faceless pics

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 2:27 PM GMT
    so i see a lot of guys on here with no face in their pics. i won't hotlist these guys because part of being hot is having a handsome face.

    Not putting a face in pictures shows that the guy is not totally comfortable with who he is, which is a turn off to me.

    Anyone else agree/have opinions on this?
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Nov 08, 2007 2:53 PM GMT
    You should ask Chuckystud his opinion on this issue, he's very forgiving.

    My opinion is that people have various reasons for not showing their identity. Sometimes people can't be out at work. I think it has little to do with being comfortable with themselves.

    It would be great though if those who need to be anonymous showed some part of their body (torso not willy) as it lets you connect with the poster/member.

    But really life is too short for me to stress over whether a poster wants to hide their identity.

    Lozx
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 3:00 PM GMT
    I'm with Loz on this, I don't really give it much thought. And if they irritate me I just send them to that hunk of lurve ChuckyStud.
  • MarkX

    Posts: 101

    Nov 08, 2007 3:26 PM GMT
    Can I agree with everyone?

    I'm a face man, myself. MUCH prefer to see faces before anything else.

    But Yahoo allows users to select customized avatars. They allow a certain personality statement w/o an actual photo.

    I can only assume that the body part (or not) displayed on one's profile represents the way the members wants to be greeted or remembered.

    Best foot forward! (Or pecs or ass...)
  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    Nov 08, 2007 5:18 PM GMT
    I will be brutally honest; I would not hot list someone on the body photo alone either. We can always work on that body, eat right, run more, work out what ever, but some of the faces will cost way more then I can afford. LoL.
    I much prefer a face picture but I do understand some jobs may hinder a posters ability to be totally out. I sometimes web cam with people who do not show face pictures to the public but they show me and that’s all that really matters. I also understand each of us has to come out at our own pace. Two yrs ago I would have been very uncomfortable posting for the world so see; as I age I am much more choragus and accepting of myself.
    I also agree with Laurence that picture also help me connect with the poster/member. It is funny some photos match the post, such as, fun loving and easy going, reflective, serious etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 5:18 PM GMT
    agreed Markx....I have face pics inside the profile and am verified as well. Just thought the torso shot would be a great icebreaker!icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 5:22 PM GMT
    I agree with bsmith. I think part of being hot, or at least handsome, is your face. As you can tell I don’t have a face picture and I guess it is because I am not comfortable with myself. I wish I had the courage to be out, but I don’t right now in this stage of my life. I admire that a lot of guys on this site are out and show their face, but I don’t want to at this moment. If I befriend a person on this site I do show them my face picture, but it is because I trust them. I have a secret and I don’t want to share it with strangers before I share it with my friends.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 08, 2007 5:41 PM GMT
    I tend to agree with most on here. For me a torso shot or otherwise is just impersonal and "personalty"
    for me is everything. Its the complete package, the pics, the profile, whats being communicated via pics or words.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 5:45 PM GMT
    I wrote about this yesterday, in another thread.

    My general rule is the following. If it's not acceptable in real space, I won't tolerate it in cyberspace.

    In real space, a person would greet me with a handshake, and a smile, hopefully. Therefore, I won't be an enabler to the mental illness (paranoia, dishonesty, self-loathing, conflicted belief systems, and so on) of a pictureless / profileless.

    I also believe that anything worth doing should be worth doing well. Clearly, folks like that are crippled by any number of factors, but, mostly the enemy within. I refuse to be an enabler to their illness.

    I not only won't hotlist a faceless, but, I also won't converse with them. I deserve more respect than a dick pic or a torso shot, and if they aren't willing or able to at least make a minimal effort, I don't consider them worthy of my further consideration.

    The whole, I'm discreet, my employer has nothing better to do than to try to out me on gay sites is a nutcase argument, and doesn't wash here.

    I take great issue with dishonesty and lack of virtue, especially if it's the most basic of things: sexuality. If I can't trust a person with something as basic as that, I surely can't trust them in any other areas. The whole not out thing is a huge red flag of a dishonest, self-loathing, low-esteem, person. Not the sort of folks I'd waste time on. I have enough to manage without helping someone in a deceitful lifestyle.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 5:45 PM GMT
    I would like to see the face, but if the guy has a great body and an interesting profile I will hot list him. I will not hot list guys who do not say anything about themselves but just put their picture up, I think a person's personality is part of what makes them "hot".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 5:51 PM GMT
    well, now that I know the only reason we are here is to be "hotlisted" I should consider swapping my pics so the face pic is up first. After all who wouldn't want to be "considered" by chuckystud! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 5:59 PM GMT
    I read the profiles, too, and if the default picture isn't a face picture, but there's one in the profile, and the profile is a good read, I'll click.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 6:00 PM GMT
    Fair 'nuff
  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    Nov 08, 2007 6:37 PM GMT
    Chuckystud, you are brutally honest and I love and respect that about you. However I have a few questions for you. Have you always been out? Did you come from a loving safe home, community, etc? Did your institutions tell you you were wrong? It is not safe for everyone to be out. Gays sometimes die for being who they are or in danger others.
    I think you could be a hell of a mentor for others however it helps to converse with someone in order to be a mentor. I gained courage to come out and even totally accept myself threw the love support and understanding of other gay men who had been there done that.
    Again I prefer face pictures and I only talk to people long term that show me a face picture, but I would never demand that they post the photo for others until they are ready. JMO
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 7:21 PM GMT
    ok so even if people can't be out at work, what is the likelihood that homophobic people from their work will be searching gay sites in an attempt to get them fired?

    The only people from their work who would see them on this site is probably other gays.

  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Nov 08, 2007 7:34 PM GMT
    You're right Smith. But people who are in the closet, or who value their anominity, are often too entrenched in hiding that they can't see it's actually not that bad outside.

    I'm not like some on Realjock, I don't see it as a criminal offence to hide oneself (and waste countless time going on and on about it). But I do view it as preferable for a person to stop hiding and come-out. If someone lives in a position that they can't come out, then what kind of life is that.

    However it's a personal choice and I'm not about to judge people because of it. It's a shame that's all.

    Loz
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 7:48 PM GMT
    I am completely out to everyone in my life. I am not hiding from anyone or hiding anything.

    I am very proud of who I am, my relationship with my partner, my career and the work I do for the queer community.

    I'm not looking to be hot listed nor am I looking to hook up with anyone.

    I cannot believe how harshly members without a picture are judged on this site. I don't have this problem on any other sight I've joined.

    For as much as I've enjoyed exchanging posts with many of the posters on this site, the time has come for me to take my leave.

    Take care. - Jorel
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 7:51 PM GMT
    That's too bad, jorel. I don't think you should leave. I'm not the only one here who understands that some guys come here strictly for the conversation. Pictures shouldn't matter in that case. RJ isn't running a beauty contest, ferchrissake.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 8:03 PM GMT
    *Sigh*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 8:39 PM GMT
    I can understand if you are here to be the worlds most hotlisted guy or to have these guys shower you with compliments, hotlist votes and day old underwear, but if you are here just to chat and interract with others on the posts whats the point of a face pic. Is it really that important and does it really warrant comments that appear to make less of that persons' life over another.icon_question.gif

    I agree with most that its nice to see who you are talking to but if thats all it is is cybertalk then it just shouldn't matter....
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Nov 08, 2007 8:46 PM GMT
    Bye Jorel, sorry to see you go.

    Though I can't see why he's gone off in a huff. If he is infact out to everyone and proud, then why be faceless on this board?

    Still as I've said above (god I'm even boring myself here by repeating it), it's up to an individual if they want to remain anonymous. It doesn't diminish anyone in my eyes by not seeing who I am conversing with.

    Loz
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2007 8:49 PM GMT
    I think it really depends on the circumstances and the person. Faceless vs picless. A webcam helps too. And location. I think a person who is faceless or picless should at least offer to send email or something. My qualm is when a guy makes you do all the work - to get more information out of them. If they are the ones being minimalist with their identity - then they should be doing all the work.

    I have to say that on here i rarely talk to the faceless and picless because this is a world wide site. If it was a local one I might be more willing to at least talk for a few minutes. But on here - i don't even respond to IMs or emails from the identity free. What would be the point. Especially since there are private pics you can lock or unlock and people aren't even willing to go through that effort - then why should I. For me it's more about the effort level I am willing to go through.

    I totally disagree with Chucky. Too harsh.

    Oh and yes, a webcam goes a long way for the identity free types. icon_smile.gif IMO

    S
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 08, 2007 11:52 PM GMT
    do people only talk to someone they want to hook up with?
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Nov 09, 2007 12:02 AM GMT
    Depends on what you mean by "talk to." I'll only put up with a series of "hey...sup...how's it goin'...just chillin'" if I find the guy cute. Otherwise he'd better say something interesting.

    I'm like a swimming pool: I've got a shallow end and a deep end. You have to appeal to at least one of them!

    And occasionally you find guys who appeal to both. icon_smile.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 09, 2007 12:05 AM GMT
    I don't know, there are a few other forums I go to that I have regular conversations with people that I will probably never meet in real life. Most people don't even feature a face pic as their forum avatar.