Lost the best friend. now what?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2009 7:37 PM GMT
    So bascially I found out that I've ruined my best friends life by caring "too much"icon_confused.gif

    Anyone else experience something like this?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 10, 2009 7:39 PM GMT
    I think you need to clarify what you did and what happened. We don't have enough information to base a response.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jun 10, 2009 7:45 PM GMT
    I agree, you're a bit vague, but it wouldn't be the first time a "friend" found a random reason to break off the relationship.
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    Jun 10, 2009 7:50 PM GMT
    I basically took care of him, gave him advice, told him not do things that were illegal and could hurt someone. So basically I now look back and feel like I was more of a parent then best friend.

    Its just hard loosing that person who you have complete trust in you know?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2009 7:52 PM GMT
    Still kinda vague. There's caring and there's meddling. Were you doing more of the latter than the former?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2009 8:20 PM GMT
    You don't have to give all of the details base on what little you said it is pretty clear that you were more of a friend to him then he was to you.

    It's prolly a good thing that you are not friends who's to say if you two were hanging out with each other and you end up getting caught up because of something he's done in his past. You can't raise GROWN MEN!

    He knows right from wrong and he is responsible for his behavior.

    I'm sorry for your loss. It's prolly for the best although at the moment that provides little or no comfort.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2009 8:25 PM GMT
    Fuk'em bro...he/she was never a best friend to begin wit. I can not stand FAKE peeps.icon_twisted.gif Just move foward dawg. There are much friendlier people out there in this world, just embrace them when u come into contact wit them.icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2009 9:12 PM GMT
    I lost my best friend of 9 Years cause i couldn't pick her up to send her to work... She went crazzzy, said some stuff, i told her as soon as she stops acting like a child, i will listen. IT WAS A STUPID REASON, i told her that couldn't pick her up...some people take things for granted you know. . . . . . Overall, i haven't talked to her for 7 months...it was her bad, and i NEVER fight with girls...pointless....
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    Jun 10, 2009 9:33 PM GMT
    surferdude1101 saidI basically took care of him, gave him advice, told him not do things that were illegal and could hurt someone. So basically I now look back and feel like I was more of a parent then best friend.

    Its just hard loosing that person who you have complete trust in you know?


    I feel the same, but you shouldn't feel bad because that’s what a real friend does for one another. As for me, I told my bestfriend what is bad but now i just ignore him when he talks about stuff i don't like to hear. He is grown and i am not dating him. At least I tried to help him. .
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jun 10, 2009 10:24 PM GMT
    Based on what you had to counsel him on, sounds like he might not have been really reliable friend material to begin with, but that's just a guess based on the scant details. Might not be that simple.

    But, yes, there can be a fine line about giving advice -- especially when unsolicited. God knows I have a ton of opinions, and care about what happens to my friends. There have been times I've looked back and realized I probably gave advice when the person was merely looking for support, but it's sometimes tough to sit idly by. I haven't lost any friendships that way, from what I recall, but sometimes you do get pulled into someone else's drama and then have to find a way to pull yourself out. But, that comes with experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2009 10:53 PM GMT

    Yes, I killed a plant that way.

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    Jun 10, 2009 10:56 PM GMT
    Have you been too intense?

    That's easy to do.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Jun 11, 2009 12:36 AM GMT
    I prefer to use the grand old teacher comment:

    "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

    Obviously he didn't want to listen to your advice or he didn't want to examine himself and possibly realize a necessity to change. Seems like possibly he/she was a negative influence. You don't need that negative energy.

    Now branch out. Find some new friends. What I've learned, as well, is to make sure that you don't put all of your roulette chips on 13. It's great to have a best friend, but I think it's also good to have an extended ring of friends so that if things go amiss or he gets a hot bf and disappears, you're not hanging out to dry. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2009 12:42 AM GMT
    surferdude1101 saidSo bascially I found out that I've ruined my best friends life by caring "too much"icon_confused.gif

    Anyone else experience something like this?


    same thing happend to me. DTMFA buddy nothing you do will get things the way you want - it's hell and i had to deal with it a LONG time before i finally got over it.

    He's not worth it - if he thinks you are 'annoying' or whatever for being too caring - it's probably because he either has something to hide or he hates having a conscience. Leave him be.
  • metta

    Posts: 39138

    Jun 11, 2009 12:48 AM GMT
    I lost THE BEST best friend a guy could have 4 years ago because he died suddenly. icon_cry.gif
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    Jun 11, 2009 3:12 AM GMT
    Lost_And_Found saidHave you been too intense?

    That's easy to do.


    I thought I was being waaaay to intense at times, so I would back off, but then it would get of control again, so then the intensity shot back up. I've asked other people who were around us alot if they noticed anything and they said they thought everything was fine and that I was just being a caring best friend like a bestfriend should be. So I dont know. I'm moving on. I'm not holding any grudges or regrets, if he decides to come back into my life, I'll be there to welcome him. if not, so be it.