Second Vehicle Arguments. Help!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2009 11:11 PM GMT
    Okay here's the scoop. My fiancee (who is 23 y.o.) drives to work -- I cycle to work. He has been driving my car which I brought into the relationship (several years ago).
    Now he wants to buy a second vehicle -- "our" vehicle.

    Only one problem -- he has his hearts set on a 2005 Chrysler Crossfire for $15,000 That's great for him when he's 5'8" but hell for me at 6'2". I told him I don't like the car and if he really wants it then he'll have to pay for it. Plus, the insurance would go from $1017 a year to $2390!!!! icon_eek.gif

    BTW, the existing car (a Pontiac Sunfire) would come back to me. He also just wants to drive it in the spring/summer/fall and then take it off the road in the winter and take the Sunfire back. The Crossfires are evidently hell in the winter.

    Anyway, we had looked at a Mazda 3 and agreed we both liked it and it would be a car for us. But not now. icon_rolleyes.gif He doesn't really like it since he has his heart set on this. I said we would share in the Mazda 3 cost and that would be fair.

    Anyway, I got this email today while at work...
    I know you can never support me, nor do you care to. It always comes down to money, I would of loved to do this together but you always turn it into a financial crisis even though you'll go drop 25,000 on a brand new car. You squash everything I bring up, I don't know why I even bother. All I ask is for your support in every way to help us come closer together and to make my dreams of owning a car come true.

    What do I do?? icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2009 11:21 PM GMT
    Cuz he cant win on merit, he is manipulating with emotion.

    Dont give in. He can have any car he wants ...and pays for.

    If the purchase of a car requires your financial resources, then you have every right to have a say in the purchase of the car.

    Also, I would give serious thought about continuing in a relationship with someone who tries to pull this tactic on you. He's a weasel. . icon_evil.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 12, 2009 11:43 PM GMT
    That is really impractical choice for a car.
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    Jun 12, 2009 11:55 PM GMT
    The Crossfire is actually not a bad car. It shares the same platform as the Mercedes Benz coupe. The CLK, I think.

    But personally, I don't think it's a very practical car. It's more of a weekend car. And yes, it sucks during the winter since it's rear wheel drive. Plus, with the Fiat thing, it's really unknown if any dealerships will be closing. So that might affect the convenience factor when you need to get your car serviced. I definitely don't think it's worth $15K, CDN or US. icon_lol.gif

    I really like the Mazda 3. It has gotten great reviews all around. It's fun to drive. It's reliable. Good on gas. And it's front wheel drive, which makes it easier to drive in the winter. And insurance is way cheaper.

    Are you guys looking at the sedan or the 5-door hatch? I would recommend the latter. Hatchbacks are very practical/handy. Plus, if you get the right color, the car looks really sporty, unlike the aging looks of the Crossfire.

    But I have to agree with what Caslon said. That email sounds like he's trying to play some emotional games with you. Expect some pouting from him over the next few days. icon_lol.gif

    07360mazdamazdaspe14352.jpg
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 13, 2009 12:01 AM GMT
    Tell him that his dream of owning a car will be more fulfilling if he achieves it on his own.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 1:55 AM GMT
    Okay....I drive a chrysler crossfire. I bought the one that is all murdered out, black with black and stainless interior. Blacked out windows. I love driving it, its a sexy car, I adore that thing. I'm 5'10" and it fits me perfectly but any taller than that and you are correct....its not comfortable. I live in the middle of Phoenix so winter is no big deal because lets face it....we don't really have a winter. It handles decent in the rain. The area that I live in is only about 10 minutes from anywhere I need or want to go in Phoenix so its good to just zip around town. AND its totally impractical, but its all good because it really kind of fits my lifestyle. I say i'm a bit biased because I drive one, however, it sounds that for you guys it may not be the best fit.
  • tsavo

    Posts: 20

    Jun 13, 2009 2:43 AM GMT
    boo hoo hoo, because you don't agree with my opinion I'm going to throw a tantrum.icon_lol.gif


    Seriously not a good way for him to communicate. Nothing is ever set in stone, he should negotiate his position on reason, but quite honestly a Crossfire doesn't sound like a good idea for the situation AT THIS TIME. Down the road(pun intended) things may be different and he could pursue his dream car, but by such time his dream may have changed.icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 2:53 AM GMT
    LaxJock73 saidOkay here's the scoop. My fiancee (who is 23 y.o.) drives to work -- I cycle to work. He has been driving my car which I brought into the relationship (several years ago).
    Now he wants to buy a second vehicle -- "our" vehicle.

    Only one problem -- he has his hearts set on a 2005 Chrysler Crossfire for $15,000 That's great for him when he's 5'8" but hell for me at 6'2". I told him I don't like the car and if he really wants it then he'll have to pay for it. Plus, the insurance would go from $1017 a year to $2390!!!! icon_eek.gif

    BTW, the existing car (a Pontiac Sunfire) would come back to me. He also just wants to drive it in the spring/summer/fall and then take it off the road in the winter and take the Sunfire back. The Crossfires are evidently hell in the winter.

    Anyway, we had looked at a Mazda 3 and agreed we both liked it and it would be a car for us. But not now. icon_rolleyes.gif He doesn't really like it since he has his heart set on this. I said we would share in the Mazda 3 cost and that would be fair.

    Anyway, I got this email today while at work...
    I know you can never support me, nor do you care to. It always comes down to money, I would of loved to do this together but you always turn it into a financial crisis even though you'll go drop 25,000 on a brand new car. You squash everything I bring up, I don't know why I even bother. All I ask is for your support in every way to help us come closer together and to make my dreams of owning a car come true.

    What do I do?? icon_confused.gif
    Can I ask you a question - in all honesty, what do you think you should do, and why did you ask this question of the board? I'm not trying to be difficult, just trying to understand what the issue is for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 2:57 AM GMT
    LaxJock73 said
    Now he wants to buy a second vehicle

    No
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 5:44 AM GMT
    Yeah.... already over the drama. He's trying to manipulate you with emotion. Fact is, you probably make a lot more money than he does, so you have every right to put your foot down if you are going to be using your money.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jun 13, 2009 6:33 AM GMT
    Timberoo saidTell him that his dream of owning a car will be more fulfilling if he achieves it on his own.


    Survey says>>>>>

    #1 answer-!!!

    Now who's gonna play fast money?? We'll be back with the Feud after these commercial breaks!!
  • dglater

    Posts: 255

    Jun 13, 2009 6:34 AM GMT
    just get the car he wants, if the man has his heart set on it and he drives the car to work everyday, and you cycle...
    just compromise since he really wants it, why not do something nice he'll feel good and you'll feel good.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 6:38 AM GMT
    its ur money. hes been driving ur car. hould show some gratitude for u letting him drive ur car in the first place. its not being selfish if u don give him the money he has no right to it what so ever.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jun 13, 2009 7:05 AM GMT
    I driven pretty much every car thats come out in the past three years. In my opinion the crossfire is a POS. Looks nice, but it's a piece. Best bang for your buck is gonna be a hyundai sonata. Same platform as a 5 series BMW. If it were me I'd make him stand on his own two feet. People these days are getting used to getting what they want now and dealing with the consequences later. If he wants a new car he should go old fashioned and save some money.
  • kew1

    Posts: 1595

    Jun 13, 2009 10:03 AM GMT
    DrobUA said Best bang for your buck is gonna be a hyundai sonata. Same platform as a 5 series BMW.


    ????????????????????? No it isn't. For a start one is FWD, the other RWD.
    Hyundai & Kia share platforms, at the moment BMW don't platform share with any other manufacturers - although they are in talks with Mercedes about future MIni/A class collaboration.
    The only time another maker used a BMW platform was when Rover used the previous 3 series platform for the 75, & that was developed when BMW owned them.

    Oops, sorry , off topic.


    I'm with those who think he should pay for his own car if he wants the Crossfire - especially as you can't actually get in it. He's being petulant & immature .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 10:41 AM GMT
    Hmmm, if you are going to drive this second vehicle then you have every right to object to his choice. But if you are not going to drive it, just get him what he wants. He's not choosing an expensive motorcar. (It's not even a high maint. vehicle) Plus it is bound to be a collector's item in the not to distant future. So think of it as an investment.

    Wow.....someone said that the Crossfire is a POS. I really have to take exception to that. Outwardly, Crossfire has a look/design that will make it a HUGE collectible motorcar in the next few years. Inwardly, it's a Mercedes with a "Chysler" shell. Engine wise and design wise this hardly a "POS."
    My nephew received a Crossfire as a high school graduation gift a couple of years ago. I have driven it several times...It's in NOT a "POS!" LOL!

    Cheers,
    Keith
    icon_evil.gif
    NB- Now on a personal note......I think it was pretty bloody rotten of you to copy and paste a personal email written to YOU onto a public forum from your betrothed. Just my opinion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 10:48 AM GMT
    I just got up so this is knee-jerk, but I think he needs to buy this car on his own.

    People who aren't spending their own hard-earned funds tend to make ridiculously indulgent decisions. Easy come, easy go.

    He's had use of a free car for how long? He should be using that subsidy to tuck his funds away for his own purchase. That's what you're giving him. Not more easy money. And what happens to the jointly-purchased car if you guys split? Judge Judy?

    I'm a little troubled by the "you can never support me" comment. I'd preferred if he had said "you shouldn't have to support me".....but that's none of my business.

    On the fun side, I agree with xrichx, the Mazda3 is a stellar choice....uber practical, reliable, and fun to drive. Plus Mazda is not in bankruptcy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 11:24 AM GMT
    So YOU are paying for the car that is to be OURS?? WTF??

    Ummm No!

    OURS dictates a joint venture where both of you pay for the vehicle and all related costs.

    If you already own a car that you don't use, why in the hell would you have to buy a second car that you are not fond of ( I've been in the crossfires before and at 6'4" I know that they are not built for the comfort of tall people)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 11:57 AM GMT
    Note the following danger signals:

    1) 23-year-old "fiance"
    2) who wants you to buy him a car which he can't pay for himself
    3) which BTW you can't fit into
    4) and is using emotional blackmail to force the issue.

    The OP shouldn't be having any trouble decoding the message when the "fiance" says 'I require your support in every way for us to come closer together."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 12:01 PM GMT
    Compromise, compromise, COMPROMISE. Right now his heart is set on a Crossfire. Its too small and too impractical in my opinion. Also, it sounds like you guys should be a one car family. It's pretty silly to have 2 especially when you cycle to work and he drives. If you don't NEED (keyword - NEED) two cars, then why have 2 cars. His argument really is that he wants something "cooler" than the sunfire when everyone is out looking and something practical when everyone isn't. To an extent, I have to agree - the sunfire isn't exactly screaming "cool gays are here" but if that isn't what you want to scream...

    Anyway, I would compromise to getting ONE new(er) car. You want/need something sporty enough to satisfy his needs but practical enough to satisfy your practicality.

    Recommendations:

    GTI
    06vwgti500.jpg

    Mini Cooper
    mini-cooper.jpg

    You have plenty of options outside the realm of hatchbacks as well - used Audi A4, Nissan Maxima/Altima, Ford Mustang, etc all fall within the price range of 15k-20k....

    One of the better times (if you have the credit or cash or both) to buy a car IMO. Dealers are struggling and are making better deals. Good Luck.
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    Jun 13, 2009 12:27 PM GMT
    A Tale of Two Couples, by Red Vespa

    It was the best of times, it was the gayest of times. It was, after all, Fort Lauderdale. And there lived there both a lesbian and a gay couple, and each pair needed a new car.

    The lesbian couple was unevenly matched in matters of money, but that didn't prevent the poorer partner from wanting a fancy big new SUV, as lesbians are wont to do. She nagged & nagged, and so the richer one bought it for her, though with heavy monthly payments, keeping the older car for herself.

    But in just a year the poor one thought she had found even greater riches in another woman, and off she went, taking the new SUV with her. She promised to cover the payments, but the rich new girlfriend quickly lost her 6-figure income and now both were a lot poorer overnight, the SUV made too costly to own.

    Lawyers were brought in to untangle the mess of cars & house, the SUV sold at a loss that the jilted lesbian had to cover herself, since all the car paperwork had been in her name. And today she's back to driving the same tired car, even older now, that she had before the SUV debacle.

    The gay couple were more evenly matched in income, and they, too, had an old car. One of them rarely drove because of his disabilities, but he hated to see his partner in a shabby ride, though the other never complained nor asked for newer.

    The non-driving guy surprised his partner with a brand new 2008 car for Christmas, paid for cash, because what kind of gift comes with payments? And the vehicle title was assigned to his partner outright, because what kind of gift has another person's name on it?

    That gay couple is still together today, and the one guy continues to beam about his car, now 18 months old, that he hadn't ever expected. Though not the most expensive or luxurious he's ever owned, he claims it's the best, the favorite car in his life.

    Moral of the story: reward those who ask for nothing, and reject those who ask for too much.
  • rvdredrocks

    Posts: 31

    Jun 13, 2009 9:25 PM GMT
    Derrick8 saidOkay....I drive a chrysler crossfire. I bought the one that is all murdered out, black with black and stainless interior. Blacked out windows. I love driving it, its a sexy car, I adore that thing. I'm 5'10" and it fits me perfectly but any taller than that and you are correct....its not comfortable. I live in the middle of Phoenix so winter is no big deal because lets face it....we don't really have a winter. It handles decent in the rain. The area that I live in is only about 10 minutes from anywhere I need or want to go in Phoenix so its good to just zip around town. AND its totally impractical, but its all good because it really kind of fits my lifestyle. I say i'm a bit biased because I drive one, however, it sounds that for you guys it may not be the best fit.


    Yes, it is a very sexy car for a very sexy guyicon_exclaim.gif
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jun 14, 2009 12:59 AM GMT
    kew1 said
    DrobUA said Best bang for your buck is gonna be a hyundai sonata. Same platform as a 5 series BMW.


    ????????????????????? No it isn't. For a start one is FWD, the other RWD.
    Hyundai & Kia share platforms, at the moment BMW don't platform share with any other manufacturers - although they are in talks with Mercedes about future MIni/A class collaboration.
    The only time another maker used a BMW platform was when Rover used the previous 3 series platform for the 75, & that was developed when BMW owned them.

    Oops, sorry , off topic.


    I'm with those who think he should pay for his own car if he wants the Crossfire - especially as you can't actually get in it. He's being petulant & immature .


    Sorry I didn't mean actual platform I was talking spec wise. Horsepower size ect. and I've only driven a crossfire once so I guess my opinion shouldn't be taken to heart, I just remember thinking it was a lot of money for an okay car. Idk I'm not a chrysler fan
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 10:38 PM GMT
    Okay. An update to the story I brought you before and first answer this question....

    Momentum_Play saidCan I ask you a question - in all honesty, what do you think you should do, and why did you ask this question of the board? I'm not trying to be difficult, just trying to understand what the issue is for you


    I was standing firm in my ground it was not practical and I would not support him in this. I just wanted someone to bounce the situation off of and see if I was in the right territory. I guess I was....

    I thank you for all your responses. As for those asking about income equality -- he actually grossed about $2700 more in the year than I did.

    UPDATE
    He called the dealership for his "dream" car and it sold over the weekend. icon_cry.gificon_wink.gif
    Anyway, he found out my parents just bought a Hyundai Elantra which was about $13K base model ($4,000 off 09 models) Anyway he likes the manual trans. EL which is about $17K all in. I'm cool with that plus we get a new car with a full 5 yr warranty. Also Consumer Reports has it listed just behind the Honda Civic for reliability.
    I think that's the way we will proceed. Today. Maybe tomorrow it's a Hummer? (just kidding).
    Also, for those who were wondering, he works weekends when I'm off work so anytime I want to go away (i.e. hiking, camping, other errands) I need to rent a car.

    P.S. Prior to this I have had to talk him out of a Volvo S60, a Mercedes CLK (?) and something else. I have to understand, I was his age once, and I had dreams of the great car.....then financial reality set in . icon_lol.gif


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    Jun 15, 2009 10:43 PM GMT
    Caslon11000 saidCuz he cant win on merit, he is manipulating with emotion.

    Don't give in. He can have any car he wants ...and pays for.




    And there you have it!!!