so how do you break up with a guy?

  • emailaddress

    Posts: 313

    May 22, 2009 9:32 AM GMT
    after reading so many things that people say, how do you break up with a guy without being hurtful?
  • emailaddress

    Posts: 313

    May 22, 2009 9:36 AM GMT
    how about saying:"tell me what you dont want to hear when breaking up with a guy, because i dont want to hurt you?"
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 22, 2009 10:39 AM GMT
    Breaking up is going to be painful There isn't really anyway to avoid that
    Saying things like .... You're a great guy .....
    It's not you it's me
    Just rubs salt into a wound
    Best just be truthful and say It's not working out and leave it at that
  • emailaddress

    Posts: 313

    May 22, 2009 10:57 AM GMT
    GQjock saidBreaking up is going to be painful There isn't
    Best just be truthful and say It's not working out and leave it at that



    is that enough closure for the other guy? how honest should i be with these situations?
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    May 22, 2009 11:32 AM GMT
    emailaddress said
    GQjock saidBreaking up is going to be painful There isn't
    Best just be truthful and say It's not working out and leave it at that

    is that enough closure for the other guy? how honest should i be with these situations?

    You ought to give him some clue why you're breaking up. No need to go into agonizing detail, but there should be a credible reason.
    Being dumped is painful, but it's easier to recover from it if you aren't tormenting yourself with "Why, was it this, was it that, could I have done something differently?"
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    May 22, 2009 11:56 AM GMT
    A Break-up should never come out of the Blue. Before breaking up the 2 of you should have had honest conversations about existing problems in the relationship and how you want to overcome them. If you are both invested in the relationship, you will work on the issues.

    If you can't overcome the issues after a while, just tell him and move on.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 22, 2009 12:00 PM GMT
    Always be direct and honest. No bullshit.
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    May 22, 2009 12:17 PM GMT
    I send him a text message.

    jk
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    charlitos saidI send him a text message.

    jk


    or just change my relationship status on facebook icon_rolleyes.gificon_wink.gif

    lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2009 2:29 PM GMT
    I just did a break-up a few weeks ago (he just wasn't right for me) and I had "the Dear John" talk with him. I just told him how I felt and let him vent and work through his frustrations. I sat and listened (sort of) and he paced the floor while he ranted - trying to change my mind. The more he ranted though, the more I was determined I was doing the right thing. I left there (his house) and quietly, calmly said to myself, "I'm never coming back here." Good closure.
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    May 22, 2009 2:37 PM GMT
    Breaking Up Is Hard To Do (Sedaka and Greenfield)

    Don't take your love away from me
    Don't you leave my heart in misery
    If you go then I'll be blue
    'Cause breaking up is hard to do

    Remember when you held me tight
    And you kissed me all through the night
    Think of all that we've been through
    Breaking up is hard to do

    They say that breaking up is hard to do
    Now I know, I know that it's true
    Don't say that this is the end
    Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again

    I beg of you, don't say goodbye
    Can't we give our love another try
    Come on baby, let's start anew
    'Cause breaking up is hard to do
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    May 22, 2009 2:39 PM GMT



    When I initiated a breakup over a change of heart, I spent hours talking about it with him. Spent days, sometimes weeks, keeping him company til he was tired of or bored with me.

    I said this:

    I dishonor you - if my feelings can evaporate this way, leaving me empty, I clearly have some work to do on myself, and proved myself a huge liability to you. I feel a great deal of shame and remorse because I would hate this done to me, as I've done to you.


    -Doug

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    May 22, 2009 2:41 PM GMT
    There is no way you can break up with someone with out someone getting hurt. Just have some integrity and some humanity about.

    A lot of guys like feature their soon departed in the leading role in their personal theater of cruelty! Which I find to be crazy!
  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    May 22, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
    If someone was breaking up with me I would like to know if I messed it up if if they think we have just grown apart. Sometimes peoples feelings change and we can not do anything about that. However sometimes the person being dumped needs to change something, for example his drinking or drug use, selfishness etc. I guess what I am saying is do not spare him his feelings if he needs to hear his behavior is a problem.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 22, 2009 3:49 PM GMT
    How long does one spend with a guy before they decide it's not going anywhere?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    Be honest as to why

    and tell yourself "it just wasn't meant to be." icon_cry.gif
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    May 22, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    I can't guarantee not being hurtful...because I don't control someone else's emotions...I can only be brave...strong...kind...and truthful...and hope that it goes well for a conversation that usually sucks for both parties...


    ...I don't have "a line"...that would be disingenuous...

    - David icon_wink.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 22, 2009 4:04 PM GMT
    charlitos saidI send him a text message.

    jk


    Dude .... It's not workin' out so don't wait up for at the gym 'Kay? icon_wink.gif
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    May 22, 2009 5:59 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidHow long does one spend with a guy before they decide it's not going anywhere?


    When I start to get an overwhelming feeling that we aren't right for each other I do a line down the center of a page listing on one side all the reasons to stay together. On the other side I list all the reasons to terminate the situation. When you get to the bottom of the page - you have your answer.icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 23, 2009 1:29 AM GMT
    Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
  • emailaddress

    Posts: 313

    May 23, 2009 9:08 AM GMT
    Lost_And_Found saidWelcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.



    LOL, thats a good one but i dont like the fact I am the one thats welcoming him to dumpsville.....
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    May 23, 2009 9:21 AM GMT
    emailaddress said
    Lost_And_Found saidWelcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.



    LOL, thats a good one but i dont like the fact I am the one thats welcoming him to dumpsville.....


    How bout... "I bought you a ticket!" "Where?" "Dumpsville, USA" then? icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 23, 2009 9:41 AM GMT
    Just be honest and say how you feel/what you mean. Yeah, he may be hurt, but that's how the truth sometimes (usually) goes. He will get over it. Just be tactful but honest. It's so easy to be honest. I don't understand why it's so hard for people.
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    May 23, 2009 9:54 AM GMT
    Well, I wouldn't know as I've never broke up with a boyfriend. But one person did it with me and to this day I am in awe of how thoughtful... heck, how beautiful an end to that part of our history together he came up with (we remain close friends...).

    So, speaking from the "other side of the situation" I guess that if I wanted to remain in good terms with someone I am breaking up with I would be honest about my reasons, I would wait to do it in an appropriate moment according to the climate in which the relationship developed and I would stress that I still care while clearly expressing the avenues though which that would be expressed in the future and then respect whatever boundaries (temporal or permanent) the other person would like to put after the break up. Honesty tempered with common sense is a must.

    But I guess every case is different and there is really no easy approach.
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    May 23, 2009 9:57 AM GMT
    charlitos saidI send him a text message.

    jk


    *Drops dead*