Sex after a Breakup

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2009 8:56 PM GMT
    So my boyfriend and I just broke up, all the sob stories aside about feelings, failed relationship, unmet expectations, blah, blah, blah...
    ...one of the things that I'm really bummed about is that I have to start all over from square one with sex.
    After discussing our status and sexual proclivities and habits and getting tested he and I decided to have unprotected monogamous sex... which was really, really...... REALLY great.
    Sexually we fit together amazingly well and the physicality of our connection was incredibly strong which was only amplified when we decided to go sans condoms.
    Now we're ex's and there is no sex, protected or otherwise... it really bums me out and I feel lonely without that connection. However, I feel completely uncompelled to have sex with anyone else because the degree of intimacy and connection was so intense that I feel like I'm selling myself short if I settle for the same old sex I was having before I met him.
    I know the connection wasn't just because we were having condomless sex and of course I will use condoms when I have sex now.

    How do I reconcile these feelings? I'm single again, I should be reveling in my singledom and the freedom it allows, I just can't see the pleasure in casual sex. I've gone so far as to be pinned beneath probably the hottest, sweetest, hunkiest guy I've ever known, in our underwear, making out HEAVILY and I stopped him when he started pulling out his FABULOUS cock because I just couldn't have sex with him. WTF? Where did this come from?
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    Jun 12, 2009 8:01 PM GMT
    You're spoiled by your relationship sexually. You need to find sex buddies. Casual sex just isn't the same as sex with someone you know well. It's safer, no risk emotionally, and you won't feel used.
  • awayfromtheci...

    Posts: 154

    Jun 12, 2009 9:01 PM GMT
    It is simple....you are not ready yet. ime will heal your heart and then your libido will follow.
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    Jun 12, 2009 9:08 PM GMT
    I think it means that while your head knows you're now single, your heart still needs some time to adjust.
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    Jun 12, 2009 10:22 PM GMT
    sfinthecity saidIt is simple....you are not ready yet. ime will heal your heart and then your libido will follow.


    I completely agree. If you aren't ready you aren't ready. Don't try to force it. Don't think that just because you are broken up you have to be back on the market immediately. Everybody has their own process of dealing with certain situations. It sounds like you two had a very strong connection and you shouldn't overlook that. It was what it was and if it takes you some time to get through that then take it. Don't deny yourself what you need emotionally.