is your BF also your BF?

  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    May 26, 2009 5:05 PM GMT
    your boyfriend your best friend?

    i think this works with many couples, however, i have genuine 'best friends' out of the relationship as does he.. with us, i think it's healthier to not be up in each other's grill 100% of the time.

    i know other couples however, where they seem to do EVERYTHING together, and IM each other every 2 seconds to see what the other's up to..he's def not the type to feel neglected/jealous, but sometimes i wonder if i should be around more to please status quo, even though we already spend a good amount of time together...i'm currently under the impression that too much time is not such a good thing, hence i like our current setup where we hang with our own friends w/out each other and let the relationship breathe a bit...we both trust each other, so trust isn't an issue..

    am i crazy/subconsciously scared to have both feet in or is this wanting of a bit of space on both parties normal and healthy? please keep in mind, we sleep over each other's place most of the week, so it's not like we don't see each other, just we like to keep our own friends/work as priority and not let our relationship overwhelm ALL other aspects of our lives..
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    May 26, 2009 9:47 PM GMT
    It's a fine line. Your boyfriend should be one of your best friends, but you also need to know that he should and cannot give you everything you need. You need to cultivate yourself and other friendships in order for that to happen.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 26, 2009 10:15 PM GMT
    My boyfriends have often become best friends, but that's just because I have a policy that I won't date a guy I couldn't be good friends with first. After the breakup, some of them remain close and others not so much. It's interesting since your boyfriend sees you and experiences an intimacy with you like your closest friends don't know. In a way, I've always felt closer to my boyfriends simply because I share myself emotionally and physically with them that I don't with my platonic friends.
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    May 26, 2009 10:16 PM GMT
    ideal love is not equivalent to present love. to me, the ideal lover is also my best friend. its the most powerful and impervious bond. but extremely rare. its almost like your both with your other friends to get what your missing from the relationship. but its normal - there's no ideal love.
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    May 27, 2009 1:52 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidHell no.. he's your boyfriend.. not your best friend.. got other people for that..

    When I'm out with mates, I don't want to be disturbed by constant messages and phone calls.. bugger off and let me have my own fun, if I'm going to be late I'll let you know, when I'm on my way home, I'll let you know (if we live together)

    I couldn't do one of those relationships where the guy is always chatting to me or messaging me or wanting to know whats happening, its incredibly needy (or at least it feels that way) and thats the fastest way to drive me away from someone


    That's what u'm talkin bout, Tankie. Only pillow talk with ma man, not small talk. Ofcourse in your case aggressive pillow conversation.

    .................................................

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    May 27, 2009 2:05 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    lilTanker saidHell no.. he's your boyfriend.. not your best friend.. got other people for that..

    When I'm out with mates, I don't want to be disturbed by constant messages and phone calls.. bugger off and let me have my own fun, if I'm going to be late I'll let you know, when I'm on my way home, I'll let you know (if we live together)

    I couldn't do one of those relationships where the guy is always chatting to me or messaging me or wanting to know whats happening, its incredibly needy (or at least it feels that way) and thats the fastest way to drive me away from someone


    That's what u'm talkin bout, Tankie. Only pillow talk with ma man, not small talk. Ofcourse in your case aggressive pillow conversation.

    .................................................


    HAHAHAHA Rawr, any sorta pillow talk you want ya big hunky bugga icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 27, 2009 2:19 AM GMT
    Off topic:
    jprichva, lilTanker, GuiltyGear You guys always seem to make my laugh when I'm feeling down..especially with your crazy humor or sarcastic replies.

    Seriously...Thank youicon_lol.gif
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    May 27, 2009 2:36 AM GMT


    Hey Kaccioto, every couple is a little different. Some are very happy with separate places, some live together.

    Some have separate groups of friends, some have all mutual friends.

    Some have bfs that are the best friend, some don't.

    In our case we're more than each other's best friend.

    Are you both happy? Yes? Then there you go, happily ever after.


    -Doug of meninlove
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    May 27, 2009 2:39 AM GMT
    WolfRain saidOff topic:
    jprichva, lilTanker, GuiltyGear You guys always seem to make my laugh when I'm feeling down..especially with your crazy humor or sarcastic replies.

    Seriously...Thank youicon_lol.gif


    I second that..
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    May 27, 2009 4:35 AM GMT

    WolfRain saidOff topic:
    jprichva, lilTanker, GuiltyGear You guys always seem to make my laugh when I'm feeling down..especially with your crazy humor or sarcastic replies.

    Seriously...Thank youicon_lol.gif


    You're wellhung. icon_biggrin.gif Thanks to you too, Erikk! I sure feel the love, you guys. Uhhhhh, RJ moderators, there is a dangerous amount of love in the room here. icon_biggrin.gif

    ...........................................



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    May 27, 2009 4:55 AM GMT
    SantosMadrid saidideal love is not equivalent to present love. to me, the ideal lover is also my best friend. its the most powerful and impervious bond. but extremely rare. its almost like your both with your other friends to get what your missing from the relationship. but its normal - there's no ideal love.


    I tend to agree. My partner is, without a doubt, my best friend. That doesn't mean that it has to be that way for everyone.

    As for IM and phone, we hate 'em both, so that's not an issue. If one of us is traveling or off with friends, we briefly check in or email each other. IM or phone every two seconds suggests neurosis, not friendship.
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    May 27, 2009 5:04 AM GMT
    BF is totally BFF. And definitely up in my grill.
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    May 27, 2009 5:52 AM GMT
    kaccioto saidyour boyfriend your best friend?

    i think this works with many couples, however, i have genuine 'best friends' out of the relationship as does he.. with us, i think it's healthier to not be up in each other's grill 100% of the time.


    Wow kaccioto your getting this deep? Well Some conversations you can't tell your boyfriend because he might get alittle jealous. You can't tell about.


    I would start writing a list right here but you know what I'm talking about.


    Just don't sellout your friends for your boyfriend. Because who gonna help you move out of their if you move out?

    Who will you call if you need someone to talk to about him?


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    May 27, 2009 6:02 AM GMT
    GOD DAMMIT I WISH. Never talk to my 'best friend' any more and I don't have a boyfriend so there you go. 0 for 2
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    May 27, 2009 6:11 AM GMT
    SantosMadrid saidideal love is not equivalent to present love. to me, the ideal lover is also my best friend. its the most powerful and impervious bond. but extremely rare. its almost like your both with your other friends to get what your missing from the relationship. but its normal - there's no ideal love.
    I saw Carl Rogers spilling forth from that mouth.


    Anyways, it's my personal preference not to pursue a relationship with someone until they are pretty much my best friend.

    Friends first- relationship later.
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    May 27, 2009 7:10 AM GMT
    SoulasphyxiaAnyways, it's my personal preference not to pursue a relationship with someone until they are pretty much my best friend.

    Friends first- relationship later.


    My opinion is pretty much like that. Heck, I would go as far as to say it is a personal rule of mine if it weren't for the fact that my ex-boyfriend and I started a relationship way before that and only as months passed by did we get to the point of a very deep friendship (which continues to this day) along with the romantic relationship.

    Is being BF and BF the ideal? icon_neutral.gif it depends on you both I guess. For me being best friend with him is a very BIG plus. If I had my eyes set upon him I would try to deepen a friendship first, but I know there are many ways the story can be told... lived... I just find that loving a boyfriend who is also one of your closest friends comes so naturally, but that's me. Doug of meninlove nails it down: are you both happy? icon_smile.gif

    On the other hand, I don't think being best friends means being ALL DAY with each other or texting each other every five minutes. My guess is that even the very best friends need to give each other space and then again that is up to then... but, if they have the trust that accompanies friendship they could work it out pretty easily.
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    May 27, 2009 7:35 AM GMT
    yes and he is good at it.
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    May 27, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxia saidI saw Carl Rogers spilling forth from that mouth.
    Anyways, it's my personal preference not to pursue a relationship with someone until they are pretty much my best friend.
    Friends first- relationship later.


    Carl Rogers? lol i had to look that guy up.
    I do agree with you 100 percent. I think friends first is the best way to approach a search for a soul mate. There was another post called 'Fuk first or Date first'? And i believe the issue was whether mutual physical attraction would, could or should just lead to immediate sex. However, If a friendship is first of common interest from both participants - there is an automatic level of respect that is built. Friends have a certain level of respect for one another - a caring. Once this is established, selfish lust tends to lose its power from both sides. The daters can then focus on connecting on more profound levels rather than lusting each other. Instantaneous culmination is also a culprit for the unsuccessful progression of relationships. We as a society are conditioned for automatic satisfaction and sometimes unknowingly apply this to dating. We see a hot guy, are attracted, and seek to date them and forgive all incompatibilities in favor of absolute physical attraction. Then there are those that just want to get laid - the greatest victims instantaneous culmination. I can already hear someone saying - 'well I'm just living life man'. If its mutual its fine. But don't deceive someone with false interest just to get them into bed.
    In response to AuthorEngineer, i want to clarify that 'ideal love' is different from 'ideal lover'. The true definintion of 'ideal lover' will stem from 'ideal love'. But instead, ones definition of an ideal-lover is conditional - of personal preference - dreamed up. But the true ideal-lover will come into being AFTER you've attained ideal-love. The ideal lover is your best friend, someone you respect and with that respect comes automatic space and trust for that person to live HIS life. The bond of ideal-love is impervious and further empowers trust.



  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 27, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    Actually I'm not my bf's best friend.... his best friend lives in Denver, they have been friends for 25 years and have always been pretty dependent.

    I think is very healthy, I dont' feel somehow like our relationship is lacking... he just has a different relationship with his best friend.. and I'm all for it!

    icon_biggrin.gif