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    Nov 11, 2007 10:09 AM GMT
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 11, 2007 11:55 AM GMT
    I'm hoping that it's nothing more than someone else's taste in men...like if someone prefers blondes or guys with big arms
    because I'd hate to see that gay men have such prejudices
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    Nov 11, 2007 1:49 PM GMT
    cultural background could be a big reason. if you date someone, you'd want something in common to relate to each other immediately and if you're both of the same race it could be an indicator of commonality (spell check didn't bite me on that one so it's a word lol) or it's a visual marker to assume that you both can understand each other (and not just verbally).
    everyone generalizes and it's no different with race.

    from personal experience, i have an aussie accent and when guys i've dated notice this they're more at ease with me because they subconsciously correlate that to having a understanding of western language and etiquette/mannerisms (do i sound like a asian stereotype? haha) so it makes it easier for us to get along. when they comment on my accent they're actually really surprised how "flawless" it is and talking on the phone, a lot of guys (nearly 100% of the time) think they've dialled the wrong number because i don't sound asian.

    another reason could be generalizing (or stereotyping) characteristics or physical traits. think what an african man looks like, then think of an african american and an african frenchman. i'm assuming that some guys would picture the same "type" of person just in different clothes (african maybe a bit too broad of a word too).

    myself, i don't meet many asians that have a asian-less english accent and that takes me a while to get use to hearing others like me speak.
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    Nov 11, 2007 5:03 PM GMT
    I think in most cases it's just a mans taste in men. I'm attracted to all sorts of men regardless of race. Some guys I know, for example, have nothing against black guys, but wouldn't date a black guy simply because they are not attracted to them.
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    Nov 11, 2007 5:11 PM GMT
    I always find it strange when I hear comments such as 'they aren't attracted to (eg) African men' I never generalise in this way because I find there are attractive men in all races.
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    Nov 11, 2007 5:51 PM GMT
    I think culture has the most influence on this matter. I guess it depends largely on how you grew up and how your parents viewed other people. My family is very prejudice but I have learned that this is very ignorant. As for myself, I have dated and been able to sustain friendships from quite a few races and religions.
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    Nov 11, 2007 7:56 PM GMT
    I think it has to do mostly with feeling more comfortable and gravitating toward people who are like yourself. That's true even within racial barriers - tall guys like tall guys, etc - how many gay couples do you know who look like they could actually be brothers?

    I think the greatest story in this regard was the one Charlton Heston told about the filming of Planet of the Apes, back in the 60s. People were dressed up as chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans. Underneath the makeup they were black, white, Hispanic, whatever. But when they broke for lunch, the chimps sat with other chimps, gorillas sat with gorillas, etc. Because they looked the same, they felt they had something in common.

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    Nov 11, 2007 10:37 PM GMT
    Whitey isn't the only one to blame here, as implied by many of the comments.

    Some Asians prefer other Asians. Some Blacks prefer other Blacks.

    Race is a social construct like class and sexuality. They are at their core meaningless signifiers of Same and Other; all other cultural attributes that may or many not attend aside.

    So, why would some people in a homogeneous culture prefer people based on race? God know, but I am willing to bet they aren't too kinky in bed.
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    Nov 11, 2007 10:59 PM GMT
    Categorizing is one thing humans as a race do best. All my white friends describe their black friends as their "black friends" etc etc, and it made me realize categorizing is very vital to the way we think. We categorize everything, be it fruit, cats, dogs, and humans; guys we think are hot, guys we don't. I know for instance friends who love latin guys (don't we all) but yet who refuse to date black guys. Now, to me I base my categorizing on personality, I'm not opposed to dating black guys, but most I know have that thuggy, ghetto attitude, which turns me off. Categorizing race is just one thing humans do, and it's not isolated to just gay men. Some straight guys I know like big busty blondes, others like dark sultry brunettes. As long as the categorizing doesn't lead to offensive racism, I think this is a case of making a "mountain out of an anthill"
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    Nov 11, 2007 11:02 PM GMT
    I have a fetish for latino men. That is just my taste. I would date any race or color. If the heart is true, that is all that counts.
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    Nov 12, 2007 4:42 AM GMT
    For me personally, it has a lot to do with a person's culture or personality. My main turn ons and attractions are talent, intelligence, and a great personality no matter what race the person is. It's a very hard thing to see beauty in all different types of people, and I think that notion really applies to the gay community. I believe a person's upbringing also has a lot to do with it too. I'm a biracial baby so I'm not against dating other races, but most of my siblings would never date asian men because we have had negative experiences with asian men starting from a very young age.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3462

    Nov 12, 2007 4:47 AM GMT
    You've got me. I can only speak for myself. I've always preferred dark-hair guys. I grew up in a middle- and lower-middle class area, so I went to school with a lot of Mexican guys, so I think they still get a lot of focus. But, I've dated black guys and Asian guys. But, I could go for dark-haired white guys and Middle Eastern guys, etc. I've even been attracted to an occasional red-head and blonde guy. I can't always predict. I've always scratched my head around guys who say they'd never date a this or a that.

    Of course, I can extend that to gay guys who say they'd never date a bi guy. Wha? Are you afraid of being left for a woman? As if being left for another man hurts less?

    There are some things I'll never understand.
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    Nov 12, 2007 4:58 AM GMT
    despite many feel that race is no issue, but until the ideal guy that match exactly what you being looking for, there's always the default preference that we fall back to. the default tend to speak louder then words.
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    Nov 12, 2007 5:37 AM GMT
    Like it, or not, there are major differences in culture, sensibilities, and values.

    It is what it is.
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    Nov 12, 2007 4:53 PM GMT
    I smell a racist in the room..I wonder who it is...

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    Nov 12, 2007 5:05 PM GMT
    LOL o yah I didn't reply to the question. Just had to get that out there (previous post).

    From my experience, race matters to some due to ignorance and/or fear of the unknown.

    I am a multiracial male, so I have tried most races and a number of different ethnicities. Ethnicity is much more specific (i.e. irish, puerto rican, italian, etc.) and this is where I get picky.

    Ultimately, it comes down to what each of us like. I too have Black in me, but I have never actually had chemistry with a Black man. I am not sure why, but that has been my experience.

    This is the same with White men. We tend to have nothing in common and simply cannot relate, so it never works out (in my experiences).

    I can say hey, Brad Pitt or Taye Diggs are cute men, but would I sleep with them? No, I wouldn't. We all like what we like.

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    Nov 12, 2007 5:43 PM GMT
    Race only becomes an issue when one person of either race show a racial bias in there preference.

    For example:

    When a person of any race makes statements like:

    " The thought of dating a _________ makes me ill or that I would rather cut of a limb first".

    This is when is because an issue of race rather than what you are attracted to.

    It is equally just CRAZY for any person to feel that dating out side their race would be a step up or a step down on the food-chain.

    That is a pretty pompous and arrogant attitude in my opinion for anything to think that or that a person who feel it is a step up, your self-esteem really must be in the toilet.

    I can recall confronting one of my ex-lover's friends at party when I over-heard him make the comment that, He felt I was using his friend for his $$$$$ and "that he just knew that when we went out that he paid for everything". When I heard that I was insulted and a little hurt because this was not the person who was nice and polite and who was happy for us when I was introduced to him earlier that week.. Most of all I was pissed! He as in my apartment not my ex-lover’s MINE! We did not live together at the time because we were not ready to make that step yet more so me than him.

    With as much grace and poise that I could muster I said.

    "Pardon me, I could help over hearing what you just said, but for the records when ex-lover and I went out to dinner, I paid for it because I did the inviting and just so you know we both trade off on picking of the tab for dinner... Now why don't you run and tell THAT"!

    That is the other thing that if you date outside your race, you have to deal with the friends and the family.
    From both sides.

    That is the other reason why some guys are gun shy about it. Although they would like to some not all they don't because you have to take into consideration if it's worth it and if you are strong enough to deal with the back-lash and the stigma from those that you care about the most and most guys are not strong enough to do that and that's for all races.

    Sorry for the reply being so long.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16414

    Nov 12, 2007 5:49 PM GMT
    My parents instilled into me the idea that racism was ignorance. I don't make decisions and certainly wouldn't (about relationships) on the basis of race or religion.

    It comes down to personal preferences as many have said here.
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    Nov 12, 2007 6:04 PM GMT
    Can't see why race would ever matter. Religion, on the other hand, should matter, at least if the person is religious. I wouldn't want my partner constantly calling me an infidel and threatening to cut my head off if I didn't convert.
  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Nov 12, 2007 7:26 PM GMT
    I personally 'rate' my potential BFs based on personality and my attraction to them. Personal background, i.e., religion, ethnicity, usually has little impact on my attraction. In an ideal world, we would all think that way (because I have THE best point of view icon_biggrin.gif).

    Unfortunately, we as humans, don't generally work that way. And gay men are no different. Yes, we should not generalize based someone's skin color/ethnicity (racism), and should appreciate the struggle of other classes of people in the 'minority', but we don't. We should have learned from our own struggle, and not judge based on appearances, but we haven't. In some cases the LBGT community is much worse in regards to this than is the general population. So we go around in our world that tends to look very much like ourselves, because like attracts like, for all of the reasons stated above.

    However, I have learned that being 'color blind' (as I can be much of the time) is no less offensive, as it negates the differences that exist, and the experiences that have defined very much who we are individually. So, long story short, we as people are complicated creatures, that are defined by the similarities and differences to each other.
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    Nov 12, 2007 8:40 PM GMT
    It's all about preferences.

    Samething why others choose to drive foreign cars vs american cars or vice or versa.



  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Nov 12, 2007 10:05 PM GMT
    I say it easier to date and have a relationship with people of same race , religion and ethnic. It just you have more things in common and the relationship dont required extra effort to make it work. However soemtime love is stronger then anything else and all barrier and difficulties is secondary.

    I have a live in relationship with a white men , not same religion with me , different nationality (I am Asian) and our relationship didnt work out. It take a lot of hard work, compromise and give and take.

    Sex is another things. I have sexual curiosity and fantasy about guys of other race especially if they are not available where I live . But then sex have nothing to do with relationship.
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    Nov 13, 2007 1:30 AM GMT
    the same with friends. if you have more friends in certain race, you'd more likely to find your love there.
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    Nov 13, 2007 4:43 AM GMT
    That's so true
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    Dec 26, 2007 2:22 PM GMT
    1) Its mostly a matter of Attraction.

    2) The gay world is dominated by caucasian men - and believe it or not but european beauty standards prevail all over the world thats why in Asia you will see women who color the hair blonde or get eye surgery done to look more caucasian etc. Maybe thats why most caucasians prefer to date other caucasians because thats what they consider attractive the most. If the majority of gays portrayed in the Media were asians or blacks then maybe things would be different??

    3) Sometimes gay men are attracted to another race but would not date them because they are considered inferior - this is a fact among caucasians from poor, uneducated, working class or professional (middle class) backgrounds. Wealthy people usually don't care about any other color besides the color GREEN.

    4) Gay men are also minorities, and non-white gay men are minorities within a minority. Many times the oppressed become the biggest oppressors once they are free from oppression themselves. Yes there are many racists in the Gay world - but they are usually unhappy people... or like I said come from a poor, middle class, professional class or uneducated background... they have an inferiority complex which makes them discriminate others in order to feel good about themselves. HOWEVER - not all of those classes are racist in anyway - and not all gay men are racist either.

    Lastly, given the history of this world lets face it - europeans were the most powerful at least in recent years so there is a sort of cultural dominance - all said and done you cannot force anyone to be attracted to you.. from what I've seen in the gay culture is that the racial minorities discriminate more than the whites... but whites get a lot of unneccessary blame for being racists.

    I am personally not at all bothered by racial preferences in others.. and I also refuse to believe anyone who says they are attracted to all races - there still might be degrees of attraction to certain races and everyone certainly has a type. I see a lot of posts on these forums mostly by black men who complain white guys are not interested in them... but I don't get it why does it matter so much for black guys to get attention from white guys?? Also some of them complain that they chat with white guys and the minute they say they are black then the whites don't wanna talk anymore.... why not be upfront with it or at least have a picture showing what you are? Then you won't have to deal with any problems chatting up guys...who are not interested in a particular race. Even if guys are not looking for sex - gay men emphasize a lot on looks / attraction.. in fact everyone does.