If you know what it’s like . . . put your thoughts down

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2009 11:41 PM GMT
    Not proud to present this thread. Should be over this.
    I entered a whirlwind relationship with an amazing guy. Instinct told me that he was on the rebound . . . he seemed to be in such a rush . . . you know how they say God whispers before he shouts? Well, he does.
    In all the time I thought I was competing with a ghost from his past, it turned out that I was the illusion and the ex from the past was the only thing that was real. I thought he was the threat; it turned out I was just the interruption in their on-off, all-consuming love legend. But I was hardly a threat to their story; I was forgotten very easily when he waltzed back into the picture. Never seen him, but I can imagine – Jesus, he must be gorgeous. Also, the fact that they are both more than ten years older than I am – well, what chance did I think I stood anyway?

    In hindsight, I was just one of many interruptions in their shaky story: when they break up, their pain doesn’t just hurt them – it spills over into other people’s lives when they start and end rebound relationships. They don’t go out of their way to positively destroy others but if you ask me a fire is a fire.

    Can only imagine similarly disillusioned guys who realized that they’d invested too much in too little a little too late. But I thought I’d be different. Even after the break up, I believed everything he’d said about me being his ‘angelface’ what he’d ‘almost been too scared to pray for’ and the only one he ‘could possibly make it work with.’
    Moreover, they probably will make it work, sooner or later. And me, what do I get? I’m left with the scars. Fucking beautiful. So please . . . NO ONE should 'comfort' me by telling me that they’ll probably never have peace with each other. There’s been enough pain, even for them. I don’t want to get bitter because of this. But letting go seems trickier than I thought. Anybody else moved on from anything like this this? Please put some words down – I need your insight, guys. RJs, deliver!
  • Pheo

    Posts: 198

    Jun 09, 2009 12:00 AM GMT
    I'm in a similar situation. The guy I was seeing had an on again off again relationship with another Pagan before he met me. This guy was shot and killed and since then he's been trying to find someone that comes close.icon_rolleyes.gif I love him, I really do... But since I'm not the way this guy was he wants an open relationship and crap like that. It's stupid. I keep waiting for him to sit there and tell me how much I mean to him. But it seems the wait is longer than what I should do. If you need to vent I listen. I know alot of people in our situations. Though not the same, the gesture is there. There is not much you can do unless you want to make him go... "Wow... Look what I'm missing."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    My condolences, that totally sucks. All you can do is grieve for the lost relationship and learn from it.

    From what I read in the OP, it seems to me, as if you have been played by an asshole or a couple of assholes who like to involve third parties into the drama they create for themselves. Nothing you could have said or done would have changed the outcome. If you haven't done so already, cut him out of your life. No calls, emails, texts, visits, sex, dates. In time you will get over your broken heart. If you have friends, now is the time to hang with them, do stuff, go see movies, work out, anything that keeps you from brooding about what went wrong. Once again, you did nothing wrong, he mislead you.

    Learn from it to trust your instincts,
    learn from it that beautiful words need to be backed up by action
    learn from it, that everyone comes with baggage.

    Falling in love includes opening yourself to being hurt.

  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 09, 2009 3:28 AM GMT
    Sucks about you're situation, but I can't say I'm sympathetic. You knew or should have known about getting involved with guys who carry baggage. Can't blame a snake for being a snake, but you can blame yourself for picking it up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2009 3:35 AM GMT
    Really sorry to hear about that. It's difficult to say never to get involved with someone who has just gotten out of a long relationship. I think it's good that you tried because you could've potentially lost out big time.
    At least you fell for a gay guy... I fell for a STRAIGHT one in a relationship and needless to say that didn't work out haha.
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    Jun 09, 2009 10:45 AM GMT
    In the light of day, a few things come into my mind that don't occur at 01.00 am

    a. I genuinely believe that my ex is a good person, and in many ways he handled the whole thing much better than the average guy could have. For that, I am quite proud of him. But no, I am not getting back in touch with him anytime soon.

    b. I did get over this a LONG time ago. Really, I did. But sometimes the memory and the pain and the rage come up really, really raw all over again. . . this was the first guy who ever said, 'I love you' to whom I responded 'I love you too.' There had been no one before and there has been no one since. That's why it still shakes me me so much.

    c. And I am so much more than this story.

    Thanks for the responses
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 09, 2009 11:04 AM GMT
    Word to the wise ......

    When you go into a dark tunnel? Turn on your headlights icon_cool.gif