how to tell the bf he needs to change his brand of deodorant?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 19, 2009 10:27 AM GMT
    whatever he is using; it's not working any longer.

    text message?

    email?

    i don't want to embarrass him with a face to face conversation or hurt his feelings..........icon_redface.gif
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    May 19, 2009 10:29 AM GMT
    how long you two been going out?

    any longer then a couple of months then grow some balls and tell him face to face.. otherwise, grow some balls and tell him face to face.

    he's going to probably be upset about it and be a littel funny.. but its not because you told him but because he feels ashamed..

    Just suck it up and do it!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 19, 2009 10:34 AM GMT
    Be truthful ..... if he's your BF it's within the realm of politeness
    Just say, what deodorant are you using?
    and when he tells you tell him let's change it because it doesn't work on you

    Word to the wise
    There are antiperspirants out there and there are deodorants
    antiperspirants do not do anything for odor
    so check that... because that maybe the problem right there
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    May 19, 2009 12:11 PM GMT
    If you can't talk to your boyfriend about his deodorant how will you be able to talk to him about important shit?

    And let me translate for you. "i don't want to embarrass him with a face to face conversation or hurt his feelings" really means "I don't want to be there when I embarrass him." Because, if his feelings are hurt, they are going to be hurt whether you tell him to his face, by text message, or singing telegram.

    You are both adults.
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    May 19, 2009 12:18 PM GMT
    "Change your deodorant."
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    May 19, 2009 12:19 PM GMT
    I'd certainly tell any BF I'd been dating for a few months. Soften the blow, naturally, saying something like: "Say, did you change your deodorant lately? It doesn't seem to be working very well anymore." And if he says no, he's made no change, reply: "Ah, I just wondered. Maybe you do need to change it, then, it's not really very effective."

    And if he can't take that mild criticism, forget about his replacing his deodorant, and just replace him! LOL!
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    May 19, 2009 12:22 PM GMT
    Not wanting to tell him makes me think your boyfriend is abusive, for some reason.
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    May 19, 2009 12:40 PM GMT
    A follow-up to my above: what I'm suggesting is that you blame the deodorant, not him. Which may in fact be the truth, but better to assume it is the fact, rather than to insult him.

    If he's gotten lax with showering, or not using enough deodorant regularly, he'll get the message without you accusing him of that, providing he's reasonably civilized. Imply the deodorant's at fault and give him a graceful excuse. And when he corrects it, well, it was the deodorant's fault after all, wasn't it?

    The art of diplomacy isn't limited to international issues, but involves our personal affairs, as well. Preserve your BF's dignity and you are preserving your relationship. The goal here is not accusation, but correction. Blame it on the phases of the moon if you must, but never on your lover.
  • dh__

    Posts: 143

    May 19, 2009 3:31 PM GMT
    see him, run to him, hold him in a tight hug, caress his back kiss his ears, and then whisper ever so softly, baby i love you, but if you don't change your deoderant you're not allowd to sleep in our bed. then kiss him on the cheek and drive him to walmart.
    don't be embarressed. if anything you're probably helping him, cuz you're prolly not the only person who thinks so. if you can't tell him, who else will lol?
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    May 19, 2009 3:31 PM GMT
    just hand him the deoderant and say "Try this."

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    May 19, 2009 3:33 PM GMT
    or just man up and do it. It is deodorant, its not like your asking him to change his mother or anything.

    It really isnt that big of a deal.
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    May 19, 2009 3:40 PM GMT
    Geez, the topics of these posts... well at least it's not one of those stupid "what would you do blah blah the guy above you" ones...

    Everyone's got it right pretty much on this one. The BF should be glad you're telling him, BFs can talk about that stuff, it's like cuttin' one around him -- oops but hey we're BFs!

    Another angle is buy one he's said he likes or a brand/scent of the cologne he likes-- say, "hey the one you're using isn't good enough anymore, I picked up one in a scent you like-- try it and we'll see how it is in a few hours"
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 19, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    Aorre saidNot wanting to tell him makes me think your boyfriend is abusive, for some reason.
    your "logic" is flawed.
  • SwimNP

    Posts: 50

    May 19, 2009 3:58 PM GMT
    Oooh great subject!

    That's a very touchy area in our culture, talking about one's bad body odor. It could make it even more awkward if you've noticed it for some time and now decide to bring it up. He might have tried alot of things and is very self-conscious about his problem (he probably already knows he has BO but is feeling helplessness related to no effective treatment). What you could do is show him he is not alone in his problem possibly by acting like you have BO yourself, and telling him what works. If he insists he doesn't, give him some tough-love and tell him he does.

    Bacteria on the body eats sweat and their by-product is what produces the odor. No amount of a deodorant can fully mask this.

    What he needs is a very strong liquid Anti-perspirant. I use Certain-Dri (Aluminum Chloride is KEY, he can get a prescription that has up to 20%, but the higher the concentration, the less compliance related to underarm irritation). It will take about 3-5 days to take full effect. It needs to be applied every night at bedtime to DRY underarms. This is not the anti-perspirant you use when you step out of the shower or something you apply "a little extra of" just before you go out. Applying it that way will do absolutely nothing. It absorbs into the skin and he can take a shower in the morning. He can follow-up with any regular nice smelling deodorant in the morning too. The goal though is to treat the sweat under the arms, without that, there is no odor.

    Hope this helps icon_smile.gif
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    May 19, 2009 4:09 PM GMT
    Very touchy subject.

    I had a boss that wreaked, very pungnant. No one dared tell her. We just endured the horrible smell. Person who finally told her just flipped and told her other things too and ended up getting canned. Moral: Don't use this issue to vent others during a arguement.


    Also; back in high school, I was a shift manager at a McDonalds and had an employee who wreaked BO. Employees and customers alike complained. I pulled him aside and told him. We never saw him again.

    I read somewhere that the body adjust to the chemicals in deodorant so brand usage should be rotated.


    Just tell him! You love him you trust him then he should see as you are looking out for him. If he sees something negative then maybe he doesn't really respect or trust you.
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    May 19, 2009 4:16 PM GMT
    rnch saidwhatever he is using; it's not working any longer.

    text message?

    email?

    i don't want to embarrass him with a face to face conversation or hurt his feelings..........icon_redface.gif


    Gay drama.

    He's a guy. You say, "Dude, your deodorant smells like shit. You might wanna' try something else."

    This is a TOTAL no brainer.

    It goes beyond nauseating that some folks think being honest is wrong.

    Dumb. Dumb, and dumber.

    Tell the guy..."You stink!"

    I've told folks, "I'm sorry, but, you REALLY smell. Can you email me on this?"
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 19, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidjust hand him the deoderant and say "Try this."

    subtle. very subtle. icon_lol.gif
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    May 19, 2009 4:19 PM GMT
    Just tell him face to face. He may before upset that you waited so long to tell him. I know I would in his shoes.

    I recall I could not wear a certain colonge around my ex. He said it smelled terrible on me. I would have not idea if he had not told me. It was Joop Red.
    Have not worn it since.

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    May 19, 2009 4:19 PM GMT
    Your boyfriend is the one person you should be able to just say, "you are smelly, did you put on deodorant?" If I could not talk to my partner about these kinds of personal things, it would be splitsville icon_eek.gif
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    May 19, 2009 4:25 PM GMT
    I feel you active. You should be able to say anything to him especially something like BO. What do you talk about geez. Wouldn't you want him to tell you?
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    May 19, 2009 4:26 PM GMT
    Ducky45 saidI feel you active. You should be able to say anything to him especially something like BO. What do you talk about geez. Wouldn't you want him to tell you?
    You know there is an old saying, "never refuse a gift breath mint" icon_lol.gif
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    May 19, 2009 4:29 PM GMT
    Yep...way, way, way, way, way, to much drama. It's laughable.
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    May 19, 2009 4:34 PM GMT
    If you're not going to tell him, who will?! Buck up and just tell him that you think he might want to try another deodorant because his doesn't always work well. In the long run he'll appreciate your honesty and if he doesn't, then at least you won't be plugging your nose for the rest of your life.
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    May 19, 2009 4:42 PM GMT
    LOL.

    If telling some guy he stinks is the worst thing you ever say, then, you live in a wonderful world.

    So much drama; so little time.

    ROFL.

    Sweetie, Honey Bunch, Pumpkin, Sugar, Love, you god damn stink bad!
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    May 19, 2009 4:46 PM GMT
    rnch said
    Aorre saidNot wanting to tell him makes me think your boyfriend is abusive, for some reason.
    your "logic" is flawed.


    You call that logic? It was just my first thought. Human beings are illogical to begin with, which is probably a contributing factor to why you haven't told him yet.