Personal tolerance- when to speak or love thy neighbor.

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    May 31, 2009 6:39 PM GMT
    Hello, all. I hope every one of you is doing wonderful today. If not, please get better.

    Anyways, I'm just typing out this thread because I'd just like to get a feel for what we think about the population in general. As a precaution, I'd like to state that I haven't seen other topics address this extensively so please just ignore my ignorance if I haven't seen the appropriate topic to read yet.

    So I've seen some entertaining flame battles, some insults being slung here and there. It's mainly over the issue of polygamy vs. monogamy. That's a whole other topic.

    How far do your limits allow you to go? When does it bother you that someone else is doing something differently in their lives that makes you say, "THAT'S NOT RIGHT."?

    Perhaps this is the wrong outlook on life, but if the relationship issues of other people are kept out of my life then I can accept them for who they are. I have so many friends that going from person to person and do whatever it is they do and I cheer them on (because I have to say, it's not my job to live their live so I might as well wish them the best!)

    On the flip side, I have friends that chose to engage in monogamous relationships where they are solely focused around that one person.

    So what is it about us that makes us feel threatened whenever we see these behaviors in other people? Is it that we just don't agree with their choices in life? Is it that we're disgusted by the thoughts that come with their choices?

    Anddddddd... GO icon_redface.gif
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    May 31, 2009 7:32 PM GMT
    For us, regarding others, just about anything goes, as long as it's not hurting another.

    Big bugaboo for us - cheating. Dishonesty in a relationship regarding fidelity, (the parameters of an open relationship, the exclusivity of a closed one), can hurt more than just its participants.

    We both like hearing about different kinds of relationships. For me in particular, a writer, fascinated by the human condition, the variety of and complexities that make up relationships show me that imagination and inspiration are alive and well in the human heart.


    -Doug




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    May 31, 2009 11:21 PM GMT
    Differently than what? What other people do is none of my buisness. I will not judge. Being brought up in a fundamentalist Baptist church, it took a long time to get here. It's a nice place to be.
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    Jun 01, 2009 12:14 AM GMT
    I think people just take the opinions of others too personally. You really don't have a lot to go on besides a few pics and some typed words when communicating on here so to get pissed at a statement another member made is kind of a waste of energy (yes I've wasted my energy in this regard). People want different things out of life and have different experiences. For someone to come in and tell you that you're wrong for wanting something, or having experienced something says something worse about them than it does you. I say live and let live unless I'm personally directly threatened in some way. I think debate's good to a point...people don't expand their horizons or open their minds by being right all the time.

    I think choosing your battles is good...I think a lot of people come on here to let off steam and frustration that they can't necessarily release in their 3d lives.
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    Jun 01, 2009 12:18 AM GMT
    What if thy neighbor's kids, and the rest of the childhood population in my neighborhood love to use my yard as a short cut to another street? My yard may never win yard of the month, but it is still rude!

    Is it wrong that I want to throw things at them, or plant cleverly hidden dog doo in their walk path?
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    Jun 01, 2009 12:37 AM GMT
    In the threads, it is a matter of debating an idea vs attacking the person who put forth the idea. Many don't see a difference, hence the flame wars.

    My roommate is always complaining how he doesn't get respect from his friends, yet I see him being judgemental all the time in some respects, particularly since he has become a deacon in his church.

    As the general population, I think most people are of a 'live and let live' posture until the media inflames or flat out lies about certain issues so much that a passion for an issue become nothing more than a pissing contest as to who can out manuever whom. Runninchlt hit it on the head. Picking and choosing battles should be an automatic though process, but it is sorely lacking. That and agreeing to disagree when an impass has been met.
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    Jun 01, 2009 12:57 AM GMT
    From wut i've seen, its like this is da forums, and peeps r like, i'm saying wtf i wanna say, irregardless of hurting someone's feelings. Sad thing about it is this...ITS DA OLDER 1's dewin it. No one is perfect by any means, but at least show sum respect for others. Typically, peeps spread negativity, hatred, or anger bcuz their not happy wit themselves, so they attack othersicon_eek.gif
    I've seen at work, on-line, and out in da publicicon_exclaim.gif Most times we let deez individuals get away wit it, sometimes we are forced to defend ourselves. My mom always taught me: if u can't take it, then dont dish it. A lot of topics on RJ r great, but if someone disagree's wit da other poster, a fight starts, then da bashing starts. There r a lot of negative threads on here about da president, lolicon_exclaim.gif Some people just dont have any respect AT ALL, ON ANY LEVEL, FOR ANYONE.
    I can only offer one solution, surround urself wit like individuals lol...be it negative, positive or crazy etc...icon_eek.gificon_lol.gif
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    Jun 01, 2009 2:37 AM GMT
    Too many people think that their way is the only right way - especially on things they won't be affected by anyway! Like open relationships vs. monogamy. I mean, does it really matter that much to them? Would the world really end if one couple prefers to spice up their sex life with third parties or if some couples prefer to be exclusive? Come on, get your priorities straight. Keep your nose out of what people do consensually in their bedroom.

    That's usually the time I feel the need to speak up. And then someone starts slinging insults and before you know it - FLAME WAR!

    Whooo!
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    Jun 01, 2009 3:10 AM GMT
    It doesn't bother me what someone else is doing in their relationship, or pretty much anything else, except with regard to two points:

    Is it hurting anyone?

    Is there hypocrisy involved? (Does he say others shouldn't do what he's doing?)

    That's pretty much the basis for anything negative I'd have to say unasked about someone else's business.
  • nv7_

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    Jun 01, 2009 3:25 AM GMT
    Sedative saidToo many people think that their way is the only right way


    Exactly! We have a winner!

    I don't think people realize the way they see the world is just how they see and not how it really is for every one. Their view is skewed by their own biases and opinions and they can't always look at things objectively.
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    Jun 01, 2009 4:53 AM GMT



    Perhaps not completely objective about our own relationship, but we can be objective about others'.


    -Doug

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    Jun 01, 2009 5:43 AM GMT
    aurevoir said
    nv7_ said
    Sedative saidToo many people think that their way is the only right way


    Exactly! We have a winner!

    I don't think people realize the way they see the world is just how they see and not how it really is for every one. Their view is skewed by their own biases and opinions and they can't always look at things objectively.


    Frankly, I don't see how anyone could be entirely objective when it comes to personal relationships.


    I can. Because it's not MY relationship in question. icon_razz.gif

    Here's the thing: what would you do then? Lecture your friends to death just because they're doing something slightly off in comparison to what you're doing?

    Like... "Hey! You SHOULD have children!" or "Hey! You shouldn't really indulge in BDSM!" or "Hey, stop being liking women too!" or "Hey! You really should settle down with ONE guy"... etc. You wouldn't have that friend for long if you can't even keep your opinions out of places it doesn't belong to.

    It wouldn't really be that much different from a priest telling me "Hey! I know you like men, but you should stop liking men by either forcing yourself to marry a woman or be celibate because it displeases me to see a manifestation of love so different from my own."

    So, yeah. As long as I see them happy, I can be quite objective easily. In fact, I can do more than just be objective, I can accept it and live with it and know that there's just one more weird thing in this weird life.
  • nv7_

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    Jun 01, 2009 6:00 AM GMT
    It sounded to me like the original poster was just using a relationship as an example. I think what he was saying is that people seem to have their own ideas about what is right and if you don't follow them, you are wrong. Everyone's idea of right seems to be different. At least that's what I got from the original post. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 01, 2009 6:11 AM GMT
    nv7_ saidIt sounded to me like the original poster was just using a relationship as an example. I think what he was saying is that people seem to have their own ideas about what is right and if you don't follow them, you are wrong. Everyone's idea of right seems to be different. At least that's what I got from the original post. icon_biggrin.gif
    Well, essentially, I was just asking what people's limitations are towards differing opinions that might seem completely opposing, yet still has nothing to do with them in particular.

    Like the example I used- a monogamous-orientated individual viewing the relationship values of a couple who choose open-relationships.
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    Jun 01, 2009 6:12 AM GMT
    aurevoir said

    What I am saying is you still have your own personal conceptions/standards/whatever about relationships. Those are subjective things. So any objectivity is really out of the question because you are inevitably perceiving things through your own respective lens, whether you know it or not.

    Objectivity implies complete impartiality, and that is simply impossible. It would necessitate that you're completely detached, mechanical, and robotic, with no individual perception/opinion on what a relationship is or should be.

    "Live and let live" is really not the same as being objective. Like I mentioned previously, it's a semblance of tolerance.


    Ugh. No.

    You don't have to be objective about other people's relationships because you don't even have to judge them in the first place. Of course you will have your own likes and dislikes but why in hell would you try and apply it to another person?

    I mean, seriously. Don't go through life looking at people through YOUR lens. Go through it trying to look at life through THEIR views and you'd be much much happier. I can for example, look at a friend who believes in God and I'd be perfectly happy for him. I can look at a friend who likes pop divas a bit too much and be perfectly happy for him. Of course, the moment he starts to judge the way I live my own life and my own interests is the moment I can also defend it. But not before.

    It's called empathy.
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    Jun 01, 2009 6:20 AM GMT
    Soulasphyxia said,

    "Like the example I used- a monogamous-orientated individual viewing the relationship values of a couple who choose open-relationships."

    ...so we happily supplied our POV, seeing as how we're a monogamous couple. LOL

    Nicely put Sedative. We think empathy is BIG.

    -old codgers