Accepting that your gay

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2009 12:46 AM GMT
    I have been feeling down lately and not really open with many friends about being gay. I realize its something I have NO control over and this is how I was born. I am trying to branch out of my circle of friends and meet other gay guys but just dont seem to fit it with other gays. Any advice to offer? I appreciate honest opinions. Thanks fellas.
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    Jun 02, 2009 1:20 AM GMT
    Hmmm....not a lot to go on here or in your profile. If you want advice, you gotta tell something about yourself. Maybe that's the advice. "Open up."
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    Jun 02, 2009 1:25 AM GMT
    ozzipkcin saidI have been feeling down lately and not really open with many friends about being gay. I realize its something I have NO control over and this is how I was born. I am trying to branch out of my circle of friends and meet other gay guys but just dont seem to fit it with other gays. Any advice to offer? I appreciate honest opinions. Thanks fellas.


    It's "you're" as in you are, as opposed to the possessive your.

    Come to like yourself.

    Come to be honest.

    The rest will fall into place.

    It's just sexuality and it's one of the three primal needs. Sexuality, including bi, gay, and straight, occurs EVERYWHERE in nature.

    Get over it.

    It's not a big deal.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jun 02, 2009 1:30 AM GMT
    First of all:
    Cool people are cool, no matter what, and if your not gelling with a spicific crowd,,SO BE IT...Maybe there not worth knowing afterall...
    The universe has a way of pulling kindred souls together, so please dont feel down,,Just remember that you matter in this world and GOD loves you.. Sometimes obsticles are placed in front of us,[It's a test],,, it's up to US to turn lemons into lemonaide..
    Just think of all the untrustworthyness in your past and those who saught your ruin,,Now think of how you've stood tall in the storm and how your enemies have been comsumed by the trap they set for you...
    PURSUE YOUR HAPPINESS my friend.....
    PEACE
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    Jun 02, 2009 1:30 AM GMT
    Well heres some info about myself.... I'm 29 yrs old and just finished grad school for a masters and starting law school in the fall. My family is someone liberal and I have a lesbian aunt who is very open with everyone. All of my friends are straight and dont seem too accepting of gays, but I feel like they should be able to figure out that I am gay since I dont date women or havent in a long time.

    I really dont know whats holding me back from telling everyone, I think its not knowing how they will react that is the most terrifying.
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    Jun 02, 2009 1:32 AM GMT
    Just do it.

    If you have halfway decent parents, it's a no-brainer. Even if you have asshole parents, move to the next level.

    Don't get involved with false belief systems (religions, cults, or superstitions), or all of the stupid issues they raise.

    Come to like yourself, and you'll be a pile happier.

    Most folks will likely tell you it's.
    1. No big deal.
    2. They knew already.
    3. Everyone has to have a gay friend.

    Chill, man.

    Walk into, through, and beyond, your fears. You'll be a MUCH BETTER man for it.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 02, 2009 1:36 AM GMT
    I think people come out on their own terms. Those who wish to stay closeted tend to not have the issues you are facing. Regardless of if people accept you, you seem to be at a personal point where you need to accept yourself. I don't see the point in suffering just to avoid making others feel uncomfortable. This is your life and don't make excuses for how you want to live it. You're a grown man; if the people closest to you can't accept you for this fact, than be a man and realize you need to move on and find people who do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2009 1:45 AM GMT
    Accept that I'm gay? Oh I'm way beyond accepting it. I totally embrace that terrific fact!
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    Jun 02, 2009 1:58 AM GMT
    You're 29 and you don't date women? Surely everyone you know has already drawn the obvious conclusions. They'll say, "Thanks for finally trusting us with this. We've always wondered why you weren't telling." Coming out will be the biggest anticlimax of your life.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jun 02, 2009 2:00 AM GMT
    ozzipkcin said All of my friends are straight and dont seem too accepting of gays


    $10 says at least one of your friends is feeding themselves this exact line.
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    Jun 02, 2009 4:43 AM GMT
    Ozzi,
    First of all, there is one thing you should keep in mind-Your coming out experience is a journey and it is YOUR journey. No one elses. Having said that, I read your earlier thread sort of about the same issue and some of those posts. Thanks for posting a bit of info about yourself. You already have a great primary ally-your aunt. She should be the first person you go to for help with this, if you feel you can trust her with the conversations. Secondly, you live in Philadelphia. You have a GLBT community center at your disposal-William Way Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center, www.waygay.com. Great resource center.

    You also can add to your coming out process by doing what you are already doing, just more so-Participate more here on Real Jock. When you are ready, post a pic. You can make the profile hidden to only your friends, if that makes you feel comfortable.

    Having said all that, you are also going to have to take a chance and reach out to someone, possibly here. There is a wealth of experience amongst us and I am sure you are intelligent enough to discern who you can speak with by the posts. Best of luck on this and law school. You are going to do just fine. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2009 4:54 AM GMT
    well for me its a little different. i am bi but a good friend of mine just came out to me. and i have been feeling a lot of things for him lately. its funny cause one of my gay friends told me this would happen. im almost as stuck as you are. i feel like i should tell people but for some reason i feel everyone has this image about me that i have to live up to. i mean its hard and there is no easy way to come out about it.
  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    Jun 02, 2009 5:03 AM GMT
    in the famous words of the great dolly parton.

    " be yourself and do it on purpose. "


    I'm pretty sure you get the gist of what everyone is saying. It sucks not telling people, but people who are out obviously don't deal with this burden as much. think of it this way, will it matter in the end? of course not. plus what's the big deal? you are still you, you just like the c*** and guy's ass's. ;)


    so live it up, accept it, remember you have only one chance at life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2009 5:04 AM GMT
    As long as you hide, you are living with shame. It is a weight that will never leave you until you can say you are what you are, and you don't need others approval to be who you are. It feels good to say I don't care what people think about my sexuality one way or another.

    One more thing. If you have a problem with other gays being gay or acting a certain way, you could end up judging them just like other people would judge you. Gay is Gay .. Gay don't have to be alike anymore than straight people are all alike.
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    Jun 02, 2009 5:37 AM GMT
    This was said to me when I was going through the whole "coming out" ordeal (something which you've already started...it's always hard in the beginning, hang in there) by one of my friends who always knows what to say to make me feel better, it's a quote by Dr. Seuss:

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

  • swogdog

    Posts: 143

    Jun 02, 2009 3:14 PM GMT
    Rip off the band-aid. The stress, anxiety, and limitations of living in a self-imposed prison are much worse than the relatively short transition to actually knowing where you stand with people and the world around you. I don't know what to say about finding others that you will fit in with, but it can't be easy when you haven't fully embraced yourself.

    I'm wishing you the best with this!
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jun 02, 2009 9:47 PM GMT
    ozzipkcin saidWell heres some info about myself.... I'm 29 yrs old and just finished grad school for a masters and starting law school in the fall. My family is someone liberal and I have a lesbian aunt who is very open with everyone. All of my friends are straight and dont seem too accepting of gays, but I feel like they should be able to figure out that I am gay since I dont date women or havent in a long time.

    I really dont know whats holding me back from telling everyone, I think its not knowing how they will react that is the most terrifying.

    If someone dislikes you for being who you are then there not really your friends..The important thing for you to do is:
    Love yourself,,because if you dont love yourself
    How in the hell is anyone else going to love you?
    If you have a low selfesteem, or dought, people can feel that,some will even use that to take advantage of you somehow..Just look at all the woman being beaten and how they still say''BUT I LOVE HIM''..and take him back...
    I wish you were in my area so i could give you a big bear hug and a spanking..Then a kiss on the forehead....
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 02, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidAccept that I'm gay? Oh I'm way beyond accepting it. I totally embrace that terrific fact!


    love this comment!! :p
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2009 10:09 PM GMT
    i can relate to hesitating to come out. when you take a step back and look at it, the problem is procrastination. It's like starting a big work project. it seems daunting, but when you're done with it you're much better off.

    It's the same experience when you skydive. You can't imagine jumping from that plane. You're crawling with fear. Then you jump and the next second you're having the best time of your life.

    My advice is: jump.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2009 10:36 PM GMT
    You will do it. It's the only logical cure for the torment you're experiencing. It's just a matter of when. Suddenly, you'll be stuck with the inability to carry the weight any longer and you're going to blurt it out to someone. My guess is that you don't fit in with other gays because you keep asking yourself "how would my friends get along with this guy, or that guy?". You've got your hand on the knob of the closet door and you're probably about to turn it slightly. Make it a full turn, pull the door and step out. You can always make new friends if your entire current population of friends goes phobic on you. You've got to be ready to say "conversation over, i'm outta here, see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya, ciao for now, adios, au revoir, toodle pip, cheerio and fuck you". Imagine waking up tomorrow with a completely clean slate and being able to fill it in all your way and not theirs.