child.

    See the dog and butterfly,
    Up in the air he like to fly
    Dog and butterfly
    Below she had to try
    And she rolls back down
    To the warm soft ground laughing
    She don’t know why, she don’t know why
    Dog and butterfly

    Well I stumbled upon your secret place
    Safe in the trees you had tears on your face
    Wrestling with your desires
    Frozen strangers stealing your fires

    The message hit my mind
    Only words that I could find
    See the dog and butterfly
    Up in the air he like to fly
    Dog and butterfly below she had to try
    She roll back down to the warm soft ground
    Laughing to the sky, up to the sky
    Dog and butterfly

    We’re getting older the world’s getting colder
    For the life of me I don’t know the reason why
    Maybe it’s livin’ making us give in
    Hearts rolling in taken back on the tide
    We’re balanced together ocean upon the sky

    Another night in this strange town
    Moonlight holding me light as down
    Voice of confusion inside of me
    Just begging to go back where I’m free
    Feels like I’m through
    Then the old man’s words are true
    See the dog and butterfly
    Up in the air he like to fly
    Dog and butterfly, below she had to try
    She roll back down to the warm soft
    Ground with a little tear in her eye
    She had to try, she had to try
    Dog and butterfly



    .....don't let frozen people steal your fires!
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    May 11, 2009 3:54 PM GMT
    nope - not me. what you said is almost like a foreign language to meicon_razz.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 11, 2009 4:45 PM GMT
    What did you see in this loser in the first place? icon_confused.gif

    He wanted to turn on the television after sex
    Just wanted one sexual activity in bed
    Didn't like other guys looking at you
    and told you - you were spoiled and insecure?

    WOW .... this guy better have had some big DICK!

    Instead of worrying if you were needy
    ask yourself why you lasted more than one day with a man like this
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    May 11, 2009 8:28 PM GMT
    meninlove said I had this happen to me a few times. I usually told the guy in question that he wasn't attracted to ME, just a stage version.
    As for needy, I fired back at this one guy, " Needy. You need me to be aloof and act uncaring. You need me to be beyond modest and look crappy so no one else will look at me. You need me to want nothing from you or a relationship. You need me to be completely yours with no effort. You need me to want or desire nothing from you. Here, I'll give you what you need....
    See ya.

    ........usually I got a call in a couple of days from a distraught individual. After listening a bit I'd say, "But I'm not what you need..."
    firmly and politely.

    Anyone who calls another needy better be doing so for good reason because there ain't one person walking on this earth that doesn't have needs. Not one.

    your friend -Doug


    OMG meninlove, this is that good, bold and right it had to be posted a second time....DOUG, where were you when I could have used this 5 months ago??!!
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    May 12, 2009 2:10 AM GMT
    GQjock saidWhat did you see in this loser in the first place? icon_confused.gif

    He wanted to turn on the television after sex
    Just wanted one sexual activity in bed
    Didn't like other guys looking at you
    and told you - you were spoiled and insecure?

    WOW .... this guy better have had some big DICK!

    Instead of worrying if you were needy
    ask yourself why you lasted more than one day with a man like this


    GOOD FUCKIN FREAKIN POINT...........mine too.........I mean .there were some extraordinary aspects of him...and the short relationship.......but not anything important enough (after I realized)......to compromise on the things that are important to me........

    You know.....part of the reason I posted this was to give real time thought and advice to other guys...no matter what the age.