Anyone else "stuck-in-the-middle"?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2009 2:38 PM GMT
    I am lucky in the fact that my boyfriends family has accepted me well. His mom and I have become good friends, and share a lot of discussion, when together, or via email...

    His mom and I are much closer in age, than we are. She is only two years younger than I am, while he is 18 years younger.

    She shares thing with me, dealing with her son. He shares things with me, dealing with his mom. These things can range from health issues, to concern over too much alcohol consumption, to financial status and worry over anger issues.

    I keep what each tells me as confidential, for the most part. But when do you decide that some things should be shared? The one acception has been a health issue, dealing with his mom. While driving with her, alone, she told me that some things had come up and she had had to change medication. She was doing okay, but had not felt like talking with her son, in fear of worrying him. I kept this to myself for sometime, even asking her to talk with him. Sometime later, he voiced concern that his mom might be re-develping cancer. This was not the case, and i had the information to prove it, so I told him of her condition..worrisome, but nothing like the fear of cancer. He has hinted around to his mom, but as far as I know, she has not opened up to him yet.

    Has anyone else found themselves in this position with the parent or other family member of your spouse, or boyfriend? And what do you do? I appreciate the fact that they are both wanting to confide in me, and don't want either to feel that they can't, but sometimes, it makes it difficult.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2009 6:01 PM GMT
    Well buddy,

    I was in your predicament for awhile and I know your turmoil. I have learned to not allow myself to be in the center. I either tune it out or if necessary, tell both parties that they need to talk to each other and I refuse to discuss it further until then. This might be a delicate situation but at the same time, walking on eggshells wont solve a thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2009 6:14 PM GMT
    well my in-laws love mea and always side w/ me on the other hand, my family loves my hubby and always side w/ him. So it evens out.
  • handsoffire

    Posts: 178

    Jun 12, 2009 6:41 PM GMT
    I Kept both sets of "secrets" they'll talk about things when they re ready to. I may have steered conversation a time or two. But that was about it.