I agree with many of these posts. I never meant anyone to believe that RJ is strictly a "hook-up" site, it is clearly more than that, depending on the intent of the individual users. I can also appreciate the comments from JonoK about "Why are you single?" and statements like "Oh it's a shame you are gay".. "you are a catch etc etc" or some other hetero comment, I have experienced all of them too.
I believe that many of us are single by the "choices" of our set of "priorities and requirements". Mine may be different from yours. Those qualities may be some personality, physical or other traits or related to activities or finaces or whatever, but they are the "filters" we use to sort the "winners" from everyone else. I believe that nothing is quite as attractive as on a man as a relaxed, open, honest confidence in himself. The definition of "hot" is rather nebulous and is very subjective. Too many, only look at the physical side of this definition. I can totally agree with Firecat's comment about "Some of the most unpleasant people I've met are physically "hot".
We all set standards for everything in our lives, either consciously or not. Why should selecting our friends, partners, mates or spouses be any less complex. Obviously, this problem is not limited to only gays or lesbians, but takes in everyone, of all orientations, genders, cultures, religions, etc. If it were so easy to find "the right one", the divorce rates would be lower. Maybe gays are the only ones that take the issue of finding the right partner seriously enough to take the time and pains to filter and sort out the one that is right for us! Sometimes you just have to drop the defenses and let "lady luck" have a spin! I salute the couple that have a long history, but did they get there by "research and sorting" or was there an element of luck involved? Maybe a bit of both.