Here's a thread to explain why so many gay men can't find their match.

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    May 26, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
    In another thread redheadguy said it best:

    redheadguy saidThere's porn and then there's real life. I think you are having trouble distinguishing between the two.


    I think this site attracts a lot of guys guilty of this confusion. Here’s a thread on why perfectly attractive men here can’t get dates.

    Adam like Berry who is a hot muscular guy but Adam is too skinny for Berry. Calvin likes skinny guys like Adam but Calvin is black and Adam only dates white guys. Dan likes Calvin but Dan is also black and Calvin only dates white guys. Ed likes Dan but Ed is too heavy for Dan. Frank likes Ed but Frank is too old for ED. George likes Frank and is the same age but Frank only likes younger guys. Does anyone want to finish the alphabet?
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    May 26, 2009 5:21 PM GMT
    LOL...I was just saying this to a friend of mine..

    There's the Top/Bottom issue as well...or levels of OUTness...or degree of Masculinity...or the guys with certain "vices"....or employment status or lack thereof....or the guy being a cheating whore (or in an open relationship depending on your perspective)...or so many other things that have gone into the reasons why I have broken it off with many dudes that seemed fine otherwise...

    I'll probably remain single forever unless I compromise on one or all of these things...I remember as a kid I used to laugh at the show Seinfeld and how they would break up with people over the smallest things....Then I became that guy as well...Sigh...LOL
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    May 26, 2009 6:58 PM GMT
    This very funny but true.
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    May 26, 2009 8:20 PM GMT
    Damn. So true.
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    May 26, 2009 8:29 PM GMT
    I think everyone should switch to Bic. I heard the match guy out-Ponzied the actual Ponzi.
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    May 26, 2009 8:35 PM GMT
    I think the microsegmentation (which is a word I just made up) of the gay community has positives and negatives.

    It's kind of awesome that gays seem to be more open and certain about what they find attractive in others. And there are some happy benefits: there are distinct groups that are into professionals, or construction workers, or bodybuilders, or the dreaded fat guys (OMG the horror! They should be rounded up and shot for their pudgy transgressions!), or any number of races, shapes, sizes, and ages...and...uh...other stuff. It seems like just about anybody in the gay community can get attention from someone.

    But you're dating an individual, not a body type. He may very well be the hottest (whatever) in town, but that doesn't mean your personalities will mesh, that he will be good to you, or that you'll be happier with him than with the not-100%-your-type dude standing next to him. The quest for the porn-perfect guy isn't the MOST destructive behavior one could engage in, but it's important to broaden those search criteria and keep your options open if you're really interested in being happy.
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    May 26, 2009 8:52 PM GMT
    friendormate saidIn another thread redheadguy said it best:

    redheadguy saidThere's porn and then there's real life. I think you are having trouble distinguishing between the two.


    I think this site attracts a lot of guys guilty of this confusion. Here’s a thread on why perfectly attractive men here can’t gets dates.

    Adam like Berry who is a hot muscular guy but Adam is too skinny for Berry. Calvin likes skinny guys like Adam but Calvin is black and Adam only dates white guys. Dan likes Calvin but Dan is also black and Calvin only dates white guys. Ed likes Dan but Ed is too heavy for Dan. Frank likes Ed but Frank is too old for ED. George likes Frank and is the same age but Frank only likes younger guys. Does anyone want to finish the alphabet?


    Hilarious yet so true icon_lol.gif.

    Hector likes George, but Hector is hirsute and George refuses to date guys with body hair.

    Ivan likes Hector, but Ivan is atheist and Hector, who is Christian, won't date an atheist.

    Jamal, a proud Senegalese immigrant who remains true to his culture, likes Ivan, but Ivan only dates black snow queens who distance themselves as much as possible from their cultural heritage and community.

    Let's get all the way to Z, guys!
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    May 26, 2009 8:53 PM GMT
    "He loves her. But, she loves him. And he loves somebody else. You just can't win. I've been thru the blues, the reds and the pinks. Theres one thing I know. Love Stinks"
    -J Giles Band
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 26, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    Yes, but this issue hardly is relevant to gays exclusively. Straight people deal with this too.
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    May 26, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
    I think that a lot of gay men (and I mean A LOT), think they are going to end up dating porn stars. Really, I do. And that's why they don't have boyfriends, because they turn down perfectly good guys who are perfect for them.

    God, I sound like my mother.
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    May 26, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    I'll sum it up: gay people are used to entitlement, and the best of everything in terms of education, money, materials and homes. One thing money can not buy is lifetime companionship, quality or trust. We have caviar tastes on a hot dog budget - we are expecting very unrealistic types of guys based on porn models who are not gay, and then are deeply disappointed when in real life most of the gay men seen are 20 years older, 100 pounds fatter, and not at all close to the other qualities we had been expecting. When you've spent the last 10-20 years dreaming of this and almost brainwashing yourself, I do not think that you will ever be able to have a lasting relationship with anyone. The secret that straight men have is the women with them who force them to grow up. We do not have that. We can stay 15 year old girls for the rest of our lives and nobody can tell us anything. We do not have kids (usually) who also yank us out of this refusal to become grown men and again we stay in a place that is consumed with selfishness, anger, resentment towards other gay people who are guilty of the same things we ourselves do, and loneliness. The internet, interestingly, has only made this worse - rather than make it easier by 'taking the walls down' that prevented us from finding one another, it only has kept us isolated more than ever from each other - nobody is willing to move to where the other guy is, everyone has a very long laundry list of expectations that are black or white; either you fit the criteria or see ya later, and we are so cruel towards other gay men that I can understand why the majority of us want nothing to do with each other. So what we have are a lot of gay people who never want to meet each other, deeply dislike each other, and have stopped trying. Jerking off to straight 20 year old rugby players is expensive in terms of online memberships, but is a lot less rejecting, and you don't have to spend 15 years trying to find a guy who might meet 25% of the qualities you seek in a partner.

    We never learned how to have relationships. It's always been, and always will be, all about our individual wants and needs. It's never been a partnership, an 'us'; we are too independent and that's a bad thing. Because when the chips fall, we say, 'well, too bad, I'm outta here, have a nice life'. We don't need each other. We can leave a decade-long relationship while the guy is at work, get our stuff and leave without ever saying a word. Deceit and anonymity - it's what helped spread HIV/AIDS throughout the gay male community like wildfire (considering we only make up 2% of the male population, think of how fast this virus rapidly spread) and it's also the same thing that kills our relationships and will prevent more than half of us from ever finding a relationship that will ever lead to anything close to marriage. We've been taught from day one that other people will hurt us for being who we are. We then learned after coming out that other gay people will also hurt us because they are hurt too - and the only way they feel better is to hurt someone else. Everything snowballs into assuming he is a liar and he is not to be trusted - that is assumed until proven otherwise. Healthy relationships, which we almost never see, are based on the opposite. But if we never see that as a rule, we will never practice that in real life.

    To the guy who stated 'straight people do it too' - maybe, but straight people also have 95% more choices that we do, and their lives are widely accepted throughout society. Gay men have very little to no choices except in large cities that are becoming less and less affordable for most of us. If you don't have the money to live in the cities with the selection, you will not find the men. It's as simple as that.
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    May 26, 2009 10:15 PM GMT
    Aint it funny how so many men moan that they can't find a man. And there are tons of perfectly fine men around them.

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    May 26, 2009 10:17 PM GMT
    calibro saidYes, but this issue hardly is relevant to gays exclusively. Straight people deal with this too.


    Agreed, but for as much as homosexuals congregate under this notion of "united as a minority" (think rainbow flag; ALL colors of the rainbow; unified despite diversity) the community sends another message.

    This makes us ripe for criticism.

    Yet still, you're right.
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    May 26, 2009 10:19 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you saidAint it funny how so many men moan that they can't find a man. And there are tons of perfectly fine men around them.



    I don't get it either.
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    May 26, 2009 10:24 PM GMT
    hobronto saidI think the microsegmentation (which is a word I just made up) of the gay community has positives and negatives.

    It's kind of awesome that gays seem to be more open and certain about what they find attractive in others. And there are some happy benefits: there are distinct groups that are into professionals, or construction workers, or bodybuilders, or the dreaded fat guys (OMG the horror! They should be rounded up and shot for their pudgy transgressions!), or any number of races, shapes, sizes, and ages...and...uh...other stuff. It seems like just about anybody in the gay community can get attention from someone.

    But you're dating an individual, not a body type. He may very well be the hottest (whatever) in town, but that doesn't mean your personalities will mesh, that he will be good to you, or that you'll be happier with him than with the not-100%-your-type dude standing next to him. The quest for the porn-perfect guy isn't the MOST destructive behavior one could engage in, but it's important to broaden those search criteria and keep your options open if you're really interested in being happy.



    VERY well said.
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    May 26, 2009 10:28 PM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent said
    friendormate saidIn another thread redheadguy said it best:

    redheadguy saidThere's porn and then there's real life. I think you are having trouble distinguishing between the two.


    I think this site attracts a lot of guys guilty of this confusion. Here’s a thread on why perfectly attractive men here can’t gets dates.

    Adam like Berry who is a hot muscular guy but Adam is too skinny for Berry. Calvin likes skinny guys like Adam but Calvin is black and Adam only dates white guys. Dan likes Calvin but Dan is also black and Calvin only dates white guys. Ed likes Dan but Ed is too heavy for Dan. Frank likes Ed but Frank is too old for ED. George likes Frank and is the same age but Frank only likes younger guys. Does anyone want to finish the alphabet?


    Hilarious yet so true icon_lol.gif.

    Hector likes George, but Hector is hirsute and George refuses to date guys with body hair.

    Ivan likes Hector, but Ivan is atheist and Hector, who is Christian, won't date an atheist.

    Jamal, a proud Senegalese immigrant who remains true to his culture, likes Ivan, but Ivan only dates black snow queens who distance themselves as much as possible from their cultural heritage and community.

    Let's get all the way to Z, guys!


    Kristoff likes Larry, but Larry refuses to date any guy over 35- and Kristoff happens to be 37

    Martin likes Kristoff, but Kristoff refuses to date any guy who is not caucasian and a redhead. And Martin just happens to be Philipino
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    May 26, 2009 10:33 PM GMT
    Depending upon your age, there are several issues that keep us apart. Kids take their boyfriends to the prom these days, and God bless 'em. They don't have the hangups that the rest of us over 40 have. We didn't have supportive families, positive role models, or examples of how to be in a healthy relationship. We may know better now, but it's hard for us to stop long ingrained behaviors. We are mistrustful, suspicious, skeptical and unsure of our own ability to be a worthy partner in a marriage. We learned at our Auntie Queen's knee that we were to go out and get laid as often as possible, since that was all we should expect from life. My own husband, who I love more than life and he loves me, to this day still asks if we are going to Hell for being gay. Where does one begin dealing with that?

    There are still a couple of generations that have very unhealthy ideas about what a relationship is. You pretty young things born after 1970 will be just fine, or at least as fine as your straight counterparts. Men being men, your odds are better than your older brothers but still not great. Men generally are bad at long term relationships (it's genetic/intstinctive)...
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    May 26, 2009 10:38 PM GMT
    I think Hector did it accompanied by Ed in the drawing room with the candle stick, and was witnessed by Calvin who later confessed Dan who confronted Ed and was shot with the revolver in in the foyer
  • jarhead5536

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    May 26, 2009 10:43 PM GMT
    mnjock2003 said
    Blackguy4you saidAint it funny how so many men moan that they can't find a man. And there are tons of perfectly fine men around them.



    I don't get it either.


    We set ourselves up to fail. Not having a friggin clue what a healthy relationship between two men looks like, we sabotage our nascent pairings at every turn. We self-select ourselves out of the possiblity of commitment by having wildly unrealistic expectations of physical perfection, emotional compatibility and personal/financial success. No person is ever ideal and no relationship is ever the stuff of a romance novel. Women have the advantage over us in being far more pragmatic about what is to be expected than we are. They have their adolescent fantasies about the perfect man, but experience teaches them to get over it...

    As I said earlier, my comments are directed towards men of my own generation (over 40). You kids today are so much more emotionally healthy, and this entire discussion is academic for you...
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    May 26, 2009 10:44 PM GMT
    jarhead5536 saidDepending upon your age, there are several issues that keep us apart. Kids take their boyfriends to the prom these days, and God bless 'em. They don't have the hangups that the rest of us over 40 have. We didn't have supportive families, positive role models, or examples of how to be in a healthy relationship. We may know better now, but it's hard for us to stop long ingrained behaviors. We are mistrustful, suspicious, skeptical and unsure of our own ability to be a worthy partner in a marriage. We learned at our Auntie Queen's knee that we were to go out and get laid as often as possible, since that was all we should expect from life. My own husband, who I love more than life and he loves me, to this day still asks if we are going to Hell for being gay. Where does one begin dealing with that?

    There are still a couple of generations that have very unhealthy ideas about what a relationship is. You pretty young things born after 1970 will be just fine, or at least as fine as your straight counterparts. Men being men, your odds are better than your older brothers but still not great. Men generally are bad at long term relationships (it's genetic/intstinctive)...


    I don't agree that men are bad at long term relationships. I think this is an argument used to give some supposed pass for men to be as whorish as they want to be.
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    May 26, 2009 10:46 PM GMT
    haha this seems so true...

    I would also like to add the issue of location... I mean I know I am still young, but I have never even been asked out by a guy that I am even a little interested in...

    I think this has to do with the fact the I am in West Virginia (very low gay population) and pretty much all the guys here aren't what I am looking for (basically because they are only interested in one thing)

    hopefully things will change for the better once I am out of here!
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    May 26, 2009 10:47 PM GMT
    Gilly1202 saidhaha this seems so true...

    I would also like to add the issue of location... I mean I know I am still young, but I have never even been asked out by a guy that I am even a little interested in...

    I think this has to do with the fact the I am in West Virginia (very low gay population) and pretty much all the guys here aren't what I am looking for (basically because they are only interested in one thing)

    hopefully things will change for the better once I am out of here!


    I hear there's lots of gay boys in some place called Shephardstown in WV
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    May 26, 2009 10:50 PM GMT
    Gilly1202 saidhaha this seems so true...

    I would also like to add the issue of location... I mean I know I am still young, but I have never even been asked out by a guy that I am even a little interested in...

    I think this has to do with the fact the I am in West Virginia (very low gay population) and pretty much all the guys here aren't what I am looking for (basically because they are only interested in one thing)

    hopefully things will change for the better once I am out of here!


    Are you planning on turning straight? It's pretty much the same whereever you go except to a larger or smaller degree
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    May 26, 2009 10:58 PM GMT
    friendormate saidIn another thread redheadguy said it best:

    redheadguy saidThere's porn and then there's real life. I think you are having trouble distinguishing between the two.


    I think this site attracts a lot of guys guilty of this confusion. Here’s a thread on why perfectly attractive men here can’t gets dates.

    Adam like Berry who is a hot muscular guy but Adam is too skinny for Berry. Calvin likes skinny guys like Adam but Calvin is black and Adam only dates white guys. Dan likes Calvin but Dan is also black and Calvin only dates white guys. Ed likes Dan but Ed is too heavy for Dan. Frank likes Ed but Frank is too old for ED. George likes Frank and is the same age but Frank only likes younger guys. Does anyone want to finish the alphabet?


    Just so you know i'm quoting you in my profile.. that sums almost everything up haha icon_lol.gif
  • SFNavigator

    Posts: 62

    May 26, 2009 11:15 PM GMT
    Unofrtunately we live in a disposable society. Its just too easy to dismiss, or get rid of something or someone when a new replacement is readily available. The reality is.....the perfect man just doesn't exist, never has, and he never will, but that won't stop 95% of the men from looking for him. I think if men would just be honest on their profiles about age, stats, current pics and a detailed outline of exactly what their looking for AND what they don't want would be a good start.
    The internet has not helped this process at all, there is just so much to choose from on the numerous gay sites. Holy crap, you can even type in what your lookin for on most sites and its instantly available for viewing. I learned a long time ago, I may be good looking, successful, and stable, but I'm also smart enough to know I'm not everyones type. I suffer from little disappointment with that thought.