Is He Too Gay? ( a long post but worth the read)

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    May 16, 2009 1:57 PM GMT
    From Planet Out online

    Is There Such a Thing as Too Gay?

    Man-thinking Admit it, you've seen some tragic queen bounding down the street, having just drank way too much at [fill in name of your favorite gay bar], screaming and cackling and shouting "hey girl! hey girl!" and you roll your eyes and turn the other way, hoping she doesn't lock onto you.

    Maybe you rolled your eyes. Maybe you laughed. Maybe you cheered her on and screamed "go girl" right back. Whatever the case, does it matter how someone acts? Does any one person really represent the gay community? Can someone be -- gasp! -- too gay?

    There are times in all of our lives, whether we're the most secure, successful person around or have a few too many doubts about ourselves, where we bow our head in shame at someone acting out of sorts and we get embarrassed. Not necessarily for the person who's being a jackass, but really, we're thinking, "Oh my god, all those people are staring at me! They think that I'm just like that guy!"

    Truth of the matter is that yes, some people do think all gay people are alike, but most (hopefully) realize that we're a diverse group. Sure, people whose only interaction with the gay world is the news recap of the local annual Pride parade when all they see are the half-naked go-go boys or the drag queens wearing uber-platforms—those people probably do think we're a bunch of sex-crazed flamers. That's just because the news shows the most, um, colorful bits to the rest of the world.

    So, is there a line that someone crosses and they become too gay? Personally, I say no. Bring it on. Be who you are. Let your freak flag fly if you want. That's the beauty of our community—we are diverse. We comprise disparate personalities and interests. But sometimes people do think someone is too gay, that they want them to tone it down. They just need to get over themselves.

    I remember an episode of Will & Grace when Will takes Jack to his upscale, professional gym and is embarrassed by Jack, who is just being himself. Jack ends up overhearing Will tell Grace that Jack is "such a fag," and gets hurt. In the end, Will realizes he was projecting and was fearful of others thinking he was too gay instead of just being himself and people accepting—or not accepting—him for whoever or whatever he is.

    We have to let our own personal issues go and let people be themselves. At least until they get too drunk, start acting like a fool and knock your drink out of your hand. Then you get to slap them. Just don't call them a fag. Then you'll be crossing a line.

    AND SOME READER RESPONSES



    I agree that everyone should be who they are...I am tired of LGBT judging each other harshly, sometimes assuming the retorts of heteros in their attacks on other queens or butches who may be too too for their taste...also tired of people thinking that a "masculine" gay man is somehow something to be admired over a femme one...this of course speaks to not only many gay people's but the greater world's inherent misjudgement that being "feminine" is somehow a flaw...sorry, we all know of strong women, from sisters to aunts, to cousins, to mothers, who are as tough as any man...and I mean in the sense of being able to deal with situations that would try the faculties of anybody...why do you think so many gay men emulate strong women?

    Posted by: Murton | 05/13/2009 at 12:53 AM

    I agree, everyone should be themselves. But I get tired of the over the top queens throwing public hissy fits when a guy doesnt find them desirable for sex or friendship because they are so flamboyant. If you want us to accept your flamboyance, then you better accept my disinterest in it.

    Posted by: ck | 05/13/2009 at 12:39 PM

    Or if you're like me and originally from a small town you have the first hand experience of growing up around people who are too straight. You know, plaid shirts tucked into Wranglers, cowboy boots, bashing everything that doesn't somewhat resemble you're reflection, big loud trucks, which all equate to small minds, small brains, small packages. Definately agree with the above posts, but remember drama queens come in male and female forms, so it's not necessarily a LGBT thing.

    Posted by: stevie | 05/13/2009 at 06:37 PM

    Yes, we hate it when there is another gay man in the room that make the rest of us cringe and go "oh God" with embarrassment. Its pretty bad when a gay man has to feel that way because miss nelly nelly next to me opened her mouth and a purse fell out. Its embarrassing to be around and embarrassing for the actual person. I thought the point of being gay was to get with men. Why would another gay man want to be with or be around a sissy sally? These are the type of people who run most of us off from clubs, chat rooms, and other gay congregations, b/c we just don't want to hear and see it.
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    May 16, 2009 3:20 PM GMT



    Hmm, interesting stuff. Here's my comment for that article. There's a big difference, I feel, an astronomical one, between having naturally feminine qualities and expression as opposed to artificial affectation lampooning women and being a cartoon version, which in my asking about it with women apparently insults them. I occasionally see the same thing in lesbians that lampoon the masculine, mistaking insulting aggression as a quality of that gender, just like the first example of artificial femininity I gave do.


    -Doug
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    May 16, 2009 6:43 PM GMT
    meninlove said


    Hmm, interesting stuff. Here's my comment for that article. There's a big difference, I feel, an astronomical one, between having naturally feminine qualities and expression as opposed to artificial affectation lampooning women and being a cartoon version, which in my asking about it with women apparently insults them. I occasionally see the same thing in lesbians that lampoon the masculine, mistaking insulting aggression as a quality of that gender, just like the first example of artificial femininity I gave do.


    -Doug


    I agree. All bets are off when the guy is BITCHY and Fem.....fuck that.
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    May 16, 2009 9:39 PM GMT
    I think this has a terrific capability to spiral into a flame war, but hopefully not.

    In my life, I would say that people classify me as "straight-acting" or "masculine" or "oh, I had no idea at all you were gay, are you sure?", etc.

    I have absolutely no trouble with a man who isn't, including men that are outright effeminate. I can be in a loving (and sexually tawdry) relationship with a "too-gay" guy, no problem. Doesn't bother me a whit.

    The problem I have, in my brain, is with a subclass of effeminate guys that invoke what I guess I'll call gender misidentification. These are the guys that say "Hey girl" instead of "hey handsome", and refer to males as "she" and "bitch" and other feminine nouns. Maybe it's because I'm so anal retentive about some things, but this drives me crazy. It's like a collision between bad grammar and redneck gay society or something.

    To me, being gay very much requires as identifying as a male (sex) and a man (gender), and I suppose I find it mildly disturbing to have someone attempt to refer to me as a woman instead.

    Especially when they are trying to get my phone number.

    So I guess for me, "too gay" is when a gay guy invokes a female-based identity not only upon themselves, but others around them.

    P.S. This is just my opinion, a state of how I emotionally feel, perhaps irrationally, and isn't intended to offend or judge anyone.
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    May 16, 2009 9:47 PM GMT
    The type of person you describe (screaming, cackling, drinking way too much, etc) is always unappealing and unattractive no matter how masculine they may or may not seem. The problem isn't the masculinity or lack of it--it's the loud, obnoxious and affected behavior.

  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    May 16, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    Why is it that members with no face shots or no pictures at all always post these insanely long and convoluted posts.

    And yes, I know I don't have a face shot. But my posts are short. So there.
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    May 16, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidThe type of person you describe (screaming, cackling, drinking way too much, etc) is always unappealing and unattractive no matter how masculine they may or may not seem. The problem isn't the masculinity or lack of it--it's the loud, obnoxious and affected behavior.



    That kind of behavior betrays certain negative emotional feelings underneath............gay , straight, man or woman.
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    May 17, 2009 4:01 AM GMT
    Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed.

    In the morning, the guy on the right said

    "I had this great dream last night, that a girl gave me a handjob"

    The guy on the left replied

    "That's weird so did I"

    Finally, the guy in the middle said

    "Lucky for you guys...I only dream't I was skiing"