Gay relationships? Is it really still a relationship that two people share?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 2:39 AM GMT
    I recently came out and now have a partner that I share my life with. I'm beggining to lose faith with the whole gay world. It seems like there are a lot of "fooling around" going on whether one is a relationship or not.

    I waited 29 years and have always put self respect more than anything else. Its sad to know that "others" put sex as just a day to day thing without feeling any regrets.

    Are there still gay guys out there who knows what a relationship is all about? I thought relationship is built on trust and something that two people share together and "commit" to each other.

    How can one tell his partner "I LOVE YOU" and then turn around and sleep with other guys? First, its disrespect to the other person; Second, its disturbing.

    Maybe I'm just a tradionalist. Maybe I should just jump into the bandwagon and be like the rest.

    I've met a handful of people who wants to sleep with me inspite of them knowing that I am in a relationship....

    sighs...life
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 28, 2009 3:30 AM GMT
    Well, without reinventing the wheel, understand it's not just gay people who deal with this, and you're not the first guy to experience this. If you're in a relationship with a guy that works and makes you happy, does it really matter how many other guys want to get with you? If this dude isn't giving you want you want, move on. This concept has been beaten to death, and I have no sympathy for people who grieve over failed love lives. We each control our lives, and either you do what you need to in order for it to work, or you complain and sit around.
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    May 28, 2009 3:35 AM GMT
    I agree with you 1000% and was unhappily ruminating about this earlier tonight.

    I try to maintain a positive attitude that plenty of people like us are out there.

    And hey, you have a partner who obviously agrees with you! That's a great thing icon_smile.gif
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    May 28, 2009 3:40 AM GMT


    Hey fildelight, please don't measure others against what's right for you and yours.

    The only wrong in relationships, really, is cheating. If you're looking for other birds of a feather, well, we're monogamous but look at others' relationships as a full spectrum of variety, which is the spice of life.

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    May 28, 2009 3:49 AM GMT
    oh hell!!! WTF is wrong with this picture!!!!!!!!!

    guys are moaning they can't find a man.
    guys are moaning the man they found is cheating.
    guys are moaning the man they found isn't allowing them to cheat

    is there one sane non-irretrievably damaged gay guy out there?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 3:58 AM GMT
    It's not a gay problem. It's a human problem. Our species has problems with promiscuity, to the extent that we have evolutionary adaptations to try to insure our unfaithful partners don't bare another's kid.
    http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=secrets-of-the-phallus

    Monogamy takes work. Both partners need to recognize and avoid temptation. You want a solid relationship, you need to look for someone that feels that commitment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 3:59 AM GMT
    I've gotta tell you, there are so many "my monogamous relationship is better than the slutty gay guys open relationship" posts on this site lately, I'm beginning to wonder if I've stumbled on Family Research Council sub-site.

    I have gay and straight friends who are monogamous, gay and straight friends who are in open relationships, ones who are polyamorous, ones who are opposed to any commitments, and ones who don't want a relationship. At the end of the day, it's really none of my business.

    The only relationship that I can concern myself with is mine. How my boyfriend and I conceive of and manage our relationship (which is monogamous and long-term) is nobody's damn business but ours. There's really a stunning amount of judgmental BS regarding other people's relationships from people, who after being judged relentlessly for their own relationships, ought to know better.
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    May 28, 2009 4:20 AM GMT


    heh, a little patience goes far.. he did say he recently came out...and it sounds a lot of relationship stuff is new to him.



    fildelight you can email us here on RJ if you like. The site is a tad overwhelmed lately with similar threads.

    ...then again, what better place to ask questions than in the company of gay men?

    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 4:30 AM GMT
    Sure. I see that you have a beagle. That's good enough for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 4:40 AM GMT
    Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I tell my boyfriend that I hope I go before our dog, since I don't think I'll be able to bear it.

    I love all dogs, so we're cool on the BF front. ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 4:48 AM GMT
    What's that? Your BF is a dog... and you want to marry him?
    Guess the religious reich was right after all.

    (Not that I'm against you marrying your dog, provided you let my Remus be the best dog and Nana the flower girl.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 9:14 AM GMT
    Well one is in a monogamous relationship with my two husbands! I may have been in a relationship with one for 20 years and the other for 10 years. But this does not give me ownership of them.

    But many people have become rich over the years from owning / running sex on sight placers for homosexuals and bisexuals. It's why many are not in a long term relationship, the sex is good and way to easy to find, much more so, than for our heterosexual brothers.

    It's just the way it is, men over all, are sluts. It was no different in 1980 when I first worked for the gay community.
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    May 28, 2009 1:47 PM GMT
    Someone above hit it dead on - "it takes work". Unfortunately in today's world the thought of putting some effort into something is amazingly foreign to many. I need it right now and I am not going to wait. Sad but true and it's not getting any better soon...
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    May 28, 2009 1:54 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you saidoh hell!!! WTF is wrong with this picture!!!!!!!!!

    guys are moaning they can't find a man.
    guys are moaning the man they found is cheating.
    guys are moaning the man they found isn't allowing them to cheat

    is there one sane non-irretrievably damaged gay guy out there?


    Haha...amen to that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 2:24 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you saidoh hell!!! WTF is wrong with this picture!!!!!!!!!

    guys are moaning they can't find a man.
    guys are moaning the man they found is cheating.
    guys are moaning the man they found isn't allowing them to cheat

    is there one sane non-irretrievably damaged gay guy out there?

    ::: raising hand :::

    I hope so, anyway. Not moaning about anything, got what I want, don't want different. Strictly monogamous relationship in our case, suits us both perfectly.

    I think we're both the marrying kind, so a natural match, find ourselves more content living with a man than without one. We can't even sleep well if we're not in the same bed together.

    Most of our gay friends are very happily partnered, too, only the few in less permanent BF situations have seen a few break-ups when it didn't work out after a year or so. The one major break-up between a long-term couple I've witnessed in about the last 10 years, requiring lawyers and division of property, involved 2 lesbians.

    But then our crowd is older like us, mostly mid-40s and up, and I know that's a factor (actually we're the oldest couple). If you make it that far it's usually for life (we met a lovely 40-year couple recently through RJ, very inspirational). And if you meet at that age you have more experience to guide you, and fewer raging hormones to mislead you.

    I don't think the gay sky is falling, until I suppose it happens to YOU. And we hear lots of requests for advice on a site like this, because it has thousands of members. But a lot of us, I'm sure the majority, don't need that kind of advice, so you rarely hear how happy we are. That will give you a distorted perspective.

    Maybe we should start a thread: "How happy I am with my relationship!" icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 2:26 PM GMT
    Your problem is that you believe there is only one definition of relationship, when there are a billion unique definitions.