the man leaves me guess

  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    May 25, 2009 4:09 PM GMT
    ok so here is a quick summary....met a guy about 2 months ago...immediatly fell head over heals for him, he,being just out of a 2 year relationship, which was very abusive, states not ready for any type of relationship...which i understand, but we talk just about every day, i've been to his house, he mine, met his friends last week, went very well, still professing that he not ready, ex shows up several times to taunt him again and tell him that he would get back together with him but must keep their relationship secret, told him that he would hit him again if he needed it, been through much in 2 months with him, still in love with him, fact is he tells me that he loves me too, but here it is memorial weekend, havn't heard from him since saturday, no calls no e mails..i know he is working around his house and yard but geez, doesn't even have time to return a quick phone call....supposidly was going to have a cook out today, but no words....i don't know what to think, is he busy, hurt, did stalker man come back and kill him...worried, hurt, mad....what would you guys do....is this worth the effort or should i move on.....he has me hooked
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    May 25, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    One of my stories, and see if there is any relevance to your situation:

    My first BF was a doll: just 6 years older than me at 52, handsome, intelligent, loving. After a couple of months, however, his ex reappeared on the scene. The issue was a claim on my BFs house, where they'd lived for about 6 years, having only broken up a few months before we met.

    The stress changed my BF, and I didn't know what to do and how to help him, being inexperienced in gay relationships. I finally broke it off myself very reluctantly, thinking it was best for him, until the house crisis went away. Within a couple of months a user grabbed onto him while he was still emotionally vulnerable, took over his life, and effectively destroyed him. That story is still known in some circles in Seattle.

    What you must do is determine whether this guy is a "free agent" or still under an existing contract. Some will tell you one thing, but actually be another. Time can be a good test: ex'es should have little influence after 6 months to a year. If this ex still commands serious attention after that point, I'd be concerned your guy isn't yours at all, at least not for quite some time yet.
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    May 25, 2009 4:41 PM GMT
    the ex slept around with about everyone in town including several poz guys and kept files of saved e mails and pics that he forwarded on my guys computer...he just found all these files about a week ago....my guy even in therapy because of this guy....still have not heard from him since sat...but last week one day i was really busy at work and he was very concerned because he hadn't heard from me in a day...wanted to make sure i was not mad at him..he is so hurt and wounded....but i don't know what to do
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    May 25, 2009 5:16 PM GMT
    baldone saidthe ex slept around with about everyone in town including several poz guys and kept files of saved e mails and pics that he forwarded on my guys computer...he just found all these files about a week ago....my guy even in therapy because of this guy....still have not heard from him since sat...but last week one day i was really busy at work and he was very concerned because he hadn't heard from me in a day...wanted to make sure i was not mad at him..he is so hurt and wounded....but i don't know what to do

    He may therefore be damaged goods, and unless you are a professional therapist, there may not be anything that you can effectively do about it. Except to write this situation off. I understand you need closure about this weekend, but depending upon what you learn, this could be a good time to cut your losses and move on.
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    May 25, 2009 5:27 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    baldone saidthe ex slept around with about everyone in town including several poz guys and kept files of saved e mails and pics that he forwarded on my guys computer...he just found all these files about a week ago....my guy even in therapy because of this guy....still have not heard from him since sat...but last week one day i was really busy at work and he was very concerned because he hadn't heard from me in a day...wanted to make sure i was not mad at him..he is so hurt and wounded....but i don't know what to do

    He may therefore be damaged goods, and unless you are a professional therapist, there may not be anything that you can effectively do about it. Except to write this situation off. I understand you need closure about this weekend, but depending upon what you learn, this could be a good time to cut your losses and move on.


    Well said RV. IMHO this doesn't sound like something that's gonna blossom
    into a healthy relationship. Even if this guy does finally break from
    his ex. He needs time to work on himself. I think you mentioned
    that he's in therapy ? Give him a chance to get his life straight.
    ( do you want to inherit someone's drama ? ) If after awhile ( a LONG
    while perhaps. ) maybe you'll cross paths and the stars will be aligned
    for a relationship between you two. Maybe not ? But like the saying
    goes... there are plenty of other fish in the sea ! Perhaps you'll meet
    someone in a healthier state of mind ?
  • SFNavigator

    Posts: 62

    May 25, 2009 7:12 PM GMT
    The few times I have met a guy and fell head over heals in love with him in two months, was when I realized it was infatuation, not love. But dam, i would never be infatuated in this situation. Love will never make you anxious, stressed and wondering----with love there is a comfort level in a new relationship, nothing you mention.
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    May 25, 2009 7:12 PM GMT
    baldone saidok so here is a quick summary....met a guy about 2 months ago...immediatly fell head over heals for him, he,being just out of a 2 year relationship, which was very abusive, states not ready for any type of relationship...which i understand, but we talk just about every day, i've been to his house, he mine, met his friends last week, went very well, still professing that he not ready, ex shows up several times to taunt him again and tell him that he would get back together with him but must keep their relationship secret, told him that he would hit him again if he needed it, been through much in 2 months with him, still in love with him, fact is he tells me that he loves me too, but here it is memorial weekend, havn't heard from him since saturday, no calls no e mails..i know he is working around his house and yard but geez, doesn't even have time to return a quick phone call....supposidly was going to have a cook out today, but no words....i don't know what to think, is he busy, hurt, did stalker man come back and kill him...worried, hurt, mad....what would you guys do....is this worth the effort or should i move on.....he has me hooked


    That's one long ass sentence.
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    May 25, 2009 8:12 PM GMT
    baldone saidok so here is a quick summary....met a guy about 2 months ago...immediatly fell head over heals for him, he,being just out of a 2 year relationship, which was very abusive, states not ready for any type of relationship...which i understand, but we talk just about every day, i've been to his house, he mine, met his friends last week, went very well, still professing that he not ready, ex shows up several times to taunt him again and tell him that he would get back together with him but must keep their relationship secret, told him that he would hit him again if he needed it, been through much in 2 months with him, still in love with him, fact is he tells me that he loves me too, but here it is memorial weekend, havn't heard from him since saturday, no calls no e mails..i know he is working around his house and yard but geez, doesn't even have time to return a quick phone call....supposidly was going to have a cook out today, but no words....i don't know what to think, is he busy, hurt, did stalker man come back and kill him...worried, hurt, mad....what would you guys do....is this worth the effort or should i move on.....he has me hooked


    head over heels immediately on meeting ?!?!?!?- and you wonder why....

    isn't age supposed to bring some sort of wisdom?

    what you have baldone is called infatuation. come on man!icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 25, 2009 9:22 PM GMT
    jprichva saidIn 'love'? After only 2 months?
    What's wrong with this picture?


    thats just about the first thing i thought
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    May 25, 2009 9:46 PM GMT
    The man is just out of a shit relationship, he doesn't need your emotional bullshit pushing him for something he certainly doesn't need right now.

    The man needs a mate, actually, he needs mates, who are gonna support him and look out for him.. professing love (especially after two months) aint on and it aint the right thing to do..

    My gawd man, he's been dragged through the shit and then had it beaten outta him, he needs time, friends and fun and he needs to work though his head and get himself in a position again where he's feeling a little more emotionally secure and safe.
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    May 25, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    jprichva saidIn 'love'? After only 2 months?
    What's wrong with this picture?


    Don't be so limiting on an idea that isn't fully understood.
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    May 26, 2009 2:52 AM GMT

    jprichva saidIn 'love'? After only 2 months?
    What's wrong with this picture?


    A gay guy saying that....nothing.

    BaldOne, I feel like I'm watching a scary movie. You and this guy like eachother, but he disappears and there's a psycho boyfriend on the loose!
    OMG, go over there! I feel like I need to look for you on Oprah talking about how you didn't go over there and his ex tortured him to death.

    ..............................................

    Damn, I feel like I could learn from the psycho ex, "I'll smack you again if you need it"........man, good line, almost sexy.

  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 26, 2009 3:45 AM GMT
    "states not ready for any type of relationship...which i understand,"
    ______________________________________
    Slap, slap, slap.
    No, you don't understand.
    He has been honest and up front with you.
    He told you point blank, that he is "not ready for any type of relationship."
    Yet, you are still pushing it, which has already pushed him away.
    Believe him.
    Move on.
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    May 26, 2009 4:14 AM GMT

    Hey baldone, we think your feelings and emotional desires quite worthy and that those feelings have you feeling empowered enough to try help the guy, but you really can't, as he's closed that door to being in love, in which just about anything's possible, with his sentence about not being ready for a relationship of any kind.

    That he loves you is not at all the same as being in love with you.
    If you can be a good friend, great. If you require more than that, it's best to let him fly off.

    -us

    PS as for it being 2 months, hey, our own opinions are that love doesn't have a schedule.


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    May 26, 2009 4:31 AM GMT
    I think the best thing you can do for him is be a steady rock he can rely on when he needs someone to talk to. The lack of calls on Mem. Day weekend probably means he is in some kind of turmoil. His ex sounds like a monster, but you can't rescue him, he has to do it himself. Until he refuses do have anything else to do with the jerk, he's not going to move on.
    The problem here is that you are in love with him, which may not be what he needs right now. It would be reasonable for you to pull out of this now, to protect yourself and give him space. If you can be more emotionally detached and objective with him, that is, be a friend only, stick with it.

    How long does it take to fall in love? Nobody can judge it for another.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 4:31 AM GMT
    I think the best thing you can do for him is be a steady rock he can rely on when he needs someone to talk to. The lack of calls on Mem. Day weekend probably means he is in some kind of turmoil. His ex sounds like a monster, but you can't rescue him, he has to do it himself. Until he refuses do have anything else to do with the jerk, he's not going to move on.
    The problem here is that you are in love with him, which may not be what he needs right now. It would be reasonable for you to pull out of this now, to protect yourself and give him space. If you can be more emotionally detached and objective with him, that is, be a friend only, stick with it.

    How long does it take to fall in love? Nobody can judge it for another.
  • triniboy

    Posts: 305

    May 26, 2009 4:45 AM GMT
    it all sounds really bad from the start.
    save yourself and walk away babes.