I seriously need help.. therapy.. what are my options?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2007 5:57 PM GMT
    Some of you might recall my posts about trying to get over someone.

    I still love him. The problem is I have to see them alot and they often act like they care too, but won't go there. So the usual options of keeping busy ect.. just don't seem to be working.

    So, what are my options? I am borderline if not depressed about him. As much as it stings to say it, I feel like I need to be hypnotized and forget he exists or that I knew him.

    THen every time I start to do better, he will do something sweet. Again, I have to have some contact with him.

    I try talking to other guys, but that is not really fair to them. I sit there and compare them to him ect..

    I even tried to hookup, but I can't seem to do that either for some reason. It has never panned out. (and this from advice to go have a good time and mess around)


    So, should I see a psychiatrist..

    I am ashamed to even feel like I need to see one, but I am pretty messed up right now.


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    Nov 15, 2007 7:45 PM GMT
    First off, there is nothing wrong about seeking professional help. Believe me it's better to know and find that help. Than to know and ignore help given.

    Second, I haven't seen you're other post so forgive me for asking a dumb question, but why do you have to see him? Is he a friend of a friend? Related to someone you know? Or is it a work thing?

    In the instance that he is related with someone you know or a friend of friend. Just tell your friends/family, that you are trying to get over him, and can't bare to be around him, and don't knowingly go and hang out with them if you know he will be there.

    If it's for work, then I would suggest finding another job. If your love for this guy is so bad that you're considering therapy, especially give you're attitude towards it, then I would say that this is a serious enough issue to justify a change of jobs.

    Finally, reguardless of which situation you're in, stay away from him. He may do something sweet one day, but have you considered the fact that he knows you love him, and he is using that to mess with you're head. Stay away from him. Hell I'll even go so far as to tell you to treat him like a leper because that seems to be what he is to you.
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    Nov 15, 2007 8:42 PM GMT
    Can you explain your feelings to him? If you can let him know that you still have feelings for him and then ask him not to do those sweet things but let you have some space, maybe he will understand.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 16, 2007 4:32 AM GMT
    Okay...Time to pull up your boot straps and start to live your life
    and if that means talking to a therapist to do it - Do It
    This kabuki dance that you're doing with your Ex isn't doing either of you any good
    you need to sit down with a pen and paper and write down the good things that went on btw you two and on the other side the bad things
    and when you get the urge to call him you reread the bed things
    right now don't try to date
    do things that you like to do
    gym
    beach
    paint your toe nails...whatever it takes
    you're mourning the loss of something - and it's a process you have to go thru but you talking and playing one against the other is keeping you in a never never land
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2007 10:18 AM GMT
    When he does something sweet, he might be trying to get attention from you. Maybe he wants you to pine for him, and that isn't really so sweet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2007 1:57 AM GMT
    Some good advice here... maybe I am just impatient in thinking I can get over him so quick. It has been months.. but not a year.

    Pity the guy I do love. I don't love very often or very easy , but when I do it hits me like a ton of bricks...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2007 5:44 PM GMT
    Hmmmm He may never ever leave your mind or your heart. You may always feel the twinge of the same heartache you feel when you are near him, but in time it will become an echo - a pain remembered and never to be forgotten.

    For your own heart's sake get away - far away from him if you can and try never to think of what you wish could have been.

    He is teasing you and hurting you but he doesn't know it [give him benefit of the doubt] but everyone needs to feel special. You have given him that and however much he knows he cannot fulfill what you REALLY want he has grown to like and perhaps crave that attention.

    Face it - you love him and he can do no wrong in your eyes - he feels it and who wouldn't respond to that? For both your sake he must be weaned of your adoration and you must stop longing for him.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2007 7:36 PM GMT
    Hey kylez4me: Listen my friend, you will get over him, it may be painful , BUT you will move-on.

    It takes time and even many years later you may get emotions/feelings when you see him; this is normal and remember the degree of feelings you experience for him now, will be reduced in the future-less painful!

    As far as "seeing a therapist" I am one and I don't think you need one at this point to get over "him". As other guys have said on here " get a life and move on" Just don't think too much about this issue. Achieve this by keeping busy - socially!

    Hugs and all the BEST!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2007 7:54 PM GMT
    Kyle, we've all been there and I know I have been there more than once. There's a lot of good advice here that I wll probably restate, though unintentionally.

    I don't think you are in love with him, you are in love with the "idea" of him. Because of his sweet actions you are seeing him as only that, and I have no doubt that he is not. No one is. You have to realize that you have idealized him.

    With all due respect to penguin's advice, I do think you need to see a therapist. You said psychiatrist, but you would need a psychologist. Psychiatrists treat behavior (often medicinally) and psychologists work with you to change behavior. And by my judgment, you are obsessing about this guy. You need to talk to someone about the origin of these obsessions because they don't originate with this guy, and I am betting that you are obsessive about other things. We all can be obsessive at times, but when such things destruct our lives we must get the situation under control.

    Get this guy out from under your skin the best way that you can, following whatever advice you are given that best works for you. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2007 3:43 PM GMT
    kyle (slap!) KYLE (SLAP!) stop it (slap!) are you listening? (slap!)

    now, is that better?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2007 1:29 AM GMT
    Google Limerance. Click on the Wikipedia link. Read the entire page. I got over a yearlong crush 45 minutes after I read the article. Also google "how to get over a crush" and click on the "findarticles link". This came in handy recently.
    Lastly, next time you like someone- do not be quick to form an attachment with them. Always remember how big the world is and how many people would be interested in dating you. Hope that helps!
  • asupas

    Posts: 234

    Nov 24, 2007 1:34 AM GMT
    I feel for ya man. It can take years for some to get over their ex's if there is a strong connection. Eventually you'll look back and all the pain/bitterness will be gone. You'll just appreciate the good times that you had with this man and look forward to your next relationship.

    Hang in there and talk to someone if you feel the need. I'd start with your close friends/family and then move on to a professional if you aren't getting the clarity that you seek.

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2007 7:30 AM GMT
    Well, that thing they say about getting over someone by getting under someone else.. It does help.

    It always sounded like an awful joke, but it is not.

    Time and new friends/lovers.. wow. I just needed some downtime to be ready for someone else.

    You would think I was old enough to know better. To not let my guard down the last time and let myself get attached. I am being/trying to be more careful with this one.

    I would say we are friends with benefits so far..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2007 8:23 AM GMT
    What is that song, all my exes live in Texas?

    I don't know anyone who grew up in Texas or Arkansas that wouldn't benefit from a bit of therapy (myself at the top of the list).

    The thing is that with a therapist, psychiatrist, or mental social worker it is fairly fundamental to certify that you are getting someone who is going to be able to relate to your problems.

    Therapy is a process (a long one) and it isn't a given that what we think is bothering us is the real cause. Often we show up with what we think is our problem and then discover that what is really bugging us and bogging us down is something else entirely.

    Such a big adventure is like taking a hike across the alps. The first thing I want to do is pick the right guide, someone whom I am going to get on with for the months that my hike is going to take.

    A significant local issue (Little Rock specific) will be to find the right therapist. If I were doing this I would want to make sure I found myself with a gay or truly gay friendly therapist (and my preference would be for a gay therapist) who I could be sure was not only listening to but also understanding my issues.

    Good luck to you with this.

    The thing about hiking the Alps is that once one gets to the other side there is a tremendous feeling of accomplishment and confidence that many great things are possible.

    Cheers,
    Terry
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2007 3:26 PM GMT
    Looking at your screen name I'm wondering if his name is Kyle? Kyle's for me? Start the process by changing the name....it might help you move on. Maybe IMGoing2BOK.