When does dating become boyfriends?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 3:38 PM GMT
    Hi RJ!

    I am currently enjoying my first open dating experience with a pretty great guy. I turned him down 3 or 4 times before going out, lol. I didn't think I was ready, but he knew better it seems.

    We have been dating for about a month and he asked me today how he should introduce me at a gathering we are attending together. He offered 'friend', 'who I've been dating' or 'boyfriend'.

    My gut is to say it is too soon for ‘boyfriend’, but I really have no way to gauge it. I have a whole host of questions I'd like to ask the RJ crew regarding too much time together, sex, when/if, and some manipulation things, but I am going to read through some other posts first. As to this topic, what do you think? How long should you date before being boyfriends?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 3:45 PM GMT
    I think that it all depends on your comfort level. You don't seem comfortable with "boyfriend" yet.

    I think I'd be most comfortable in being introduced by name only.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 3:45 PM GMT
    Ask him how he would like to introduce you and explain to him what your comfort level is and proceed from there. You are def. not friends your are dating on the path of becoming boy friends.

    Congrats & Good Luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 3:51 PM GMT
    I think for many people it is hard to commit, especially if they are just starting out. I remeber I wanted to date when I first started dating, and imediately wanted a bf, but not many paople are like that. All I know right now is, if you are not ready, don't rush it to be something you are not so really cool with. I was dating this one guy, younger than me, and I was his first boyfriend, ever, and after a couple months, I was asking him questions like what should I call you, can I call you this, can I call you this, and I sort have convinced him that we are bf's and what not, evrn tho in all honsty, he was just not ready for it. Well, in reality that really hurt us cause he was still not ready cause he hid me from his parents, his friends, and Iwas nevre introduced as his BF for 6 months, then he dumped me, so jokes on me. What I was getting at was, if you are not ready right now, then take yo motha fuckin time. If he really likes you, then he can wait, cause in the long run, waiting may be good for both of you in the end. However, don't expect him to wait forever, cause he probably won't, he's only human, or if you feel like you are just not ready to call him anything within like 3-4months of dating, of you feel that you will never be ready, then honey, you are probablly just not into him.


    I hope that kinda helps....hope!
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 05, 2009 3:55 PM GMT
    Well, let me be the first to congratulate you on creating an excellent topic thread. This is truly something that people don't really talk about much and do more to assume the status of a relationship instead of actually talking to their significant other about it.

    And let me apologize to anyone who might have already touched on this topic before.

    I think it's important for the two of you to sit down in a non-distracting environment and talk about the two of you. You need to talk about expectations, i.e. fidelity. You need to talk about the "What ifs" such as what if I'm in an accident... or What if we get into a heated argument... The construction of a good relationship is talking about the parameters of the relationship and not just simply labeling that relationship. The two of you will find out the compatibility of the relationship by being tested by those hairy situations and whether expectations of the two of you are realistic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 3:56 PM GMT
    When you have THAT talk!
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Jun 05, 2009 3:56 PM GMT
    I used to say wait until you've got an exclusivity clause to put the boyfriend label out there. But I don't think that's the case anymore.

    I think you should ignore factors that can be measured like how many dates, how long you've been together, how many times you've had sex, etc.

    Do you really like this guy? What are the reasons for those feelings? Do you care about him? Do you bring a smile to his face when he's had the worst day? Does he do the same for you?

    When you answer those questions, you'll find that objective qualifiers are not what make a good boyfriend. You may even find that a title like "boyfriend" is irrelevant.

    The answer to your initial query cannot be provided by this forum or any of its participants.

    Although, some people feel more comfortable throwing out the boyfriend title in social circumstances like a party rather than trying to explain nuances like "open relationship" or "non-exclusive dating" - not to mention, I think it's more gracious.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 4:24 PM GMT
    a1972guy saidWhen you have THAT talk!


    Agreed! Communication is the key to any successful relationship!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 4:26 PM GMT
    original714 saidHow long should you date before being boyfriends?

    I've found that the boyfriend term has different meanings in different parts of the US, and among different circles of people. For some it virtually implies a partner, while for others it's not even exclusive, a gay guy able to have several boyfriends at once.

    How is the term used where you live, and among the gay guys you know? A month is a little early to say BF in my experience, so that "friend" would cover it for now. I think once you start dating exclusively for a few months, and are having sex and sleepovers, then boyfriend becomes OK.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    a1972guy saidWhen you have THAT talk!


    Totally agree, sometimes one of the mates may become attached quicker than the other. Once they have "That talk" it will clear up any confusion.

    It has to be a mutual agreement, Also lack of communication is always a major problem when it comes to dating.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 05, 2009 4:45 PM GMT
    It's more the exclusivity than the length of time

    If you're dating a guy and feel the need to say no to anyone else who asks you out .... then you got yourself a boyfriend my man
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 4:48 PM GMT
    I think it should be a mutual agreement and decided upon to avoid hurt feelings and confusion!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 5:06 PM GMT
    If your going to a function whether you introduce yourself as friend or boyfriend. Most will assume couple and bf situation. Unless, everywhere you go you say platonic friend which always sounds ackward. don't you think. You could start a new trend introduce yourself as his PFSFB. S = Sometimes. lol

    ...but from the two options you give the first being quantified. It sounds like he is way into you and wants to show you off to his friends. (does the term "giddy like a school girl" mean anything to you)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    I can when one or the other pops da questionicon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 5:46 PM GMT
    masculine31 saidI can when one or the other pops da questionicon_lol.gif


    What, on bended knee n shit?!?!?!?!?!?
    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 5:48 PM GMT
    In gay world, I think it's usually 2 to 3 to 4 weeks. It is safe to called each other boyfriends provided that you both had the "Talk. When you or him introduce the other to friends you know on a First name basis then that magic word BF followed. Example, "hey, Chris, long time no see! this is Dan, my bf!" I'd say it's pretty official then. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 05, 2009 5:49 PM GMT
    I'd say 'boyfriend' when you decide to be exclusive.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jun 05, 2009 5:55 PM GMT
    a1972guy saidWhen you have THAT talk!


    Survey says:

    #1 Answer!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 5:58 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike said
    a1972guy saidWhen you have THAT talk!


    Survey says:

    #1 Answer!!



    THANK YOU!!!


    **I didn't wanna toot my own horn.....
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 05, 2009 6:00 PM GMT
    a1972guy said
    **I didn't wanna toot my own horn.....


    if you could you'd never leave the house....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 6:08 PM GMT
    Timberoo said
    a1972guy said
    **I didn't wanna toot my own horn.....


    if you could you'd never leave the house....


    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 6:09 PM GMT
    Timberoo said
    a1972guy said
    **I didn't wanna toot my own horn.....


    if you could you'd never leave the house....


    Still would rather watch someone else do it......
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 6:12 PM GMT
    You guys are awesome. This helps frame the whole matter for me in realistic and practical way. I have so many more threads to start, lol. Keep the feedback coming!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 05, 2009 6:20 PM GMT
    a1972guy said
    Timberoo said
    a1972guy said
    **I didn't wanna toot my own horn.....


    if you could you'd never leave the house....


    Still would rather watch someone else do it......


    you'd rather watch someone toot their own horn than toot your own?

    kinky
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 6:21 PM GMT
    Timberoo said
    a1972guy said
    Timberoo said
    a1972guy said
    **I didn't wanna toot my own horn.....


    if you could you'd never leave the house....


    Still would rather watch someone else do it......


    you'd rather watch someone toot their own horn than toot your own?

    kinky



    ......to me!!! LOL!!!

    Timberoo, you're s'cute!!!