Having lived through the years when I buried almost every gay, male friend that I had, I too have trouble understanding this phenomenon. However, I do believe that it is not always as black and white as it may seem. Even though we have made a lot of progress over the last few years, the hate in American society is still evident. I think this is all the more difficult for gay men because we are now being brought up to expect things that are still outside our reach. Instead of barebaking not helping us achieve gay rights and fighting Prop 8, I believe that it is the very lack of rights and hateful things like Prop 8 that keep people with a feeling of being expendable; of not having value. Furthermore, I believe that as gay men who supposedly have our heads screwed on we need to be engaging these people in a way that we can support them to make better choices. When I have done this I usually get a pretty good reaction, but of course, I also get told that they already have a father. We need to be talking to them about things like self worth. I believe that we have a responsibility to our brothers and quite frankly, the judgement and condemnation without engagement is as destructive as some of the other ugly things we have to face.