Marriage 'wisdom': girls marry their fathers, boys their mothers.

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    Jun 07, 2009 3:00 AM GMT
    So a straight guy will pick a woman he wants to marry because she has some qualities his mother has. A woman is looking for reminders of her dad in her groom. All this happens of course not consciously and I wonder whether this plays out in gay land as well?

    My BF looks a little bit like a young version of my dad (black wavy hair and smaller build) and he most definitely has some qualities of my mother, like always having paper tissues on him, that he is a very thorough planner and always well prepared.

    Have you noticed something similar with your boyfriends?
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    Jun 07, 2009 5:26 AM GMT
    Damn Freud.

    And no. I really haven't. I mean, I've always gone for people who look completely different from my father. That's odd!
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Jun 07, 2009 5:27 AM GMT
    Not at all. I think this is mostly, if not entirely, confirmation bias.
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    Jun 07, 2009 5:38 AM GMT
    This theory is pretty interesting and I have seen many couples where it does applies. But I think the "rule" is neither as general as it seems or as narrow... let me explain...

    My last boyfriend couldn't be more different from my father, both physically and in the way he did things. From his skin color to his world view he was so different. I believe that all those differences were a big part of what made me feel attracted to him (as obviously, I a have much in common with my dad).

    On the other hand, my male straight friends from high school and college DO have things and attitudes in common with my dad! Sometimes is just ridiculous how much! From the practicality (Oh, shut up, let just go and do it!) and the out-goingness to the protective let-me-help-you-with-that attitude.

    So I guess there is something there to the theory that we look for things our parents did have in other people, but not necessarily our partners/boyfriends/spouses.

    Another curiosity... if I were straight I am SO sure I would end up marrying a girl just like my mother. All the girls I seem to clic with (in a platonic way, of course) share that.

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    Jun 07, 2009 7:46 AM GMT
    No. I love my dad, but he looks like something between Homer Simpson and a deranged oompa loompa. I have been known to home in on guys that share my mother's severely passive aggressive tendencies though.