pure guys exist?

  • Tigre87

    Posts: 12

    Jun 06, 2009 5:50 AM GMT
    Today we live in world that is very "open" about sexuality. Is there guys somewhere that wait for the right person and think about future? Today most guys dont care about future and for example have speed dates or something... Is very rare find someone that is really looking more that a "friendship" and someone that is not the kind of "easy going"... No one is perfect but if most people are always "easy going" well in reality we dont are diferent of animals, that just look for mate etc... dont?icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 6:35 AM GMT
    Tigre87 saidToday we live in world that is very "open" about sexuality. Is there guys somewhere that wait for the right person and think about future? Today most guys dont care about future and for example have speed dates or something... Is very rare find someone that is really looking more that a "friendship" and someone that is not the kind of "easy going"... No one is perfect but if most people are always "easy going" well in reality we dont are diferent of animals, that just look for mate etc... dont?icon_twisted.gif

    Err you're barely older than me and I haven't had a boyfriend yet, so hang in there. Yes humans are animals, but lots of animals mate for life if that comforts you. I don't think it's healthy to search for one person to share the rest of your life with till you die. There is too much pressure that way. Things happen and people change, but if after 30 years you find you are still in love and together than awesome!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 6:44 AM GMT
    Tigre87 saidToday we live in world that is very "open" about sexuality. Is there guys somewhere that wait for the right person and think about future? Today most guys dont care about future and for example have speed dates or something... Is very rare find someone that is really looking more that a "friendship" and someone that is not the kind of "easy going"... No one is perfect but if most people are always "easy going" well in reality we dont are diferent of animals, that just look for mate etc... dont?icon_twisted.gif

    I'm noticing a trend with this guy ... Johnny One-note.... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 6:55 AM GMT
    just log on to yearningforzionqueers.com
  • triniboy

    Posts: 305

    Jun 06, 2009 2:53 PM GMT
    Caslon11000 said
    Tigre87 saidToday we live in world that is very "open" about sexuality. Is there guys somewhere that wait for the right person and think about future? Today most guys dont care about future and for example have speed dates or something... Is very rare find someone that is really looking more that a "friendship" and someone that is not the kind of "easy going"... No one is perfect but if most people are always "easy going" well in reality we dont are diferent of animals, that just look for mate etc... dont?icon_twisted.gif

    I'm noticing a trend with this guy ... Johnny One-note.... icon_rolleyes.gif


    I agree... additionally I really have a tough time understanding what he's/you're trying to say.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 2:55 PM GMT
    triniboy said
    Caslon11000 said
    Tigre87 saidToday we live in world that is very "open" about sexuality. Is there guys somewhere that wait for the right person and think about future? Today most guys dont care about future and for example have speed dates or something... Is very rare find someone that is really looking more that a "friendship" and someone that is not the kind of "easy going"... No one is perfect but if most people are always "easy going" well in reality we dont are diferent of animals, that just look for mate etc... dont?icon_twisted.gif

    I'm noticing a trend with this guy ... Johnny One-note.... icon_rolleyes.gif


    I agree... additionally I really have a tough time understanding what he's/you're trying to say.


    What he meant by "easy going" is easy to hook up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 3:07 PM GMT
    Tigre87 saidToday we live in world that is very "open" about sexuality. Is there guys somewhere that wait for the right person and think about future? Today most guys dont care about future and for example have speed dates or something... Is very rare find someone that is really looking more that a "friendship" and someone that is not the kind of "easy going"... No one is perfect but if most people are always "easy going" well in reality we dont are diferent of animals, that just look for mate etc... dont?icon_twisted.gif


    You're still practically a fetus and you're worried about this?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 3:28 PM GMT
    Yes there are. I am one of them and there are others too. We are far and few between. Regardless of how anyone else treats you, talks down to you, tells you how wrong you are, calls you stupid/inexperienced for doing it your way, makes lame jokes about fake websites...You should always be YOU....be true to yourself and do what is right for you. Their opinion is just that- their opinion. Their opinion will NEVER work for you because it's theirs and not yours so NEVER give into someone elses' opinion! Know the difference between facts and opinions......The guys who get soooo angry defensive about being sexually promiscuous are just trying to defend their lifestyle. What we see as slutty and unsafe, they see as sexual freedom. What we see as being careful and moral, they see as prude and pathetic. Who cares what they think- its not important or relevant to and for you. Find a guy who thinks like you, believes what you do and wants the same things as you. There is nothing wrong in waiting (not humping whoever whenever) and I highly doubt your age is a concern. You won't grow older and into a slut- you are already you, you will just get older with experience and time. I believe in waiting. It's always great to know that there are other guys, gay men, who feel the same. It's always "to each his own". What do you internally "own"?


    Wait...I feel like I am forgetting something...hmmmm O RIGHT!

    TheMoreYouKnow.gif

    (Edit: This picture does not mean that I'm making a joke of what I have wrote above- what's written is exactly how I feel. I just like to laugh- who doesn't?)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 3:34 PM GMT
    IvesCardin08 saidYes there are. I am one of them and there are others too. We are far and few between. Regardless of how anyone else treats you, talks down to you, tells you how wrong you are, calls you stupid/inexperienced for doing it your way, makes lame jokes about fake websites...You should always be YOU....be true to yourself and do what is right for you. Their opinion is just that- their opinion. Their opinion will NEVER work for you because it's theirs and not yours so NEVER give into an someone elses' opinion! Know the difference between facts and opinions......The guys who get soooo angry defensive about being sexually promiscuous are just trying to defend their lifestyle. What we see as slutty and unsafe, they see as sexual freedom. What we see as being careful and moral, they see as prude and pathetic. Who cares what they think- its not important or relevant to and for you. Find a guy who thinks like you, believes what you do and wants the same things as you. There is nothing wrong in waiting (not humping whoever whenever) and I highly doubt your age is a concern, you wont grow older and into a slut- you are already you, you will just get older with experience and time. I believe in waiting. Its always great to know that there are other guys, gay men, who feel the same. It's always "to each his own". What do you internally "own"?


    Wait...I feel like I am forgetting something...hmmmm O RIGHT!

    TheMoreYouKnow.gif



    haha, that caught me off guard while I was reading your post
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 3:42 PM GMT
    Tigre87 saidToday we live in world that is very "open" about sexuality. Is there guys somewhere that wait for the right person and think about future? Today most guys dont care about future and for example have speed dates or something... Is very rare find someone that is really looking more that a "friendship" and someone that is not the kind of "easy going"... No one is perfect but if most people are always "easy going" well in reality we dont are diferent of animals, that just look for mate etc... dont?icon_twisted.gif

    You describe 2 different things, and yet one leads to the other.

    It once was said in English that a young man had to "sow his wild oats" before he married and settled down. This was an acknowledgment of what people saw as a natural part of human male growth and the process of maturing. A young man wants to have his fun, before that time passes on its own, and he begins to value stability over simple sex.

    Right now you, and the other gay men of similar age you see around you, want simple sex. That is normal, as things should be. Just be careful & safe.

    The day will come when you will want a different thing, will want to settle down with one man. You will know when that day happens. It was like the time you began to put away your childhood toys, and turned your attention to the things of the adult world.

    And that process never ends. Even now, at 60, I continue to enter new phases of my life. What I want and do today is not the same as when I was 40, nor when I was 20.

    I think it's OK to be a gay man in his early 20s meeting lots of other gay men on an open & casual basis. This is how you will come across a more lasting relationship when you are ready for that next phase in your life.

    Don't rush things and worry about it too much. Take everything in its turn. Right now you are young and starting out. Have fun, enjoy, learn about life & love. I envy you very much. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
    isn't the title of this thread " pure guy exist" an oxymoron?

    pure, should be more like a "decent" or "good" guy.

    pure is a dream.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 4:41 PM GMT
    Tigre87 saidToday we live in world that is very "open" about sexuality. Is there guys somewhere that wait for the right person and think about future? Today most guys dont care about future and for example have speed dates or something... Is very rare find someone that is really looking more that a "friendship" and someone that is not the kind of "easy going"... No one is perfect but if most people are always "easy going" well in reality we dont are diferent of animals, that just look for mate etc... dont?icon_twisted.gif


    There's shitpiles of nice people in the world. Because there's so many folks (7 BILLION), you gotta' sift through a few, and manage your time and other resources appropriately. If someone isn't making the grade, get rid of them...you don't owe them any favors. There's simply way to many GOOD folks to be able to interact with to have to deal with flakes / assholes.

    If someone isn't a match, realize...they are just one of 7 BILLION folks.

    Take a more optimistic approach, and don't be afraid to sift through the apples in the box.

    The saying goes, don't waste time coaching losers.
  • 1HotBodMan

    Posts: 16

    Jun 06, 2009 5:02 PM GMT
    IvesCardin08 saidYes there are. I am one of them and there are others too. We are far and few between. Regardless of how anyone else treats you, talks down to you, tells you how wrong you are, calls you stupid/inexperienced for doing it your way, makes lame jokes about fake websites...You should always be YOU....be true to yourself and do what is right for you. Their opinion is just that- their opinion. Their opinion will NEVER work for you because it's theirs and not yours so NEVER give into someone elses' opinion! Know the difference between facts and opinions......The guys who get soooo angry defensive about being sexually promiscuous are just trying to defend their lifestyle. What we see as slutty and unsafe, they see as sexual freedom. What we see as being careful and moral, they see as prude and pathetic. Who cares what they think- its not important or relevant to and for you. Find a guy who thinks like you, believes what you do and wants the same things as you. There is nothing wrong in waiting (not humping whoever whenever) and I highly doubt your age is a concern. You won't grow older and into a slut- you are already you, you will just get older with experience and time. I believe in waiting. It's always great to know that there are other guys, gay men, who feel the same. It's always "to each his own". What do you internally "own"?



    I totally agree. I'm one of those people too.
  • rockleetpt

    Posts: 76

    Jun 06, 2009 5:22 PM GMT
    I find these topics very troubling in various ways.

    It assumes "most are sexually driven" and "few are relationship driven".
    How do you know? Did you count them all? Just because it's hard to find it doesn't necessary mean they are short in numbers. Just because there are speed dates and hook up sites and places doesn't mean they are in greater numbers. It just means sex is something that can be arranged easily with almost no troubles at all and with multiple partners. Building a relationship is something that takes time, it's very personal and intimate.
    And it's not like everything is built to arrange sex, you can find tons of ad personals filled with people looking into Mr/Miss Right. In short, and like like Chuckystud said, "Take a more optimistic approach, and don't be afraid to sift through the apples in the box.". Building a relationship and finding the right guy is very hard so don't waste time whinning and complain, stay here to chat, hopefully you'll find someone who pushes your buttons, or better yet, he will find you first.

    It assumes sexually driven peole are bad, bad, BAD and relationship driven are good guys.
    I see lot's of people who get tired easily when looking into relationships (If you want to be happy with someone for the rest of your life, such a noble rewarding goal just doesn't get accomplished by wishing and go look around for a few days) go bash the more sexually driven to take out their frustration. That frustration takes the form of useless accusations and fuels self righteousness. There are ALL kinds of people and MANY forms to achieve personal hapinness. Just because falling in love with someone, building a everlasting relationship and hopefully raise an offspring is the one of the most popular way to achieve hapiness it doesn't mean it's necessary the RIGHT one nor the ONLY one. There are people who devote their lives to some unseen cause, to protect and improve the life of others, to make wonderous inventions, etc.. Remaing single and having fun is also a way to achieve personal hapiness. Sure there are some risks involved and people who walk this path sometimes aren't very mature in their own path but also there are relationship driven who aren't mature too. People say "they are unsafe", well so is the that obcessed person who stalks the one who thinks is perfect to him or her. The difference is the harm is more visible regarding sex, when you try to love (and worse yet when you assume love as some twisted obcession) and you make mistakes and people get hurt, it isn't very much different when it comes to "unsafe and unhealthy"

    It assumes that sexually driven people exist purely to fuck, that's what they do and that's what they will always do.
    Sexuality is an important (that's also relative it depends to the person) but so is work, independence, friendship, body care, personal development, hobbies... Just because some guy or girl enjoys the sex it doesn't mean it doesn't enjoy a good conversation, a good movie, a good book, a good friendship. To think otherwise is falling into prejudice and taking stereotypes too seriously. Also it doesn't mean that someday the fucker/ed will keep on fucking/ed, there's always the possibility that the person grows the need to settle down into a relationship.

    In short, yes society sees homossexuality as a promiscuos community and just as much as that stereotype is wrong, so is the stereotype inside that community that most gay people are fuckers. It only proves two things, that we aren't very different and it only proves that's only a sympton of a great problem: Closed mindedness, imaturity, misinformation and lack of commun sense.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 06, 2009 6:36 PM GMT
    Dude, stop projection your opinions of love and how a relationship should be unto others. Everyone has a right to construct their own code of romance and ethics around that, and that's between the people in the relationship, which doesn't include you unless you happen to be in it. So don't bitch about other guys not being like you because they have every right not to, and furthermore, they're not on here complaining about you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 6:40 PM GMT
    calibro saidDude, stop projection your opinions of love and how a relationship should be unto others. Everyone has a right to construct their own code of romance and ethics around that, and that's between the people in the relationship, which doesn't include you unless you happen to be in it. So don't bitch about other guys not being like you because they have every right not to, and furthermore, they're not on here complaining about you.


    Bingo!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 7:31 PM GMT
    Maybe people are more multilayered and -faceted than we thought. rockleetpt has pretty much debunked any assumption that would have made this illustration hard to accept or understand:

    I spent months bleeding my soul into a relationship trying to make it work. But it didn’t, and I was devastated.

    Then one morning a complete stranger invited me to his place.

    In that single hour of promiscuity, I – I found myself. My life started to make sense. A total stranger and I loved and worshipped each other to sanity. Lasting for barely an hour this love was so complete, and pure because it was followed by absolutely no false promises of forever.

    It was dirty, it was wrong – it was beautiful and I needed it the way a guy needs a beer after a 10-hour workday.
    For weeks afterwards, I found myself displaying personal qualities I didn’t know I had – generosity, empathy, friendliness, etc.
    Who would have thought? Something most people deem “impure” had a very liberating effect.

    Someone said that the man who’s knocking on the door of a brothel is looking for God. Isn’t the converse also true – that the man at the altar is running away from anything good and true?

    To note, I DO NOT RECOMMEND meeting up with total strangers (or putting it up on Realjock, for that matter).
    But there isn’t an exhaustive list of right and wrong things to do with your life – simply healthy and unhealthy states of being that do not necessarily correlate with what you’re doing. Morals aren’t that formulaic, and people aren’t that simple.

    My point? Some “pure” guys know nothing about relating, being committed, courage, love and joy.

    And some “impure” guys will know how to touch your soul – and other body parts – in ways you never dreamed were possible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 7:32 PM GMT
    i waited till i was in love to have sex for the first time... about 9 months after we began dating. (: saw each other almost every day till then... ummmmmmmm now that's all out the door. ha!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 7:36 PM GMT
    the_others said
    But there isn’t an exhaustive list of right and wrong things to do with your life – simply healthy and unhealthy states of being that do not necessarily correlate with what you’re doing. Morals aren’t that formulaic, and people aren’t that simple.


    Trudat! (:
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 7:43 PM GMT

    notthisjeez.jpg

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2009 10:28 PM GMT

    My word, I think you need to broaden your vocabulary because you seem jaded already and that is not good for how young you are. Because you have so many questions, all of them so far, unsophisticated and trite, you don't seem to know enough about your new found sexuality to be making all of these goofy generalizations about your community. First thing you need to do is broadan your mind: just because someone doesn't indulge the way you think most gay men do, does not make them this great and pure person. A virgin to the gay community is more than likely a newcomer to the gay community, just finding his wings in a lifestyle that can be quite the enticing fantasy. If you are judging people based on "purity" based on the amount of sex they have, you may find yourself a little at odds. You'd do better to judge guys on face value: manners, compassion, responsibility, character, ingenuity, and safe sex practices. There are many more too that leave cookie cutter concepts like "pure and good" flapping in the wind.

    The next thing you need to do is realize that noone is perfect and if you are, that means a very lonely life for you. Seriously, who are you to be walking around imposing all of this immaculate living on everyone? Noone is perfect, not even you. Once you accept your flaws and those of others, you'll be happier. Then you can watch for guys who manage their flaws rather than just concentrating on those who don't or looking for something that does not exist in a guy who has none.

    Last but not leaslty, live. You don't know what you think you know. You are buying into a falsehood about your community. Go out there and date, live, have fun, do what ever. Noone is saying, put out (unless you want to SAFELY), but you are looking silly saying "most guys" this and "most guys" that. You don't know shit about guys; get out there and find out. It's good to be wise and have witts, but don't let preconceptions, some of them misconceptions, cloud your mind and prevent you from being objective about the men out there. Your community is gigantic, stop cubbyholing the whole thing.

    What's going to happen if you keep being a sex nazi is: the right guy is going to come along with a few flaws which you won't accept and give him the boot or the right guy will come along and find you so stuff shirted and sanctimonious that he will give himself the boot....or the wrong guy will come along, realize all of your preferences are cliche and easy to replicate, replicate them and really fuck your perception of the world up. Oooy, wake up before this happens.

    I should know. My first was dirty, rough around the edges, a tad offputting, but a good man. I could have experienced more from him (all good things), but I wanted him perfect (whatever perfect is), and I ran him off with this. Have yet to find a man that could raise my temperature quite the way he could.


  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Jun 07, 2009 12:28 AM GMT
    YES! I am certainly one of those looking for a friendship, boyfriend and something leading to an LTR.
    There are many like me looking as well I am sure.

  • Tigre87

    Posts: 12

    Jun 07, 2009 12:41 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    Tigre87 saidToday we live in world that is very "open" about sexuality. Is there guys somewhere that wait for the right person and think about future? Today most guys dont care about future and for example have speed dates or something... Is very rare find someone that is really looking more that a "friendship" and someone that is not the kind of "easy going"... No one is perfect but if most people are always "easy going" well in reality we dont are diferent of animals, that just look for mate etc... dont?icon_twisted.gif

    You describe 2 different things, and yet one leads to the other.

    It once was said in English that a young man had to "sow his wild oats" before he married and settled down. This was an acknowledgment of what people saw as a natural part of human male growth and the process of maturing. A young man wants to have his fun, before that time passes on its own, and he begins to value stability over simple sex.

    Right now you, and the other gay men of similar age you see around you, want simple sex. That is normal, as things should be. Just be careful & safe.

    The day will come when you will want a different thing, will want to settle down with one man. You will know when that day happens. It was like the time you began to put away your childhood toys, and turned your attention to the things of the adult world.

    And that process never ends. Even now, at 60, I continue to enter new phases of my life. What I want and do today is not the same as when I was 40, nor when I was 20.

    I think it's OK to be a gay man in his early 20s meeting lots of other gay men on an open & casual basis. This is how you will come across a more lasting relationship when you are ready for that next phase in your life.

    Don't rush things and worry about it too much. Take everything in its turn. Right now you are young and starting out. Have fun, enjoy, learn about life & love. I envy you very much. icon_biggrin.gif


    Well diferent views... have a time for "fun" include be selfish because is when we are young that we have more oportunity for build a healthy relationship... Time is a limit, because we arent imortal, soon or later people get older and is not when we have 65 or something that we build a healthy relationship because for example for gays couples that adopt children is necessary have responsible and if we are old people care for example one children is dificult...Imagine if all people think like this? Have "fun" when they are younger and after they are f"ucked think about marriage.. Complex ah? this is simple we make our way: some guys want more than be like animals, other be one of thousand animals that exist in our earth and play with people like objects that use and put in trash...thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 07, 2009 12:48 AM GMT
    Most guys who are into this lifestyle are for sex, and are selfish and do not consider others. If u read their perspective profiles, it clearly points towards, its all about me and wut i want, never about wut da other person is going to geticon_eek.gif lmao...all i ever read is this is wut i want, never about wut u will geticon_lol.gif Most are not honest about status, or disclose wut they are really like upfronticon_lol.gif be careful out there homeboy, be extremely cautious whom u come into contact witicon_eek.gif