GAY & THE WORKPLACE: Whats your current situation.....

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 27, 2009 3:06 PM GMT
    I know we've had discussion about being "out" at work and the degree those responding make their sexuality known to others....or if they do.

    In light of changing views, changing work environments, comfort levels... I'm curious.. which of the following most characterize your situation...

    1) Nothing: It isn't discussed, I do my job and my sexuality isn't a part of my professional job

    2) Its probably known, but not discussed and it isn't an issue.

    3) People know and your out with it and they either are enthusiastic about it or it ranks as a non issue.. meaning that you feel free about any discussion.

    4) People don't know and it would be a problem if known (and how do you deal with it?)

    5) Who gives a shit, one way or another?


    For me, it has to be #2. I run my own scene and it isn't an issue. With my clients, I do my job and my sexuality isn't a part of the process, unless its a gay client... and in that case I'm there to do a job, not to talk about gay topics.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 27, 2009 3:11 PM GMT
    2/3

    I use my bf's name in conversation and say 'we' when talking about out of work things. I don't go to my companies Christmas party or clambake, though. I think there's a difference between people knowing I'm gay and seeing me with my bf. I know that people would end up being uncomfortable and, in the end, I'd end up being uncomfortable at work.
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    May 27, 2009 3:13 PM GMT
    #3 and GLBT and HIV/AIDS is a recognized class in our employment non-discrimination policy. The former is not such a big surprise, but the latter is to me given that we're a very small company.
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    May 27, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    I'd propose a Number 6: open and totally accepting. My partner works and I volunteer at a major HIV/AIDS non-profit agency. The President/CEO and all of the VPs except one are straight, however.

    We are totally out, photos of us together prominently displayed in my partner's office, and we attend all agency functions as a couple. Just last month my partner & I took the straight CEO to lunch as our guest, where we talked freely about our relationship, among other topics.

    We are fortunate to be in such a gay-friendly environment. If I leave the office before my partner, I give him a kiss good-bye, for anyone to see, just like a straight couple would. I hope that some day that will be common in every workplace.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 27, 2009 3:38 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidI'd propose a Number 6: open and totally accepting.


    Well that is really the point of number #3... basically your out and its accepted.. I think I used the phrase "isn't an issue"...
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    May 27, 2009 5:31 PM GMT
    3...

    been out for as long as i can remember. as for being accepting, well they did throw me a wedding shower when my husband and i got married

    but it is the HR dept in a large university, so it's a pretty liberal place
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    May 27, 2009 5:36 PM GMT
    #3

    I've been out at all of my workplaces for years. In the case of my current position, I came out during the interview process when one of the interviewers asked me if I was married and had kids.

    At this company, they do a global broadcast of a short 'bio' for every new employee... mine mentioned my partner by name in the same context that other bios mention their spouses.

    I've been very involved in the Diversity & Inclusion initiative of the company as well.
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    May 27, 2009 5:39 PM GMT
    i would have to say 1/5. Everyone i work with just assume i'm str8, i wouldn't act any different if they did know because it still wouldn't change who i am. I don't think my level of intellect and the profession i'm doing would have changed even if i was str8. If anything i probably would have a bunch of kids running around lol.
  • BeachStud2014

    Posts: 343

    May 27, 2009 5:43 PM GMT
    does that really exist are those too words even supposed to be used in teh sentence ?
    id like to know how the two cooexist : )
    if yo uknow of this type of thing please feel free to contact me about it : )
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    May 27, 2009 5:46 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    Red_Vespa saidI'd propose a Number 6: open and totally accepting.


    Well that is really the point of number #3... basically your out and its accepted.. I think I used the phrase "isn't an issue"...

    OK, but I was thinking of something more enthusiastic than "isn't an issue" which is kind of limp, not far removed from "tolerated." Semantics perhaps, but I was thinking more in terms of warm & welcoming of us as a couple, which is what we have there.

    We aren't merely tolerated, we have total equality with all couples there, straight & gay. We don't have to "convert" ourselves into the straight world, nor do they adjust to us, we're just ourselves, another couple among many other couples. It's a wonderful feeling, what I envision & hope for all GLBT people some day. icon_biggrin.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 27, 2009 5:48 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    HndsmKansan said
    Red_Vespa saidI'd propose a Number 6: open and totally accepting.


    Well that is really the point of number #3... basically your out and its accepted.. I think I used the phrase "isn't an issue"...

    OK, but I was thinking of something more enthusiastic than "isn't an issue" which is kind of limp, not far removed from "tolerated." Semantics perhaps, but I was thinking more in terms of warm & welcoming of us as a couple, which is what we have there.


    No problem, Tom.. I'll change it on my original post... to include this definition.
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    May 27, 2009 5:53 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidNo problem, Tom.. I'll change it on my original post... to include this definition.

    You are too understanding & accommodating, you embarrass me with your gracious gesture. icon_redface.gif
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    May 27, 2009 6:22 PM GMT
    Short answer 3!

    It has never been an issue that I know of with any job that I have had.
    Then again my jobs has either been dancing or working for lawyers!
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    May 27, 2009 6:28 PM GMT
    #3. Last time I was out visiting one of my biz partners, he and his wife were asking me when docmarvy and I were going to adopt a kid. Oh god...the pressure. We still haven't decided on a dog! icon_smile.gif
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    May 27, 2009 7:02 PM GMT
    Definitely 3. My boss kicked a patient out for bringing in "Yes on 8" paraphernalia (read=propaganda) after he repeatedly asked her to put it up in the office. I take that back. She was so angry, she stormed out of the treatment room. Then she told our office manager, who decided to go in and ask him to leave. Lol.

    I wasn't even in when this happened, but as soon as I got there later in the afternoon, they all relayed the story with such fierce contempt. I was SO PROUD. icon_smile.gif

    I have to say ... I love my office. icon_wink.gif
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    May 27, 2009 7:06 PM GMT
    Interesting question. Since I work with a lot of clients from various backgrounds in investments (venture capital and real estate) my answer is varied. For most of my clients my answer is # 1. For some of my brighter, enlightened clients: # 3. For a small number of my more conservative, rigid, older clients: # 4. How do I deal with them? I just keep it absolutely on a formal, professional basis. These clients are not about to invest large amounts of capital with anyone they do not feel "comfortable" with. They are not about to change - and I like to eat - so there you have it!
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    May 27, 2009 7:39 PM GMT
    Always number 3 and even in this economy, it pays to still look at a company's non discrimination and retaliation policies.
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    May 27, 2009 7:42 PM GMT
    borders between 1, 2 and 3.Working in the healthcare field always leads suspicion for men... well at least in my scenario but maybe not for all. But some know, some probably suspect but mostly it's not discussed.. because who really does care?
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    May 27, 2009 7:48 PM GMT
    #4. I work in sports and the ballclubs are still the conservative bastions they have always been. But, I love my job and don't see how my sexuality fits in the workplace. I am out with my family, friends, neighbors, and church. For me, those places are far more important.
  • code_joe

    Posts: 107

    May 27, 2009 7:54 PM GMT
    For me it depends on which employees.
    #1 for 3/4 of the company.

    The other 1/4 of the company would fall into the #3 category.

    For me It remains a personal issue and I don't talk about my personal life too much. However, if they ask about my personal life or try setting me up with someone I will tell them. I don't hide being gay but I also don't announce it.

    There are a few people such as my boss that do know because one reason or another I needed to tell them. And it has not been an issue whatsoever for any of them.

    Part of the rest of the company I would rather not know since they are mostly Mormon women in a rural city. But luckily I don't have to deal with them on a regular basis so they pretty much keep out of my personal life.
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    May 27, 2009 7:54 PM GMT
    #3 for me. I work for the government and have been very lucky to be surrounded by supportive great people. I am completely open about being gay and they ask me about my partner all the time.

    I know the women are usually pretty easy going but some of the guys have just blown my mind! Alot of them are retired military guys and they joke with me about it, we tell each other hetero/homo jokes and everything...they are great!

    I told one of them one day how much I respected him by treating me like just a normal person and one of the guys. It really means alot to me. I have learned over time that if you make it such a big frikin deal yourself and try to hide stuff then people usually arent comfortable with you.

    I dont wear a rainbow flag to work or anything but I say whats on my mind just like everyone else and I talk about my partner like everyone else and it has really become a non issue.
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    May 27, 2009 8:10 PM GMT
    #3.

    I'm an ER doc and out to everyone at work and it's a non-issue.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    May 27, 2009 8:14 PM GMT
    #3 with my company and all my close freelancers. I do event lighting.
    So it's almost a big duh!
    But if someone thinks i"m straight I don't correct them until they say something stupid.
    Most people straight and gay I work with know I'm a good sport about everything. I've been on the reciving end of hate, and I know when it's real and people just being uncomfortable.
  • Run4Life83

    Posts: 207

    May 27, 2009 8:24 PM GMT
    I'm a three. I didn't announce it, just use terms like "he" and "partner" in conversation...hasn't affected me a lot. In fact, since I've been single for so long some of my male and female counterparts are trying to set me up on dates now. icon_eek.gif
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    May 27, 2009 8:51 PM GMT
    Definately #4. I live in redneck central. If it were known, it would not just be a problem. I would have to pack up and move. So in essence I don't get to have that part of my life.