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Hi Guys,
Why is it that so many guys here will NOT answer Email even to say "sorry we are not a match" or we can chat but there is no mutual attracation"

Is there something about being here that make us abandon all ideas of politeness and courtesy?

Sometimes we simply want to chat about the sports we love or workouts etc, Listing a profile on sites like this is tantamount to ASKING for people to contact you and in fact many profiles say "if this interests you drop me a line"
or "I am a freindly, easy going guy send me an email"
BUT I have noticed with talking to some guys here that less than 1% of the guys they write to will write back at ALL.
Come on... we get enough rudeness and predidice in the straight world... PLEASE have courtesy to people who reach out to you even if you are not sexually attracted.... there IS more to life than SEX!


COMMENTS?

I see 118 of you read this message but only one person commented and that was in private.

How about this question;

When you write to someone, what would you like and expect them to do if they are not interested in you sexually?

Do you think it is BEST or at least OK to ignore your mail?

Is it OK or Best for them to say "sorry we are not a match" ?

OR for them to say something else but at least respond.

NOW having thought about that, what do you think is best or OK (acceptable behavior) for YOU to do whe someone writes you?

Okay first off: GREAT TOPIC!!

I am sure there are going to be various answers/opinions to your questions..

In the world of internet profiles, NO NEWS IS BAD NEWS, meaning, if no one replies, move on.

For some this can come across as being rude, but let's face it, no one owes anyone anything. And if someone DOES like your pic and/or profile, great, but to dwell on it...it's not worth it.

Sure there is more than just SEX, but just because someone approaches you with a question, does not mean they HAVE to respond. The wonders of anonymity.

Sure in the ideal world, everyone replies, but we're not in that kind of a world, whether gay or straight. Has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

Maybe this sounds harsh and selfish, but I am just stating my own experiences. After all, you're just talking to a picture.

Expect that much back.

i have to side with mikeintoronto here, he has hit the nail on the head.

This is afterall the internet, the world of anominity. It allows so many levels of filters. But then again why worry if someone does not reply to our messages, it could be the other side of the story, you actually get someone who constantly emails you with obseen and uncomfortable messages, and there again lies the beauty of the net, blocking profiles.

In a world thats built around connecting people, you can feel very alone sitting staring at a computer screen.

Physical connections are FAR better than electronic ones, if every sense ;-P

Well there's also the occurrence of people who send you a note and ask or even beg you to reply and when you do, you never hear from them again.

It's important to look at the site in terms of what it is: a forum for gay men to connect with each other about fitness. I think this is great. I just stumbled across it on the internet and it is *exactly* what I have been looking for for a while.

I am interested in connecting with other gay men who are interested in developing their fitness - and their bodies, of course.

If I wanted to hook up with gay men, I would use an online site specifically devoted towards sex, i.e. squirt.org, gay.com, gaydar.co.uk, etc., etc., etc.

Let's face it guys, there are a hundred and one sex-based sites out there; but this is the first fitness-based site that I've found.

Here's hoping to connect with a few like-minded guys to talk about fitness!

Cheers.

otegai, yes I agree this is site for guys to meet about fitness and with that in mind, why is it OK NOT to answer someone?

I respectably DISagree that many seem to think it is perfectly acceptable to ignore people who write to you especially when your profile specifically ASKS for "drop me a line" "If this interests you, hit me up" etc. You are ASKING to be contacted so why throw away your normal humanity and ignore?

Is this the way YOU want to be treated?

I would think in this site BECAUSE it is about sports and fitness and not focused on being a pick up site, you would be more polite and less about weather the guy who answered you request for a note is "hot" in your eyes.


=== Ron

I agree but I've got to say that most of the emails I get are not asking me about where, how or what I do to work out or what I eat. It's not about any sports I play or like to watch either. It would make an interesting poll for everyone to answer. Because basically most notes I get are after something more. I'm not all that, so if I'm getting them then others are too.

I'm not saying you can't be polite and I do answer any email I get. And as I posted before, I often don't get anything back in response. So there is no dialog. The only exceptions for me would be someone granting me access to their private pictures with no prior or subsequent conversation. That just makes me uncomfortable on this site.

RedKoste, it is refreshing to hear that at least YOU answer those who write to you even for the sexual contact.
As for guys who don't answer you after you answer them; same as I said before... rude in my opinion and I wish the internet didn't make people lose thier humanity and common decency.
Would you want to be treated like that?

Well right. I don't like assuming that every compliment or comment is a come on. I feel like I'm being vain or something if I think like that which is why I always give some kind of a reply. Maybe it's because I'm a southerner or am easily guilted hehe.

Also it could be that definitions of manners differ from person to person. I don't know, I'm just throwing that out as a possibility.

I try to answer most emails I receive... the ones that are simply "can I fuck you?" generally won't get a response.

mtkroll, it is nice to hear you will respond except to blatent sex only mails.

I see YOU also ask for people to contact you.

Glad to see there are some of us that still have manners and are civil :) BRAVO !

-- Ron

I understand your perspective. It would be polite and respectful for people to respond to every email they recieve. But I think its kinda unrealistic to expect anything from complete strangers on the net.

If I walked down a NY city block and said 'good morning' to 10 people, I guarantee you that 7 of the ten would either ignore me or look at me like I was crazy or talking to someone else. MAYBE three would automatically say good morning back. And the internet is even less personal than interactions on a New York city street.

So I say stop taking it personally. If someone doesnt respond to my message, I take that as the response... not interested. And I move on. I have too many positive things to think about to be concerned with negativity like that.

kelani makes good sense. However, I do believe it is rude, in this forum, to not respond. I always do, even if it is a "thanks but no thanks". And, also, it's true that people may not be being nice to get a hook up. I know I want friends too...you don't get a hook up by sending a mail message to someone across the country, but you can get a friend. They last longer than hookups... :-)

Anyway, anyone that answers my profile seriously (as opposed to a flame or something) gets a nice response.

Thank you fastprof

Perhaps you come from a more mannered educated background and Kudos to you !
I understand what some other guys are saying but there is no need to perpetuate rudeness and lack of caring for others to encourage people NOT to respond if they simply feel like it.

--- Ron

The way I see it, is kinda like the Matrix. People plug in and change their identities and do what they want. The real world rules no longer exist. Sometimes they stay plugged in for so long, that they can't tell the difference between the internet and reality. They get into fights in the real world because someone deleted them on their myspace friends list. Then, there are the ones who can plug in, talk to the Oracle, fight a couple agents, and then run to go pick up the phone when they've had enough.

Well, I look at it this way:

If I send a message to someone and I get no reply, then I move on. I am not owed an explanation, nor do I owe anyone an explanation. Just suck it up and move on, In my opinion.

As for myself, I will answer a PROPER email. If it comes off as a sleazy come-on or something stupid, they get no reply. If they are pesty or needy, they get no reply. And if they don't get an answer I would think they figured out why they did not get one. If not, like I said, no one is owed anything.

In ahort, be nice or be gone...

I think the question TallGWMvballer was asking, though, didn't have to do with what a guy should do if someone did not respond to a "proper" mail message. It had to do with why a person would not want to acknowledge such. I agree with stealthmuscle that a guy needs to move on, period, when that happens. But the question is if a guy receives a mail message that is responsive to his profile (lets say a person says he wants "friends"), why that person would not least just respond. Well, as someone else pointed out, this, like all such websites, is still a "virtual reality". People can feel free to be "rude" to a virtual person, more so than they would be to a person in the flesh. I also think that, as in all of gay culture, there is for some guys a "pecking order" of who you can be rude to, and not (as in, are they hot to you or not). But I also believe that this is less an issue on this site than even match.com.

Well, again in that case, the same answer applies....move on, whether it is "proper" mail, a follow-up on a response to your profile or whatever the case may be.

Unfortunately, our society has become "boorish", i.e. common courtesy is out the window. And on the flip side of that coin, there are occasions when you try to respond in kind, you may get the "you think you are better than me.." email (and YES, I did get one of those). So, rudeness previals, sad but true.

Like I said, in any case of communication, even in the event of a non-response to someone else's email advance.....move on! :)

P.S.

And if said person wants to be "Friends", a lot of times that is translated as "drift away quietly"!

stealthmuscle said "...Unfortunately, our society has become "boorish"..."

and

"you may get the "you think you are better than me.." email (and YES, I did get one of those). So, rudeness previals, sad but true..."

Yes, on both counts. I think we agree with one another. Yes, not on this site, but on another, I have gotten odd, attitude-filled rejoinders to what I thought was a very gentle, courteous "thanks but no thanks."

I just think the rule should be "be courteous." That doesn't mean that you have to be attracted to what you are not attracted to, nor does it mean that you have to say something beyond "thanks, but no thanks".

I also agree, though, you just...have...to....move...on. :-)

If you were a 26 y.o., ripped, hottie you would not have to ask this question regarding answering emails. I kicked back with a young body buider once and in the course on an hour I must have heard 60 emails come in from the site that I contacted him on. Practically speaking he can't reply to them all and the rule of the web is that he has no obligation to do so. RVSP applies to snail mail only.

So sephchek you think it is OK, proper, polite, good manners and the right thing to do to IGNORE those you don't think are your sexual type? (even though the Email was answering your "hit me up" or "contact me to say hi")


How very sad that so many feel this way.... you are only a 20 something "hottie" for a short time.... is this how you want to be teated by the NEW 20 something hotties AND evryone else after you are no longer one of them? Something to think about next time when you get a freindly Email.

I have been on both sides of this.

While I generally respond to messages... Sometimes I just dont feel like being bothered for one reason or other or something about them rubbed me the wrong way. I think everyone is entitled to have a moment or mood or whatever.

I have also messaged people and been ignored.

I do feel you about not being 20 something and cute forever... we all age. But with a healthy self esteem in tact, I realize that if they choose not to respond, my life goes on. So I never take offense.

I dont get into judging them as impolite or rude, right or wrong. I dont waste any mental energy on them, I just get over it.

The nonresponse just lets me know that this person was not meant to be a part of my life right away. Its a timesaver... ;-)

I dont feel that an unsolicited email obligates someone to answer it.

Just like if the telephone rings, I dont have to answer it; if the doorbell rings, I dont have to answer it.

I too have been on both sides of this and, personally, I think it's basically just the nature of the beast. I take such things with a grain of salt, and think it's best that others do as well. Granted, it can be disappointing if you show interest and none is returned but, hey, it happens, get over it, move on. I agree that an unsolicited email does not necessarily warrant a response if you don't feel inclined for what ever reason to give one. Same reason I don't send "Thanks, but no thanks" to the hundreds of requests I get regularly for some new credit card or the chance to reduce my mortgage payments.

The hundreds of email comeons for credit cards are not sent to you by someone who is being responsive to something you have written in a public profile (essentially, a self description or, if you will, an advertisement).

I agree that a mail you'd get with a "you're cute, you want to WebCam?" type of message is similar to those unsolicited advertisements. And any one line emails that seem unrelated to what you have put in your profile. Sure, those should/can be ignored.

But if you put "I'd like to meet someone likes the color green. Don't be shy, you green guys out there, give a shout." And someone answers "I have always loved the color green. I'd like to meet". That's the person that should get a "thanks but no thanks" response if you don't feel chemistry.

I agree that for some of you guys that get 1000s of mails per day, that can be difficult.. :-) But for the rest, I still think it's rude not to respond.

That said, I agree with kelani again...if you don't get a response, move on. It's not meant to be. And if you perceive that as rude behavior (and the other person does not), there's likely to be lots of other conflicts that will likely show up.

You're better off....

i definitely see both sides of this, and have to warn you that i probably won't add anything substantial to this argument...

be that as it may, i would like to reiterate that yes, i believe it is common decency to reply to e-mails in a forum such as the one provided by real jock...unless they are entirely sexual in nature. nonetheless, i generally still reply to those voicing the fact that i am not interested in that sort of thing.

on other sites, i definitely agree that sometimes responding to everyone is a herculean task. i remember signing up for one site and receiving a few thousand emails within the first couple days. albeit flattering, i don't want my entire life devoted to answering e-mails from people i don't even know. i am sure none of us obtained the physiques displayed in our profiles by bumming around on the computer during all of our spare time...and i feel like people should understand that. it's a huge task just reading all of the emails, let alone responding to each of them individually. i do attempt to do so, but i don't think it's fair to berate people who might not respond to all of your queries either.

basically, i feel that common decency (as with most things) is a two way street. people in general should be respectful and respond to emails they receive, but at the same time, if they don't...those who sent them the initial email should be understanding.

just my two cents on the matter.

For me, answering also depends on the effort that the other person put out to write me.

A simple "Hi" or "You're hot" prolly wont get a response. But if the person took some time to compose an email that says something, then I usually respond.

Yeah, not a real fan of unsolicited stuff - especially when you get a cock shot with no head attached. It's downright rude and not something I requested.

If someone sounds genuine and says something that deserves a response, then I'll respond.

If someone sends a message saying "like your profile", what are you supposed to respond with? I usually just send a "thanks" and leave it at that.

funny... i just got an email and was like damn what i am i gunna say. I mean I personally would rather get a no-reply than a rejection email.. I mean its like do you really want that email? isn't it enough that someone isn't interested, who cares why? There could be thousands of personal reasons which have nothing at all do with you. That said.. if you want to meet someone you have to put yourself out there and deal with the rejections.
so if i send u and email and u dont like it please dont waste my time with a rejection response i think no reply is more polite and i can continue to live in my fantasy world where everyone thinks i am hot but they are all too embarased to tell me ;)

Haha Krewed! I have to say you bring up a good point. Maybe ignorance really is bliss?

The same reason half the people who do email haven't actually bothered to read the profile they're emailing. People are lazy.

It's not right, but it's true.

Just think, if they can't muster a simple response, they probably aren't worth wasting your time on.

Best of luck.

I guess you just have to imagine that they have tons of emails to answer on the hour and thus, prioritize. I answer all i get because I dont get many, since im new and all. Its a matter of preference.

I try to answer all of my mail here or any other site that I am on. It is easy for me because I don't get a ton of requests like some of the hotter guys do. I have sent a message to a few of the guys here, usually complimenting them on something about their profile. I have had a few respond back, but most do not.It is fine with me either way.I know that I don't have any ulterior motives when I send these messages out. It is not like some of these guys live very close or anything. I mean I am in the Detroit area and I have sent messages to guys in Texas, California, Colorado, Washington DC, Florida. If something strikes me as nice I will send a quick message about it. I want to be totally honest here, I don't respond to the unsolicited naked pics messages that I receive. I am sure they are mass mailed anyways!!

I live by a very simple credo that my father taught me: "Treat others like you want to be treated!"

That being said, no matter who you are or what you look like, if you have taken the time to write me and say something nice about the way I look, or the what I've written in my profile or ask me about work out routines I WILL and have ALWAYS answered such emails with the respect they deserve.

If your email is disrespectful I simply hit the delete button since you don't deserve an answer.

I guess I've been around a long, long time on the Internet - since the days BEFORE WEB browsers and readily available pictures. I made contact with people and built friendships WITHOUT knowing what they looked like and I am STILL friends with most of them - 15 years later...AND some of them are NOT drop dead gorgeous...but they are GREAT people.

We've become far too obsessed about making quick judgments based on what people look like.

So, once again, treat others like you want to be treated.

I have to say I agree with 'Treat others the way you wish to be treated'.

It really is not that difficult to simply respond to an e-mail if someone compliments you either about your body or your profile. Yes, there are plenty of guys on realjock who are only interested in sex, but if someone ims you with a simple

"hey man, how's it goin?" or

"I read your profile and you seem like a really nice guy"

what does it hurt to respond with a 'thank you'?

Just because it's the internet, it doesn't mean you drop all courtesy and act like jerks.

The last several posts have restored my faith in gay humanity. Hallelujah!

:-)

Most of what I'd say on this has already been touched on by Puma84 and others. I would add, though, that the likelihood/quality of a response also has something to do with how relevant the contact was. If someone has clearly read your profile and written a thoughtful response to it, I would feel rather rude not replying to them (and usually it's possible to indicate that I am not interested without explicitly saying so).

On the other hand, if someone clearly hasn't bothered to read my profile and has mindlessly clicked on the "instant message" button to say "hey wanna cam" or "pls unlock ur pix", chances of a response (other than perhaps a Block) are slim.

I agree with Dr. Storm.. treat others the way you waant to be treated...
If someone takes the time to send me a message, I will take the time to respond..
What ever happened to respect and common courtesy??

If someone adds me to their hot list, do I get a message?

it's simple.

It's the internet.

If they dont respond, why do you need someone to tell you no, if it's so much for a person to respond back, do you want them in your life anyway???

Id gather that as a no.

Just my thought.

good sincere people will respond, those are the ones who matter.

:)

Post Script:

and by 'matter'I mean to you personally.

they could be something to someone else, just not for you...it is never the end of the world.

I can't add too much more to this discussion over what has already been said, other than to agree with Imaxim.

I will almost always respond to someone IF they have read my profile and are contacting me in a respectful way given what I have written. But if someone contacts me, for instance, wanting to see my private pics and they don't even have a profile photo...well, I can definitely say that they are not gonna hear back from me. Same with guys who IM me for chat even though my profile says send me a message before trying to IM me. This isn't a site like Manhunt that's about immediate hookups. If I don't know you I'm not gonna chat.

Contact with others and wanting to make online friends is one thing, but it's just as rude to approach someone in less than respectful ways as it is to not get a common courtesy response.

Nice forum!
I agree with you!

I hate to be online , because nobody likes to chat!!! They say: Drop me a line or email me, but nobody answer!

Im always sending IM, and the guys are all the time ignoring, they only want, if you have naked pics or something like that!!!

Since today, i wont wast my time doing that!!!

If the initial message contains the phrase '... email back if you are interested', then I might not reply at all if I'm not interested. Likewise, I would often include that phrase to save the person the trouble of feeling like he has to reply, even if just to reject me. To me, rejection hurts; and until I get more comfortable with it, I will have a hard time doing the rejecting as well.

This community looks promising as people seem more willing to chat, which is what I prefer to the 'fun now? yes? no? bye!' tone of some other personals sites.

There appear to be many wishful, well intentioned, yet naïve guys here. Stick to your principles. But at the same time you have to realize that the internet provides a forum for anonymity and fakery like no other. In person, as at a bar, café, or grocery store, two guys can see each other exactly as they are. Then there’s the interplay of glances, body language, and gestures of good intent like “Can I buy you something to drink”. In a party situation two guys may meet through mutual friends, or by helping the host serve food and so on. The internet provides none of this. For all you know, when you contact Bobby in SF who is an easy going buff 27 year old who likes snow boarding you may in fact be contacting a 48 year old grumpy, pale couch potato in Alberta.

So here’s my advice. Don’t invest too much emotional energy in the one line emails you send out. Instead, invest enough energy to put together a short paragraph (it may help to appear to have made a genuine effort in your message). But in either case don’t expect to hear back. If you do, be happy but cautious. You will never really know who you are dealing with until you meet in person. Such is the nature of internet dating and chatting.

tallgmvball
One perennial fault with criticism is the use of inappropriate criteria to base it on. You are using old school, real time, civil behavior as a basis to criticize the "cold" behavior of the net. It is not a fair comparison. It would be impolite to recite your stats and sexual intentions to every guy you meet on the street....it would be downright dangerous or illegal but here that is the M.O. So when you suspend the normal rules of formal intoductions you also need to adjust the rules of RSVP. Big picture... i know there are a lot fewer lonely guys out there using this method and that's really what is important.

"Fisherman don't expect the fish to explain why they are not biting" .

what u wrote:
o sephchek you think it is OK, proper, polite, good manners and the right thing to do to IGNORE those you don't think are your sexual type? (even though the Email was answering your "hit me up" or "contact me to say hi")


How very sad that so many feel this way.... you are only a 20 something "hottie" for a short time.... is this how you want to be teated by the NEW 20 something hotties AND evryone else after you are no longer one of them? Something to think about next time when you get a freindly Email.

When I started in on this website, I was very naive and idealistic. I told myself that I would politely respond to anyone who contacted me, feeling that those who I was not attracted to at least deserved to know my feelings.

This practice ended up horribly. Some guys who recieved simple rejections from me took it well. But many responded with sometimes really cruel and innapropriate remarks. I realized that I was getting so many mean messages from guys that it was bothering me to even go online. I'm pretty thick-skinned, but a lot of that stuff can really be a downer. I'm not someone who EVER gets into fights or drama with others, and it really saddens me when guys do that to me.

At the same time, I had some experiences messaging guys who I thought were great for me who didn't think likewise. When I got no response from these guys, it never bothered me... I just forgot about them and moved on. When I got negative responses from them, I found it more upsetting, as it forced me to confront my failings (in their eyes).

So, I switched sides. Now I just respond to guys who I'm not attracted to if they obviously are more interested in me in a friendly capacity and not a sexual one.

I agree with Dr. Storm. Treat other as you want to be treat. Sad part is we live in a "me" world and makes no difference whether you are straight, gay, male, female, child, adult is is a basic human trait.

A dear friend of mine once said "that we should look at an individual as a human being first, before all." that has always stuck with me.

A thought to ponder on:

-no one will call you or knock at your door if you say "HI" unless you share your number or home address.
-not everyone wants to get in your pants unless you let them.
-not everyone will find you hot and neither will you find everyone hot, we all have different tastes.

BUT Why not show the world that gay men, above all human beings are prime examples of what true kindness should be in this sad world.

I must say that I met some nice folks on this site, including the love of my life! I have also experienced the other end of the spectrum where guy leave you a message and say crude things.

I suggest that kindness deserves kindness and just don't respond to those that offend you in any way.

Hi Guys,

This was a great topic. I knew after reading the first there would be different opinions. It would be wonderful if you received a response from everyone, but my experience in the gay world is that not everyone is like me....a nice guy. I try to answer non sexual emails and IMs. In my mind if someone doesn't answer me then they're not worth any more of time and either they're not interested or they're fake.

Nick

I generally reply to every message I get. I enjoy talking to people so when I have the time I write back even if it is a few days after I received the message. If all you write back to me though is a request for nude pics I decide that our conversation isn't very substantiate and usually stop writing back. That's rare though. I've "met" several nice and interesting people here.

well as harsh as mikeintorronto may sound I do agree with him,,,,,,,,,I get lots of hits daily of people that look at my profile but id say that 99% of them rarely ever email me. And it truely doesnt bother me at all. I know who I am and thats all thats inportant.

let me start of by saying, what a GREAT topic/subject this is and although im not quite there in age (35), im close to it and somehow the common courtesies once displayed by 'gay' men, because of their homosexuality, have gone by the way of the rest of society today. Its 'Me, Myself and I' seems to be ALL that matters nowadays and to hell with the rest of you..." That is the feeling i get with some of the closeted homos here on realjock. if im not ur type, tell me so, i think i can stand a lttle rejection given what ive had to go thru being gay. its a sad day when even gays dont have common courtesies anymore.

I think that every now and then our egos get so attached to a false notion of what it means to be accepted and/or loved. Our belief systems are founded on principles that lack a real solid foundation, one that is grounded in a healthy spirituality which inturn contributes to a healthy self-esteem. In general we get over-sensitive to issues which in the end end up not mattering very much at all. 100 years from now, when we are all dust, will it matter who liked us, or by whom we got rejected-- or that we never got to fuck around with that hot stud of an ideal that we have constructed in our hard-wired minds? It is essential that we as gay men, especially, already outside the confines of decorum, tap into the hidden source of our real strength--and into that boundless well from which springs true happiness and contentment, not the tender trappings of a fragile ego.

get over it...please. ha ha haha hah. the matrix guy is right! aahahahh haha

Ok here's my 2 cents: consider the nature of the beast. Face it, guys aren't big on writing unless it's their job. And how about the phone thing? We don't have a great track record on that either. Bottom line: people (guys) aren't any different online than how they are in the real world. Don't expect more and you won't be disappointed.

I totally agree with you...I was thinking the same thing myself. This place seems like a bad bar where nobody even will say hi. ( I hated going to bars for that reason)

Personally I find the guys on this site to be the most down to earth, nice guys I've come across on-line or anywhere....

I try to live by the golden rule.

Common courtesy rules the day, but common SENSE prevails.

Come on, guys. This is fantasyland wrapped in a jockstrap. Stow your realworld expectations in your locker. Miss Manners is not a member here. She doesn't even work out!

Have fun. Ignore the boors same as a missed set. If against all odds something real transpires - savor the win!

I feel like madonna, it's all been said and done before...or something like that.

Generally I'm a very polite and courteous person with a strong display of rash humor at times.

There are several pros and cons to both sides of this penny. (we're in cliche central)

Rather than justify one side or the other because I do both, here are some of my reasons to reply or not to reply.

I may reply because:
- I have the time
- The email was polite
- The email had content
- The guy was cute (wow, what a sweetie!)
- The guy was REALLY fucking cute (omg -drool first, wipe up keyboard, try remember my name and type with some semblance of control)
- The guy did NOT go "asl?"
- The guy was sweet and NOT fem

I may not reply because:
- I don't have the time
- This is message #X of 500 today from several sites
- The guy asked to fuck before asking my name
- The guy sent me a cock shot and his profile has no head shot (hi mom, this is my new boyfriend. like his cock? sorry, that's all i know about him)
- I really don't have an interest in this guy and he's pushy
- Pictures unlocked, no conversation


Ok, look. I'm no godsend to gay men. I'm not the hottest piece of meat that existed. Hell, I would scare myself dreaming that every hottie wanted me. Overload anyone?

Truth is I'm pretty average. There are apparently a number of guys in a given hundred that like me as a friend or sexually. But in an online world where millions of people can see you, that's a whole lot of guys.

I made the mistake of putting a picture of my tanned ass in a black thong with a fire department tee on myspace. BAD idea. I had > 300 emails an hour. Dude, I'm not THAT hot.

Thing is, there are only 24 hours in a day and if you divy them up for everyone marked by horniness. There are a lot of horny guys out there every single hour and everyone knows that when you're horny, you find a whole lot more guys sexy and would jump in their pants in a flash.

But then when you're not horny, even that awesomely handsome, tanned, toned surfer boi just doesn't make your body writhe in pleasure. Sure he's sweet on the eyes, but the lust is asleep.

Who knows. Maybe he's one in a trillion adonis men that comes with a rose and a shakespearian quote or a cute little poem he wrote himself. And if hell froze over this morning, he also can spell and use words with five syllables.

The thing is, there are reasons, reasons, and more reasons why someone may or may not respond.

Don't sit your tush on a blender if someone doesn't reply.

I've written some long heartfelt emails full of support and care to a stranger that just wrote a blog saying they were having a really bad day.

Sometimes they don't answer. Does it really matter? No. If they got something out of what I said to them, most awesome. I'm really glad I made them feel better.

But am I due a reply? Hell no.

There's no contract, social or written between me and another stranger that stipulates that emails must be replied to.

As for the rejection email, I'll echo again what has been said. I somewhat frequently do reply to a person and tell them I'm not interested sexually. A sad number of them write a reply full of vitriol. Most people don't take rejection very well.

Heck, my balls deflate when a cute guy tells me I'm not his type. But far be it from me to take a hatchet to him in reply.

Some times you get replies, some times you don't. Appreciate the ones you do, forget the ones you don't.

punt the hate.

snap, that was way too long. ^_^ sorry mates :]

it sums it up nicely tho :)

Heheh, thanks, I can dribble at the mouth sometimes but I do tend to cover a lot of ground :-]

If someone does not reply to your email they have told you everything you need to know about them.

Good grief! Why take this issue so personally? There are so many reasons why people don't respond to email ...... Pick one. Just because someone doesn't respond to your email dosn't say ANYTHING about that person. I open doors for woman, treat people with the same respect I expect in return, I'm a good person, I help people whenever I can, etc, yet, there are times when I don't respond to emails OR voicemails. Just because I don't respond to the emails or voicemails, doesn't negate every other good thing I've done in my life. I do, however, believe it speaks volumes about the person who bitches about not receiving a response to an email. Perhaps it touches on that person's insecurities or past experiences with rejection? Instead of stewing about or projecting your issues upon other people for not responding to your communication, just move on ..... There wasn't a connection.

WOW, so many different answers and attitudes.

It seems that the ones getting a large number of Emails feel it is OK NOT to reply ... I see your point but politely disagree... you could at least have the courtesy to reply to the non sexual ones weather you see them as 'cute" or not.


We should all be happy that there are at least "a FEW good men" out there that still practice courtesy and respect.

And to the guy that said "Personally I find the guys on this site to be the most down to earth, nice guys I've come across on-line or anywhere...."

You must be talking with different guys. :)

There have been a FEW good people that DID post on this thread.... BRAVO!
Thank you to you guys for speaking up here and in private to me.

It so sad and a bad sign of our society that so many think it is perfectly OK NOT to respond to ANY Email at your whim.

Yep. I pretty much agree with what's been said through the prior postings here.

Some people don't accept rejection eloquently, so, I've come to the point where I blow some of them off. I always try to say "thanks" to those that are complimentary. I think that's just classy: gracious if you will.

I don't feel I have an obligation to answer my home phone, cell phone, my e-mail, etc. Those tools are all there to serve me, first and foremost; not the other way around.

I certainly don't respond to those folks who send me torso shots, or pee pee shots with lines like "I want this inside you." There's no excuse for being classless, and those folks definitely don't warrant my time. As well, real turn offs are "discreet", "closeted", "married", "curious". Come on, at 30 years old...if you can't have integrity about whom you want to bop, you think I'm interested in someone of such low character. My answer to that is "get a life."

I am getting to agree with TallGWMvballer more and more on this issue.

First, separate out the issues...no one has to respond to rude/unkind emails, voicemails, or same such that are come ons, overtly sexual, or solicitations. So remove all of those.

Second, separate out how you should FEEL if you do not get a response from someone, from whether or not you should respond.

Yes, everyone should just move along if someone does not respond to an email you send. We are all agreed with that.

The issue still settles down to me to common courtesy. If someone responds to your profile in good faith (meaning, even to the point of relating to the text you put...and many put..."give me a shout, I'd like to hear from y'all") then it is rude not to respond.

Someone above said that he opens doors for women, etc., is a great guy, but he feels like he doesn't need to respond to emails or voicemails. Unless, I read that incorrectly, that is the problem in a nutshell.

I would never NOT respond to a friend or associate or any voicemail (unless it was a comeon, a solicitation etc.). The same with emails. So, I guess my response would be, "good for you, opening doors for women" but it's still rude, in my book, not to politely give someone a thanks but no thanks. If they can't take that, then, yes, ignore them, or block them....

John

Especially NO RESPONSE when you post in your profile -- you want to meet new FRIENDS.

What's wrong with a nice response? Be Polite, it shows your strong character!

Well...

On realjock, it's usually easy for me to respond to nearly all email. But it is shortsighted of those who get huffy from no response because some people get A LOT of emails (I do on myspace) and it is just not possible to reply to all of them.

Sometimes I get on here during the middle of my work day, fine. But sometimes I can't. I can't get on here when I'm at the gym or getting groceries or dinner w/ my bf. Neither am I very functional while I am fast asleep.

So that leaves precious few hours in a day and it's pretty self centered of other people to expect them as a stranger to demand a reply.

I reply to my friends first and I have a lot of them. I have friends on different websites all over the place.

I'm sorry, but I just don't have the time to always reply to everybody and I'm not going to start skipping the gym, skipping work, etc, just to meet the expectations of a stranger.

Courtesy works in both directions.

My lack of response to a stranger should not be taken as me thumbing my ass at you.

I don't answer the telephone everytime it rings either. While it may be common, the phone ringing is an interruption. Interrupting is impolite. An email is a much more mild form of interruption.

Now hold on some of you are saying, email isn't an interruption! Well, if it isn't an interruption then you shouldn't mind me not getting to it because I'm doing something else.

Again, courtesy works in both directions. Nobody should feel obligated to answer the phone or email. I can remember the time when it was strictly considered rude to ring someone except during social calling hours.

Now-a-days people feel no qualms about ringing up someone at 10pm at night.

So please have consideration for the people that don't answer every email. For one reason or another they didn't answer your email and honestly, it's not your place to judge them. You don't know why they didn't answer your email so don't get on their case.

Now I've spent far too much time on this reply again when I have a lot of work I need to be doing.

ciao,
david

This is the internet... why get hung up or put off by someone who doesn't respond to you??

For some guys, sending e-mails asking for a response out of "courtesy" is bullshit and its just a way to initiate some sort of contact... its almost mental.

if you dont get a response, the guy isn't interested, period... he's "just not that into you"... lol

TallGWM... you say:

"I have noticed with talking to some guys here that less than 1% of the guys they write to will write back at ALL."

IF that is really true?? That sender is indiscriminantly firing off far too many emails and/or saying nothing of substance to its recipient.

Sorry bud, I don't think 99% of the guys in your example can all be 'wrong!'

When I'm sending out emails on this site. I generally don't do it with the intentions of getting a response.
I would be a little surprised if every email I sent out got a response. The majority of the time I'm just sending out comments of no real substance. So I don't expect a response.
But even when I send out a meaningful email trying to spark some convo or trying to catch someone's interest, I don't expect anything back. For the simple fact that you don't know who your emailing. You can only hope. I send them all with a grain of salt. What more can you expect???

Well personaly I respond to all emails except those, normaly from yuong teenagers asking for sex or just being crass.

Dont get me wrong I aint a prude but a flat out shows us your cock pisses me off especialy from anonymous profiles.

Its teh internet, I come on her to chat sports and fitness with similar guys, guys whose bodies I aspire too and heck if the overall package is good which alot of you guys are! (sooooo jealous) then all the better.

But as long as the person wants to share minds and not just a cheap cop of on dirty chat then all is good. After all this is a virtual world on here and it takes more than a few lines of text on a screen to get me horny!

you are not obligated nor should you be expected to respond to a strangers e-mail - whatever their intentions are... it has nothing to do with courtesy.

First of all, we're not talking about "obligation", we're talking about courtesy.

Second, I will agree that no one is obligated to answer an email out of the blue (nor should one feel that it is rude behavior not to do so).

However, "out of the blue" emails to your in box on your email client, are not the same thing as email responses to your profile (I'm not specifically thinking of anyone's profile here, just generally).

You have a profile here for the reasons that you state in your profile. Friends, online buddies, sex etc. Someone that is RESPONSIVE to that profile should be given the courtesy of a response. That's my view.

Someone who is not RESPONSIVE to the profile (comeons, solicitations etc.) is not owed a response.

Finally, a "ringing phone" is not the same thing as a responsive email to a profile. Someone else mentioned the fact that he doesn't feel obligated to answer a ringing phone.

What is an analog to a ringing phone on this website is an "Instant Message". I agree that those are intrusive...and I have that feature turned off.

My $0.02.

John

Hi John

Nice well considered post (as usual).

I get the impression from all the varied opinions, and posts, that there isn't a correct answer or response here. What one person thinks of as being polite (responding to an interested party), another thinks of unneccessary.

Personally I believe it is up to the individual whether they take the time to respond. (I would though as I believe it's good manners). Those who don't get responses shouldn't take it to heart and simply move on.

Life is way too short to get stressed and upset by strangers on the internet.

Cheers Loz

Response to John (Fastprof):

Thanks for your latest and greatest post.
You write with conviction and demonstrate a gift for synthesizing complex information.

The only thing missing was the footnote!

Where might I find the rulebook supporting your findings? I googled "my $0.02" but nothing came back.

Thanks bro! #;)

PM8

Thank you to all who posted here.
It has brought some clarity. It is interesting to read the diverse views and standpoints.
I will agree with Fastprof with his summation.
And STRONGLY disagree with those who say "you are not obligated nor should you be expected to respond to a strangers e-mail - whatever their intentions are... it has nothing to do with courtesy."

It has EVERYTHING to do with courtesy, common decency, politeness, respect and caring about others.

If you are going to be ASKING in your public profile on a dating site (even one like this that is themed) for people to "drop me a line", "Contact me, etc" then you should be expecting the responses and at least answer them.
Why is this SO difficult? If you do in fact have very little time to be on line then don't ASK for people to write to you.

Again, it is clear that the very popular guys that probably DO get a large amount of mail have more difficulty in answering.
That said, how about we all at least THINK about how we feel when you write to someone responding to their request for contact so that you will have the same courtesy YOU would hope for.
PEACE to all!

-- Ron

To PHLmuscle8--

Thanks.

Here's the footnote:

Well, Getalong, 2007: "...My $0.02: how we can treat each other gently but honestly." Jour. of Gay Relationships, Vol 165, pp. 5-20.

:-)

John

Well said! The reason I signed up on this site was to find a workout partner. It seems as though no one will talk to me when I ask them if they need a buddy to work out with. I'm getting the impression that this site is more of a fetish than anything. I think that it is absolutely ok for you to let someone know that you are not interested sexually, and that all you want from them is a good conversation. On the otherhand, I have done this and it turned out very bad. They guy threatened me and started harrassing me under many different profile names. What to do?

I think it is better if we don't expect anything...so when we do get a response, it takes us by surprise!

awesome, topic,,,and damn good responses, all of them,,,,my 2 cents is ,think about this,,,,,,,,picture yourself in your dying bed; at that moment close to eternity, and at that moment, ask yourself this question ,will this be an issue , that i be thinking about ,on my death bed? if you answer no ,,then just say fuck it!!!!! if you answer yes ,,,go to theraphy really soon ,,,,,,;)

just joking with you guys ,,,love the topic and all the answers

Great thread man.

Nothing to add really, but have loved the site since joining. Great place. Teaches me how out of shape I am! ha!

Communicating via computers is hard at times...also depends greatly, in my opinion, how often and addicted one is to their PC!

:::smirk::: Cheers yo!

It's because there are too many guy’s who are unfit and un trained hitting on the muscled fit guys, no wonder they don’t get a reply

That probably holds a great deal of truth Scally, good point.

I'm not out of shape, just in shape via work.

Well everyone sees something different in everyone....so, to each his own I guess. Many of the gay sites turn into a big mix even when they aim at something very particular.

i think a lot of guys are unfit (maybe naive is a better word?) for hitting on other guys. while i like sex a whole lot, am someone that flirts a lot and am quite free with nudity, i find it entirely too crass for someone to walk up to me out of the blue with "you're f*cking hot, will you f*ck me?" and they're entirely serious.

good gawd man, let's hit the hotdog stand and have 90 seconds of conversation first! where the hell is the cute 'lil teddy bear 'n flowers??

seriously though, are some people reduced to such blunt carnal drive? that's a fair bit more expected in a bathhouse or other place of indulgence i imagine, but not elsewhere.

as for runner16, that's the kind of guy that deserves a swift bat to the groin. a$$holes like that deserve public humiliation. no means no and it doesn't mean "you just need to get f*cked really bad and i'm God's gift to mankind for doing it." i'm really forthcoming and blunt about stripping down and walking out on a nude beach and flirting with the hotties somewhere but yeah, have some couth when approaching a guy that you want to express an interest in.

if someone doesn't express a shared desire with your interest in them, close the subject politely and be a good lil' gentleman and bow out. otherwise you're just showing that your character smells about as bad as a dog's steamer and proving that nobody should date you in the first place anyway.

cheers :)
-david

I "feel your pain" on this topic.

Sometimes I write to someone with the direct interest of wanting to talk with them more and get to know them...their profiles make them seem like a really sweet and interesting individual. And I never hear from them again.

Other times I've wrote someone just to say "Awesome profile. Great body. I'm a huge fan!" and just trying to be nice.

When someone doesn't write to me, I instantly think "I'm better off!"

If someone doesn't have the simple decency to take five seconds from their "busy online lives" to write a "Thanks...I appreciate that!" or at least say (as you put) "We're not a match" then I think, 'You know what...maybe it's better that I'm not trying to waste my time on someone that is that inconsiderate.'

But really, that's not just on this site...that is online everywhere, and sadly...it's also sometimes in the "real world life" too.

*mtkroll* Said
"I try to answer most emails I receive... the ones that are simply "can I fuck you?" generally won't get a response."

I find it rude that people open with such lines as that you have mentioned that you ignore, and that is why I have added in my profile that "I don't have a webcam, and I don't cyber", in hopes that those unwanted advances aren't sent.

I respond to all emails, sexual advances and all. Before responding to any message, I try and read the other persons profile to see if there is anything of intrest to me regardless of looks.

Typically, if I recieve a message asking me if I want to fuck, and I am repulsed by them; I read their profile, and if I find something of interest in there, I tell them "Thanks, but no-thanks I am not interested in a sexual incounter with you... but wouldn't mind further discusion of blah blah blah".

So, I guess this is my invitation to all of you who see this to message me... though I'm not interested in cyber sex, or viewing your webcam, I'm not above meeting new people of all races, creed, religion, or sexual orintation.

As to a post by someone about not responding to those who are "..., curious, ..." because they are a waist of time... Can you honestly tell me, that before you came out, you were never "curious"! I for one, don't think anyone should say they are straight, gay, or bisexual until they have tried all variations of sexuality... they can give a "preference" but until a person has had a homosexual incounter, they can't honestly say they are straight, or bisexual; nor do I believe a "gay" person can proclaim such, unless they've tried a heterosexual incounter... I know, that's off topic, but felt it needed to be said.

ok

Thanks TallGWMvballer for posting this topic. Not answering mails is rude. And what is even more rude is when someone mails you and you reply, but they never get back to you again. On a dating site this is very common as I know from the past. I have chatted with many guys on dating websites. Then you send your photo to them and you never here from them again. You might have guessed, I'm not hot lol. I wish I was, but I am not blessed in that way. I believe I have a good heart and I'm a nice person and on this site I would just like to make some new friends and know how to get a six pack, lol. I have encountered rudeness all my life, more than the average guy. Not because I'm gay as I am only out to family, but because I have a birthmark and a scare from skin cancer on my face. My childhood was not a happy one. I am Irish and live in Ireland and many people say that the Irish are nice and friendly and most are, but allot are not. I have been told to leave a premises because I was scarring the customers. This was a place close to home and by a guy that knows me. I was still going to school at the time. Life is very short and friends are few and far between. All I am looking for when I IM or mail someone on this site is, friends. That does not mean that if I mail you, you have to be my friend. If you don't want to talk to me say so, but be nice about it. I know you may not have time to talk. You could be talking to someone else. I think someone here said something about 300 mail or something like that. All I say to that is I wish I had that problem, lol. Some hot guys think they are so hot that it is bad for there image to talk to guys like me (not so hot). Some hot guys think the sun shines out there arse. To me being hot is more than looks. You need to look past the good looks to know if someone is hot or not. I'm hot inside,lol. Sorry for the long post. I hope I don't get slated for anything I have said here. It is just my opinion and my experiences. By the way my life is much better now and I have a bf and he is hot, lol.

Ron I have to say there are also those of us who don't even get that many messages at all and I've also abandoned other sites because of the whole "I want to fuck you" approach.

In that situation I typically tell a person sorry thats the wrong approach with me and leave it at that.

Should we be sharing EVERY detail about ourselves on a site such as this? I have to admit it is one of the better sites that allows people to not veer too much off topic. I have had different conversations with people here about different things and thats fine. If a person refuses to respond then I just consider that they are not interested.

Don't dwell. It's easy to ignore an online message as opposed to talking to someone in person.

You wouldn't believe the number of times I've seen photos or read profiles and just wished I could chat to them like they were in the same room but hey, most of you are in the US and thats a long way from Australia.

I guess what I'm getting at is be realistic, your dealing with a media that shields people from alot of things and when people have that luxury they also feel they have a power.

Anth

Ron, why do you make a statement such as:

"you are only a 20 something "hottie" for a short time.... "
?

What about all those who are 30 something hotties? or 40 something "hotties"?

Age doesn't mean anything and looks can be deceiving. To stereotype people on this site by their age is wrong, you also have to take into consideration there are guys sharing the fact that they are HIV+ and will probably not even go further than a 30 something "hottie".

I agree not all guys on the site are actually fitness freaks and maybe just want to meet someone or even look for some kind of motivation, but please (and I'm not trying to be offensive) don't narrow the gay men here to 20 something's

Anth

Where do I sign up for these sexually offensive emails?

Honestly, is this really such a big deal?

What about hot lists? Should you return the compliment by putting everyone who hot-list