gay community obsession with youth

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    May 12, 2009 5:28 AM GMT
    I know this has probably been killed to death in forums but I wanted to start my own. I feel that the gay community has such of an obsession with youth and being forever 23. It is almost like once your 40 your dieing in the gay community and 50 your dead. I have seen so many long tern relationships with couples being together for 17 yrs end, and the person who ends it ends up with a 22 y old. I often hear many gay men in their 40s who say " I only want young muscled 20 yr olds" But then when they dont ever have a lasting relationship they can't figure it out why?

    I have never really gotten the hot twenty year old to me. I have always had the hots for men in their 30s and 40's. They are masculine and have facial hair and most of the time very handsome features. I think also this obsession with youth is a very devastating thing to the gay community

    So I say these hot older men " I only mean older as compared to me" Should be the ones worshiped and idolized not these looser 20 yr olds
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    May 12, 2009 5:32 AM GMT
    its not just the gay community, its the entire planet it seems

    Have you taken a walk down the isles in a store and looked at moisturisers try that sometimes..

    everywhere you look it will be all about looking younger, being younger..

    Ugh, personally I wanna grow old and I wanna look like I"m growing old, I don't wanna look 20 forever..
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    May 12, 2009 5:37 AM GMT
    BJJMMAFighter saidI know this has probably been killed to death in forums but I wanted to start my own. I feel that the gay community has such of an obsession with youth and being forever 23. It is almost like once your 40 your dieing in the gay community and 50 your dead. I have seen so many long tern relationships with couples being together for 17 yrs end, and the person who ends it ends up with a 22 y old. I often hear many gay men in their 40s who say " I only want young muscled 20 yr olds" But then when they dont ever have a lasting relationship they can't figure it out why?

    I have never really gotten the hot twenty year old to me. I have always had the hots for men in their 30s and 40's. They are masculine and have facial hair and most of the time very handsome features. I think also this obsession with youth is a very devastating thing to the gay community

    So I say these hot older men " I only mean older as compared to me" Should be the ones worshiped and idolized not these looser 20 yr olds



    Babe...I look good and I am not telling my real age!! LOL
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    May 12, 2009 5:42 AM GMT
    It's not just the gay community, society in general is obsessed with youth. No one seems to want to get older, and all you have to do is compare most people physically when they're young to when they get older - clearly, for the majority of people, their looks decline.

    In a superficial world that puts a great deal of emphasis on how one looks, it's no wonder why people are so obsessed with being young.
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    May 12, 2009 6:06 AM GMT
    It's not just gays dear. The media depicts the young as ideal sexual beings and companies are constantly marketing image through their products. All this crap that 40 is the new 20 or whatever. No, sorry, it's not, 40's still 40. Stop looking for excuses to be immature. People truly are willing to do anything to appear younger, and it's really scary. I mean really, all these products and procedures geared toward making you look younger...who knows what's actually in them besides the scientists who make them and the doctors performing them? They care about making money, and not whether or not your skin peels off when you're 50 from a product you rubbed on yourself when you were 35 because you thought it'd make you look 25. Just because these things didn't kill some lab rat doesn't mean they don't have chemicals in it that will eventually take their toll. Western cultures are really the only ones who seem to put their 20 year olds on a pedestal, and disregard their elderly as a nuisance. We value looks and image over experience and wisdom. We're also a society based on instant gratification, and we're always looking for something better. Whether it's a better deal, a better partner, a better house, or a better car. We place unnecessary stress on ourselves striving to get more, rather than looking for happiness and contentment in the world around us. Watching TV makes it harder to appreciate what we have because they are always advertising something "better" and the message we get is "HEY! I could have that too!"

    If people want to look younger, they should get real and clean the excess garbage out of their lives. Things such as smoking, drinking excessively, not getting enough sleep, unnecessary stress, tanning in tanning beds and/or excessive sun exposure, poor diet, and lack of exercise will all age you prematurely regardless of what products you buy.

    Ok, I'm done. Whew that felt good.
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    May 12, 2009 8:15 AM GMT
    Exactly Runnin....I don't know who many times I have seen testimonials on here or picture captions that say something to the effect of "Wow. You look good for your age" or "I hope I still look that good when I'm such an such age". How about the guy just looks good and you aprreciate his work ethic for staying in shape no matter what his age?

    Alas, we are all guilty in someway of enabling the bombardment of youth and being young. Hell, I do it with my Hotlist, in a way. It is a very, very rare thing is someone under 30 gets hotlisted. I don't think most have earned it. Just my opinion. I appreciate the guys on my hotlist because they have maintained or made a decision to have the best body and be in the best shape they can be DESPITE being not so young.

    I will be 47 on Thursday and I started working out seriously again in January of this year. Yea, part of it was to increase the pool of guys I might attract, but mainly for myself and the cost of healthcare.

    And in case you are wondering, my being 47 means I am 47, not some new trumped up 37 or such. And I am not some troll just because I am past 40.
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    May 12, 2009 8:22 AM GMT
    Some gay guys are obsessed with "pretty" .. period. For us old folks what can I say .. its dawn of the dead icon_lol.gif I try not to care what other people think too much. The best way to be happy is to stop chasing it! So do what makes you happy, and be kind to others.
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    May 12, 2009 8:34 AM GMT
    I think the obsession with staying young is primarily an urban thing - where most gay communities are. If you go to the country areas no-one really seems to care that much about it.

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    May 12, 2009 8:47 AM GMT
    9730_176026.jpg

    It's normal to be attracted to older.

    There's no reason to be old-acting, nor old-looking. It's pretty much preventable.

    At nearly 49, guys like me are proof positive you can grow old gracefully, and that you don't have to be a fat ass, etc.
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    May 12, 2009 11:33 AM GMT
    I like a lot of the philosophies on realage.com. I'm a ripe old 25, but see a lot of older guys who look great. Why? Because they work at it, don't smoke, eat the right things and get a fair amount of exercise. I personally can't date guys much older than myself because of the whole daddy complex. Don't want to date anyone old enough to possibly be my father. By the time I'm his age assuming the relationship lasts that long, he'll be like a grandfather. idk there's something to be said about youth. I personally relate better to younger people than older, despite some people saying I have a much mature demeanor than my chronological age...

    You're right, older people should have some more flexibility when it comes to dating. Don't purely focus on the young vivacious 20 year old. That is temporary, you can't get an endless supply of young men who will want you. Well some men / women do but that's a whole nother story... icon_smile.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    May 12, 2009 11:53 AM GMT
    I can't stand it when a 40-something year old has Peter Pan syndrome and dresses like a 20-something, with highlights in his hair and acts like he's 14 or so. Like this douche:


    77468117.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=17A4

    Meet the 21st Century Peter Pan (WOW! 5 years ago I thought he was too effeminate, but now after seeing this pic, my head is exploding!)
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    May 12, 2009 1:22 PM GMT
    It's not a gay community obsession...it's a cultural obsession that is far more widespread than simply gay men....

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    May 12, 2009 1:36 PM GMT
    I think those that are youth obsessed are still in their 20's.
  • hoo4u

    Posts: 119

    May 12, 2009 1:48 PM GMT
    Agree with a bunch of the previous posts. Not just a gay thing...a GUY thing. AND a cultural thing reinforced and exploited by the media and marketing machines. Guys can be hot at any age if they take care of themselves and have a good attitude, sense of humor and intelligence. icon_cool.gif
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    May 12, 2009 2:10 PM GMT
    We don't have to be old, tired and all worn out as we age. No way. I'm 50 - and like a lot of my friends, I just believe in eating right, staying healthy, working out (doing something good for the body every day) and keeping a good mental outlook. I work very hard - and then I reward myself by playing hard as well. Make up your mind to look for the good in every part of life.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    May 12, 2009 2:14 PM GMT
    coolarmydude saidI can't stand it when a 40-something year old has Peter Pan syndrome and dresses like a 20-something, with highlights in his hair and acts like he's 14 or so. Like this douche:


    77468117.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=17A4

    Meet the 21st Century Peter Pan (WOW! 5 years ago I thought he was too effeminate, but now after seeing this pic, my head is exploding!)



    Oh wait... even more disgusting... Mike Jefferies (Abercrombie's CEO)

    story.jpg




    Can you imagine being 60 and dressing like you're 19? With the really bad Botox job? I guess it does happen in the straight world too.
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    May 12, 2009 2:20 PM GMT
    Oh I don't know about that - older men are hot. And if they are silver haired well dats da bomb! Lemme at emicon_exclaim.gif

    hmmmm ok except for Mike of Abercombie - uggggggghhhh!!!!!! yuckkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!icon_evil.gif


    All other silver haired men, feel free to say hello icon_biggrin.gif

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    May 12, 2009 2:28 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidits not just the gay community, its the entire planet it seems

    Have you taken a walk down the isles in a store and looked at moisturisers try that sometimes..

    everywhere you look it will be all about looking younger, being younger..

    Ugh, personally I wanna grow old and I wanna look like I"m growing old, I don't wanna look 20 forever..

    Ah, Tank! You stole my thunder again. Great post and maturity. I have earned every one of these wrinkles around my eyes and the sprouting grey hairs.icon_wink.gif
  • docbailey2005

    Posts: 362

    May 12, 2009 2:59 PM GMT
    the initial post does make a good point. Come on gay men get out of denial. Yeah society in general is obsessed with youth. Hetero men want young girls. However i think things in the gay community are extreme. If you look at most of the pics on this site and those of you who are on bigmuscle.com it's obvious there are tons of good looking older men. Now are they wanting to be young or just trying to have a better quality of life.

    Part of my motivation is to attract a decent good looking fit professional man. I don't give a shit about age when it comes to sex but dating wise i wouldn't go ten years my junior. Never say never though but the guy would have to prove he's ready for committment and mature.

    The point of my post was really to say sounds like many of you gay men are in denial. Youth and beauty is valued way more by the gay community. bottom lilne though. TOO EACH HIS OWN!
  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    May 12, 2009 3:04 PM GMT
    Ugh, I hate prefacing a whole post with a disclaimer, but whereas this is going to be about social/cultural trends (not universalities) it's gonna use broad, generalizing brush strokes. So before anyone freaks out, everyone is free to exempt themselves as they see fit icon_confused.gif

    BJJMMAFighter saidI know this has probably been killed to death in forums but I wanted to start my own. I feel that the gay community has such of an obsession with youth and being forever 23. It is almost like once your 40 your dieing in the gay community


    Dying at 40? Dead at 50? Hah! Try 30! As someone in your 2nd decade you're already on the downhill slope towards obsolescence. And, in fairness-- and as others have already said-- it's not just a "gay world" phenomenon. I just turned 30 yesterday; the polling companies sent a card that said "Welcome to the Nobody-Cares-What-You-Think-Anymore Demographic!" with a pamphlet inside titled "Now That You're Dead to the Marketing Industry: A Guide to Pretending You're Still Cool, Attractive, and Relevant."

    Or, as Saruman put it: the hour grows later than you think.

    BJJMMAFighter said and 50 your dead. I have seen so many long tern relationships with couples being together for 17 yrs end, and the person who ends it ends up with a 22 y old. I often hear many gay men in their 40s who say " I only want young muscled 20 yr olds" But then when they dont ever have a lasting relationship they can't figure it out why?


    How does that line go...? "That's what I looooove about freshmen-- I keep getting older and they stay the same age!" Those who can't age gracefully try to retain a kind of 'youth-by-association,' in the spirit of "you're only as old as you're sleeping with." But again, it can't be stressed enough that that's not exclusive to gay men. Heteros are just as prone to the affliction of freaking out with age. I think it just stands out more when "older" men go after young guys because it raises the specter of Greek pederasty and we get all nervous about being branded pedophiles or something stupid like that. We feel like it's more of an issue for us because it feels more transgressive, so we get self-conscious about it.

    BJJMMAFighter saidI have never really gotten the hot twenty year old to me. I have always had the hots for men in their 30s and 40's. They are masculine and have facial hair and most of the time very handsome features. I think also this obsession with youth is a very devastating thing to the gay community


    Devastating might be overstating it, but it certainly doesn't do us any good; and that's 'us' in the larger cultural sense, not just 'gay culture.' But it probably is more salient to us in particular because of how society conditions us to think of our sexuality; for straight people it's taken for granted that their sexuality is "normal," so it's seen holistically, just a 'normal,' integrated part of their 'normal' lives. But if you're gay then you're (supposedly) defined by your "deviant," subversive sex-acts-- it becomes sexuality-as-doing instead of sexuality-as-being. So that hyper-physicalizes (it is so a word, look it up!) our self-image, leaving us perhaps more sensitive to the larger cultural pressures relating to the "beauty of youth." Even when someone goes opposite the way of the physically-focused "twink" and becomes a "bear" or whatever-- it's still a 'type' inherently defined by physicality; in contrast, does any of us know of a specific term straight people use for "heavy-set, hairy, bearded straight guys?"

    Long story short: we're told that because we're so conspicuously "not using our bodies right" (that is, not trying to knock women up) that we're being willful with our bodies, instead of letting them do 'what comes naturally.' We're told that makes us somehow more corporeal, more bodily, more inclined to the (strange) flesh. And because those messages about gay versus straight sexuality are socially broadcast so loudly and begin to bombard us from such a young age, most of us are probably at least partly co-opted by them. Hence we worry just a little bit more than we might otherwise, because if we get 'old and unattractive' and no one (or perhaps "no one who matters") wants to have sex with us anymore, well, then what are we? If I've embraced even a positive self-image as a "gay man" and then find that I can't get laid anymore because I'm passed my prime... what's "gay" about me-- and then who am I-- if I'm not getting any man-on-man action anymore?

    It's dysfunctional but I suspect that on some level, to some degree, however subliminal, it's something that's infiltrated most of our mental processes. Because even the most self-aware, integrated, mentally 'well' among us have maladaptive shit going on in corners and crevices of our brains that we aren't consciously aware of.
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    May 12, 2009 3:07 PM GMT
    BJJMMAFighter saidI know this has probably been killed to death in forums but I wanted to start my own. I feel that the gay community has such of an obsession with youth and being forever 23. It is almost like once your 40 your dieing in the gay community and 50 your dead. I have seen so many long tern relationships with couples being together for 17 yrs end, and the person who ends it ends up with a 22 y old. I often hear many gay men in their 40s who say " I only want young muscled 20 yr olds" But then when they dont ever have a lasting relationship they can't figure it out why?

    I have never really gotten the hot twenty year old to me. I have always had the hots for men in their 30s and 40's. They are masculine and have facial hair and most of the time very handsome features. I think also this obsession with youth is a very devastating thing to the gay community

    So I say these hot older men " I only mean older as compared to me" Should be the ones worshiped and idolized not these looser 20 yr olds


    I understand what you are saying

    Men are men and will always be visually attracted to a nice physical appearance. Older straights sometimes take on a younger mistress rather than shagging their unkempt wife at home with curlers in her hair.

    In other words, gays aren't the only ones consumed with the idea of beauty. Its a fact of life and humankind.....no matter what the country or culture.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    May 12, 2009 4:09 PM GMT
    styrgan, High-5 to you. Your pic beats my pic. icon_surprised.gif
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    May 12, 2009 5:07 PM GMT
    I'm a little creeped out by that A&F CEO. icon_lol.gif
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    May 12, 2009 6:29 PM GMT
    While I agree that this isn't just an issue in the gay community, I think most people will agree that it is far more common among older gays.

    Specifically because of the "gay second adolescence" syndrome. We've all met older gay men in their 40's and up who came out late in life. Many of them married women and lived in a time where they felt forced to live a life they hated. Then when they do finally come out at 40, or whenever, they want to make up for lost time. I've know tons of elder gay men who freely admit to being in their second adolescence, usually saying "I never had my first one. I grew up in a time where we couldn't be out, and dating another guy wasn't an option".

    My generation has be able to enjoy an experience that is fairly on par with the straight one, so I think we are maturing at the same rate that straights do. I started dating at 13, going to gay clubs at 19 and at 27 I feel done with the club scene and I'm only interested in long term relationships that have a possibility of leading to marriage. I'm pretty much in the same headspace most of my straight friends are in.

    Now that the average age for coming out is 14, I think we are going to see less Peter Pans living vicariously through the young boys they pick up. Young guys can openly pursue healthy relationships with their peers, and when the grow up they won't be trying to reclaim a youth they feel robbed of.




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    May 12, 2009 7:22 PM GMT
    Matty_22 saidI completely agree, GROW OLD GRACEFULLY!,, I was watching a TV show the other night and this 60 year old plastic surgeon was talking about botox!, He had injected it so so much that his face was so lifeless and looked as though he hadn't lived, and to top it off he dressed like a punk rocker.

    All guys reading this Im not trying to be horrible and i mean no offence at all!, but act your age dress well, be well groomed with hair in all the right places and you will look hot!, creams and botox just makes you look stupid! I know this whole thing might be a little off topic but thats my view!!


    I feel Botox, like anything els, is fine in moderation but gets taken to the extreme by some. I've got a fantastic plastic surgeon who does my Botox. He has a personal philosophy that lines and wrinkles are a beautiful part of aging and give us character, so he uses a minimalist approach. Personally, I don't do it as an anti-aging treatment. I found that I was squinting allot when I smiled, so I get 5 units injected into 4 injection sites around my eyes. No one can notice it, and now my eyes don't disappear when I smile.

    It's like any other cosmetic procedure. The only time you can tell someone has had something done is when its done badly, and then they become what people associate with that procedure. Not all nose jobs lead to looking like Michael Jackson icon_wink.gif