Over the Top Compliments

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 18, 2009 1:07 PM GMT
    We all appreciate compliments and some are reasonable and ones you take in stride. Nice picture, good body, etc... but when you get compliments that are totally over the top, I really wonder about the sender.
    A "red flag" or just someone who is overly expressive? How do you react?

    Here are two I've received recently on RJ that made me wonder a bit:



    "this greek god stops by and doesnt even say hello? BAD HNDSM! and what DOES one say to a god? lets chat sometime, u r quite the looker, give me a case o da vapors!"

    And secondly:

    "Don't be if it's logical or not but from the first time that I found you in this site I thought that it would be a gift of the life to have someone as you... Whenever I observe your profile and look at your pics all my passion and my love wakes up"


    What do you say? Thanks?
    icon_eek.gif
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    May 18, 2009 1:13 PM GMT
    I'm usually stumped about what to say too.. I always find it a little uncomfortable..

    you gotta be subtle, there is an art to complimenting a guy and if you can rib him while doing it .... even better icon_razz.gif

    I said R I B btw... not rub.. I've had guys do that too and thats just freaking CREEPY!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 18, 2009 1:24 PM GMT
    "thanks!"
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    May 18, 2009 1:29 PM GMT
    Timberoo said"thanks!"
    that just don't convey it properly
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 18, 2009 1:31 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    Timberoo said"thanks!"
    that just don't convey it properly


    it's taken me some work to be able to take a compliment, so that's what I stick with.
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    May 18, 2009 1:33 PM GMT
    you just wanna scream at'em though.. like OMG FUCK, MATE, FREAKY OR WHAT!!!

    I suppose I like more just simple direct things..

    The, I wanna shove my cock up your arse is a classic and a good one..
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 18, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidyou just wanna scream at'em though.. like OMG FUCK, MATE, FREAKY OR WHAT!!!

    I suppose I like more just simple direct things..

    The, I wanna shove my cock up your arse is a classic and a good one..


    thanks!
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    May 18, 2009 2:03 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWhat do you say? Thanks?
    icon_eek.gif

    The florid examples you gave are more of the "emotional gay" type, in my view. I still wouldn't welcome them, however.

    For one thing, I don't get along very well with the "over the top" gay personality. I tend to be more rational, even a bit cold. Second, I also suspect excessive compliments, and the person's private agenda in saying them.

    I'm my own severest critic, but I also know my strengths, too. When someone exceeds that range, being either too complimentary or too negative, I generally reject their remarks, and lose faith in their objectivity & judgment.

    Not that I can't reevaluate and learn, even at this age, but the farther someone goes to either extreme of my own experience, the more skeptical I become, and the harder it is to change my mind.

    To paraphrase Homer: "Beware of gays bearing verbal gifts."
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    May 18, 2009 2:16 PM GMT



    Awwwww, you guys are so modest.

    *takes concoction of corn syrup, cane sugar, honey, aspartame, beet sugar and sucralose then pours it til it drips everywhere all over above words*

    Heh, we've been accused (nicely) of this, but those that know us well know that it's genuinely meant, and only given when we KNOW it's true. Whether or not the receiver can handle it without going into mental diabetic shock is another thing entirely!


    icon_lol.gificon_wink.gif

    -Doug of meninlove
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 18, 2009 2:28 PM GMT
    Just say .... Well Tanx for the kind words icon_wink.gif
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    May 18, 2009 6:22 PM GMT
    I've gotten similar, and it's apparent English isn't the sender's first language. Sometimes there's urgency in the message, with a list of Yahoo, AOL, MSN connection info. I suspect it's a scam. I'm too cynical to believe that a casual visitor would send such over-the-top comments with the intention of getting to know you (or even hook up).
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    May 18, 2009 6:24 PM GMT
    this is the internet. a simple thank you to the guys for the complioment is polite. If you see a potential in of more with in him, talk to him, but try to keep his enthusiasm down to a reasonable level. He just may really really like you
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    May 18, 2009 6:30 PM GMT

    Compliments are nice, but without a personable touch, they come off as disenchanting. I guess the best compliment would be pleasantly-sustained conversation?
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    May 18, 2009 6:43 PM GMT
    I see major red flags. Although nothing like this has ever happened me on RJ, it happens in real life. The guys who are excessive and obsessive about giving you compliments are usually the ones who will change like the wind and become abusive and out of line when you don't respond or even when you politely say you are not interested.

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    May 18, 2009 6:54 PM GMT
    It is a double-edged sword. On the one hand if you accept the "over-the-top compliment" and say thanks or seem genuine than you might encourage said complimentor to keep going.

    I recently got an e-mail that praised me for being the hottest thing in mystate. He continued with plenty of "est" statements and I politely wrote back. "Thank you, those were awfully generous", knowing full well it is an exaggeration since Chicago is 2 hrs from here and Lord knows there are some lookers there. He then wrote back about wanting to visit and showing me how "nice" he can be. Aaah, no.

    On the other side, if you avoid responding you will come off as being some self-centered, self-absorbed jerk with a giant ego.

    Over-the-top compliments tend to seek reciprocal flattery or are just an attempt to create a fantasized e-relationship that might flourish into sex.
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    May 18, 2009 6:59 PM GMT
    I appreciate anyone who takes time out of their day to pay homage to meicon_exclaim.gif It makes my day, and i will always give a huge thank u back. I think people who do not say thank u 4 their compliments, ar every rude people in general and it speaks volumes of that of u as a person. None of us are untouchable or better than the next fella.icon_wink.gif Remember this: U can be here today with major problems, and gone tomorrow with no problems...the choice is ursicon_lol.gif
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    May 18, 2009 7:01 PM GMT
    There are some who's 'real life' lives prevent them from expressing themselves. This could be from insecurity or being deeply closeted. Often in those cases were the internet provides both an outlet and protection through a certain amount of anonymity and/or distance, there's a high likelyhood of execess in that expression.

    This is usually apparent when someone who's not been in a relationship tends to express themselves in an immature fashion (in terms of relationship experience.) Often they'll say 'I'm love with you.' when they've not even had a conversation with you, much less met you in person.

    If you meet someones physical ideal, they'll often project a complete personality onto you, often disregarding your actual personality. You're basically being objectified by someone who, through lack of real experience, thinks its a compliment.

    Not that it's happened much to me, but in the rare case when it has, I let them down easily, but unequivocally.

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    May 18, 2009 7:42 PM GMT


    ROFLMAO!
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    May 18, 2009 7:44 PM GMT
    What, JP! No mix tape????

    I'm shocked and sooooo disappointed.
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    May 18, 2009 7:47 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWe all appreciate compliments and some are reasonable and ones you take in stride. Nice picture, good body, etc... but when you get compliments that are totally over the top, I really wonder about the sender.
    A "red flag" or just someone who is overly expressive? How do you react?

    Here are two I've received recently on RJ that made me wonder a bit:



    "this greek god stops by and doesnt even say hello? BAD HNDSM! and what DOES one say to a god? lets chat sometime, u r quite the looker, give me a case o da vapors!"

    And secondly:

    "Don't be if it's logical or not but from the first time that I found you in this site I thought that it would be a gift of the life to have someone as you... Whenever I observe your profile and look at your pics all my passion and my love wakes up"


    What do you say? Thanks?
    icon_eek.gif


    Some folks are just kooks. They want you to give them the same thing. Best thing to do is just to ignore them.
  • joarky123

    Posts: 264

    May 18, 2009 8:21 PM GMT
    I've recently had something similar happen to me. I am posting with the intent not to be a jerk, but to solicit for advice.

    About a week ago, I got the following response from an RJ admirer:

    XXXXX XXXXXTo find your profile was refreshing and woke my admiration and my hope up!... It's very scanty finds, for this way, a serious, masculine and respectable man. You meet as a person with many dignity and shyness. Your appearance is that of the whole male! In addition, if the pics that you have in your profile are yours, allow me to say you that you're a very attractive and beautiful man! You have the privilege of possessing the gift of the beauty and of the sensuality in all your body … it might be said that it's a masterpiece of the nature, of your parents, of your good taken care and of the God's creation!
    For me, it would be a pleasure to know it, deeply, and an honor to be able to manage to be your friend … and much more!... Here in Internet, I sit down as a man lost in a desert island and that throws to the cyber-ocean messages of aid, with the hope that someday the right man it gathers, and come to my rescue… It will Be that this man are you?
    I know that it's a bit senseless, a madness, to try to find my half orange across this so ephemeral way, and where the people are so little reliable... Additional, you must be far: in another city or in another country. But for absurdity that seems I believe in the miracles! And I trust that also there are, hereabouts, human beings, how I, that we are not looking for sex but what motivates us is the hope to find the authentic friend or a true love...
    I have the conviction that the real friends or the big loves don't have limits or limitations, and that also might be in so superficial sites how this! The love has neither place nor hour to appear!
    My name is XXXXX XXXXXXX, and it is a gift of the life to know of your existence... To know It's a kind of birth: you have just been born for me, and this meeting is a species of rite of baptism… Now, I know that in some place of the planet you have a hope guarded for me… and I have one for you!
    My intuition says to me that you are the whole man, in the most extensive and deep sense of the word… a human being with solid moral values, intelligently, sensitively and with many interesting aspects! I wait help me to join our ways of a special and lasting way… Indeed, you inspire me!… You have magic for me!
    I hope that you open your door me and invites me to enter … For my part, offer you the home that exists in me and I open your door as an opened book. A place without secrets or hiding places. A place of light, which might be your permanent refuge… A place where you could anchor your ship safely, finish this obsessive search and throw roots definitively!
    I send a strong hug of Welcome, and I grateful to you that you have accepted my invitation to know it!
    XXXXX XXXXXXX


    prior to this message, he emailed me saying that he liked my profile. to which i responded with the requisite thanks, and the honest comment that i am always down to make friends, so feel free to hit me up whenever.

    in reply, i received the message above. Needless to say, I am flabbergasted as to how to respond to such an epic message. Any thoughts or advice? What do you guys think?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2009 8:28 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]

    What do you say? Thanks?
    icon_eek.gif[/quote]


    LMAO! l love the 'surprised' smiley you put. LOL freakin hilarious.
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    May 18, 2009 8:48 PM GMT
    On the other side, if you avoid responding you will come off as being some self-centered, self-absorbed jerk with a giant ego.
    [/quote]

    And so who cares if someone thinks that? Is their definition (especially with the inherent limits of online encounters) worth anything especially when they don't know you?

    Who really can make that judgement?

    I'm not talking about the kind of guy who obviously gets his rocks off by putting other people down needlessly.....the untouchables..........

    But this false sense of humility is bullshit. We all strive to look good, feel good and be happy. We all recognize there are jerks in this world. So whats the cutoff point between this supposed "giant ego" thing and feeling confident, secure and knowing who you like, and who to avoid?

    You work hard, play hard, have your ups and downs and realize that being truly happy does not come at the expense of others. But there's no reason to play down your own personality so as not to appear self centered , or to be apologetic about it in order to protect the fragile egos of people who don't have one. Your not a therapist..you have your own problems.

    Ignore the jerk. He will only end up calling you a bitch or a queen anyway, no matter what you say.



  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 18, 2009 9:10 PM GMT
    chuckystud said


    Some folks are just kooks. They want you to give them the same thing. Best thing to do is just to ignore them.



    Chuckster, you make an important point. I remember once, about 2 months ago, I was in the "muscle room" on Gay.com and a guy from New York paid me a substantial compliment. I thanked him and asked how things in New York was that day.... a couple of other comments were exchanged, then he made a comment like, "all you queens are the same, you take compliments, but you can't give them".....

    I remember I was slightly surprised... and my response back was... "if I don't feel compelled to make a compliment, I don't. " He was blocked.
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    May 18, 2009 9:20 PM GMT


    Hey joarky123, That was quite the email you got! Holy Dinah!

    A possible reply to that from me:

    " xxxx xxxxx, That's nice, but your intuition is not perfect and will get you into some bad situations. My advice? SLOW DOWN! You scare people away with intensity like that.

    -me "


    -Doug of meninlove