attracted to guy bodies but falling in love with girls...

  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 02, 2009 8:40 PM GMT

    I just read a lot of comments in the thread about being gay is that a choice or not. It really made me think about myself. I think i was born gay. Reason I think that is because I don't want to be gay, I want to be attracted to girls, I just can't. I Am attracted to muscular, masculin guys. Though I do fall in love with girls, never really fell in love with guy, maybe I haven't met him, and yes I'm only 19 so there's still a lot that can happen.
    Maybe it's just because my whole environment expects me to fall in love with girls, that I actually do. I don't know. There's so much to think about and figure out. To be honest, if I would ever end up in bed with a girl I don't even think I could have sex with her, like i would'nt be able to get it up. Maybe thats just a fear though... I just don't want to end up in a crisis like lots of gay-people do when they come out. Thats why I keep on pushing it to the future but I'm close to 20, people will start asking questions sooner or later... Guess life's unfair icon_sad.gif

    Anyone of you guys reconizes himself in this story, or has anything to say about it?
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jun 02, 2009 8:57 PM GMT
    I wouldn't stress out too much, you're still figuring yourself out. For some people it's easier, for others it's a long hard struggle. I always knew I was gay, whether it's a choice or not isn't important. I've never dated a girl, never slept with one. I have no desire to do so.

    You may be right, your upbringing and your environment may be colouring your feelings. Children are often so hampered by what the people around them expect from them, it leaves them confused and hopeless, not sure and focused.
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    Jun 02, 2009 9:10 PM GMT
    Wow, Niceguy89 you just shocked me. That usually never happens...please come back to this thread in a few years when you have asked yourself all the questions you need to and with whatever answers you have come to find. Your first 20 years is really nothing in the grand scope of finding yourself. This is a VERY interesting topic and one that I would love to know more about. "Sexually attracted to one gender while falling emotionally in love with the other." There is someone in my past I think was similar to you but he would never admit to anything and so I was hindered to learn more. I thought he was the opposite of you thou. He seemed like he could fall in love with men but was sexually attracted to women. I truly think there is nothing known about this because no one talks about it. I even thought I was crazy for even suggesting he might be this way- but you are admitting it is a possibility. Could it be dependent on the person you are attracted to/fall in love with and therefore a mix of Bisexuality and only the people you have encountered Youth? Social Issues? Confusion? Surroundings? Stress? Inner Turmoil? A number of things....all of them? (Please forgive me for being more interested than consoling.) All the best man as I know its very very very hard to come out, at least in my case it was for a number of reasons. Telling my brother, father and closest straight male friends was the hardest. In my case, I had to admit to myself that I fell in love with another man after 4 years and therefore was in fact gay, not just sexually attracted to men. It was insanely hard to basically say- I do not find women emotionally or sexually appealing in that deep way. Maybe you have to admit you are really Bisexual but your current state of experience makes it hard to be sure? Maybe you have to admit that at 19 can you really know what real love (being IN LOVE as opposed to loving) is? Can you explain how you knew you were IN-LOVE with females? I'm curious to know how many, especially at 19. Sorry to pry- if I had more information I wonder if I can relate what I experienced with my friend to your situation to help you.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3162

    Jun 02, 2009 9:30 PM GMT
    When I was 13-14 I was scared of my attraction to the male body, so I tried denying it. I compromised by looking at the underwear and swimwear sections of catalogs, so since I wasn't seeing either vaginas or penises I was in some sort of gray area. And I had crushes on girls. But they were just crushes, and they resemble the strong relationships I have with some women now. You will fall in love with a guy, but maybe you're holding back because, as you said, "[you] don't want to be gay?"
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 02, 2009 9:35 PM GMT
    wow, didn't quite expect a response like that either.. lemme see if I can answer your questions.

    In my opinion I fall in love with women because every1 expects it. My brother is very popular with the girls and he's very handsome, he can get every girl he wants. My sister is a beautful girl too and she also can get lots of guys, though she has been in a relationship for the past 5 years. Im 7 and 5 years younger than they are so I always kinda looked up to them. May also be because I dont really get the attention of girls because I don't really go out to bars. The reason for that might be because im actually afraid to find out what is going to happen if a girl likes me and wants more... When I cruise on gay sites, I get lots of attention cause im so young and lots of men love that, just not the men im attracted to, it makes me feel attractive i guess.. Bit shallow maybe.

    Bisexual in my eyes is that u love and are sexually attracted to both girls and boys, I am not. I'm sexually attracted to men, and only one specific type, the muscular masculin men. I never fell in love with a man though, maybe thats because I never met the right one yet, we dont know do we. Though when i see a nice girl, I still find girls beautful, and shes nice to me, i can very easily fall in love. though I'm not sexually attracted to her, again maybe thats because I never met the right girl that I actually wanted to have sex with. So to the question, do I know what true love is, maybe not, maybe i don't.

    I got raised in a very loving way and because I was the baby I kinda got spoiled, I still get spoiled a bit. And I enjoy it icon_razz.gif. I get along very very good with my mom but used to have a lot of arguements with my dad cause he didnt always agree with the way I behaved. Used to spend a lot of time behind the computer. I also was a very difficult child to handle and drove my parents insane every now and then (only lasted for about 1-2 years).. everything turned out well though icon_razz.gif
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3162

    Jun 02, 2009 9:44 PM GMT
    I don't think you're going to find the "right" girl to have sex with, if you're not sexually attracted to girls. You should be looking for the "right" guy to sleep with and fall in love with! icon_biggrin.gif

    I used to think that if guys had vaginas, all my problems would be solved (social stigma against anal sex and social pressure to have straight [vaginal] sex and make babies). And then I got over it. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 02, 2009 10:53 PM GMT
    Ok...I've read your response so please understand that my answer is based on what you just wrote and not that I know you.

    1. You've never been IN-LOVE. You would know without a shadow of a doubt whether you have been in love or not. My answer is YES! Yours is maybe, maybe not. I know for a fact you've never been in love. Love is..... I was experiencing an emotion I never felt before (almost like a child does when it experiences anger or sadness for the first time and doesn't know how to deal with it) and I didn't know what it was, but I could not figure out what was happening to me. I couldn't stop thinking about him, I couldn't live without him and any small thing he did or said had this power over me that caused me to act/behave/respond/think/speak in ways I would never do. (irrational behaviour for a rational person) Just thinking about him run sparks up through my body and I couldn't stop smiling. His smell was like a drug. When he broke my heart I couldn't taste food for weeks-it was like swallowing liquid or solid. He was a drug that I was addicted to that was being refused to me. It takes years to fully heal after having your heartbroken. I would have died for him because it was easy for me to hurt than for me to see him be hurt. That's what being in-love is like...and that is still a bad example...the human language is ill-equipped to define love. I understood songs on the radio I knew all the words too from years before but never knew what they were about. All of a sudden the symbolic meaning was revealed to me. The songs were about love not just the simple story of the music.

    2. You are like me somewhat. You are most likely gay-because you are sexually attracted to men and you admit crushes on girls because u know its the "right thing to do". You don't want to admit it because you come from a world where the Good, Proper, Natural, and Achieved persons in your life are all straight and you are are alone with a burden. You are hoping to be like them because you admire them very much. You have to admit you are you and no one else. That is a very hard thing to do. No one can tell you how to do it. You are entering your 20's and your experiences alone and how you handle them will show you who you are. You will learn more about yourself in the next few years that will clear many things up. You are even more like me because you are drawn to Masculine Muscular Men. Guess who I feel in love with? Yup, one of those. He knocked me right off my feet. Tall, Dark, Masculine, VERY Muscular, Handsome, Kind. I knew from the minute I met him that I was attracted to him. After 4 years he was my best friend. We spent every minute together. That is where you share moments, time, personal expressions, stories, emotions, laughs, tears, joys and pains....and in those late nights....he meant more than any woman could ever hope for. He looked, smelled, sounded, moved, spoke and thought more real than life itself. Movies were better, Food was better, Music was better......That is when I knew.....I was in trouble....I was gay....I was in love....and there was nothing I could want/hope/love more than him and how he made me feel. I was so proud to be in his presence- that he would even speak to me. You haven't met a man OR WOMAN like that yet. Until you do and You will...and when you do...then you will know for sure: Gay/Straight/Bi. I hoped like you that the "Right Woman" would come around....but at 23 the "right man" did and still no woman has yet to even come close now at 28.

    I hope that helps in some way. Just let things (emotions and situations)come naturally. Don't stress and don't worry and don't force something that doesn't feel right. You aren't going to go through a crisis unless you try to be who you aren't. You will go through first LOVE, first heartbreak and first heal as everyone else does. Whether it's a man or woman-will work itself out. Best of Luck, Stay Motivated and Positive and Work Hard. That's all you need to do. Again- The rest will work itself out on its own. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2009 11:11 PM GMT
    SO your a late bloomer, it's okay..
    It sounds like your a little scared to take the plunge with girls,since thats what your leaning towards, But dont worry..If the smell doesnt kill you nothing will...And as for the guys in your future:
    Who knows,,things can happen, just remain the kind person you are and i'm sure your hearts desires will come true..
    Then again your not such a late bloomer,, i just couldnt wait any longer, i had these urges...
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    Jun 02, 2009 11:22 PM GMT
    bisexuality is a true sexuality. you don't have to be "this" or "that." you might be "both."
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jun 02, 2009 11:23 PM GMT
    Who will not fall in love with girls (I mean some girls). They are beautiful, gracefull, gentle , funny with a remarkable personality. Some girls are so goodlooking, that it feel like somebody is hitting me in the stomach, when I first saw them. But if you say "fall in lust " with girl now, that another story.

    What you are having is normal, most of us gay men find girls beautiful, just not in a sexual way.

    Girls are amazingly beautiful , but guys are amazingly lustfull. You get what I mean.

  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 03, 2009 2:39 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidbisexuality is a true sexuality. you don't have to be "this" or "that." you might be "both."

    ye but isnt bisexuality also that u are sexually and spiritually attracted to both sexes? which im not....