Out of your league.

  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    May 29, 2009 8:24 AM GMT
    It's very hard to think of yourself and realize that there are certain people who look the way they do because they're working to get someone "worthy" of their labors. People who you would admire and/or want to be with.

    Truth of the matter is, there are people out there like that.

    It makes it hard for us "regular guys" to find The One. Especially since it's so easy to want the kind of guys who do this.

    Relationships seem to have so many risks twisted up in the whole process of introductions. "Am I being too forward?", "Is that even a bad thing"?", "Is he just humoring me?" "Is this love?"

    Looks matter.

    And you may find yourself in a position where you were being a swell guy, but your personality wasn't the problem.

    I know it hurts. You doubt yourself. "Maybe I'm meant to be alone," or "There are plenty of fish in the sea," will run through your mind. Heck, maybe even both thoughts will.

    People who are dealing with "Leagues" are obviously playing a game.

    But is this necessarily bad?


    This rant was brought to you by Serenity.
    For canceling Firefly, you attractive gay bastards.
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    May 29, 2009 9:13 AM GMT
    Oh shush. You just realized this now?

    Of course people categorize their looks. I've long factored it in, in my pro arguments on the Calculations of the Inevitability of Sedative Spinsterhood®. I don't even try anymore.

    Let the pity party begin. icon_razz.gif
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    May 29, 2009 9:24 AM GMT
    I would post a long reply, but this thread is not in my league so i won't bother.
  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    May 29, 2009 2:13 PM GMT
    Sed's picture derailed me... I have nothing to add but lol and the cookie monster icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 29, 2009 2:17 PM GMT
    Too young to have such an attitude. Wait till you are 40-something! You are stealing my thunder, kid.
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    May 29, 2009 2:19 PM GMT
    I would love to see the calculations in Sedative's theory, though. That title alone cracked me up.
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    May 29, 2009 2:22 PM GMT
    We´re all out of someone´s league. Odd, but true.

    best not to worry about it... and also sometimes you can find people who are "out of your league" (own calculations) who think you are amazing

    I am hoping that this happens with Nacho icon_rolleyes.gif

    http://www.weloveguys.net/2009/05/macho-nacho.html

    Oye.. Nacho.. si estás leyendo esto enviame un correo electrónico jaja

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 2:35 PM GMT
    Lets be real.....WE ARE ALL out of each other's leagues in one way or another. There is always someone better, stronger, smarter, hotter, more creative, more personable...and on an' on. Find the guy who makes up for what you lack! You will always feel out of someone's league or beyond someone else's. Reality is..it's just your opinion, never how it is.
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    May 29, 2009 2:45 PM GMT
    In all seriousness, no one is out of anyone's league. They may be unattainable. But that is a different story all together. I can not tell you, the young ones, how many "totally" hot guys I wanted to meet, met, and realized that looks and quality are not the same. So, maybe the unattainable ones are better left unattainable. Looks and quality are rarely embodied in the same guy. Some, yes definitely. Most, you are lucky that you did not "catch" them. The most needy, insecure and problem guys were the guys that I drooled over and died to meet. Time and time again.
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    May 29, 2009 2:50 PM GMT
    Coming from a family that stressed athletics and competition, I knew early on that I would probably end up in the minors and my career would be rather short, in the gay world, that is.
    Grade school play grounds can be tough classrooms. Being picked last or not at all prepared me to be mentally tough and pragmatic in the real world. The gay world is no exception, it is even tougher than the circles I travel in now.
    Not everyone who tries out makes the team.
  • havingfunmtl9...

    Posts: 258

    May 29, 2009 2:50 PM GMT
    I believe in 'leagues' and I honestly believe that many people follow this social pattern. The 'leagues' hypothesis that you mentioned is refering to the theory of Concordancy in psychological life span development. The theory states that people will fall in love with people who are concordant to their personal views, beliefs and yes, even their looks.

    Research shows that the majority of people end up with someone who is equality attractive as they are... so if your dream is to catch a hottie, gotta be one too ! lol Its sad but true... although I'll admit, people do diverge from this path and kudoos to them icon_exclaim.gif

    (source: Life Span Development, 4th Edition, Harvard Press, 200icon_cool.gif
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    May 29, 2009 2:55 PM GMT
    Maybe it's something that comes with old(er) age, but I think one of the best lessons for any gay man to learn is that you are not for everyone.

    I don't think it has anything to do with 'Leagues' and whether or not you're in one but much more to do with personal, individual taste. You will not turn everyone's crank, nor will everyone turn yours. It's also a real blessing for two people to figure it out early on that it's not really working. Yes, it may hurt a bit, but the silver lining is that it opens up space in your life for the right person to come along.

    I sometimes think what happens to a lot of guys is that they put on a bit of a phoney paste-up personality (one that usually says something like 'like-me! like-me!), then you find yourself in a situation that's not really true for you.

    Things are much easier if you keep it real from the start. My attitude now is 'what you see is what you get' and, frankly, if for whatever reason they don't like it, please get out of my way.
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    May 29, 2009 2:57 PM GMT


    "We´re all out of someone´s league. Odd, but true."


    Lostboy...THIS!

    ...it's not odd though.

    Like moons we orbit outer planes
    Eclipsed by heavenly bodies' dance
    We swing though paths we cannot see,
    Then meet by some eccentric chance,

    Our imperfections make us, us!
    Our striving makes us strong
    What one will see as being just right
    Another sees as wrong

    Like moons that circle steadily
    Reflecting light from some bright sun,
    I see you and you see me,
    and think, "Is that the one?"

    Your body/mind a jigsaw piece
    You just can't fit; you hover
    So let go, seek your complement
    The one YOU fit, your lover...

    -Doug

    Hmmmmmm...well that's thoroughly mincemeat, but hey it's still early here!




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 3:01 PM GMT
    There is a major flaw in that theory.

    Between falling in love with.....and ending up with. So, hot guys end up with hot guys, average guys end up with average guys, and less than good looking end up with less than good looking. Is that because they were attracted to that type or they settled for that type? Ugly and average guys do not like hot guys? Hot guys do not like average guys? I have met so many hot guys that are into types that I would say most would consider average at best...but that is the look that works for them.

    It is hard to judge when you look at who ends up with who. Way too many variables.

    I think it works fine in theory of Concordency or whatever, but in reality, not so much.

    Just one man's thoughts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 3:05 PM GMT
    Hey BigMuscle- no truer words of wisdom spoken. Like me, a bit older and seen it done it. Much more eloquent, though.
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    May 29, 2009 3:15 PM GMT
    I agree with bigmusclepaul....it has mainly to do with personal taste...and different "types" all have different individual tastes.
    It's most often like a one-way triangle. For example, I might find an older, masculine type attractive while he finds a young twink to be his type but the young twink finds me attractive(like swatting flies these days). So no one gets what they want. Except every so often the triangle does reverse and two guys do get what they want.
    The important thing is to not take it personally, and that's a tough one to get used to I know, but once you accept that it can be a whole lot easier on your ego.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 29, 2009 3:21 PM GMT
    Interesting thread.... I've had a couple of experiences over the last week that feeds into this discussion....

    The more important one occurred yesterday. I agreed to have lunch with a nice guy (a teacher, 26, always nice and polite) since we've been talking online for months. Nothing sexual, just a nice friendly lunch. We had a nice lunch, but at one point he admitted that he didn't know if I'd really spend the time with him. I was kind of surprised.. "and why would that be", I asked? "Well I am a little overweight, not sure if you'd want to be seen with me". I was really taken aback... he isn't that much overweight and who cares anyway? He's a very nice person, I'm happy to get to know him.


    The other one is a little more irritating... I had a guy online locally bug me off an on for 3 years about messing around. He finally got mad at me and said... "I've been trying to get you for 3 years, don't you think I deserve it"?
    That is probably the last conversation he and I will ever have.
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    May 29, 2009 3:24 PM GMT
    True also. That is why I think theories, while valuable, are better left on college campus's. Campusi?

    The real world is way too complicated. Twinks that love bears, bears that love twinks, muscle guys that love twinks and bears, bears that love muscle guys and twinks.....you get the idea. I have seen it all. Plus the random hot guy that just likes ugly, or less than handsome, guys. If not for them, I personally would have no love life. I want to take a moment here to thank them for their charity. You know who you are and you are greatly appreciated. Bob....Bill? ...Rob? Whatever...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    Hndsme- I like how you end with that will PROBABLY be the last conversation I have with him.....lol Just kidding around, ya'll. Let's keep it light and friendly
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    bigmusclepaul saidMaybe it's something that comes with old(er) age, but I think one of the best lessons for any gay man to learn is that you are not for everyone.

    I don't think it has anything to do with 'Leagues' and whether or not you're in one but much more to do with personal, individual taste. You will not turn everyone's crank, nor will everyone turn yours. It's also a real blessing for two people to figure it out early on that it's not really working. Yes, it may hurt a bit, but the silver lining is that it opens up space in your life for the right person to come along.

    I sometimes think what happens to a lot of guys is that they put on a bit of a phoney paste-up personality (one that usually says something like 'like-me! like-me!), then you find yourself in a situation that's not really true for you.

    Things are much easier if you keep it real from the start. My attitude now is 'what you see is what you get' and, frankly, if for whatever reason they don't like it, please get out of my way.


    ^ And this is why I like my men older.
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    May 29, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    RuffJustice saidTrue also. That is why I think theories, while valuable, are better left on college campus's. Campusi?

    The real world is way too complicated. Twinks that love bears, bears that love twinks, muscle guys that love twinks and bears, bears that love muscle guys and twinks.....you get the idea. I have seen it all. Plus the random hot guy that just likes ugly, or less than handsome, guys. If not for them, I personally would have no love life. I want to take a moment here to thank them for their charity. You know who you are and you are greatly appreciated. Bob....Bill? ...Rob? Whatever...


    Campuses icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 29, 2009 3:37 PM GMT
    Thanks, CubsFan! Gotta love Wrigleyville. Best place to see and hang out at a ballgame in the USA and I have been to most. Cleveland is my second fav.
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    May 29, 2009 3:39 PM GMT
    cubsfan1986 said
    bigmusclepaul saidMaybe it's something that comes with old(er) age, but I think one of the best lessons for any gay man to learn is that you are not for everyone.

    I don't think it has anything to do with 'Leagues' and whether or not you're in one but much more to do with personal, individual taste. You will not turn everyone's crank, nor will everyone turn yours. It's also a real blessing for two people to figure it out early on that it's not really working. Yes, it may hurt a bit, but the silver lining is that it opens up space in your life for the right person to come along.

    I sometimes think what happens to a lot of guys is that they put on a bit of a phoney paste-up personality (one that usually says something like 'like-me! like-me!), then you find yourself in a situation that's not really true for you.

    Things are much easier if you keep it real from the start. My attitude now is 'what you see is what you get' and, frankly, if for whatever reason they don't like it, please get out of my way.


    ^ And this is why I like my men older.


    ^Ditto, I have to completely agree with you there.icon_lol.gificon_redface.gif
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    May 29, 2009 3:40 PM GMT
    mscldguy saidI agree with bigmusclepaul....it has mainly to do with personal taste...and different "types" all have different individual tastes.
    It's most often like a one-way triangle. For example, I might find an older, masculine type attractive while he finds a young twink to be his type but the young twink finds me attractive(like swatting flies these days). So no one gets what they want. Except every so often the triangle does reverse and two guys do get what they want.
    The important thing is to not take it personally, and that's a tough one to get used to I know, but once you accept that it can be a whole lot easier on your ego.


    Agreed. If I lived in Canada, I'd hope that we'd cross paths, as you'd figure "greatly" in my league icon_wink.gif.
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    May 29, 2009 3:49 PM GMT
    Hey, I am an older man here also! Let's share the love......