Avoiding Rotten Attitudes on the internet, work, gym or home

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    May 28, 2009 4:36 PM GMT
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    Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn't so. Personally, I've had moments where I'll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I'll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

    Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

    Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our 'issues,' some 'issues' are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

    Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

    1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want.

    * Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

    2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them "It isn't always about you."

    * Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.

    3. Debbie Downers: These people can't appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they'll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

    * Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.

    4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people's unique perspectives refreshing, they find them 'wrong'. If you like someone's eclectic taste, they find it 'disturbing' or 'bad'.

    * Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.

    5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can't do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

    * Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.

    6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a 'there, there' type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

    * Why they are toxic: People who aren't sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won't be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.
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    May 28, 2009 4:48 PM GMT



    My gorsh, masculine31, this is an eye-popper! This is so different from your other posts. Very very cool...you write really well!





  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    May 28, 2009 4:53 PM GMT
    This gets a "Hmmmmm" from me!


    Something to think about.

    As a very positive and generally happy person, I recognize what you are saying and yes, I try to avoid such people in my life and seek out those who are happy and life affirming.
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    May 28, 2009 8:45 PM GMT
    I work in a field l that is 85% women, so I'm around nasty spitful manipulating women, all the time; true cows. I never let them take the smile off my face, or dent my light heartiness. My core is strong and if my belief in something is strong enough, no -one can eat away at it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 8:53 PM GMT
    some kats are just mean all the time.... icon_eek.gif

    LOL
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 28, 2009 11:13 PM GMT
    Okay ... we KNOW they're out there

    but whether you let them get to you or not is the real question
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    May 28, 2009 11:16 PM GMT
    Great post. Only one I've ever printed out. You already have me doing a bit of acquaintance-inventory.

    But no more bashing uncut guys, OK f*cker? ;-P
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    May 28, 2009 11:17 PM GMT
    http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/8-toxic-personalities-to-avoid-461078/

    Brett blumenthal will be pleased you like her writing..
    I am not trying to be a jerk but I figured she deserves credit.
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    May 28, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    You're good. The "manipulative Mary" being especially an eye opener. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2009 11:21 PM GMT
    yeah, man, well, you need to quote your source next time.
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    May 29, 2009 5:08 AM GMT
    carabin saidyeah, man, well, you need to quote your source next time.


    How much u got in ur checking/saving acctsicon_question.gificon_lol.gif
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    May 29, 2009 6:11 AM GMT
    Good list for self inventory and for others you care for:

    Also helpful for selecting friends and partners-avoid the negative!!!!

    Trait-Positive Trait-Negative

    Attitudes

    accepts authority, loyal, devoted rebellious
    accepts what's given ignores, rejects what's given
    affectionate distant, cold, aloof
    Ambitious, motivated self-satisfied unmotivated
    aspiring self-satisfied
    candid closed, guarded, secretive
    caring uncaring, unfeeling, callous
    change; accepts embraces it rejects change
    cheerful cheerless, gloomy, sour, grumpy
    considerate thoughtful inconsiderate, thoughtless
    cooperative uncooperative, unhelpful, combative
    courageous cowering, fearful
    courteous rude, impolite
    decisive indecisive
    devoted uncommitted, uncaring, hostile
    determined indecisive, unsure
    does what is necessary, right does what is convenient
    perseveres, endures relents gives up
    enthusiastic unenthusiastic, apathetic, indifferent
    expansive kept back, tight, constricting
    faith in life life can't be trusted
    faith in oneself lack of faith in self
    faith in others others can't be relied on
    flexible inflexible, rigid, unbending, stubborn
    forgiving unforgiving, resentful, spiteful
    focused unfocused, scattered
    freedom given to others authoritarian, controlling
    friendly unfriendly, distant, aloof, hostile

    frugal, thrifty Wasteful, spendthrift
    generous stingy, miserly, selfish
    goodwill ill-will, malice, hatred
    grateful ungrateful, unappreciative
    hard-working lazy
    honest dishonest, deceiving, lying
    humble arrogant, conceited, ego-centric
    interested indifferent, uncaring
    involved complacent, indifferent
    jealous, not jealous, envious, covetous

    kind unkind, uncaring, cruel, mean


    mature immature

    modest vain

    open-minded, tolerant narrow, close, small-minded, intolerant

    optimistic pessimistic

    perfects allows imperfection
    persistent, sustaining flagging, fleeting, unsustaining

    practical impractical, not viable
    punctual late, not on time
    realistic naïve, impractical

    reliable unreliable, undependable
    respectful disrespectful, rude, impolite

    responsibility takes blames others
    responsible unreliable, undependable
    responsive unresponsive, unreceptive

    self-confident lack of self confidence, insecure

    self-directed directed by externals

    self-disciplined undisciplined, unrestrained, indulgent

    self-esteem, high self-esteem, confidence - low

    self-giving self-centered

    self-reliant dependent

    selfless selfish

    sensitive Insensitive, indifferent

    serious silly, trivial, petty

    sincere insincere, dishonest

    social independence social approval required

    sympathetic unsympathetic, unfeeling

    systematic disorganized, disorderly, random
    takes others point of view insists on own view

    thoughtful towards others thoughtless, inconsiderate, callous

    trusting suspicious, mistrusting

    unpretentious pretentious, affected, ostentatious

    unselfish selfish

    willing does willingness stubborn, unwilling, reluctant

    work comes first convenience first

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 6:30 AM GMT
    I've been pretty down lately, for some decent reasons I think, but was heartened that I didn't see any of those toxic personalities/behaviors applying to me.

    Now of course maybe I just can't see it, but I console myself that at least I want to not be toxic.
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    May 29, 2009 2:48 PM GMT
    meninlove said


    My gorsh, masculine31, this is an eye-popper! This is so different from your other posts. Very very cool...you write really well!

    It depends on da crowd i want to attracticon_lol.gif





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    May 29, 2009 3:04 PM GMT



    well really, masculine31, I wrote that BEFORE I knew, courtesy of another poster here, that you'd copied and pasted.

    How about showing something YOU wrote clearly and concisely instead of having it look like you wrote something you didn't?

    Apologies if I'm being rude...I just feel a tad misled...icon_wink.gif


    -Doug of meninlove
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 29, 2009 3:14 PM GMT
    Thanks for a good reminder. I have a friend from college who is definitely a "Nancy"... where all revolves around her... and never asks much about me.
    One good thing... she and her husband are really good clients of mine, so I have some incentive to listen (and I don't hear from her as often as I used to about personal things).....

    And as mentioned above, if you quote someone, make sure to mention where your information comes from. We've been down that path here on RJ before.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 3:48 PM GMT
    i think this deserves to subtly slid into documents at work!...... whoever actually did write this god job!icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 4:09 PM GMT
    meninlove said


    well really, masculine31, I wrote that BEFORE I knew, courtesy of another poster here, that you'd copied and pasted.

    How about showing something YOU wrote clearly and concisely instead of having it look like you wrote something you didn't?

    Apologies if I'm being rude...I just feel a tad misled...icon_wink.gif


    -Doug of meninlove


    I didn't think he wrote it. I immediately assumed he was sharing something he had read somewhere. icon_smile.gif

    Must people always reference sources on RJ when they post stuff written by others? What if they post stuff sent to them by friends, colleagues, etc.? I guess one could say, "Hey guys, here's what my friend sent me this morning." Sometimes, however, one is pressed for time and might just want to throw the info out there.
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    May 29, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    meninlove said Apologies if I'm being rude...I just feel a tad misled.

    Let me understand this...the guy posts someone else's work, takes credit for it even after it's been exposed, and YOU are apologizing?

    How Canadian! icon_eek.gif


    I think masculine31 was kidding when he took credit for it. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 4:43 PM GMT



    BlkMuscleGent, I think you forget how naive Bill and I are! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


    Bill: "My gorsh, it sure gets dark at night!"

    Doug: "Good gosh yes, and daytime is completely different, isn't it?"
    *looks wonderingly at Bill*



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    People were giving him credit, he didn't take it. Someone else corrected that before he logged back on to do it himself is my guess.

    And taking credit after the author was posted kinda has to be a joke, doesn't it? (I hope)
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    May 29, 2009 5:13 PM GMT
    Lysander saidPeople were giving him credit, he didn't take it. Someone else corrected that before he logged back on to do it himself is my guess.

    And taking credit after the author was posted kinda has to be a joke, doesn't it? (I hope)


    Exactly.
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    May 29, 2009 5:55 PM GMT

    If I had the mind to memorize all those names and actually apply them to people in my everday life, that would be a red flag. That whole op is full of labels and labels are no good. I would expect more from us, a community that is labeled too often and often never correctly. I think categorizing things is perfectly natural, but to think you have the omniscient ability to strut around.....that's a manipulative mary, that's a narcissistic nancy; who the hell do you think you are? If you oversestimate such a delicate and subjective ability that can hurt you too.

    For instance, you might miss out on some great friends because you labeled them wrong. I'm not saying go through life and think everyone is a nice persn, we know that isn't true. It's fine to get to know people, have reservations about them at any point, and even distance yourself if need be. However, usually people who label do so prematuraly or they label so often that they find themselves on top of Mount Olympus above all of the flawed insignificant humans. It's lonely up there.

    I take the approach that some people have traits and behaviors that are toxic, but I never label the person as that trait. I don't do this soley for them, I do it for my mental health as well. So I won't become the stiff unhappy label giver who thinks he's surrounded by a bunch of intangible "things" instead of people. If I do that, I too might be labeled as the "Judgemental Jerry" thing or the "Thinks He's Better Barry" thing, or a "He's Not Toxic but He's Not Much Otherwise Willy," thing.

    Too often, people mistake CONSTANT AND PROLONGED ego stroking as having preferences/standards. They see a hint or experience one instance of a person exhibiting a behavior they find intolerable and they slap a label on the person and they're done....because they don't stand for toxic people. ....Oh please, everyone exhibits undesirable traits at some point. Avoiding everyone that does and holding them up to this impossible standard of perfection......maybe that's why we couldn't communicate with the blacks better over Prop 8.

    Think about it, if a label giver, you could have a field day with black people. Years of being downplayed has caused for an overcompensation amongst some so you will get a healthy dose of ego and possibly conceit when dealing with them. Using religion as a crutch and we know how inclusive religion is....will set you up for judgement by religious standards. Other times, manipulation is the only way some African Americans know to get what they need and other times, a very negative and pessimistic attitude can develope from years of feeling like a minority.

    Well, my my, the whole community seems toxic if you live your life by the op and not consider why some people are more toxic than others or forget that anyone can be a possible ally at any time. Case in point, a lot of gay men get off on labeling blacks and they didn't get the support they needed for a no on prop 8 because of it.

    The argument can be reversed. Everyday, black parents lose vital contact with their gay children because they label and can't see past it. Beyond being homosexual, that person is their son or daughter who they love. They get so busy feeding their ego and pandering to their high and mighty religious beliefs and they forget that and lose their own child.

    And what of the gay community. More masculine men tend to apply womanly characteristics to the fems and consider them manipulative marys because that's how women get what they want or narcissistic nancies because all they do is preen in the mirror and the fem set thinks the masculine sect are judgemental jerrys because all they do is impose their masculine standards on everyone else and narcissistic nancies because all they do is preen in the mirror.

    ENOUGH!!, labeling is worse today because of the media. People aren't people anymore, but labels. turn on the tube and gay people are flamboyant, black people are bombastic, jews are greedy, and women are desperate and manipulative.

    Helpful Hints icon_lol.gif
    start reading more

    stop labeling

    stop being a narcissistic nancy or a judgemental jerry, you won't shrivel up and die if you aren't better than everyone else.

    Judge people on their face and give it time before you do.

    Avoid people who are dangerous like axe murderers and samurai, not people who were rude to you once.

    Get over Yourself.

    If everyone is toxic and you aren't allowed to speak to toxic people, you won't be speaking to anyone.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 6:00 PM GMT
    meninlove said


    BlkMuscleGent, I think you forget how naive Bill and I are! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


    Bill: "My gorsh, it sure gets dark at night!"

    Doug: "Good gosh yes, and daytime is completely different, isn't it?"
    *looks wonderingly at Bill*





    Gosh darn, if that's the case, I can think of things to do to both of you, especially the one with bangs, that would leave the two of you bewildered for the rest of your lives. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 6:30 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    If I had the mind to memorize all those names and actually apply them to people in my everday life, that would be a red flag. That whole op is full of labels and labels are no good. I would expect more from us, a community that is labeled too often and often never correctly. I think categorizing things is perfectly natural, but to think you have the omniscient ability to strut around.....that's a manipulative mary, that's a narcissistic nancy; who the hell do you think you are? If you oversestimate such a delicate and subjective ability that can hurt you too.

    For instance, you might miss out on some great friends because you labeled them wrong. I'm not saying go through life and think everyone is a nice persn, we know that isn't true. It's fine to get to know people, have reservations about them at any point, and even distance yourself if need be. However, usually people who label do so prematuraly or they label so often that they find themselves on top of Mount Olympus above all of the flawed insignificant humans. It's lonely up there.

    I take the approach that some people have traits and behaviors that are toxic, but I never label the person as that trait. I don't do this soley for them, I do it for my mental health as well. So I won't become the stiff unhappy label giver who thinks he's surrounded by a bunch of intangible "things" instead of people. If I do that, I too might be labeled as the "Judgemental Jerry" thing or the "Thinks He's Better Barry" thing, or a "He's Not Toxic but He's Not Much Otherwise Willy," thing.

    Too often, people mistake CONSTANT AND PROLONGED ego stroking as having preferences/standards. They see a hint or experience one instance of a person exhibiting a behavior they find intolerable and they slap a label on the person and they're done....because they don't stand for toxic people. ....Oh please, everyone exhibits undesirable traits at some point. Avoiding everyone that does and holding them up to this impossible standard of perfection......maybe that's why we couldn't communicate with the blacks better over Prop 8.

    Think about it, if a label giver, you could have a field day with black people. Years of being downplayed has caused for an overcompensation amongst some so you will get a healthy dose of ego and possibly conceit when dealing with them. Using religion as a crutch and we know how inclusive religion is....will set you up for judgement by religious standards. Other times, manipulation is the only way some African Americans know to get what they need and other times, a very negative and pessimistic attitude can develope from years of feeling like a minority.

    Well, my my, the whole community seems toxic if you live your life by the op and not consider why some people are more toxic than others or forget that anyone can be a possible ally at any time. Case in point, a lot of gay men get off on labeling blacks and they didn't get the support they needed for a no on prop 8 because of it.

    The argument can be reversed. Everyday, black parents lose vital contact with their gay children because they label and can't see past it. Beyond being homosexual, that person is their son or daughter who they love. They get so busy feeding their ego and pandering to their high and mighty religious beliefs and they forget that and lose their own child.

    And what of the gay community. More masculine men tend to apply womanly characteristics to the fems and consider them manipulative marys because that's how women get what they want or narcissistic nancies because all they do is preen in the mirror and the fem set thinks the masculine sect are judgemental jerrys because all they do is impose their masculine standards on everyone else and narcissistic nancies because all they do is preen in the mirror.

    ENOUGH!!, labeling is worse today because of the media. People aren't people anymore, but labels. turn on the tube and gay people are flamboyant, black people are bombastic, jews are greedy, and women are desperate and manipulative.

    Helpful Hints icon_lol.gif
    start reading more

    stop labeling

    stop being a narcissistic nancy or a judgemental jerry, you won't shrivel up and die if you aren't better than everyone else.

    Judge people on their face and give it time before you do.

    Avoid people who are dangerous like axe murderers and samurai, not people who were rude to you once.

    Get over Yourself.

    If everyone is toxic and you aren't allowed to speak to toxic people, you won't be speaking to anyone.




    QUOTED FOR TRUTH!!!

    Thanks, GuiltyBear. icon_smile.gif