Deal breaker He didn't tip the bartender

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2009 4:28 PM GMT
    Hey RJ gang,

    Here is another story from life in the lame lane.

    I went out with a potential match after the gym. He was a really nice, educated, successful guy. The conversation was alright. He seemed very interested in what I had to say. He was very engaging. He could be a potential match for me. We both work crazy unhealthy work schedules. I met him at the gym though a friend. Which is kinda of a realjock date. Anyway after we finish our drinks I noticed in the corner of my eye he did not tip the waiter. I kept calm but my spirit just wanted to rag him about it right then and there. I was like how can you be so cheap?If I'm at a bar or restaurant I am going to tip the person serving me. It's the right thing to do. After seeing that I wondered to myself what kind of man I am dealing with? Should I toss him back where I found him?
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    Jun 02, 2009 4:45 PM GMT
    Oh please. Do you know anything about his financial status?
    If not then don't be so judgemental, I personally don't tip, cos I can't afford to. icon_eek.gif

    Student life is hard.
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    Jun 02, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    Did you actually talk to him first before assuming something? Because assumptions are pretty cheap nowadays.

    *shrug* I don't know who is really cheap in this situation. You or him? I really don't because if you didn't address that with him then I think it would be pretty sound to ask him about it. After all, if he gets pissy about talking about whether he tipped or not THEN that might be a clue to leave him in the dust, I suppose.
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    Jun 02, 2009 5:08 PM GMT
    Sorry for leaving out a few things like he has 2 houses, and works a pretty well paying job. The place we went to wasn't that expensive. All I know is that you got to make a good impression on a first date. I'm a student too and I still tip.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jun 02, 2009 5:57 PM GMT
    Fable saidOh please. Do you know anything about his financial status?
    If not then don't be so judgemental, I personally don't tip, cos I can't afford to. icon_eek.gif

    Student life is hard.


    Not to be too judgemental, but having worked as a waitor, you rely on tips. The situation may be different in the UK, but in North America you make sometimes as little as $3/hour and then rely on tips to supplement your income. If you have enough money to go out, you should have enough money to tip. Plain and simple.

    If a guy I went out with didn't tip, I'd ask him why. If he didn't "believe" in tipping, I'd ask him why, too. If you've done the work before, you know how hard it is and how important tips are. No one gets rich waiting tables/bartending.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 02, 2009 6:15 PM GMT
    You could have offered to leave the tip if he was buying the drinks.

    He may have just forgotten.

    My advice? If he is indeed all the things you said, let it go.
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    Jun 02, 2009 6:19 PM GMT
    If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink.

    I would let it go. Maybe you just didn't see him tip. Maybe he forgot. Who knows.

    If the guy is all that, why let so small a thing bother you? You can't turn a junky into a gentleman, but you can make a boy learn to tip. Are you, perhaps, looking for a reason to not go out with him?
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jun 02, 2009 6:21 PM GMT
    Before you jump to conclusions, give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm an over-tipper, but sometimes I forget to tip. I usually remember and correct myself or at least hope a friend would point it out.

    I say give him a second chance, and if he doesn't tip again, call him on it (in a nice way). Maybe her just doesn't realize how vital tips are to people in the service industry.
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    Jun 02, 2009 6:29 PM GMT
    Fable saidOh please. Do you know anything about his financial status?
    If not then don't be so judgemental, I personally don't tip, cos I can't afford to. icon_eek.gif

    Student life is hard.




    Then your ass should stay at home and serve yourself icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 02, 2009 6:32 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidIf you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink.

    I would let it go. Maybe you just didn't see him tip. Maybe he forgot. Who knows.

    If the guy is all that, why let so small a thing bother you? You can't turn a junky into a gentleman, but you can make a boy learn to tip. Are you, perhaps, looking for a reason to not go out with him?

    I generally agree, though if it were to become a pattern, and he doesn't get the hint that he should tip, then I would be concerned. I simply won't go to a bar if I can't tip properly.

    It's common among Fort Lauderdale gay bars to give you plastic "chits" good for a second drink. Which is better than a regular 2-for, since you don't have to drink it right then & there, but can come back later.

    Sometimes I'll have a chit in my pocket or the car (which is overflowing with them), but I won't use it if I don't have cash for a tip. Instead I'll buy the drink with my card and put the tip on that, but I always tip. I agree with Bunjamon, a tip is de rigeur.

    So watch this guy, see what pattern develops. But you simply can't go to a bar and not tip.
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    Jun 02, 2009 7:18 PM GMT
    I wouldn´t get too tied up in knots. Unless, as the Oracle MZ said, you want to push everyone away from you.

    (And Fabes and I are from a non-tipping culture, or at least one where tipping is not expected.)
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    Jun 02, 2009 7:20 PM GMT
    as someone who works for tips i think he sounds pretty fucking awful.

    yes, you should be concerned if he can't even leave the $0.50 change, or a dollar.
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    Jun 02, 2009 7:21 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidI wouldn´t get too tied up in knots. Unless, as the Oracle MZ said, you want to push everyone away from you.

    (And Fabes and I are from a non-tipping culture, or at least one where tipping is not expected.)

    That's because only bad service is provided there, not worthy of a tip. icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 02, 2009 7:23 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    Lostboy saidI wouldn´t get too tied up in knots. Unless, as the Oracle MZ said, you want to push everyone away from you.

    (And Fabes and I are from a non-tipping culture, or at least one where tipping is not expected.)

    That's because only bad service is provided there, not worthy of a tip. icon_razz.gif


    It´s because you get charged $10 for a small coke and no refill.
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    Jun 02, 2009 7:27 PM GMT
    Lostboy said
    Red_Vespa said
    Lostboy saidI wouldn´t get too tied up in knots. Unless, as the Oracle MZ said, you want to push everyone away from you.

    (And Fabes and I are from a non-tipping culture, or at least one where tipping is not expected.)

    That's because only bad service is provided there, not worthy of a tip. icon_razz.gif


    It´s because you get charged $10 for a small coke and no refill.

    That, too.
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    Jun 04, 2009 10:13 AM GMT
    Yeah I'm not really worried about that guy anymore. I'm kind to him but I'm not gonna go out of my way to hangout with him. I also really don't think I should tell him why I stop taking an interest in him. Well unless he ask.
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    Jun 04, 2009 10:21 AM GMT
    did he pay for both your meals and expect you to leave the tip?

    maybe he thinks your the cheap bastard.

    I always leave 10 to 20% of bill depending on level of service and play dumb as I try to assess amount. It becomes a conversation with the date. hint, hint, i paid meal you leave tip.
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    Jun 04, 2009 10:21 AM GMT
    can't afford to tip then you can't afford to eat/drink out. That is all part of the cost. I worked for to many years as a waiter/bartender and I do pay attention to the tip and if the date leaves a respectable tip.

    When working for tips I actually learned a lot about people. Those who didn't leave them for good service were typically the most difficult, demanding and self centered customers.

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    Jun 04, 2009 10:31 AM GMT
    Fable saidOh please. Do you know anything about his financial status?
    If not then don't be so judgemental, I personally don't tip, cos I can't afford to. icon_eek.gif

    Student life is hard.


    Theo you poor little british boy...when you move to SD you will learn tipping means

    1. You won't be the last to be served and end up waiting 15 mins

    2. you'll get your coke or water with no charge when it's the end of the night and you've drunk enough

    3. The bartender will smile and be friendly which will make any guy you are after think you are desirable

    worth the $1 icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 04, 2009 10:44 AM GMT
    In Michigan the minimum wage for waiters / bartenders is only $2.65 per hour so you better damn well tip em. I think it is totally a sign of character and if you can't afford to tip then eat at McDonalds.
    I have dated guys that "don"t believe " in tipping, or claim they can't afford it yet buy top shelf long islands... needless to say I did not see em for long.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 04, 2009 10:52 AM GMT
    I'd call him out on it ...

    If you're going to drop him anyway
    ask him why he didn't tip him
    He might come up with a good answer ... and maybe not
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    Jun 04, 2009 11:27 AM GMT
    Why didn't you just do it? If the other guy is picking up the tab it's not uncommon to say "Let me get the tip." Could he have been assuming that you would do that?
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 04, 2009 11:38 AM GMT
    Exactly.
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Jun 04, 2009 11:54 AM GMT
    The key to your situation (like so many situations) is communication. Talk to him about it. If he didn't tip on purpose, then dump him. Tips aren't bonuses for servers and bartenders - they pay rent, light bills, buy gas to get to work, etc. In the USA most servers earn less than $3.00 per hour- so your tip is a vital part of their income. Can't afford a tip - don't go out for drinks and dinner. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 04, 2009 2:01 PM GMT



    We like this from TexDef07: Why didn't you just do it? If the other guy is picking up the tab it's not uncommon to say "Let me get the tip." Could he have been assuming that you would do that?

    We tip based on level of service, starting at 15%, but then, minimum wage is 8.00 per hour - not enough to live on up here.

    We're both shocked that in the US wages can be that low! 3.00 an hour?
    Good god that's mind-numbing!