HIV+ Boyfriend?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2009 4:24 AM GMT
    Would you date a guy that is HIV+? Or would the stress of such a serious infection create a hard toil on the relationship?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2009 6:55 AM GMT
    If I were in undying, unrelenting love and I knew for damn sure he felt the same way- maybe.

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    Jun 10, 2009 9:28 AM GMT
    I know how to get it and I know how not to get it. So yes, I would.
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    Jun 10, 2009 1:36 PM GMT
    I think this has already been discussed several times on RJ. But yes I would and have. My husband is HIV+ for 18 years, we have been together 12+ years. I am still neg, I dont worry about infection or his health, no more than I would if it was any other disease.
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    Jun 10, 2009 1:46 PM GMT
    Ask yourself this question. How is dating someone infected with HIV, different from dating someone who has: Anal Cancer, Lupus or Male Breast cancer or Prostate Cancer?
    All of the above may be more terminal than on having HIV. If you take sex out of equation then there is no difference. So the answer to your question yes I would and I have and I’m still negative because I’m always safe .Also being single and celibate for the last three years helps.icon_biggrin.gif
  • dfrourke

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    Jun 10, 2009 4:21 PM GMT
    Ducky45 saidAsk yourself this question. How is dating someone infected with HIV, different from dating someone who has: Anal Cancer, Lupus or Male Breast cancer or Prostate Cancer?
    All of the above may be more terminal than on having HIV. If you take sex out of equation then there is no difference. So the answer to your question yes I would and I have and I’m still negative because I’m always safe .Also being single and celibate for the last three years helps.icon_biggrin.gif


    You can't contract cancer from someone by having unsafe sex...you are comparing 'apples' to 'oranges'...I think the only chronic issue that I can think of that would be 'apples' to 'apples' would be Hep C...it is contracted through unsafe sex practices and can be fatal in the long run or at minimum affect one's life...

    I just had this conversation [dating someone who is HIV+] with the HIV- guy I am dating...in my 20's I don't know if I could have done it...I didn't fear getting the virus, but I think it's a lot of responsibility I wasn't equipped to handle at that age [and I thought I was a mature 20 something]...

    ...ask me if I would date a guy that has Hep C [which could do world of damage to my immune system as a co-infection]...and I think I could handle it now...but probably not when I was younger...

    - David icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 10, 2009 4:35 PM GMT
    I would, because it shows how strong, and brave they are, and that's a plus.
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    Jun 10, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    If you are dating someone who is HIV+ and overall healthy - meaning exercises and takes HIV medication (his viral load is near 0 or very low) then the risk is exceptionally low with safe sex practice.

    But as others have said - it's no more of a risk then having sex with anyone else who "thinks" they are negative. In those cases if they have converted and are not on meds - the risk can be greater.

    It's all a matter of choice - but please don't lead someone on - take it from my past experience. It's makes you feel like a complete loser to have someone interested in you, who knows your POZ and then all of a sudden changes their mind because they are afraid of infection.

    Make up your mind before you date someone - and a case by case situation is a good way to figure it out.

    I don't date those who drink heavily or use drugs - even poppers. Some guys have really been offended by that. But I have my health to consider - mental and physical and I have never felt comfortable being around those who practiced that type of behavior.

    It made socializing a bit harder, but I have no regrets about it.

    Try to be sensitive about how you approach anyone you find as a potential partner/bf.

    Good Luck!
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Jun 10, 2009 5:28 PM GMT
    This topic has been talked to death. Go to FORUMS, and in search look for HIV+ relationship or something that sort.
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    Jun 10, 2009 6:24 PM GMT
    No, I wouldn't date a HIV+ guy.

    Chances are he contracted the disease from irresponsible behavior. As such, it makes no sense to date a guy who's irresponsible behavior is likely to further spread his infection.

    It's cold and calculating but if you don't watch out for yourself, no one will...
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    Jun 10, 2009 6:27 PM GMT
    RyanReBoRn saidNo, I wouldn't date a HIV+ guy.

    Chances are he contracted the disease from irresponsible behavior. As such, it makes no sense to date a guy who's irresponsible behavior is likely to further spread his infection.

    It's cold and calculating but if you don't watch out for yourself, no one will...



    Wait until you find the 'love of your life', then he cheats on you, having unprotected sex with someone whom has the virus, without your knowing and you contract the disease... Hypothetically of course.
    feel cold and calculating still?
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    Jun 10, 2009 6:31 PM GMT
    Logically and rationally I know the risk of a partner catching HIV from me is extremely low, but when I was faced with the situation I backed out of that potential LTR from my illogical irrational paranoia that he would somehow become infected in spite of precautions and protection proven to be effective.

    maybe someday I will be able to work through that and be able to have a relationship with someone regardless, but for now I primarily limit my search to other poz guys
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    Jun 10, 2009 6:43 PM GMT
    SantosMadrid said
    RyanReBoRn saidNo, I wouldn't date a HIV+ guy.

    Chances are he contracted the disease from irresponsible behavior. As such, it makes no sense to date a guy who's irresponsible behavior is likely to further spread his infection.

    It's cold and calculating but if you don't watch out for yourself, no one will...



    Wait until you find the 'love of your life', then he cheats on you, having unprotected sex with someone whom has the virus, without your knowing and you contract the disease... Hypothetically of course.
    feel cold and calculating still?


    You nailed it, Santos
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2009 6:43 PM GMT
    Unfortunately it is a facet of our community and no one should be discounted or disregarded because of that. I would be open to it!
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    Jun 10, 2009 6:48 PM GMT
    I'd be open to it
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    Jun 10, 2009 7:19 PM GMT
    Wow, is it just me or have new HIV threads been popping up every week like clockwork the last few months? I think it gets a little old for some of us. And yeah, I get annoyed sometimes. But to be completely fair, these topics are ones that deserve continuing discussion. Yeah, that overjuiced little toad who looks like Mr. Potato Head with severe fetal alcohol syndrome is always going to drop in and lower the level of discussion. However, as long as one person takes something away that helps them make better decisions or challenge preconceived notions, it's always going to be worth it.
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    Jun 10, 2009 7:20 PM GMT
    luckybri23 saidWould you date a guy that is HIV+? Or would the stress of such a serious infection create a hard toil on the relationship?



    Maybe you should turn that around. If you were hiv+ would you date a guy who was hiv-? It seems to me that you consider the dilemma to be one sided only. I think that in this situation the knife cuts both ways...
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    Jun 10, 2009 7:23 PM GMT
    no i wouldn't
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    Jun 10, 2009 7:23 PM GMT
    rankoutsider said
    luckybri23 saidWould you date a guy that is HIV+? Or would the stress of such a serious infection create a hard toil on the relationship?



    Maybe you should turn that around. If you were hiv+ would you date a guy who was hiv-? It seems to me that you consider the dilemma to be one sided only. Seems to me the knife cuts both ways...


    and it does. Before I met my partner, dated a guy a couple of times until he asked my status...when he found out I was neg, he told me he only dated other poz guys.

    I personally never limited my dating to either or but left the door open to see who love would send.
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    Jun 10, 2009 7:25 PM GMT
    rankoutsider said
    luckybri23 saidWould you date a guy that is HIV+? Or would the stress of such a serious infection create a hard toil on the relationship?



    Maybe you should turn that around. If you were hiv+ would you date a guy who was hiv-? It seems to me that you consider the dilemma to be one sided only. Seems to me the knife cuts both ways...


    Another recent topic. It seems it's getting covered from just about every angle lately.icon_smile.gif

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/549151/
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    Jun 10, 2009 7:37 PM GMT
    A poz guy became my partner. It took some adjustment on my part, but not that much.

    The issues for a young man who begins an LTR with a poz lover include how to cover medical costs, the ability to handle medical crises if they occur, and the possibility that life expectancy may be shortened.

    For simple dating that doesn't lead to an LTR, the main issue is one of knowing how to practice absolutely safe sex. I did it successfully for 2 years, so it is possible. I would not rule out dating.
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Jun 10, 2009 7:37 PM GMT
    rankoutsider said
    luckybri23 saidWould you date a guy that is HIV+? Or would the stress of such a serious infection create a hard toil on the relationship?



    Maybe you should turn that around. If you were hiv+ would you date a guy who was hiv-? It seems to me that you consider the dilemma to be one sided only. I think that in this situation the knife cuts both ways...


    Ooh, good one! I have had two serious relationships since my diagnosis. The first one ultimately failed because he little by little freaked out over time about the necessity for safe sex and left me. My marriage today is just fine, although I was very afraid for the first couple of years that I would get dumped again. We are very informed and intelligent people, so we don't have any anxiety about transmission if that's what you're wondering...
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    Jun 10, 2009 10:12 PM GMT
    I'm neg. and would be cool with dating a guy who is pos. Not a problem. No matter what health issue cropped up, i.e. Parkinson's, cancer, diabetes - we would deal with it together.

    If I was pos. I would date a guy who was neg. just so long as he didn't freak out - and so long as he was intelligent enough to know all the ways to have sex without putting him at risk. If a guy I like has a problem - we fight it together.....we're a team.icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 10, 2009 10:32 PM GMT

    No, unless it's Guerilla Sodomite.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Jun 10, 2009 10:36 PM GMT
    luckybri23 saidWould you date a guy that is HIV+? Or would the stress of such a serious infection create a hard toil on the relationship?


    Stress comes from fear which comes from a lack of education about HIV transmission. Of course, it is safe to assume that people's own personality characteristics play a role as well.

    Honestly, since I was maybe 20, this whole issue has always been a non-issue for me.