Dating someone that lives with their ex... ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2009 6:44 PM GMT
    I been kicking it with this dude for a month and then he asked me to be his boi... but he lives with his ex... they went out for 4 years but they just mates now!

    His ex somehow got my cell # too and txted me saying that I should look after my boi as he is very happy with me!

    I am not sure if I should continue this or what...maybe someone can throw some ideas at me icon_smile.gif
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    May 18, 2009 7:28 PM GMT
    I was in the exact same situation...and out of it now. It just didn't work. Although there was a long distance factor for us too. I'd wait until he gets out on his own if you want my advice. Good luck.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 18, 2009 8:01 PM GMT
    Ooooh .... you settin' yourself up for some heap o' trouble later on icon_confused.gif
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    May 18, 2009 8:05 PM GMT
    how long have they been "apart?" if not at least a year (with no continued hooking up) i'd say pass.
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    May 18, 2009 8:08 PM GMT
    Dear concerned gay man. Tread lightly. The ex should not be texting you or even concerned with who you are. Thats a sign. Move on before it's too late. Hidden psycho behavior on the horizon.
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    May 18, 2009 8:21 PM GMT
    Don't do it. This is a bad situation. No such thing as living with an ex. It just means they're on a break and screwing other guys for the time being.

    The texting thing crossed the line. I bet the ex also has your email address and other bits of information about you already. icon_confused.gif
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    May 18, 2009 9:25 PM GMT



    Hmmmm no one has asked you just how long they have been exes with each other. When did they break up?
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    May 18, 2009 9:55 PM GMT
    In Latin America it sometimes happens as there is no option, apart from going back to the parentsĀ“ home...

    But in most situations it sounds iffy...

  • SwimNP

    Posts: 50

    May 18, 2009 11:49 PM GMT
    Well, I would give the benefit of the doubt that they are still living together after the break up due to the economy. Sure people can be friends with their exes, however, it's really hard to truly let go when your ex is literally 10 feet away from you. You said they dated for 4 years. I'm guessing he's around your age so 4 years is a very long time (for anyone really). Someone already asked about how long they have been broken up, that's a good question.

    I dated a guy that was with someone for 3 years. He is still close friends with his ex.....as well with numerous other ex's. I had an epiphany and realized who goes to the movies with 3 of their ex's at once unless they have some letting go issues (we were ex's and friends at the time). I really hate to put ideas in your head, but if you're insecure about the situation, there's probably a reason for that. It's up to you what you want to do.

    I would also ask him how many 'ex's has he had since they were broken up.
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    May 19, 2009 2:00 AM GMT
    Jeez - does this bring back a memory. I dated a guy once - who was not over his ex at all - and they lived very near each other. The guy I dated was spending so much time with his ex, you couldn't believe it. I was TOLD it was all innocent. Later I was asked to loan money to the ex (whom I never met) for the purchase of a condo. Can you tie that? The final straw - - - the guy I was dating could not make it for dinner one night - so I dined alone - no problem - and guess who was there - same restaurant - same night - same time? I finally let the guy go - - - and never cared to know if he landed back with his ex.icon_lol.gif
  • UStriathlete

    Posts: 320

    May 19, 2009 2:23 AM GMT
    lets see if you can understand simple.... NO! it's not bloody healthy for ANY reason.
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    May 19, 2009 2:23 AM GMT
    bradscottmatt saidI was in the exact same situation...and out of it now. It just didn't work. Although there was a long distance factor for us too. I'd wait until he gets out on his own if you want my advice. Good luck.


    i was in the same situation years ago and would recommend the same advice....there just needs to be a separation I think even if they say they are just friends...just makes an uneasy situation.

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    May 19, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    I don't know. I would've probably avoided the situation to begin with. But you know the guy, and I suppose you know the ex as well. The roommate arrangement may be innocent enough, but I guess it depends on the two individuals. I don't get the text message though...to me that's almost like letting someone know you're watching them. This ex may not have fully let go of your boyfriend, so be wise and don't let him bait you into some kind of altercation. The last thing you would want is for him to be the hero who was "right all along" because that'll make your boyfriend's life miserable.

    Do what feels right. If you think everything and everyone are legit, then there's no reason to run screaming from a potentially good relationship...

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    May 19, 2009 2:40 AM GMT
    Given the seeming reality that on an aggregate dating history chart most gay men in a big city are only two or three degrees of separation from every other gay man in that city, I'm surprised nobody has jumped in to defend cohabitating exes who just happen to remain really good friends.

    But I sure as hell won't be the one to defend it either.

    I have known guys who dated for a while, then broke up, maintained a friendship, and many years later became roommates again out of economic convenience.That isn't unreasonable. But if you are talking about guys who broke up while still living together, I will tell you that that situation did not go well for me at all. It took his ex about a year to really accept that my presence wasn't just "a rough patch" in their relationship. Personally, I will never do that again.
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    May 19, 2009 2:46 AM GMT
    Without going into details, I had a similar experience, very frustrating.
    I don't recommend proceeding without there being some clear break.
    I gotta say, I was naive to think otherwise.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 2:50 AM GMT
    awkward! danger ahead!!
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    May 19, 2009 2:51 AM GMT
    fail-owned-restaurant-name-fail.jpg?w=50
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 3:17 AM GMT
    Yeah I did it once. I didn't find out until after it was over, that the 'ex' didn't seem to know that he was an 'ex'!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 3:20 AM GMT
    I am currently in the same boat. So far no issues.
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    May 19, 2009 3:25 AM GMT
    OK. I will chime in. I was living with my ex for economic reasons after the break up. Yes, it was hard to live in the same house. But, I had no choice. When you have common debt in this economy, how do you manage? You do the best you can and keep your distance until you can get out of the situation.

    My ex and I came to an agreement that when one person was home, you could not bring the boyfriend home. Period. And, I was very open about the situation with anybody I dated. I have been successfully dating someone for 4 months now.

    My ex recently moved out and the new boyfriend relationship continues.

    I guess the moral is: Be open and honest about the situation, up front. Do not automatically say "move on". You may be overlooking "the one". Not all of us are dogs.

    C.