over the hookups and blind dates

  • gymhead_anony...

    Posts: 207

    Jun 08, 2009 4:49 AM GMT
    I just had to vent. Had a blind date/hookup with a guy. I barely talk to him for 5 minutes. Says he's not feeling it and still doesn't remember my name. Im embarassed and disrespected at the same time. So I decided for the SECOND time I'm deleting my A4A accounts and staying away from craigslist. A guy has needs though - what do you recommend. Its hard but I know I'm worthy of more and want more. Anyone else been in the same situation hard to meet people?
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    Jun 08, 2009 5:17 AM GMT
    ....quit shopping at the "five and dime" and then coming away surprized that you didn't find some rare and exotic bauble.....really!...A4A is a rude and hard place to find "love'....or else just be more upfront that you just want a zipless fuck and don't care what their name is or what they do for a living or if they want kids a house and a picket fence......try another site...........set the bar higher and have some respect for yourself...'cause desparation has a scary smell that the vain and shallow seem to pick up on first......
    What did you say or do that turned this hopeful hookup into a failure? Your profile pics say you have a GREAT body, but an unknown face, so it had to be what you said or a vibe you gave off...... cause I doubt you are looking like Quasimodo...
    Good luck and take care!icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 08, 2009 5:30 AM GMT
    thats true, i have the same problem with all those sites too
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    Jun 08, 2009 5:34 AM GMT
    Hmmm...I don't know what A4A is? icon_neutral.gif

    My first thought is that you're expecting a great deal from a "blind date/hookup," eh? I can't say I've not been there and done that, allbeit rarely, and have to admit I've done exactly what you found to be offensive, but given the medium(s) you are utilizing do you really expect more? The more superficial the medium, the more superficial the resultant interaction is likely to be. If your only engagement with a person, pre-meeting, is via a few words and a select picture or two, I don't think it should surprise you that rejection is a very likely possibility.

    These things said, my advice is to be as open with your sexuality as you are comfortable being--offline. Now, don't misread that! I'm essentially highlighting your orientation, not your libido (although, yes, they are connected). I don't know you or your situation, but I find that the more open I am about who I am in my everyday life, to include my sexual orientation, the more opportunity I have to meet and interact with others that are also open. More often than not, such interaction will draw a person away from the predominantly impersonal and seemingly emotionless online 'meeting' realm and into a more active arena in which others will be mutually interested based on more substantive measures.

    This is not to say that online environments offer nothing or are intrinsically bad...far from it. You simply have to make mindful choices and judge your outcomes accordingly.
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    Jun 08, 2009 8:20 AM GMT
    Just get a cuddle partner for the need of touch.. and when you need to get off, go find a spot and have your way with Palmela Handerson.
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    Jun 08, 2009 8:39 AM GMT
    It's not easy to find love that's for sure. I think many are in your same shoes. Everyone wants affection, love, and sex. I think men are more complex than even women...we have this thing that pops up and needs more than just physical caressing...it need to be told how perfect it is.

    I find if I hit the beaches and other places of attraction....I can meet some really fun and cool guys...get out and see the world and away from the dam computer. I say that this is what's wrong with the "Y" Generation!!
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    Jun 08, 2009 8:40 AM GMT
    Who has blind dates anymore? I think the 0's version of that must be hookup for sex within 5 min' of logging on to a hookup site. Honestly, I've chatted with and have met some real guys, after a fair amount of time conversing online or the phone though connected on mh or gay.com or here. Take mh for instance, I guess the majority is just hookup opportunities but I even mention it in my profile here-- catch me there at times, it's not just for hookups anymore ;) (in my book).

    A friend got me to do an a4a profile. Not prejudicing but I was pelted with messages from black dudes which I'm generall not attracted to, so I ditched that site.

    And CL, omg, wtf-- I learned pretty quickly a few yrs ago that's the lowest of the low-ghetto hookup sex place. I didn't even know they had ads for that until a few yrs ago when someone I know emailed me saying they saw 'my new ad on CL'... to which I replied, "that's funny, I don't have an ad on CL" - so he sent me the link. My pics! I'm like I thought CL was for sofas and roomates! So they killed the ad in a few days after I complained but I was pissed-- but it's the internet and there's all kinds out there-- creepy! And how would you ever know unless you or someone you know spots your pics.

    So... online's def. a good way to potentially find whatever you're looking for but it's ONLY the introduction - so you screen and get the e-vibe, meet for a latte and some convo and feel the REAL vibe. If it's mutual, set up date #2 and go from there.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jun 08, 2009 12:50 PM GMT
    gymhead_anonymous saidA guy has needs though - what do you recommend.


    That's what your right and/or left hand, plus any number and variety of toys, are for.
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    Jun 08, 2009 1:00 PM GMT
    Here's the thing. Those sites are what you make of them. Some of them are more gutter-esque than others. And if you choose to fully swim in the gutter, you'll end up rolling in trash.

    So I always tell my friends, gay or straight, on A4A or Match or Manhunt: be patient. Be honest with yourself. About who you are and your intentions. I don't have a problem with those sites. But I'm also not meeting every fool who messages me, shows me some attention, or makes my cock twitch a little based on some photos that might very well not be his.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 08, 2009 1:18 PM GMT
    You can't have your cake and eat it, too. If you want to be relationship oriented, that needs to be your focus. Be upfront about what you are looking for, but be open to a guy not meeting all your requirements.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 08, 2009 1:24 PM GMT
    I think you really need to decide what your priorities are and move forward with them.

    If you are on Adam, the focus is sex and the chances of finding someone whos focus is on a relationship or "quality association" is probably more limited than one like this site (where more emphasis is on friendship and quality discussion).

    I'd have been offended if someone didn't remember my name on a date...
    but if all the guy cared about was messing around... well.
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    Jun 08, 2009 1:26 PM GMT
    *shrug*

    I try to consider the source in which I found them.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 08, 2009 1:40 PM GMT
    ....quit shopping at the "five and dime"

    I Second that motion icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 08, 2009 2:18 PM GMT
    Do you shop at walmart while looking for armani?

    I've never seen more gaping butt holes on any one place than on A4A. You get what you shop for.

    We all know A4A is a place for man whores!
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 08, 2009 2:42 PM GMT
    Umm... so you're complaining that your hook up is disrespecting you by wanting nothing more than a hook up; yet, you're looking for a hook up in addition to a relationship? You can't get mad at guys for wanting a hook up when that's exactly what you were looking for. Why in the world you'd think you'd find love on Craigslist or A4A is beyond me. You have every right to want to do both, but none to vent about it when others are doing the same.
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    Jun 08, 2009 2:53 PM GMT
    I checked your profile - and you sound like a nice guy who also has humor (Your Paul & Frank piece is funnier than hell!) and you also have intelligence, looks, just all good things. I think you deserve far more than any quick A4A situation. In my opinion you will meet great guys when you're out doing your normal things - running; hitting tennis balls; cycling; swimming laps; in the gym; just being yourself. You're marketable, in your prime, smart, all good things. I went through a period when I was 26 - no dates for 3 months or so - and thought I was pretty bored. It changed overnight - I just needed to get out more. I had a great friend who advised me, "You'll never meet a soul sitting home on your living room couch - you have to get out and mix with people more." Not saying you sit home too much - like I did for awhile back then - but just saying - you have a lot going for you - - - make sure quality guys know about you and get to see and meet you. It'll happen!
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    Jun 08, 2009 5:36 PM GMT
    gymhead_anonymous saidHad a blind date/hookup with a guy.


    Well there's your problem. As other people have wisely said, you can't do both. You either tell the guy you are interested in meeting for a conversational get-to-know-ya/see-if-there-is-chemistry date, or for a cock to grind the back of your throat. You cannot do both.

    You are being ambiguous and that is a huge turn off for a lot of guys. This guy might have met with the expectation that you would be naked, but five minutes into the "so, what do you do for a living" he realized that you weren't there for a fucking, you were interviewing him for a date.

    Be upfront about what you want and you will waste less of both your own and their time.

    As a side note. What is up with the name 'gymhead_anonimous' and the faceless pics? It is a lot easier to snag a date when you aren't hiding. Looking at your profile you are just a slab of meat. And you don't date slabs of meat, you fuck them. So, spruce up the place and post your face and perhaps more dates will swing on by.
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    Jun 08, 2009 5:37 PM GMT
    Everyone has a good point. I honestly just don't take those sites seriously and you can't, it is the internet after all. Everyone has such high expectations fro these sites and they wonder why they are disappointed in the end. All these sites have their flaws, A4A, MH,BM you name it they probably have it. If your going to have an account there just be prepared.

    I don't expect anything it's more for entertainment if anything. I've only met on person from a4a and he happens to be a good friend of mine now for 2yrs. Other then that it's just online chatter because you really can't expect much. And those annoying emailer that don't know how to say hello first just get blocked.
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    Jun 08, 2009 6:04 PM GMT
    OK guys. So the consensus is dont go to "those sites" looking for more than sex. Now the second part of the question: WHERE IS HE SUPPOSED TO GO? Everybody keeps telling the man where NOT to go but nobodys telling him where TO go.
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    Jun 08, 2009 6:36 PM GMT
    Runsupport saidOK guys. So the consensus is dont go to "those sites" looking for more than sex. Now the second part of the question: WHERE IS HE SUPPOSED TO GO? Everybody keeps telling the man where NOT to go but nobodys telling him where TO go.


    He should:

    - go out. And not necessarily to gay bars/clubs. But just out and about into the world. Say Hello when you spot a cutie at the supermarket. Or at least smile and nod. Ask him about his running shoes. After all, I see more cute guys at Starbucks....

    - volunteer. Never know who else might be doing the same and he's likely going to be of somewhat better caliber than DoMeRaw from A4A with his gaping asshole pics...although it's often true that DoMeRaw ends up being the super nice guy you meet at your local young Democrats meeting. icon_eek.gif Nonetheless, "good" people tend to do "good" things...so, go do some good in the world. (I quotation mark good in that 'doing good' is quite subjective.)

    - go to weddings with as the date of straight girlfriends. I kid you not. You'll meet other "hags who brought their fags."

    - stop looking! I've discovered that when you look, all you find are easy things such as sex, casual friends, game players. The 'real' things just sort of happen. Human nature I suppose.

    - remember that not EVERY guy on a website is a jerk or a slut (not that there's anything wrong with a slut - it's his choice, just not yours!) and while a gaping asshole photo speaks volumes, there are decent people on most websites. The challenge is encountering them.

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    Jun 08, 2009 6:41 PM GMT
    RunintheCity said
    He should:

    - go out. And not necessarily to gay bars/clubs. But just out and about into the world. Say Hello when you spot a cutie at the supermarket. Or at least smile and nod. Ask him about his running shoes. After all, I see more cute guys at Starbucks....

    - volunteer. Never know who else might be doing the same and he's likely going to be of somewhat better caliber than DoMeRaw from A4A with his gaping asshole pics...although it's often true that DoMeRaw ends up being the super nice guy you meet at your local young Democrats meeting. icon_eek.gif

    - go to weddings with as the date of straight girlfriends. I kid you not.

    - stop looking! I've discovered that when you look, all you find it easy things such as sex, casual friends, game players. The 'real' things just sort of happen. Human nature I suppose.

    - remember that not EVERY guy on a website is a slut (not that there's anything wrong with a slut - it's his choice, just not yours!) and while a gaping asshole photo speaks volumes, there are decent people on most websites. The challenge is encountering them.



    I quoted this just so that can be posted twice. Outstanding.
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    Jun 08, 2009 7:11 PM GMT
    BradySF said
    RunintheCity said
    He should:

    - go out. And not necessarily to gay bars/clubs. But just out and about into the world. Say Hello when you spot a cutie at the supermarket. Or at least smile and nod. Ask him about his running shoes. After all, I see more cute guys at Starbucks....

    - volunteer. Never know who else might be doing the same and he's likely going to be of somewhat better caliber than DoMeRaw from A4A with his gaping asshole pics...although it's often true that DoMeRaw ends up being the super nice guy you meet at your local young Democrats meeting. icon_eek.gif

    - go to weddings with as the date of straight girlfriends. I kid you not.

    - stop looking! I've discovered that when you look, all you find it easy things such as sex, casual friends, game players. The 'real' things just sort of happen. Human nature I suppose.

    - remember that not EVERY guy on a website is a slut (not that there's anything wrong with a slut - it's his choice, just not yours!) and while a gaping asshole photo speaks volumes, there are decent people on most websites. The challenge is encountering them.



    I quoted this just so that can be posted twice. Outstanding.


    I quoted this just so that can be posted twice. Outstanding.