Did we choose to be gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2007 5:43 PM GMT
    This is something thats been bothering me for a while. Is there any guy out there that acctualy chose to be gay or do you think that some how in our subconsceince wechose to be gay or are we just gay. I've been thinking hard about this and I cant think that I chose to be gay.
    So what do you all think?
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    Apr 22, 2007 6:09 PM GMT
    Being gay is not a choice. It's who you are, just like being black or white or male or female. It's good that you are thinking about these things... don't forget to be safe and ALWAYS use condoms! :)
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    Apr 22, 2007 10:47 PM GMT
    No one chooses to be gay or straight. Even IF it wasn't a biological factor, it would then fall into being a "nurture" factor that deals with our environments as we grow up and we have next to no control of our environment until much later in life. Whether nature or nurture, homosexuality (or any sexual orientation) is not a choice.

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    Apr 22, 2007 11:04 PM GMT
    These two guys who replied are right on the money. Although the Mormons will have you believing otherwise, our sexuality is not a choice that any of us get to make.
  • shortnbilt

    Posts: 1

    Apr 22, 2007 11:56 PM GMT
    Fro me it was NEVER a choice.
    I tried to hide it for the longest time, even dated women while in college. But I was always attracted their brothers or sometimes their fathers (some dad work out and cen be hot)
    just like someone didnt choose to be straight, i didnt choose to be gay.
    I dont understand when straight people say, why did you choose that life style?
    choose???
    why would i choose a life that denys me my rights, and makes me a target of bigotry on a daily basis.
    NO.....not a choice for me
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    Apr 23, 2007 12:32 AM GMT
    My opinion is that sexual orientation is both nature and nurture. We have no control over our biological makeup. We have very little choice on how and where we grow up. The choice we do have is whether or not to be truthful to ourselves and others about how we really feel, as soon as we become aware of our feelings.

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    Apr 23, 2007 1:09 AM GMT
    Being gay is not a choice. If that were the case, why would anyone choose such choice given the ramifications as described by the previous messages.

    The next time that a straight guy suggests that being gay is a choice, I encourage you to challenge him to have a hard-on the next guy that they see.

    If it is a choice, they should be able to get a hard-on at will. Let me know if there is any dumb breeders that would take such a bet.

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    Apr 23, 2007 2:18 AM GMT
    The only people for whom I can see this being a choice is for someone who is bisexual. (Perhaps a Kinsey 2, 3 or 4, maybe even a 1 or 5.)

    So the next time some alleged straight person tries to tell you that it's a "choice", ask him (it's almost always a him) when (and why) he chose to be straight....
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    Apr 23, 2007 3:09 AM GMT
    We choose the lifestyle we want to lead, but we can't choose who we are. If being gay is a part of who we are, then we can't change that, no matter what...

    We do have a choice in the kind of life we want to lead, and the legacy we want to leave behind...Focus on that... Live well, Love better. If you can do that, everything else will kinda just fall into place... it's weird how that works, but I know it to be true...
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    Apr 23, 2007 3:09 AM GMT
    We choose the lifestyle we want to lead, but we can't choose who we are. If being gay is a part of who we are, then we can't change that, no matter what...

    We do have a choice in the kind of life we want to lead, and the legacy we want to leave behind...Focus on that... Live well, Love better. If you can do that, everything else will kinda just fall into place... it's weird how that works, but I know it to be true...
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    Apr 23, 2007 3:29 AM GMT
    i knew i was gay in 5th grade. girls didnt appeal to me, yes they were my friends we got along real well. but they dont attact me. guys on the other hand are much more! the way they think. personalities. everything its hard to describe. but women are just not "it" to me.
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    Apr 23, 2007 11:29 AM GMT
    It is not a choice. You are pretty much born like that. I remember when I was 5 I had a crush on my best friend. So no it not a choice. Although going out and acting on these feelings that is a choice, not wrong in my opinion, but a choice all the same.
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    Apr 23, 2007 12:44 PM GMT
    Being gay is not a choice. You are born that way. Do you think we all would choose a lifestyle where we were called fag and queer everyday, where we are beat up for being gay . No. No one choose to be gay it is where we have more X or Y genes in which we are than in love with men. I look straight and act straight and no one could tell I am gay I was in school and was afraid to dress in front of the other boys. Than when i was made to change in front of the other boys in elementary school I started looking at the boys dicks after this I was called fagged and queer in junior high and high school. So No one choose to be gay.
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    Apr 23, 2007 2:14 PM GMT
    I think on some level we all choose what we like and don't like, but mostly it's subconscious and therefore not a true choice. Have you ever asked yourself why you like some colors over others, or some foods? Who knows why. My theory is by the time we are 3 we have already concluded who we are, what we are, what we want, what we don't want, and where we want to go in life. It's all just part of our individual survival instincts. I can remember as far back as 3 knowing exactly what I wanted in life, including a relationship with a man once I became an adult.
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    Apr 23, 2007 2:35 PM GMT
    i never chose to be gay. it was just something that all of us gay males have to deal with. its not bad because its what we like. it was just meant for us and we have fun eing gay!!! i wanna have sex with all of ya'll because ya'll are all hot!!! nobody chose to be gay. its just like that!!!
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    Apr 23, 2007 3:01 PM GMT
    I for one have conflicted thoughts on the matter, as I am bi and consider my sexuality part of my DNA and the sum of my life choices/experiences. However, I do choose to keep my homosexual activities in the closet for various reasons. Much of the popular "gay lifestyle" alienates me so I choose to not be a part of it, even though I know I can be physically attracted to men. I'm physically and emotionally attached to my girlfriend, and only physically attracted to certain men.
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    Apr 23, 2007 3:25 PM GMT
    For some people it's biological and for others it's a choice. I know plenty of guys who adamantly say they never thought about gay sex in their lives until one day--well, let's just say, it came as quite a BLOW. :o)
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    Apr 23, 2007 3:59 PM GMT
    If there was an iota of choice involved in (my) sexuality, I'd choose to be straight. Who wouldn't? I'd much rather meet the woman of my dreams, be accepted and nurtured by our society, build a family together, etc. Even if acceptance of gays was 100%, I'd still rather have the "normal" heterosexual life.

    I've never been interested in women. I've been all about the boys since I can remember. I don't think anyone could have changed by sexuality. I do believe that if my parents had maybe done a few things differently, I might have had better self confidence, etc. as a kid, but I still would have been gay. I know with 100% certainty that I was born this way.
  • allamericantx

    Posts: 140

    Apr 23, 2007 4:10 PM GMT
    I agree 100% with HighSierra.

    I would choose to be straight anyday. My childhood was an absolute nightmare - between my parents, the church, and church school I went to, I hated myself. And it all came back to being gay, and that was WHO I was, and am.

    I had girlfriends. I've had boyfriends. And honestly, if I never, ever had sex again with either girls or guys, I would still be gay.

    I have come to terms with this and accept it. Now, if only I could find a really good guy to fall in love with...... :)

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    Apr 23, 2007 4:49 PM GMT
    rhythm1438 is right - we can't choose to be straight oe gay, but you can choose the lifestyle we lead. Many gay people think that if you're gay then you have to live a certain way. Because I choose to live a "straight" lifestyle (live in the suburbs, don't hang out at the bars, etc) I've been accused of being "repressed". I'm happy with my life, and I have no intention of liuving a "gay lifestyle" just to fit in. I feel sorry for those guys (and there are a lot of them!) who think they should live a certain way because they're gay.
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    Apr 23, 2007 5:39 PM GMT
    I disagree with gay men who say that they'd choose to be straight, as if it were as simple as popping a pill. Being gay is a part of who I am and has affected nearly all the life experiences that I have had. Even if I were given the option of becoming heterosexual, I would turn it down. It would mean that all the years up until that point were a waste.
  • allamericantx

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    Apr 23, 2007 5:59 PM GMT
    I think the point being made about "wishing to be straight" wasn't made about undoing all that we've experienced and who we are because of it. I took it to mean that life would have been much easier along the way without a lot of hassle and feeling like a 'lesser' because of being gay.

    There is a tremendous amount of truth to that.
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    Apr 23, 2007 6:02 PM GMT
    I knew that I had same sex attraction in third grade at age 8. I hardly think I could have made the conscious choice at that age to choose between being gay or not gay- considering I didnt know what it was or that there was a "right/wrong" form of behavior involved. I just knew that I chemically reacted to men differently than women. It was less than a year later before I had sex with a guy and that pretty much cemented the deal.
    So NO, we dont choose-- unless we choose to block it.
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    Apr 23, 2007 6:53 PM GMT
    I did not choose to be gay, but I'm sure others have. We're not all the same. I may not understand it but that doesn't make it wrong or even nonexistent. When you think about it why wouldn't anyone want to choose to be gay? The sex is great! Funny thing is this is actually one of the arguing points of the Religious Right. They say gay sex is so good, we must encourage our youngster not to try it or else they will always want it, and then the human race will die off (retarded but that's what they believe). When it's all said and done in many ways the Religious Right is gay people's best advertisement! I say more power to them! We need more believing that gay sex is like a ride on a roller coaster.
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    Apr 23, 2007 8:08 PM GMT
    "Why wouldn't anyone want to chose to be gay?"

    Let's see...alienation, fear, discrimination, missing the prom (maybe not so much these days), hiding your feelings for someone, torturing yourself throughout childhood as you try to "fix" things yourself...etc...etc...etc...

    I'd much rather be married and starting a family like all of my straight friends and family. I don't see a lot of happiness in the gay world. I see a lot of WANTING to be happy, convincing oneself that one is happy, but not a lot of TRUE happiness.

    I wouldn't undo my sexuality now. It has made me who I am and I'm happy with myself. But, the suggestion that anyone has a choice is pretty ludicrous in my mind. I think you have a choice in how you live and respond to your sexuality. Personally, I can't deceive myself enough to believe I'm straight or even "bi." And I certainly could NEVER deceive another person, such as a wife or girlfriend, as I try to have my cake and eat it too. So we have choices - and we can choose to make good, honest, self-actualized ones.

    But we can't choose our sexuality.