Encouragement needed

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2009 11:58 PM GMT
    I just graduated law school. Huge accomplishmnet for me. But rather than be proud and happy for myself, I'm depressed and angry. Because while I worked harder than ever before in school the last few years, I also allowed myself to gain a ton of weight. I used to run for exercise, but lately, my knees feeling like they are going to burn up and melt whenever I try. I guess the first step is to join a gym. Living in downtown Jersey City, I have some options, but the expense plus the intimidation factor has kept me from committing. How do I even start? What routine is best? How do I find a gym where all the hotties won't judge? But most of all: when will I ever look at myself in the mirror and like what I see?

    Any advice or encouragement for someone who desperately needs some?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2009 12:08 AM GMT
    Be thou encouraged!

    You're only 28, not too late for your body to get right into shape. Some of it's genetics, and you might not ever have a champion bodybuilder look, but you're going into law, not professional sports. Anyone can have an attractive body with a bit of work, of which one can be proud and attract men. You will, too.

    As for judgment at the gym, who the hell cares? Can they revoke your membership over your appearance? You'll be looking good in no time anyway, if you stick to it. Read the stuff here about training programs, pick a gym with trainers to advise you, you'll figure it out. A few months of awkwardness, maybe a year, and you'll be a lean, mean, fightin' machine! LOL!

    Now stop wasting time worrying about it, and get to work! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 06, 2009 2:41 AM GMT
    boywndr49 saidI just graduated law school. Huge accomplishmnet for me. But rather than be proud and happy for myself, I'm depressed and angry. Because while I worked harder than ever before in school the last few years, I also allowed myself to gain a ton of weight. But most of all: when will I ever look at myself in the mirror and like what I see?
    Any advice or encouragement for someone who desperately needs some?

    Join some gym and get on with it. You need to form consistent workout habits now before the stress of legal work really begins to get to you. When it does, and it will, you'll be grateful you have your regular workouts as an outlet. You'll feel better, sleep better, and of course look better.
    Every lawyer needs a coping strategy for the stress that's an inevitable part of what we do. Some drink, some overeat, some overinvest in expensive toys or sex partners. Working out is much healthier.
    Good luck!
  • jdog67

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    Jun 06, 2009 3:25 AM GMT
    Oh please. I'm 41 and I have seen a big difference over the past 12 weeks. Get in there and don't give up. I do suggest you lose the Quentin Crisp look (hat and scarf), however. He may have been a delightfully intelligent advocate for our community, but you don't want to look like him until you're at least 50. That said, never worry about what anybody else thinks. They're never thinking what you think they're thinking anyway. You're very cute and if you add a hot bod to that, who the heck is gonna laugh at you? Besides you just got a law degree!!! Congrats!!!
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    Jun 06, 2009 3:56 AM GMT
    Start just by doing something, even if it's getting out and walking each day at lunch for 20 minutes. The more active you are, the better it will be, as it will get the endorphins started, and you can build on that. If you don't want to go to a gym, which I know can be intimidating for someone who doesn't feel good about the way he looks, check out the different workouts here, and see which ones you can do at home with minimal to no equipment.

    The goal is to just move and move some more. You've got to get the momentum started. Small steps are what get you to where you want to go. I've lived that over the past year, and I've gotten great results.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2009 3:58 AM GMT
    I am in the same boat. I need motivation too
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    Jun 06, 2009 4:09 AM GMT
    You're a nice-looking guy, and young at 28. Start by walking an hour every day. You will be surprized at how your pants size starts going down. That will give you the motivation to go to a gym and, well, sorry, but I can't resist saying this, since you are a lawyer, look great in your briefs.
    If you want to go to the gym when there will be almost nobody there looking better or younger than you, go in the afternoon, mostly older folks there then.
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    Jun 06, 2009 4:17 AM GMT
    OK here is your motivational speech... get off your ass.

    Really gyms are full of guys (and gals) at all stages of progress. Nobody is going to laugh at you for showing up. Get started, do your best, and enjoy the benefits of a healthier body.

    You already know you can do great things if you put your mind to it. The question is why are you not putting your mind to exercise. There are no downsides except consuming a bit of cash and time.

  • Jun 06, 2009 4:24 AM GMT
    5'11" and 185 lbs does not seem big to me... are those old stats? just wondering...icon_question.gif
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    Jun 06, 2009 4:27 AM GMT
    Oh pfft, as judging goes - i've never felt judged at my gym - although it was a huge deterrent to joining at first.. once i finally did everyone has been pretty fun and helpful and never have i felt like i was being judged for being "out of shape"

    If you really want it - you need to do it. You have to ask yourself how badly you want to get fit - WHY you want to get fit - and if those are good enough , you'll do it. However don't up and join then never go again. Especially if there's a contract involved icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 06, 2009 4:29 AM GMT
    eat less, sweat more, do poor man exercises at home if you're intimidated, push ups, pull ups, squats, running...
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    Jun 06, 2009 4:30 AM GMT
    Sounds to me like you need to see a shrink. 5'11", and 185# likely isn't obese.

    Sounds to me like you're way self-involved, even though you've accomplished other goals you've set for yourself.

    Sounds to me like you think everyone at the gym is going to be staring at you ("judging" you, as you call it). Let's get real honest, nobody at the gym gives a shit about you. They're there to get into shape, look good, etc. You give yourself way to much credit thinking that those evil gym folks give a rat's posterior about you. You are one of 7 BILLION folks. I wouldn't sweat it. Like yourself, and the rest will follow.

    Like law school, or any other goal, walk into, through, and beyond, your comfort zone and into a new place. Make a plan and execute it, and stop it with all the self-pity / distorted image.

    If you aren't perfect, who cares. That's easy enough to fix.

    Now, get up from the computer, go to the gym, and get it done, or, go see a shrink to see where you're so terrified of a new goal, and why you think you matter so much to other folks.

    You've mustered up a plan for failure. Stop it. Make a plan for success, just like law school, or any other goal, and start executing it.
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    Jun 06, 2009 4:32 AM GMT
    Congrats on graduation! That's a huge accomplishment, and the sort of thing that very justifiably can put fitness on the back burner.

    Don't worry about being judged at the gym. Most folks are focused on their own workouts and/or worried about how they themselves look. I would recommend against joining an especially "gay" gym. If you're already feeling self-conscious, that isn't going to help. You don't need anything fancy. Just find someplace close to your home that you pass regularly so it's harder to ignore. icon_smile.gif

    BTW, a bunch of gyms are running promotions right now (they're ALWAYS running promotions, but still...) so see if you can get some sort of deal. Do it this weekend.

    Good luck!
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    Jun 06, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    Aww shit. Was hoping to get a post in before Chucky. Oh well. icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 06, 2009 5:07 AM GMT
    boywndr49 saidHow do I find a gym where all the hotties won't judge?

    "In psychology, psychological projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism where a person's personal attributes, unacceptable or unwanted thoughts, and/or emotions are ascribed onto another person or people. "

    Nobody in the gym is paying any attention to you, but yourself. It is safe for you to go in there and work out.



    Congratulations on your graduation. That is a great achievement!
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    Jun 06, 2009 5:17 AM GMT
    If running bothers your knees, try low impact aerobics like swimming or even cardio bikes. Get on there 20 to 40 mins 4 or 5 days a week. Also watch your diet. When you are busy it is easy to binge on quick foods and snacks like sodas and other sweet stuff. Add fruit and vegetables for snacks.
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    Jun 06, 2009 5:29 AM GMT
    Caslon11000 said
    boywndr49 saidHow do I find a gym where all the hotties won't judge?

    "In psychology, psychological projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism where a person's personal attributes, unacceptable or unwanted thoughts, and/or emotions are ascribed onto another person or people. "

    Nobody in the gym is paying any attention to you, but yourself. It is safe for you to go in there and work out.



    Congratulations on your graduation. That is a great achievement!


    I'm not sure your little assessment that he is projecting (if that is what you are in fact implying) is correct.

    If he was projecting, that means he would be negatively judging them, but ascribing that to the 'hotties' instead of admitting that he was the one judging.

    I don't think that would necessarily make sense in this context.

    Anyway. I do agree with Caslon that people tend not to judge. I see bigger people at the gym all teh time and all I think about is that its great that they are in the gym and trying to meet their fitness goals... the end. No one cares! which is a good thing icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 06, 2009 5:35 AM GMT
    ZbmwM5 saidIf he was projecting, that means he would be negatively judging them, but ascribing that to the 'hotties' instead of admitting that he was the one judging.

    I think projecting is when you take your thoughts (in this case his negative view of himself) and project them on to others as if they are thinking these thoughts. So, in this case, he is projecting his negative views of himself on to others at the gym as if they are thinking the same negative assessment of him. When in fact, nobody in the gym cares about anybody but himself in the mirror. kiss_animated_gif.gif
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    Jun 06, 2009 6:13 AM GMT
    I guess I have something to add: if I had a buck for every person that expressed an opinion about me, positive, or negative, at the gym, I'd be driving my BMW to the gym right now.

    Here's a new rule you can add to your life, Mr. Poster:
    Fuck the fucking fuckers.

    Now, quit being such a wimp and go get it done.
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    Jun 06, 2009 6:20 AM GMT
    I'd say just start out familiarizing yourself with exercises and equipment and build a base for strength and muscular endurance (which you probably have a bit of from running). My experience has been that a lot of knee problems as a result of running are caused by tight IT bands, or tight or weak quads.
    Those and inproper shoes.

    You can hire a trainer, or you can educate yourself. The choice is your's, the only limitations you have are the ones you set upon yourself. No one is judging you, they're concentrating on their own workouts, and physiques. Not your's. Whether you look in the mirror and like what you see is a conscious choice. The more you focus on positive things and changes, the better your self image will be.

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    Jun 06, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    boywndr49 saidHow do I even start? What routine is best?

    Here is a starter program from RJ: http://www.realjock.com/workout/1057/
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    Jun 06, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidI guess I have something to add: if I had a buck for every person that expressed an opinion about me, positive, or negative, at the gym, I'd be driving my BMW to the gym right now.

    Here's a new rule you can add to your life, Mr. Poster:
    Fuck the fucking fuckers.

    Now, quit being such a wimp and go get it done.


    Chucky is right. first thing is fuck everybody else. YOu set your law school goals accomplished them. Now set your dream body goals and go get them. this is about you not the critizing other fuckers.

    congrats on law school!
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    Jun 06, 2009 4:13 PM GMT
    Caslon11000 said
    boywndr49 saidHow do I even start? What routine is best?

    Here is a starter program from RJ: http://www.realjock.com/workout/1057/


    Beat me to the punch, Cas. icon_wink.gif

    You obviously have tenacity and motivation if you've finished law school (CONGRATULATIONS!!!). Now, you need to funnel that into maintaining a active, healthy lifestyle. #1: Be patient with yourself. You're going to be starting a whole new habit set. It's going to be difficult to change your routine, but not impossible. #2: Don't expect to transform in a month. It's going to take a little time. First, you should follow the program Cas suggested (or one like it) to build your functional strength. THEN go into more muscle-building routines. If you try to go into the muscle-building right now, you won't be ready for it, and will get really frustrated and possibly even hurt yourself.

    People are right about the gym on here, too. No one really cares if you're out of shape or not (and you shouldn't care if they care anyway icon_idea.gif ). I look at the hot guys with the great bodies in my gym, not as intimidating, but motivating. (And ... I probably stare just a BIT too much for my own good. icon_eek.gif ).

    The only thing I judge negatively at the gym are people with really bad form trying to lift more than they can handle, but ... that's the health professional in me. icon_wink.gif (Well, that and male nipples. I can't see a man's nipples falling out of a scrap of a shirt at the gym without screaming internally, "NIPPLES!!!!" and giggling. :-p)
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    Jun 06, 2009 11:46 PM GMT
    This is an interesting topic. I am 56 and recently I attended a bash where someone took a load of pics of us all, and by request, I had them emailed to me.
    I was literally horrified at my massive bulk I gained over the years, much by comfort eating and fear of going hungry while at work. I usually started the day with an enormous breakfast, to avoid hunger pangs later in the day.
    I could see that I was in the danger zone for Cardiac Arrest.
    Honestly, I'm not exaggerating. After all, I want to be alive to see my grandchildren one day.
    So I made an apointment to see a specialist. After I told her of my eating habits, she told me to drastically reduce the size of my breakfast, and snack during the day. She also reccommended me to go for more walks, and perhaps jogging when I'm ready. She then advised me to visit her two weeks later.
    I followed her instructions. After two weeks I had my weight checked. I'd lost five kilos, more than the reccommended for the two weeks. I was very elated.
    I'm keeping this up. I have a very weak willpower, and dieting is anathema to me. I made that plain to the specialist. Yet this seem to be working, and if all goes well, either I'll soon be investing in a new pair of running shoes, or join a gym for supervised weight-reducing workouts.