my mom just found out im gay

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2009 9:02 PM GMT
    and shes pissed.. now what...this morning i was the best son ever...now im nothing.
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    Jun 08, 2009 9:18 PM GMT
    the more time she's pissed about it the less time she is loving you.

    is that the mother she wants to be?

    at least she's only pissed and didn't disown you.

    sucks. good luck.
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    Jun 08, 2009 9:21 PM GMT
    Give her a little time and space.
    Answer her questions honestly and within reason.
    Stay true to you and seek appropriate help should you need it.
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    Jun 08, 2009 9:28 PM GMT
    oh shit icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 08, 2009 9:28 PM GMT
    How did she find out? ... icon_eek.gif

    Do you know specifically what she objects to? Note: sometimes it isnt what she will be yelling about or 'fessing up to. You might have to watch closely.
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    Jun 08, 2009 9:29 PM GMT
    Does she love you?Yes?

    Then she will come to terms with your orientation. Just don't push it in her face now that she knows. We are all and will always be somebodies baby. She held you, fed you, cleaned you and clothed you.

    as runnerincity said;
    Give her a little time and space.
    Answer her questions honestly and within reason.
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    Jun 08, 2009 9:37 PM GMT
    okay so she just found out...my mom suspects something and i want her to know for the last time and i'm dying but not afraid to tell her and i'm just not. i think it's making it more difficult for me or my lifestyle. what would my mom ask me other than restate the question if i'm gay? i dont get that part...i do have some info. about being gay and coming out and helpful stuff that i've saved under my favorites. shes always wanting to know about me and that's only when she became suspecting. idk i guess give her time and space. do your research and then talk to her she'll be okay about it, it's you, your her son!!!!!!! that means soo much to parents no matter what icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 08, 2009 9:39 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidGive her a little time and space.
    Answer her questions honestly and within reason.
    Stay true to you and seek appropriate help should you need it.


    AMEN!!!!

    It's not as bad as you may think.... Just give her time to process this!
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    Jun 08, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    Be happy
    First of all you aren’t hiding a secret from your mother no more.
    Second it's not your fault, you are not causing no harm to you or someone else.
    Third it’s something she has to deal with.
    Fourth when I told my mom, it was hell she said it was only a stage, then she got me some professional help.
    Fifth just live your life, not someone else’s
    Sixth as time passes by, she will get better
    Seventh it’s been 4 years since I came out to her and now she is like fuck it, it's my son, I hate it but I love him. She says as long as I don’t bring it to her house, do whatever you want.
    Eight there will be some odd talks but stand up for who you are and what you want.
    *It’s not going to be easy but you can find ways to help yourself.
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    Jun 08, 2009 9:45 PM GMT
    Bring home a girl with epilepsy, or down syndrome, or who's 400 lbs. and 5'0, or who's over 65, or in a wheelchair and tell her you've changed your mind and you're not gay anymore and this is the girl you're going to marry and is she happy now?!?!?!??!
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jun 08, 2009 10:11 PM GMT
    You are still the best son ever, even if she doesn't realize it yet. You need to believe in yourself, no matter if she comes around or not.

    If this is based on religious beliefs, there's only so much you can do.

    If that's not what this is about, then just be patient. Even liberal mothers can have issues with gay kids. They have certain dreams about how they think you'll life will play out. To them, coming out is a betrayal. At least at first. All you can do is be who you are. And let her know that -- "Mom, I'm the same person I was yesterday and the day before. Nothing has changed. You just know something now that I was afraid to share with you before."
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    Jun 08, 2009 10:33 PM GMT
    She just needs time to think about it. She will find out your'e still the same son, just who you love is not women. She will come around
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    Jun 08, 2009 10:42 PM GMT
    She'll get over it. Trust me. She probably already suspected. This indignation thing is just a ritual that conservative/religious parents have to go through.

    My dad found out, did the whole outrage and indignation song and dance. And then life went on as normal.
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    Jun 08, 2009 10:49 PM GMT
    Time and space. At the end of the day man, she will love you. No matter who you are, you are her son...she raised you, if I am right..... Be strong!!!!!!!!!
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jun 08, 2009 10:50 PM GMT
    onstagebuffnaked saidthe more time she's pissed about it the less time she is loving you.

    is that the mother she wants to be?

    at least she's only pissed and didn't disown you.

    sucks. good luck.


    Worst. Advice. Ever.

    It takes, at the very least days, for her to get used to the idea. You may once again be the best son ever. Think of it as she has to recalibrate who she assumed you are, and who you will marry, etc. That is a hard thing to accept. You basically just told her "Hey mom, I'm white."

    It will likely take her months to adjust. Possibly years. What you need to do is remain calm, but stick to your guns- you are who you are. ...and remind her that you love her. Her acknowledgment of who you really are will almost be as hard as it was for you. Answer her questions honestly, and when she is ready refer her to PFLAG.

    Lastly remember that the hardest part is done for you. She knows.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 08, 2009 10:54 PM GMT
    *lol* I know that reaction. Thats just something you both have to get through.

    For the first part I am pretty sure she is also pissed, because she thinks you couldnt trust her enough to tell her. That hurts. And also our Parents are raising us in order to have good and normal lifes and that we will build families on our own. That dreambubble also bursts in that moment.

    So give her time to come over it and try to get her to understand that this doesnt change a thing.

    Wish you good luck man, my Dad still hasnt accepted it, but at least he ignores it.
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    Jun 08, 2009 10:54 PM GMT
    i do feel like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders.....but shes still angry and saying things i wont even repeat. Allot of hateful things. We are of a Jamaican cultural background so its a whole nother ball game. And she said she suspected from 2004....just needed to get confirmation. The sad thing is..i only wanted her approval...just hers.
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    Jun 08, 2009 10:58 PM GMT
    DCEric saidIt will likely take her months to adjust. Possibly years. What you need to do is remain calm, but stick to your guns- you are who you are. ...and remind her that you love her. Her acknowledgment of who you really are will almost be as hard as it was for you. Answer her questions honestly, and when she is ready refer her to PFLAG.

    Lastly remember that the hardest part is done for you. She knows.

    Agreed. Time is your best ally. Don't be stampeded into panic or depression. Rough times ahead, all will likely be OK in the end.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jun 08, 2009 10:59 PM GMT
    She'll be fine,just give it time to sink in--
    soon she will realize how lucky she is to have a son doing well in college after looking around and seeing what other young men your age are ingaging in....
    soon she'll see how respectful you are and realize what a good job she has done after seeing how disrespectful other young men your age disrespect everyone including themselves.. Just give her time to look around , she'll soon realise what a gem you are...
    A BRIGHT SPARKLING DIAMOND...
    just stay out of chi-chi's.....lol
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jun 09, 2009 12:19 AM GMT
    tereseus1 saidThe sad thing is..i only wanted her approval...just hers.


    You need no ones approval in life, but your own. Not hers, not your friends, and certainly not the government.
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    Jun 09, 2009 12:25 AM GMT
    Yeah, that's tough that she is not accepting, but good you don't have to hide it anymore. What matters most though is what you think of yourself. I don't know if you have many gay friends or friends that are gay friendly, but just try to surround yourself with other people that are more accepting.
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    Jun 09, 2009 12:30 AM GMT
    I am kinda right there with you i would love nothing more than to walk down the hall right now and just tell them but i can't bring my self to do it. Its funny i think that i risk my life every day and cant bring my self to just tell the two people that have been there from day one.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jun 09, 2009 12:38 AM GMT
    tereseus1 saidi do feel like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders.....but shes still angry and saying things i wont even repeat. Allot of hateful things. We are of a Jamaican cultural background so its a whole nother ball game. And she said she suspected from 2004....just needed to get confirmation. The sad thing is..i only wanted her approval...just hers.


    You need to be patient. Don't let the hateful things she says stick. You know they're not true. Just continue to be you. Rise above it. Live by example. You might have to hang in there for a bit to get her acceptance. And you might have to be prepared that that day may never come. Meanwhile, surround yourself with the others who can give you some support. Unfortunately, gay people have to choose their own family some times, or at least supplement them.

  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jun 09, 2009 12:43 AM GMT
    Think about the amount of time it took you to come to terms with it. I'm betting she'll get over it in half the time it took you to accept it. I'd just give her some space. Time to think.
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    Jun 09, 2009 12:55 AM GMT
    DrobUA> Think about the amount of time it took you to come to terms with it. I'm betting she'll get over it in half the time it took you to accept it.

    Well said!

    Be there for her. icon_smile.gif