A cat walks into a bar...

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    May 13, 2009 6:52 PM GMT
    A CAT WALKS INTO A BAR...... ... icon_lol.gif
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    May 13, 2009 7:19 PM GMT
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    May 13, 2009 7:20 PM GMT
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    May 13, 2009 7:25 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar, after waiting outside on a line to pay to get in. It had to, it was a fee line. [RIMSHOT]

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    May 13, 2009 7:33 PM GMT
    So....a fish swam into a concrete wall and said
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > "Dam!"
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    May 13, 2009 7:38 PM GMT
    So this cat, an ostrich and a man walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?"

    The man says "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says, "OK, that will be $7.87."

    The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. About an hour later the bartender goes back over to them and says, "What'll you guys have?"

    The man says, "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." The bartender gets them their beer and says "That'll be $7.87."

    The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. A couple of days later they come back into the bar and the bartender walks over and asks "What do you guys want today?"

    The man says, "I'll have a scotch", the ostrich says, "I'll have a bourbon", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says "OK, that will be $11.53." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.

    The bartender's curiosity got the best of him and he asks, "Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in your pocket?"

    The man said, "I found a bottle with a genie in it and she granted me 3 wishes. My first wish was that I always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I buy."

    The bartender says, "That's a great wish...better than asking for a million dollars. A million dollars will run out but that never will. What were your other 2 wishes?"

    The man says, "That's where I screwed up. I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."


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    May 13, 2009 8:53 PM GMT
    HAHAHAHA, yeaaaaaah....... thanks for that! hahaha
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    May 13, 2009 8:55 PM GMT
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    May 13, 2009 9:47 PM GMT
    Good joke RV...
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    May 13, 2009 10:09 PM GMT
    Thank you!
  • hoo4u

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    May 14, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    Guy walks into a bar. Says to the bartender, "Hurry up and get me a beer."
    Bartender says, "Why the hurry?" Customer replies, "I just gave my cat a bath." Bartender, "Oh that stressful, huh?" Guy says, "Not stressful at all. I just need to wash this fur out of my mouth."

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    May 14, 2009 4:44 AM GMT
    hoo4u saidGuy walks into a bar. Says to the bartender, "Hurry up and get me a beer."
    Bartender says, "Why the hurry?" Customer replies, "I just gave my cat a bath." Bartender, "Oh that stressful, huh?" Guy says, "Not stressful at all. I just need to wash this fur out of my mouth."

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    PMSL oh gotta remember that!!
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    May 14, 2009 12:43 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a beach-front bar here in Fort Lauderdale. And the bartender says: "You can't come in here, you've just been on the beach."

    "Why not?" protests the cat. "All these other people in here just came from the beach, too."

    "Yeah," replies the bartender, "but I don't believe in sandy claws."


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    May 14, 2009 1:13 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar and sits down, and strikes up a conversation with the guy next to him. As they get acquainted, the man is surprised to learn that the cat's a doctor.

    "Really?" says the man. "Well say, doc, I got this sore throat. Could I bother you to look at it?"

    "Sure," says the cat, "but my basic fee is fifty dollars."

    "Well, I guess that's reasonable," replies the man.

    So the cat jumps onto the bar and peers in the man's open mouth. Then he leaps down on the floor and walks around the man's bar stool 3 times, looking him over. Then he jumps back up onto his own stool.

    "Your throat's just a little irritated," announces the cat. "Go and buy some drug store throat lozenges and you'll be fine."

    "Gee, thanks doc!" says the man. "So can I pay you the fifty now?"

    "Actually, that'll be five hundred dollars," replies the cat.

    "Five hundred?!?!?" yells the man. "You said fifty! What's the other four hundred fifty for?"

    "That's for the cat scan."


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    May 14, 2009 1:43 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar and sits down, looking all gloomy.

    "Hey, Tom," says the bartender, "how're the wife and the new kittens doing?"

    "Terrible!" sobs the poppa cat.

    "Oh, no! What's wrong?" asks the concerned bartender.

    "Well, I was hoping they'd all grow up to be good Republicans, but instead they've turned out to be Democrats, all 5 of them!" moans the cat.

    "That's too bad!" says the sympathetic bartender. "When did this happen?"

    "When they opened their eyes!"

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    May 14, 2009 1:51 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidSo this cat walks into a bar and sits down, looking all gloomy.

    "Hey, Tom," says the bartender, "how's the wife and the new kittens doing?"

    "Terrible!" sobs the poppa cat.

    "Oh, no! What's wrong?" asks the concerned bartender.

    "Well, I was hoping they'd all grow up to be good Republicans, but instead they've turned out to be Democrats, all 5 of them!" moaned the cat.

    "That's too bad!" said the sympathetic bartender. "When did this happen?"

    "When they opened their eyes!"

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    Can hear Cheney, now, "DAMN PUSSIES!"
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    May 14, 2009 2:38 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar, sits down and starts scratching himself .

    "You OK?" asks the bartender.

    "Nah," answers the cat. "I just went to see a flea circus, and I stole the show!"


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    May 14, 2009 2:46 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar, and makes several unsuccessful attempts to jump up onto a bar stool. Finally the bartender comes around and lifts the cat onto the stool.

    "Ooof!" exclaims the bartender. "You've put on a few pounds there, Tom!"

    "Yeah, I just ate a whole duck," explains the embarrassed cat.

    "Ah," says the bartender, "you do look like a duck-filled fatty puss."


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    May 15, 2009 12:07 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.

    "Sorry, Tom," says the bartender, "but you know I can't serve you any more."

    So the dejected cat walks back out the door.

    Another customer says to the bartender: "You were pretty hard on old Tom, there. He used to drink here all the time."

    "I know," replies the bartender. "But he lost his job, and now there's no money in the kitty."


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    May 15, 2009 12:52 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar, and sees a sign that reads "Free Beer For Anyone Who Can Pass The Test."

    So the cat asks the bartender what the test is. "First, you've gotta drink a gallon of pepper tequila without stopping." replies the bartender. "Next, you've gotta go out back and remove the sore tooth from a vicious pit bull. Finally, you've gotta go upstairs to our brothel, and ravish a woman, and give her the best orgasm of her life. In your case, we'll make it a female cat."

    The cat declines, and orders a drink. But as he gets drunker & drunker, his desire to take the test increases. Finally he tells the bartender he's going to try.

    First he drinks the gallon of pepper tequila, then he stumbles out back. He returns staggering after 30 minutes, all ripped and torn, and says:

    "OK, where's that female cat with the sore tooth?"


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    May 15, 2009 11:17 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink. Soon a guy sits next to him, who asks the bartender to change the TV channel to the baseball game. The bartender is busy, so he hands the man the remote control, and tells him to change the channel himself.

    But the man can't figure out how to operate the unfamiliar remote. Finally the cat gets impatient with the human's fumbling.

    "Here, give me that thing!" snaps the cat, and he pulls the control over to himself, and immediately has the baseball game playing.

    "Wow, thanks!" says the astonished patron. "How'd you do that?"

    "Easy," replies the cat, "I just hit the paws button."


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    May 16, 2009 2:40 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar, dangling a kitten from its mouth, which it deposits on the bar. Then it goes back outside and returns with another kitten, and does that twice more until there's a total of 4 kittens on the bar.

    "I'll have a scotch & soda," the cat finally says to the bartender.

    The bartender brings the drink, then asks: "Why have you got those kittens with you?"

    "I'm stuck with them until I can manage to pass them along," replies the cat. "This is what happens when you agree to accept a chain litter."


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    May 16, 2009 2:53 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar and has a drink. Over in a booth a bunch of friends are also drinking, and one of them fancies himself a prankster. This guy plays a practical joke on one of his companions, at which point the cat immediately coughs up a hair ball on the bar.

    The disgusted bartender wipes up the mess, and the cat apologizes. The jokester over in the booth plays another prank on his friends, and the cat once again hacks up a hair ball on the bar.

    "OK, buddy, do that once more and you're outta here!" demands the bartender of the cat.

    "I'm really sorry," says the cat, "but it's not my fault."

    "Oh, so whose fault is it?" asks the skeptical bartender.

    "Those guys over there," replies the cat. "I can't resist a good gag."


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    May 16, 2009 4:56 PM GMT
    So this cat walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

    "You been eating ducks again?" asks the bartender.

    "Yeah, but how did you know?" replies the cat.

    "You have that down-in-the-mouth look."


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    May 16, 2009 7:57 PM GMT
    The obsession with pussy is too much for me... When you become the old cat lady from the simpson, I'll totally marry you.