I have a question...

  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jun 01, 2009 6:41 PM GMT
    And I really don't want this to come off the wrong way. I'm NOT trying to stroke my ego or offend anyone in any way.

    I don't think I'm the most attractive guy out there but I don't consider myself to be ugly. On the internet I get messages from guys that want to date/fuck ect. and many of the guys are twice my age and twice my weight. Now I've never been to a gay bar or anything of that nature and I was wondering if the same kind of guys would hit on you out in public. Part of the reason I don't want to go to a gay bar is I don't want to get hit on by someone who's not really my type and have to reject them. No one likes rejection and I don't want to act like a cocky prick because I'm not. I've tried the whole diversion thing and just kind of ignore the advances and try and steer the conversation in a different direction but many gay guys don't really take the hint. Just wondering if guys are as forward in public as they are on the internet and if so, how do you let someone down without being an asshole.

    This post is gonna make me sound like a narcissistic asshole but I'm really not trying to come off that way
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 6:51 PM GMT
    Dude, it works that way for all of us. Especially when you're young. You get hit on by older dudes (some who are quality, some who are nasty)...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 6:52 PM GMT
    The best thing to say is either "you're cool, but I just want to be friends", or "hey man it was nice to meet you, I'll see ya later."
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    Jun 01, 2009 6:55 PM GMT

    Honey, this is the internet, people let their inhibitions loose and their guard down online. In real life, fat guys twice your age, behave a bit like spiders, they run away from you unless you try n catch em. I know because I'm the opposite of you, I like them. They are so scared of me, dude, I have to literally chase them. In bars and clubs, the gorgeous gay reigns supreme. They are the ones peacocking around and the withdrawn sect stick to the sidelines. I call them, pot stickers. Don't get me wrong, some are bold and some honestly don't care what you think and considering there are some guys your age and the caliber of your beauty who do like them, can you blame them for atleast showing a bit of interest? You do sound as if you expect them to crawl up into a corner and die. Don't be like that. The right body language or even the right verbal graces will do fine to deter any unwanted advances you might receive anywhere.

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    Jun 01, 2009 7:16 PM GMT
    You know, you don't have to do the gay bar scene at all. Are there any LGBT organizations at your school? How about some different LGBT activity groups in Scottsdale or Tuscon? Maybe some gay sports leagues you could join. The people who go to these are usually more interested in the activity than just "hooking up." At least you'd be meeting people with similar interests that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 7:16 PM GMT
    And one day you might miss the good ol' days when the old trolls hit on you....
    ....especially when it dawns on you that you have become the old troll. (:


    Seriously, as scratchart said avoid eye-contact with those you wish to ignore and you'll be fine for the most part - though I suppose it may also depend on the bar. If it's a college type bar you'd probably fit right in and have a lot of insulation around you. If it's a trucker bar and the crowd is 2-3x your age... people may think you are there for a different reason.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jun 01, 2009 7:21 PM GMT
    It's something we all go through. But, I would suggest you learn a nice way to let someone down. It might not be the most pleasant thing to do, but too few guys know how to reject someone easily. Ignoring someone (even online) is not the way to go. Just be up front. Something like, "Thanks, but I'm looking for something else."
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    Jun 01, 2009 7:23 PM GMT
    I am really a 58 year old woman who weighs 438 pounds, eats Little Debbie snack cakes nine times a day, and enjoys hitting on gay men.

    Not really, but the internet is a strange place, where people operate behind a cloud of anonymity. As such, you can expect normally sane and rational people to say the most fucked up shit. Half of those guys you described never leave their house. Half the rest are too timid to approach anyone. The rest.. well, the rest you just have to deal with.

    But, honestly. Don't worry about it. I can recall a few especially creepy encounters in bars and clubs in all my years of going out. In general, people respond well if you are polite and firm (chuckle, chuckle).
  • CAtoFL

    Posts: 834

    Jun 01, 2009 7:29 PM GMT
    Great ... another "I'm so cute and it's SUCH a burden" thread,

    And omigod! There are gay people who AREN'T like me!

    yeahrightwhatevergetoveryourself. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 7:30 PM GMT
    Naturally some people always hold out on the most relevant of data. For example, how can I know whether to accept or reject MZ's advances when he hasn't told us what type of Little Debbie snacks he's hoarding?
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jun 01, 2009 7:47 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Honey, this is the internet, people let their inhibitions loose and their guard down online. In real life, fat guys twice your age, behave a bit like spiders, they run away from you unless you try n catch em. I know because I'm the opposite of you, I like them. They are so scared of me, dude, I have to literally chase them. In bars and clubs, the gorgeous gay reigns supreme. They are the ones peacocking around and the withdrawn sect stick to the sidelines. I call them, pot stickers. Don't get me wrong, some are bold and some honestly don't care what you think and considering there are some guys your age and the caliber of your beauty who do like them, can you blame them for atleast showing a bit of interest? You do sound as if you expect them to crawl up into a corner and die. Don't be like that. The right body language or even the right verbal graces will do fine to deter any unwanted advances you might receive anywhere.



    Hahah I don't want them to crawl in a corner and die, I'm a pretty outgoing person and when people talk to me I will carry on conversation to be polite even if I'm not interested. I've been yelled at before for "leading people on" which was what I considered being polite and I wanted to know if there was a polite way strong enough to get the point across.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jun 01, 2009 7:49 PM GMT
    PSCalif saidGreat ... another "I'm so cute and it's SUCH a burden" thread,

    And omigod! There are gay people who AREN'T like me!

    yeahrightwhatevergetoveryourself. icon_rolleyes.gif


    This is most definitely not one of those threads. It was a serious question regarding how to be polite in public. I didn't say it was a burden I just asked how to deal with it or if it even happens in public.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 01, 2009 8:01 PM GMT
    You do it by being very nice and say Why Thank You and then you walk away

    ... eithe ryou do that or you're going to be a very busy boy because you're going to have to fuck every one of them

  • Jun 01, 2009 8:06 PM GMT
    You really have a pretty good point!

    I would never hit on you because I read your profile and you have an age limit in it. I would respect that! maybe you should kind of describe the build of guys you find attractive. But I think a lot of us do that in the who we think is hot area.

    I really like a guy that reads a profile! If I say in a profile I am only attracked to giants from mars born on a even day of the week and I get someone that is the complete opposite asking if we are a match? I know that they did not even take the time to skim over my profile.

    Really polite is all you can be... Thanks but no thanks.

    Online is easier to be polite than at the bars when beverages are involved!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    DrobUA said I will carry in a conversation to be polite even if I'm not interested. I've been yelled at before for "leading people on" which was what I considered being polite and I wanted to know if there was a polite way strong enough to get the point across.

    Yes there is. Avoid eye contact, while scanning the room and firmly steering the conversation to topics that leave no opening whatsoever for sexual innuendo.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 8:10 PM GMT
    PSCalif saidGreat ... another "I'm so cute and it's SUCH a burden" thread,

    And omigod! There are gay people who AREN'T like me!

    yeahrightwhatevergetoveryourself. icon_rolleyes.gif


    uhh actually thats not what he said, he actually called himself average, from what i got from it, and just wanted to know if only old fat guys went out.

    I'm very friendly when i go out and ill talk to most ppl if they talk to me, cause well i like to talk, and ppl take that the wrong way. if someone offers to buy me a drink i will always say yes regardless of if they are my type, but it doesnt mean i will start to like them because they bought me a drink. but i also go out to be social not to look for a partner lol. some guys will be very forward in bars too, iv had a guy buy me a couple drinks and a shot and then was like "i'm gonna be forward, i want to fuck your brains out." and i just went "uhhhh, no" lol

    yes you will get hit on by ppl you dont want to, you wll hit on ppl who dont want you to hit on them lol. and sometimes you'll hit on someone who does like you haha. it's all a game you win some you lose some
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 8:20 PM GMT
    DrobUA saidAnd I really don't want this to come off the wrong way. I'm NOT trying to stroke my ego or offend anyone in any way.

    I don't think I'm the most attractive guy out there but I don't consider myself to be ugly. On the internet I get messages from guys that want to date/fuck ect. and many of the guys are twice my age and twice my weight. Now I've never been to a gay bar or anything of that nature and I was wondering if the same kind of guys would hit on you out in public. Part of the reason I don't want to go to a gay bar is I don't want to get hit on by someone who's not really my type and have to reject them. No one likes rejection and I don't want to act like a cocky prick because I'm not. I've tried the whole diversion thing and just kind of ignore the advances and try and steer the conversation in a different direction but many gay guys don't really take the hint. Just wondering if guys are as forward in public as they are on the internet and if so, how do you let someone down without being an asshole.

    This post is gonna make me sound like a narcissistic asshole but I'm really not trying to come off that way


    Eh you do realize that potentially you could grow up to be one of those who hit on younger guys....icon_razz.gif

    You are young - enjoy it. A courteous I'm not interested will work
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    Jun 01, 2009 8:20 PM GMT
    Caesarea4 saidNaturally some people always hold out on the most relevant of data. For example, how can I know whether to accept or reject MZ's advances when he hasn't told us what type of Little Debbie snacks he's hoarding?


    Those one's with the American Flag motif. Nothing is more patriotic than burdening the health care system with lard poisoning.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 01, 2009 8:25 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    Caesarea4 saidNaturally some people always hold out on the most relevant of data. For example, how can I know whether to accept or reject MZ's advances when he hasn't told us what type of Little Debbie snacks he's hoarding?


    Those one's with the American Flag motif. Nothing is more patriotic than burdening the health care system with lard poisoning.


    can you spare an oatmeal cream pie?
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jun 01, 2009 8:27 PM GMT
    Haha thanks for the responces
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    Jun 01, 2009 8:42 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    Caesarea4 saidNaturally some people always hold out on the most relevant of data. For example, how can I know whether to accept or reject MZ's advances when he hasn't told us what type of Little Debbie snacks he's hoarding?


    Those one's with the American Flag motif. Nothing is more patriotic than burdening the health care system with lard poisoning.
    Stop beating around the bush. Do they have chocolate in them or not?!


    Chaos444> he actually called himself average

    See? That's the problem. Good looking guys just can't talk about their looks. Either they're not modest, or if they are modest then they're just fishing for a compliment.


    DrobUA> I've been yelled at before for "leading people on" which was what I considered being polite and I wanted to know if there was a polite way strong enough to get the point across

    Yeah, that can be a tricky conundrum. I was once nice to someone who (almost) no one else was nice to. Where others closed the circle to keep him out, I opened it and let him in - even though he made my skin crawl. Next thing I know he comes over to my house one day with a box of chocolates and attempts to plant a kiss on my lips (using all my athleticism not to mention being a ranger, I rolled well and was not surprised - yike the geek is showing - and all he got was my cheek). So then I had to convince him that I wasn't interested. Which is quite a pickle, too, because you can't exactly say: "I was just being nice"....

    I'm sending him over to MZ's with the appropriate larduous Little Debbie's snack.
    (What are friends for?)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 9:00 PM GMT
    I’m not into mind games. Nor am I the kind of guy who gets hit on a lot (hopefully, that blatant lie will put off anyone seeking to accuse anyone of being an “I'm so cute and it's SUCH a burden,” whiner from pointing a finger at me).
    But when I do get hit on, and it’s not welcome, I play a little game.

    Analysis.

    I see right through the person, and I verbally probe into aspects of their psyche they don’t want me to probe into. I don’t bother to deflect their advances – it never works. But I do create a very subtle mirror for the person to see himself in, and to decide whether he’s happy with what he sees in terms of where his life has brought him. I do this using words: I can hand out responses that are at once appropriate and devastatingly true. I make it clear that I know their story; often, shameless people are ashamed of something in their lives that they don’t want you to know about. Feelings of failure? Self-loathing? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t judge or criticize the person. But I make it easy for him to judge and criticize himself.

    The world is a dark place with complex people. Some tactics are plain wrong, but self-preservation – when you’re young – may be more critical than being “nice” to those who want a piece of you. Those who want a piece of you . . . If you want to think that statement was borne of arrogance, go ahead. Short of posting a very long argument, there’s nothing I can do to persuade you that yes, it is possible to find yourself in a situation where other persons want a piece of you. It’s easy to believe that of celebrities and wealthy people; why is it so difficult to believe of a 20-something year old fresh on the gay scene? It happens.

    As for losing our youthfulness in years to come . . . I think the younger gay generation has evolved enough spiritually to be okay with that. Or maybe I’m just optimistic.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 01, 2009 9:10 PM GMT
    Take it as a compliment if someone finds you attractive, but don't feel as if you owe it to them to give them anything-- aside from the respect you'd show any human being. For instance, say thank you and move on. You shouldn't pent yourself up because of the fear of getting hit on by guys you feel unattractive to. Go out, have fun, and stop worrying what other people might think of you.
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    Jun 01, 2009 9:13 PM GMT
    DrobUA saidAnd I really don't want this to come off the wrong way. I'm NOT trying to stroke my ego or offend anyone in any way.

    I don't think I'm the most attractive guy out there but I don't consider myself to be ugly. On the internet I get messages from guys that want to date/fuck ect. and many of the guys are twice my age and twice my weight. Now I've never been to a gay bar or anything of that nature and I was wondering if the same kind of guys would hit on you out in public. Part of the reason I don't want to go to a gay bar is I don't want to get hit on by someone who's not really my type and have to reject them. No one likes rejection and I don't want to act like a cocky prick because I'm not. I've tried the whole diversion thing and just kind of ignore the advances and try and steer the conversation in a different direction but many gay guys don't really take the hint. Just wondering if guys are as forward in public as they are on the internet and if so, how do you let someone down without being an asshole.

    This post is gonna make me sound like a narcissistic asshole but I'm really not trying to come off that way


    Well, 2 things came to mind.

    First, older gay guys who hit on you on the internet because it's safe for them to do so. People let their wildest *fantasies run wild online (look at some of the posts on here). The Internet is different than in the real world. If you don't like their emails, politely say no, delete it or if they're being aggressive or bullying/harassing you, report it to the admin.

    Second, Gay bars are notorious pick up places. It's all about eye contact. Come on now, we all get hit on, reject others and being rejected at one point or another. Either way, Eye contact is key, if you don't find someone appealing, politely look away, don't stare at him, if he approaches you and express interests, politely say no with a smile or walk/turn somewhere else. If he's consistently being an ass/or harassing you (because some people just can't take a hint), tell either the bouncer or the security guys to take care of it.

    Last, it's what you put on your profile on here, too. I mean, when guys see that you're in a relationship (status) like me, they usually back off in a nice way. Yeah, I agreed with the poster above to take it as a compliment, smile and move on. Don't worry about what others think of you (it's too much work and effort to do so.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2009 10:44 PM GMT
    It's never offensive to say "my type of man is another". If he feels offended with that, than it's not your fault.