Okay, So there has got to be a predujice (cantspell)against black guys.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2007 2:33 AM GMT
    I hear guys make comments all the time saying things like, thank god your not all black. or your biracial whew thats such a relief, but its not a relief because i dont have a boy-friend i believe in part becAUSE of this. I hear guys say you have all the qualities im looking for in a guy, then I get the but I just dont find black guys attractive. How am i supposed to feel? PLEASE ANYONE TELL ME IM WRONG......
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    Nov 16, 2007 3:28 AM GMT
    I agree I have heard that same crap.

    wow I would so date you if it wasn't for the fact that your black.

    What the hell excuse me for being only half black I did not know that was a problem.
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    Nov 16, 2007 3:36 AM GMT
    I'm not sure why you feel this way. I can only give you advice from my own personal experience.

    When I go out (club, bar, party, etc), I notice that there are very few African Americans that hang out in the gay scene. So naturally, I get to interact more with other races. Even when I was in Ny, the clubs were mostly white guys and people of mixed races. Personally, I have never dated an African American because I have never had the chance to get to know one.

    I grew up in an area that was all upper middle class and mostly White, Hispanic, and Asian. This might have something to do with it also.

    I have dated a couple different races and would not be opposed to dating an African American or someone who is 1/2 African American.
  • marius87

    Posts: 14

    Nov 16, 2007 6:03 AM GMT
    the topic of sexual 'racism' has always kinda seemed strange to me, are they not dating you because you're black? or because you look black. Might sound like shaky logic with little variation between the two points but as I see it if they are just not attracted to you because of the way you look it's not exactly prejudice. On the other hand if they don't like you because you're african-american then thats prejudice.
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    Nov 16, 2007 6:15 AM GMT
    I'm in a wonderful relationship with a black guy. He's the first black guy I dated, but the best man i've ever had. I'm something of a "minority" in the gay world too, since I'm into heavy metal and have a lot of crazy tattoos, and don't tend to like or do a lot of the "typical" gay stuff.

    People are very accepting towards us, and we often get compliments that we are a cute couple, or that we are perfect for each other. To me, it is the most natural and normal relationship I've ever been in.

    I was never even interested in black guys before. I think perhaps I was scared, didn't feel like i would be able to relate or get along, that we would be too different.. And also perhaps because I was looking for someone who looked more or less like myself. I was looking for a long haired white rocker guy. But when I met Blu, all of those walls came crashing down and I realized it was all fear based.. fear of the unknown. I saw him for who he really is, and I no longer saw things in terms of black and white at all. I began to see our similarities instead of differences, and realized we are really of one race: Human.

    Love can conquer all prejudices and tear down walls. And it is indeed colorblind.

    If I had kept my wall up and not given him a chance, I never would have learned this valuable lesson. I would have gone about my life holding on to deep seated prejudices that I didn't even know I had, and I would have missed out on the love of my life.

    Most guys have a very specific idea of the type of guy they are attracted to, and if the ideal man in their head is white, it can be easy to dismiss the black guy without a second thought. It's just not what they are seeking.
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    Nov 16, 2007 6:21 AM GMT
    I have to agree with Marius87...I think there is a world of difference between not being attracted to black or brown skin...and finding someone attractive but not dating them because they are African American.

    If its simply a lack of attraction because of your features then I wouldn't take it personal Boysandco. We all have our personal preferences.

    I'm a short guy...alot of guys find this unattractive....but thats life. I can't get upset with them because their personal taste knocks me out. Don't let a situation like this make you bitter my friend...!! Focus on the negative too long and you become entangled in it... There is a huge world of good out there...go chase it.
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    Nov 16, 2007 6:45 AM GMT
    "I would so date you if it wasn't for the fact that your black"???????

    Man, that's the most ignorant sentence i've heard anybody say ...
    I'm sorry somebody had the balls to tell you something like that dude...
    I didn't know there were still people like that around
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    Nov 16, 2007 7:37 AM GMT
    I dated a guy who was half black half mexican and i was shocked by the amount of bigotry in the gay world towards him. It genuinely amazed me. I'm sorry man, and I hope that there are good people out there around you. Not everyone just sees color.
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Nov 16, 2007 7:52 AM GMT
    if somebody said to you "thank god you're not all black", that is worthy of you knocking them on their ass. id actually be quite suprised if that was anything more than a once in a great while experience... i mean if you truly felt that way, who the f*ck would say that?
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    Nov 16, 2007 8:47 AM GMT
    You see what i mean, Guys are afraid of dating someone that is different from them. I am mad because its my skin color why you wont date me. If i was of another race, hell yeah. There is no difference between brown and black skin. Its the same thing, we are of one color. different variations, but we're called black people. And i find it quite odd-to the last post before me were you saying that i was actually supposed to be flattered by that statement, thank god your half black,(THANK GOD)Thank god i did'nt punch him in the mouth for saying it, and believe me it is said on more than one occasion. you act like gay people are not the most vicious things out there,,,,,, LOOK AT ME, i am bitter.icon_confused.gif you know, its like you will never understand a persons situation until you've experienced it. And two situations are never alike......
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Nov 16, 2007 12:03 PM GMT

    Now, who say that he dont date you because you are black. A white guys , Asian, Latino or another fellow black. You be surprise how many black dont find fellow black attractive. I dont mean to be rude but I have heard so many complaint from so many black guys in Real Jock that look down on their own skin colour and assuming other people dont like them because of their race. Maybe you should be more proud of your ethnic and race and have better self esteem .What ever happen to "Black is beautiful".

    By the way, are you one of the guys who dont date people of your race. Its a pity when we keep meeting black guy feeling bitter that some white guys dont want to date them (I kinda figure it out). There so many gay men in this wide world why feel bitter about some racist . I am sure there so many other guys who want to date you , including other black guys.

    I am Asian. Most of a guys I date, hook up, fuck and take to bed is fellow Asian. I found them so damn hot. If I am interested in some White , Black or other race guys, I try to get to know them. If they are not intersted , that life, I have other good looking guys who I can connected with.

    BTW, I have never heard a white guys complaining nobody want to date them because they are white.
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    Nov 16, 2007 2:27 PM GMT
    MulattoMachoI dont find white guys sexually attractive either..

    Another goal I was working towards shot to hell.icon_cry.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16415

    Nov 16, 2007 4:03 PM GMT
    It seems like this topic is recurring and its somewhat of a mystery. I wouldn't have any issue dating someone of another race. For me its whether they are grounded and what kind of a person they are.
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    Nov 16, 2007 4:11 PM GMT
    Yes, it's strange how often this subject comes up, since it's been so well established here that the rejection of black men by white men is just an innocuous expression of personal taste. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Nov 16, 2007 5:18 PM GMT
    I find it more interesting that the people who find it interesting that this subject comes up 'so often' are caucasian. Probably because they don't get rejected because of their skin color.

    We are not immune to the effects of racism simply because we are gay.

    However, not everyone (probably a good percentage) is racist or prejudiced towards ethnicity/skin color/perceived otherness. I don't base potential sex partner, life partner, friend, etc. based on skin color. The problem is: there are not enough people standing up and rejecting those negative points of view vocally while in the moment, which allows the racism to recur and sends the message that 'WE ALL' feel the same way. Perceived racism/passive racism.
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    Nov 16, 2007 5:37 PM GMT
    I find sex with caucasians to be a bit boring to be honest. Can't remember when I last dated one.
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    Nov 16, 2007 6:15 PM GMT
    So called race doesn't matter to me just the personality. If there are gay men out there who reject somebody right away because of their race, religion or ethnic background then they are fools, so wonder so many of us end up alone in our later years.
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    Nov 16, 2007 6:33 PM GMT
    RE: The Original Poster

    The "Easy" Answer: everyone has different preferences and it should have no impact on your own sense of self worth if someone isn't into your look or "type."

    The "Hard" Answer: people reside in a society which hasn't progressed as far as it likes to believe and many, including me, hold (subconscious) prejudices and biases internalized from History. No one's "preferences" are totally innocent and more often than not are the sum result of their upbringing, influences, culture, social-economic status, etc. There's some detailed analysis of this issue (sexual racism) in queer and gender theory/studies which might prove beneficial for your own peace of mind. Check it out!

    PS- If you approve of/desire/love yourself, anyone else's approval is nice if not necessary.
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    Nov 16, 2007 7:01 PM GMT
    for sure there are different group in gay world, and we all tend to stay in the little circle we are comfortable in.
    the preppy white gay
    the ghetto gay,
    the jock gay
    the straight acting/bi curious gay
    the drag queen..
    the rice queen....

    nothing wrong with groups, but it's the level of hierarchy each of us assign each group to.
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    Nov 16, 2007 7:46 PM GMT
    You know what i realized, that Im giving to much credit to the rejections. Its like someone said move on, but tell me what do i move on too. more rejections, sounds like a personal problem right, well i dont know. all i know is that, this problem will never get fully acknowledged so Im over it. Ill find a girl-friend and live a LIE. haha Oh to the post before this, Its funny how you have these groups that you made up. IM NOT GHETTO, so what does that make. a preppy white boy, oh wait im not white..............icon_neutral.gif
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    Nov 16, 2007 7:53 PM GMT
    Devil's advocate here!

    Are you saying that EVERY single guy that you have been attracted to you has made these outlandish statements????

    My next question is are you just limiting yourself to just one race and why?

    Have you tried those sites that are geared towards guys who date bi-racial guys or African Americans?

    You are way too young to allow yourself to be angry or bitter.

    You are just a baby and you have your whole life ahead of you.

    If someone is saying these things to you consider yourself lucky... that your are not living out someone sick fantasy just that would be even more painful.
    Think about it, you realize that someone you are with does not you any thing more that fulfilling some MYTH!
  • Barricade

    Posts: 457

    Nov 16, 2007 8:01 PM GMT

    As someone who brought this up myself. You are gonna be told it's simply some guys preference. I can't believe someone would say that to you though. I have found other black men who won't associate with other black men too. You see there are lots of guys who would date you from reading the replies, but where are those type of men when your looking for someone, right? There is no clear answer, "ignorance" is out there. I am positive you'll find that cool guy when you least expect it. That is how it is for me.
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    Nov 16, 2007 8:33 PM GMT

    What are saying is that you are considering getting a girl-friend and living a lie.

    Why would you do that another person build a relationship based on a lie?

    How is that right right to a woman? No one deserves that and if you think that you would not hurt her, think again.

    Are you sure that these guys are not attracted to you because of the huge chip that you have on your sholder, because if you think you are not putting that type of energy out there think again because you are.

    It's comes off as being very negative and no one wants to deal with that kind of DRAMA.

    It may you, yourself said that you are bitter and I find that SHOCKING given your age and it's sad.

    Again, I would ask where are you meeting these guys and are you limiting yourself to one race and how are you coming off to other people?

    Have you even explored these questions yourself?
    Self-examination will go very far.

    I am quite a bit older than you, I have experienced that same thing. Yes it's horrible but you know, iut is what it is and there are guys out there what race you are looking to form a reloationship with who will see you and love you for who you are on the outside as well as on the inside.

    No one deserves to wake up one morning and find out that their relatshipion was base on an intentional lie.

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    Nov 16, 2007 9:28 PM GMT
    I May have a huge chip on my shoulder and mAy be bitter. but drama is one thing i try very hard to steer clear of. I hope im not coming off negatively to anyone out there, because im usually a very positive and happy guy. I actually dont limit myself to just one race, it seems confusing. Its like i have alot of "friends", but they only ended up as my friends after turning me down, telling me things like. i would much rather be your friend, well dammit i want a long term relationship, im faithful and im a good catch. Im independent, drama free, and I do for my man. But it just seems like things will not go my favorable in my way. IM always open and understanding, but everyone has thier limits...........And i've reached mine.icon_neutral.gif
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    Nov 16, 2007 9:30 PM GMT
    and yes those same guys make those comments i spoke of previously....