Would you leave the love of your life if you werent sexually attracted to them anymore?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2009 4:53 PM GMT
    What if you were with someone long term and you each felt you were the love of your lives but you weren't sexually attracted to them anymore?

    would you stay with them and try to work it out? Stay with them and cheat to fulfill your sexual needs? or leave them all together knowing they are the love of your life in every other way?

    I know alot of you are going to say if you really love them you should be attracted to them, but that is not always the case after a few years. I have really cared for/loved someone before but I didnt want to have sex with them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2009 5:14 PM GMT
    I would try to work it out. There are lots of creative ways to deal with this. Then again, if you are flat out repulsed by their sexual side that could be a problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2009 5:17 PM GMT
    I would have to leave them, especially me being young, I think Love includes attraction[like you stated] ... but who know-- never been in that situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2009 6:16 PM GMT
    I'd say work it out, give it a shot, try your best. Maybe you guys have an emotional connection rather than a physical one. I meant - this may sound harsh, but most of the best Fucks are guys who are usually A**hole! So I say, give your BF and yourself another shot. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2009 10:23 PM GMT
    work it out.. the real problem is when you are revolted by there touch..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2009 10:28 PM GMT
    How about just working out a system where you and your lover don't remain monogamous: you know, whatever rules, etc., are needed for both parties to feel safe and okay with it.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 25, 2009 11:34 PM GMT
    No one can tell you what to do with your life
    But I don't think you'd be posting this question if there wasn't some battle in your own mind

    You say he's the love of your life
    If that's the case then you owe it to yourself to change things
    Why aren't you sexually attracted to him?
    Has he changed or have your taste in men changed?
    Whatever the case maybe Can you turn things around or is it too late?
    We all need sexual intimacy in our lives
    It would be very sad if you deny that for yourself while the person you supposedly love is sleeping right next to you
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 25, 2009 11:57 PM GMT
    I think Kafka answered this question very well in the Metamorphosis. If your lover wakes up one morning as a bug, you're not going to love them as a bug as much as you'll love them for their former selves. Now, I think it's highly rare for your bf to turn into a bug (though I've had my fair share turn into snakes the morning after).

    The point is, or at least according to him, we fall in love with a specific, and often, when the specific changes, we cannot be expected to maintain a similar view of prior love.

    If I were no longer attracted to a man sexually, it might be OK with me. I personally prefer intimacy over sex, and I have been in love with men before whom I did not find particularly sexually appealing, but as a whole they offered me what I required in a relationship. Everyone has different needs on this matter so what works for either one of us is not essentially going to prove the same for the next guy.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 26, 2009 12:12 AM GMT
    Bialystock and Bloom...... Bialystock and Bloom

    5436858_tml.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 12:16 AM GMT
    I would stay and do my best to work it out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 12:23 AM GMT
    If I maintain my form, how would that happen?

    I will continue to lift, do cardio, and eat well until I'm 105.

    I don't care if it takes plastic surgery, and a shitload of drugs, I will continue to do everything I can to hold on.

    If my partner changed in his shape and form, it really wouldn't matter all that much. The hottest part about him is what goes on in his head in terms of kinky and nasty. The best part of us is how we feel about each other and I know for certain that is never going to change.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 12:44 AM GMT
    Staying, but cheating is not an option. You don't cheat, much less on the "Love of your life"

    Leaving altogether is an option, but only a very last ditch option once I feel that I have done everything in my power to work this out.

    So, trying to work it out is my first choice in a situation like that.

    Alot of factors would be in play for me to even consider this, but to answer the OP's question, try to work it out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 1:43 AM GMT
    Why aren't you sexually attracted to them any more? That is the real question.

    Maybe you aren't the monogamous type.
    Maybe you have poorly communicated what turns you on.
    Maybe you are depressed.
    Maybe he is a shitty lover.

    There are dozens of possibilities and they each have different possible solutions. But the first step for each is throwing away this "love of your life" bullshit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 2:12 AM GMT
    I think I'd try to work it out.
    ...
    and, what ErikTaurean said
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 2:41 AM GMT


    OK we'll bite. Here's a monogamous take on it. If sex fell by the wayside with us it wouldn't change much, as by this time we're well used to the peaks and valleys of our sex life. Besides we couldn't possibly base our relationship on the frequency of sex. Just not us.

    We've gone from no sex for about a year (I can hear some of you fainting lol) to behaving like rabbits when the whole board lit up again. We court each other in little ways, every day. Flirt. Romance each other a bit. And after awhile....woohoo!

    So when anyone thinks of breaking up after an LTR has grown over a period of time and sex simply fades, we'd ask that they just remember those peaks and valleys. In the meantime your hand can help you with urges that are gone the second your hand has done its task. heheh ....and it takes the pressure off your partner to perform when they may not feel like it. And making them go through the motions can be a real libido killer.


    -Doug of meninlove




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 3:46 AM GMT
    I would never leave him on those grounds, alone.

    If it was a huge problem, I would try to get him to work out with me.

    If that failed, then maybe he is letting himself go because he is depressed, or some external reason?

    If none of that, then, if he is the love of my life then I love him for who he is, not how he looks. So no, I would not leave him based on that alone.

    (insert Full House style "awwwwww" track, usually reserved for Michelle, exclusively).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 7:16 PM GMT
    I'm sensing a high degree of BS here. This is a website dedicated to showcasing men with gorgeous physiques, which many of you have, aspire to have or hope to find in others. The countless pictures of rippling abs and pecs don't lie. Looks are very important around here, and any guy falling short of your personal preferences is doomed. I have a hard time believing that the "love of your life" wouldn't fit your physical requirements already, and a dedication to maintaining them (therefore eliminating the need for this discussion). Wouldn't that change if he met the criteria and then suddenly didn't? If this were niceguys.com, I might believe it. How many of you "jocks" would stand by a man on the fast track to obesity? Maybe those sticklers just haven't replied in this thread. Who's honestly going to be happy with the "emotional" connection and nothing more? I think anyone who downplays the physical side is lying, most notably to themselves. There must be a new, watered down brand of testosterone out there. Love changes and bodies change too, but having ZERO sexual attraction is a lot to ask of any man. I've been there, and it's no fun wondering whether to ask my boyfriend to step up his gym routine when the things I'm attracted to aren't there, no matter how we get along otherwise. He'd probably be completely offended, as he seems to be if I dare notice an attractive though unattainable celebrity.

    "I don't care if it takes plastic surgery, and a shitload of drugs, I will continue to do everything I can to hold on. If my partner changed in his shape and form, it really wouldn't matter all that much."icon_confused.gif

    That's a Jekyll and Hyde reaction if you ask me. How long could you seriously refrain from holding him accountable to your personal standards without even a teeny tiny bit of resentment? I don't see how you'd tolerate a lover who lets himself go when you'd go to those lengths for sex appeal.
  • swogdog

    Posts: 143

    Jun 01, 2009 7:28 PM GMT
    I was with the same guy for 12.5 years. We loved each other - he was "the one" for me - but it ended because he no longer felt attracted to me. He wanted the thrill of first love. He said he still loved me.

    Did he do the right thing by leaving? Only he can tell. I hope he's happy - and if he is, well that's the tell isn't it?

    These things are so individual aren't they? We can all offer our opinions, stories, firmly held beliefs, but people choose based upon the least perceived stress or the greatest perceived happiness depending on their outlook, and little else alters that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 7:42 PM GMT
    Would you want the love of your life to leave you if he were not attracted to you any more? How could you call someone the love of your life ready to leave them because for the moment you are not feeling? To do that it would mean that only thing the relationship was about is being physical and how can you equate that as being the love of your life. It's perhaps the lust of your life maybe? I my ex and went 7 months. It was other things that lead to end of the relationship. Which when it ended we were backk on track in that area.
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Jun 02, 2009 7:31 AM GMT
    No, my attachments go so much deeper than that.
  • CSPYNY

    Posts: 187

    Jun 04, 2009 12:07 AM GMT
    Nope. As long as he's there for me at home and wakes up next to me, I'll be happy icon_smile.gif

    Unfortunately for me, I can do without sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2009 12:16 AM GMT
    How could you not be sexually attracted to the love of your life?

    Doesn't love of life indicate an amazing sexual attraction amongst other attractions??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    ...been there and done that so to speak! So when I get into a nw relationship I am going to make sure I am IN LOVE and that will stand the text of time. I will work at my relationship and work at romance...work at sex....work at fantasy...work at it!! Nothing comes easy.

    Somehow at first you may have been sexually attracted right? Imagin now, if you were with a woman. If I had a man...dam!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    It wouldnt be fair to them to stay. Not being sexaually attracted to them would show and make them feel bad and rejected. If someone didnt want to even kiss you goodnight or if sex was obviously a chore that lasted a couple minutes so you could "get it over with" that would make you feel like shit. Let them go and let them find someone that makes them feel wanted.
  • Cndpup

    Posts: 30

    Jun 22, 2009 2:30 PM GMT
    I'm unfortunately in a relationship like this...

    I love the guy dearly, but well...a lot of negative things have happened in his life and this lead to eating and eating leads to gaining fat. So now the 150 ex-volleyball stud twink is now pushing 230....

    He's living with me now and I'm doing everything in my power to push him to lose the weight and gain the confidence he once had and improve his self esteem

    I'm buying all kinds of healthy foods for us to eat, REALLY pushing him to join my gym but his own finances are very unstable right now...

    It's frustrating for us both mostly due to the fact I'm no longer aroused by him and even turned off by his body. Makes me feel horrible but I can't help it...

    I made the mistake of telling him flat out I don't think we can have a relationship if he stays this way and it really hurt him. I was hoping it would be a hardline way of pushing into dropping the weight but things don't seem to be improving...

    Any ideas on how I can encourage him without hurting his feelings???

    I really don't want our relationship to end..but I want that fucking hot young guy back =


    Cheers,

    Steve