Which works best for you? F**K or Date First?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 4:18 AM GMT
    As per my friend, he doesn't date because people wear facades on dates and the real person comes out later. So he F**Ks first and if there is any remaining interest then at least he's dealing more so with the real person.

    I can see where he is coming from even though I like to DATE first. There is some credibility to his approach as my experience is that the real person behind the facade appears later.

    What's your thoughts?
  • triniboy

    Posts: 305

    May 26, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    I find no difference personally.
    Sometimes I wish I had just fucked them right off the bat to at least possibly get something good out of our interactions icon_twisted.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 26, 2009 4:51 AM GMT
    People wear facades regardless of if you're fucking them or not, and they don't come off after the first date. I doubt the projection anyone puts on for someone else ever comes off. We each perform individual identities for every person around us.

    And to answer your question, I date first. Nothing against fucking, but if I can get a guy into my bed before I can get a cup of coffee, it just seems too easy and I'm not interested. I like the chase.
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    May 26, 2009 5:01 AM GMT
    This one is easy for me.
    DATE FIRST!

    That way IF you are a cheating, lying, manipulative ass.....thank GOD I never let you get any part of me! There is no way in hell I'm going to be another NUMBER on your ever increasing list! I respect myself waaaaaayyyy too much for that! (Another benefit is that I never have to wonder if I caught something from the ho!) If you want me- WORK FOR IT- as will I if I want you. That shows the genuine, real man inside. If we aren't going to last- I'm not going to give you any part of me that is intimate. I understand...to each his own, but in today's world, better safe than sorry.....cause today's sorry isn't just your heart- it might damn well be your life.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 26, 2009 5:12 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    calibro saidNothing against fucking, but if I can get a guy into my bed before I can get a cup of coffee, it just seems too easy and I'm not interested. I like the chase.

    Mercy. And when you've caught him, then what? You throw him back?


    In my experience, even when you're trying to date guys, good luck making it to the second date. If I caught one who lasted to the third date, aint no way I'm throwing him back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 5:17 AM GMT
    I'm old fashioned I guess.

    Proper dinner first.

    2nd date, well, all rules are off at that point.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 5:22 AM GMT
    Date first
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    May 26, 2009 5:24 AM GMT
    10years ago, it was all about the "fucking"icon_twisted.gif........now I prefer to date 1st, if there is no emotional chemistry, ONLY physical, then I may(not always) revert back to primal waysicon_wink.gif
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    May 26, 2009 5:26 AM GMT
    Im not against f*cking first... because i have friend that have been together for years that meet to hook up... but for me.. i think that a real person who is interested in you will wait for sex..
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    May 26, 2009 5:41 AM GMT
    Well since I have been out of the dating pool for over the decade my opinion is very moot.... But I was and most likely still am a more Fuck first and date later kind of guy.
  • czkiwi

    Posts: 23

    May 26, 2009 5:50 AM GMT
    I think we as society, have built up way too much of a connection around sex, we (in general) think sex is way deeper than it is. No pun intended. Sex will happen long before love in any relationship that is healthy. So since physical attraction is probably what got you interested in the first place, get that pressure out of the way and see if there is anything left to talk about after sex. The true test of a man is if we can fuck and then spend the day together afterward.


    And as far as the comments of earning sex, or working for it, or games of cat and mouse. I don't get it. View sex as a healthy part of your physical being and not your emotional being. Enjoy your body, but guard your heart. For the true pain you will feel is from someone being reckless with your heart and not with your body. If you force them to play a game to get sex, maybe they will play a game to get your heart, and that in the end will be disastrous.
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    May 26, 2009 5:58 AM GMT
    well...what works and what actually happens...still trying to figure it all out!
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    May 26, 2009 5:58 AM GMT
    IvesCardin08 saidThis one is easy for me.
    DATE FIRST!

    That way IF you are a cheating, lying, manipulative ass.....thank GOD I never let you get any part of me! There is no way in hell I'm going to be another NUMBER on your ever increasing list! I respect myself waaaaaayyyy too much for that! (Another benefit is that I never have to wonder if I caught something from the ho!) If you want me- WORK FOR IT- as will I if I want you. That shows the genuine, real man inside. If we aren't going to last- I'm not going to give you any part of me that is intimate. I understand...to each his own, but in today's world, better safe than sorry.....cause today's sorry isn't just your heart- it might damn well be your life.


    Ok- What if the person keeps up the facade for a few dates? There are guys that are really good at doing the hyde thing before they allow jekyll to kick in.
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    May 26, 2009 6:05 AM GMT
    I would want to make a big effort to know who this guy is before any potiential fluid exchange is even considered. At least one month of dating once a week.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 6:19 AM GMT
    I believe most prefer it now-a-days icon_eek.gif just to get it out da wayicon_lol.gif
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    May 26, 2009 6:45 AM GMT
    If I have sex when I first meet a guy, the chances of my dating him usually drop to .000000001 %. After all, if he's that easy with me, it would be foolish for me to think he'd proceed differently with the next hot guy he meets. Some of my friends disagree.

    Dating first, in my opinion, is only helpful insofar as it allows one to evaluate another individual within a non-sexual context. It aids one in reaching beyond the physical. But I think dating first has its limits. For example, if I choose to date a ho for 3 months before having sex, that ho will probably still be a ho after we consummate whatever we have.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    May 26, 2009 6:57 AM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent saidIf I have sex when I first meet a guy, the chances of my dating him usually drop to .000000001 %. After all, if he's that easy with me, it would be foolish for me to think he'd proceed differently with the next hot guy he meets. Some of my friends disagree.


    Umm, sex is two-way street. If he was easy with you, then were you not just as equally easy with him?
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    May 26, 2009 7:03 AM GMT
    slickguystyle said
    BlkMuscleGent saidIf I have sex when I first meet a guy, the chances of my dating him usually drop to .000000001 %. After all, if he's that easy with me, it would be foolish for me to think he'd proceed differently with the next hot guy he meets. Some of my friends disagree.


    Umm, sex is two-way street. If he was easy with you, then were you not just as equally easy with him?


    Exactly. When first typing my previous post, I included a parenthetical statement about the hypocrisy inherent in my rationale, but I accidentally erased it and didn't feel like typing it again LOL.
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    May 26, 2009 7:18 AM GMT
    I've had it both ways. The guys who are very special though - are worth holding out and taking it slowly. We've all had our share of one nighters - and while they serve their purpose - at the end of the day - I'd rather have one great guy - than a hand full of one night flings.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    May 26, 2009 7:20 AM GMT
    czkiwi saidSo since physical attraction is probably what got you interested in the first place, get that pressure out of the way and see if there is anything left to talk about after sex.


    I agree. From my experience, sexual tension makes dating formulaic. One or both parties are getting to know the other so that they feel more comfortable sleeping with them. The only thing that really matters is the other's pathological health, which they can tell you over dinner or after 2 minutes of IM chat. Either way, they could be lying or be ignorant of their health status. Getting sex out the way frees you to focus on getting to know someone.

    I think it's natural to put your best face forward. Dating is about getting to know someone. Does your friend expect to instantly know the core of someone's being the moment he meets them? Your friend's attitude really doesn't have to do with dating... it has more to do with his views on the kind of men he meets, or perhaps, more broadly, his view of men or people in general.

    Is it that the person is putting up a mask, or are you tacking on them a mask comprised of your own expectations?
  • Sebastian18

    Posts: 255

    May 26, 2009 7:25 AM GMT
    Since I'm generally opposed to dating (personally) on philosophical grounds, I see nothing wrong with sexual intercourse on a non-committal basis.
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    May 26, 2009 8:32 AM GMT
    ssguy69 said
    IvesCardin08 saidThis one is easy for me.
    DATE FIRST!

    That way IF you are a cheating, lying, manipulative ass.....thank GOD I never let you get any part of me! There is no way in hell I'm going to be another NUMBER on your ever increasing list! I respect myself waaaaaayyyy too much for that! (Another benefit is that I never have to wonder if I caught something from the ho!) If you want me- WORK FOR IT- as will I if I want you. That shows the genuine, real man inside. If we aren't going to last- I'm not going to give you any part of me that is intimate. I understand...to each his own, but in today's world, better safe than sorry.....cause today's sorry isn't just your heart- it might damn well be your life.


    Ok- What if the person keeps up the facade for a few dates? There are guys that are really good at doing the hyde thing before they allow jekyll to kick in.



    A few dates?....a few dates....??? ...that's not work.......work is a few months/years...sorry but you cant hide who you are forever....Let me put it this way.

    1) If you don't care about who you sleep with then you have your answer and you can do as you please when you please.

    2) If you care about who you sleep with and are genuinely asking my opinion on how to tell Jekyll from Hyde- this is my way of doing it:

    I already know my opinion is not the popular view point. I get that. I'm different. I feel different from everyone all the time for waiting. But that's what makes me ME and I won't comprise me because someone else said whatever they felt was right for them. A FACADE is what I am not and I don't want to be with anyone who is a facade. Me being choosy and careful is NOT easy but it IS good, but what IS good is never easy. I'm not in it for Immediate Satisfaction because Immediate Satisfaction brings no sense of Payoff, Fulfillment, True Enjoyment and Reward...Why else would BlkMuscleGent write "If I have sex when I first meet a guy, the chances of my dating him usually drop to .000000001 %. After all, if he's that easy with me, it would be foolish for me to think he'd proceed differently with the next hot guy he meets.. " to which he latter admits his hypocrisy on his own behalf/behavior. (No offense to him- just making my point-again, to each his own- but that doesn't sound good for/to me- you have to ask yourself if that sounds good for/to you) I'm in it for the Long Haul..through the good and bad...I will definitely see your character in a few first dates. You may ask how can you see his character through an act when you don't know this stranger. Well for one, realize that they are a stranger that you are trying to get to know. You want the best piece of advice ever? LISTEN TO WHAT HE IS SAYING. WHERE IS HE DIRECTING HIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU? WHAT WORDS IS HE USING? WHAT IS HE INTERESTED IN? WHY IS HE TALKING TO YOU? GET THROUGH THE LINES! GET PAST THE JOKES! ASK HIM ABOUT HIM. REMEMBER WHAT HE SAYS. IS HE CONSISTENT? DO YOU SENSE PLAYER BUT DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT CAUSE HE IS TOO CUTE? Your instinct is more capable than you give it credit! It's there for a reason. Remember where you smell smoke...99.99999% of the time its because there is fire! No one can keep up an act for long...The last guy who did with me lasted 5 months before it all fell apart on him....Man did he ever play the Romeo and Gentlemen...I was rooting for him to be a good guy, I really liked him but there was something that didn't feel right and I couldn't put my finger on it....I smelt the smoke I didn't want to smell....but no matter how hard he played/acted/portrayed himself to be...he couldn't BE someone else 24/7. Why? Cause he was HE and no-one else and it came to light in due time. All I had to do was sit back and watch...a.k.a..... get to know him with my clothes on.

    EDIT: You want a certain type of Man? Be that type of Man. Grow into that Character. You will attract that kind of Man by being that kind of Man. Water seeks its own level!
  • captproton

    Posts: 316

    May 26, 2009 8:37 AM GMT
    I'd be happy with a date. I never even get that far these days. And it's not for a lack of trying.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 26, 2009 11:01 AM GMT
    Depends what I'm Shootin' for .... icon_biggrin.gif Oops sorry for the mixed metaphor

    If all I'm interested in is sex ... then jumping into bed is ok
    But if I'm interested in more than that I like to wait
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2009 11:16 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidI've had it both ways. The guys who are very special though - are worth holding out and taking it slowly. We've all had our share of one nighters - and while they serve their purpose - at the end of the day - I'd rather have one great guy - than a hand full of one night flings.


    Ill take the handful of one night flings. Theres less to clean up when its over. icon_wink.gif

    Besides, for all of you "i need to date first" chicks, please tell me when is the last time you actually WENT on a traditional date that didnt end up in the heat of the night. Please. The whole notion is romantic and all but its not reality. We are not straight people so why do we try so hard to mimick their relationships?