I need some strong advice...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 9:13 PM GMT
    I've been having this "friends with benefits" thing going on with this guy for the past 2 or 3 years, and I guess sometimes I feel like I am getting too attached to him. He's only nice to me when he wants stuff from me, otherwise he's rude, sometimes telling me to "fuck off". But for some reason I just keep going back....icon_sad.gif
    Has anyone else gone through something like this? I want to cut ties with him completely but for some reason I can't...
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    May 19, 2009 9:40 PM GMT
    I went through this when I was first coming out. Roommate situation. It was messy, and really does a number on your self-esteem. In my opinion, it sounds like you're looking for more -- someone you do want to be attached to.

    This ISN'T the guy. But, as long as you keep going back to him, path of least resistance, you're not going to find the right guy. You really need some pride in yourself, you need to convince yourself you need more, you deserve better treatment than this guy gives you.

    Get out more, hang out with other friends, expand your social circle, get a hobby that puts you in touch with more dating prospects or friendships.

    You're an attractive guy. I bet you have a lot more options open to you than you think you do.

    You might yo-yo back to this guy from time to time. It's normal... well, normal for a type of addiction. But, you need to break the habit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    "Friends" for benefit?
    This guy is no friend of yours, he is just using you.
    I had this sort of experience at college.
    "Can you lend me some money? I'll pay you back. Promise."
    And I was gullable enough to "lend" him money which I had never seen again.
    My advice is, stem any desire you may have for him. Next time he asks for something, be firm with him and say "NO!"
    If he walks out on you, rejoice. Then you can go out and meet people, and who knows, you might make some REAL friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    surferdude1101 saidI've been having this "friends with benefits" thing going on with this guy for the past 2 or 3 years, and I guess sometimes I feel like I am getting too attached to him. He's only nice to me when he wants stuff from me, otherwise he's rude, sometimes telling me to "fuck off". But for some reason I just keep going back....icon_sad.gif
    Has anyone else gone through something like this? I want to cut ties with him completely but for some reason I can't...


    If he isn't "into you" then stop going back to him. You deserve more!!!

    To quote Kelly Clarkson "Just don't pretend that you're into me... if it's not true..."
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 19, 2009 9:43 PM GMT
    Well I think you need to ask yourself some serious questions.... how important is it to have this "bedside user" in your life? What do you really want? Is "friends with bennies" enough?

    My suggestion is to "kick the shit" to the curb. Even if you have a friendship with sex on the side... focus on the friendship. This guy is no friend, he just wants sex.

    And clearly you deserve a hell of a lot better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 9:48 PM GMT
    You need to walk away entirely. From the short description you gave, it sounds like this guy does not respect you and causes you pain.

    A lesson I learned when I was 22 was that people who cause you pain and grief should be in your life as little as possible.

    You won't find what you seek with this guy. If you want it, you will have to look elsewhere.

    Take care of yourself, physically and emotionally, first.

    --Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    your infatuated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 9:54 PM GMT
    surferdude1101 saidI've been having this "friends with benefits" thing going on with this guy for the past 2 or 3 years, and I guess sometimes I feel like I am getting too attached to him. He's only nice to me when he wants stuff from me, otherwise he's rude, sometimes telling me to "fuck off". But for some reason I just keep going back....icon_sad.gif
    Has anyone else gone through something like this? I want to cut ties with him completely but for some reason I can't...



    If your treated like this by anyone for any reason..get out.

    He needs to learn a lesson. Now, if you like it...then stay and shut up!!icon_evil.gif

    LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 9:55 PM GMT
    Mate, stop seeing him, he's treating you like shit.

    I've had a few FB and so on and I've never treated them with anything but respect.. hell they let me come back again, I gotta respect a guy who can put up with me more then once hehehe.

    This guys just an arsehole you should expect better.. speaking to you like that is like talking to some garbage whose had its use.

    Your as cute as hell, go find a better guy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    He's a dick. Have you ever tried saying no to him? I bet his temper tantrum will be a pretty good cure for any desires you may have for him. Just don't take anything he says seriously, he'll try to manipulate you to get his way, he may act wounded, or he may verbally assault you. People like that are mean as hell when they're rejecting you, and they're 10 times as mean when being rejected. I've been through a similar type situation, but I ended it within months, not years. The fact of the matter is friends with benefits are nothing more than pseudo boyfriends. They offer the same benefits of the relationship minus the emotion and commitment. Someone always winds up getting screwed in these types of situations and in this case it's you because you're not detaching from him as a person, though I can't figure out why, he seems like such a tool. But you do have a choice. Picking up the phone-choice, saying yes to his demands-choice, driving over to his house-choice, engaging his whims-choice. You've taken care of him long enough, now it's time to take care of you by making the right choices.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 10:01 PM GMT
    You all are right...

    I guess I've known this all a long but I just kept pushing it aside and sayin its not a big deal lol

    Thanks bros icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 10:51 PM GMT
    Study up on battered wife syndrome.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 10:55 PM GMT
    You are a good looking dude. You should have no problem finding someone that isnt a dogg.
  • SFNavigator

    Posts: 62

    May 19, 2009 11:02 PM GMT
    "NOBOIDY can do anything to you that you won't allow them to do"
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    May 19, 2009 11:03 PM GMT




    "And clearly you deserve a hell of a lot better.[/quote]

    You are a good looking dude. You should have no problem finding someone that isnt a dogg.



    i'm so tired of hearing these lines.

    You get into theses marginal relationships because this "dogg" at least has the balls to invite you over and spend some time with you instead of the mountains of flakes and picky ass dudes that rather play with themselves and fantasize about the real thing.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 19, 2009 11:05 PM GMT
    ScottPensacola saidYou are a good looking dude. You should have no problem finding someone that isnt a dogg.
    agree! ditch da bitch!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 11:16 PM GMT
    I was thinking about this. I can understand the FB relationship: someone you find attractive, get along with but really don´t have a lot more in common with than sex. Beats random hookups by a very long way.

    friends with benefits is a lot more tricky. If they are really friends (and this guy doesn´t sound like it) and you find them hot enough to want to have sex again and again, why is it not a relationship? I can think of one decent reason: you are leaving the city/country in a short period of time and that is more important to you than the relationship/you have no control over that move.

    Otherwise, date.

    You have a FB situation and he´s not much of a buddy. Fuck him.

    icon_eek.gif
  • somedaytoo

    Posts: 704

    May 20, 2009 12:11 AM GMT
    2 Options
    1. Turn the tables. Treat him the same way he treats U. Then u have the upper hand.
    2. Cut him loose. I'd treat you way better anyway. ;)
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 20, 2009 12:19 AM GMT
    I've been through it and let it go too far. My advice - cut him loose now. Stop the FWB thing, especially since he doesn't seem to be a key component of this - a friend.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    May 20, 2009 12:22 AM GMT
    You cant cut ties with him because 'HE'S GOT SOME GOOD SHYT''icon_wink.gif
    It's okay to have a fuyk buddy, just dont read much more into it.. Maybe his rude-ness is a defense mechanism to keep his true feelings at bay..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2009 12:40 AM GMT
    I don't understand how this is a FRIEND with benefits?

    What part of the definition of the word Friend has "He's only nice to me when he wants stuff from me, otherwise he's rude, sometimes telling me to "fuck off". But for some reason I just keep going back....icon_sad.gif" How does that sound like a friend?

    Truth Hurts....He is using you, INCLUDING THE SEX!

    Your GUT is telling you to CUT TIES because our instinct is there to save us from bad situations and pain.

    How did you not expect to start having feelings for someone you have been sleeping with for the last 2-3 YEARS??

    You have been lying to yourself for the last 2-3 years. NOW its time for truth cause its not just fun and games anymore. Truth is...IF you don't think you are better than this crap- you will stay put. IF you can realize you are worth more than his abuse....YOU will RESPECT YOU first, before you can expect anyone else to respect you.

    I've gone through this, but it was 4 years, TIME COMES FOR YOU TO COME FIRST and make a decision. It hurts more than ever to let that one you love/feel for go. But if you don't...... the abuse will get worse and the type of shit you tolerate will too. When does it stop? When do you want it to stop? Today?

    All the best surferdude1101, you are stronger than you could ever imagine...you just have to trust yourself, make a decision and stick to it come hell or high water, MOST IMPORTANTLY on those nights alone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2009 2:57 PM GMT
    simply put "your a loser for accepting the treatment'---or you just dont know what it feels like to be treated better so you settle for less..for 3 years i might add.