You put me on YOUR buddy list after our cool chat... and now you won't im back?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2009 2:33 PM GMT
    This drives me crazy. Anyone else? I'm here to make some cool friends, chat with guys who I have things in common with, have some fun... no big deal. But I seem to deal with his scenario over and over...

    IM or email comes in... "You're Hot" "Great Pics" "Cool Profile"

    I respond: "Thanks, I'll unlock my face shots..."

    Guy: "Wow handsome" "Just my type" " You're cute"

    We then have a great IM session. Get acquainted. Have some laughs...

    Guy: Adds me to HIS buddy list. Ok, I add him.

    Chat continues to go well then one or the other has to go.

    Guy: "Chat again soon?"

    Me: "Sure"

    A few days later "Guy" in online and has IM on. I say "Hey, nice chatting the other day"

    Nothing.

    Another few days go by then "Guy" is online again with IM on.

    Me: "Hey, how's it going? Like the new pics"

    Nothing.
    So why did YOU add ME to your buddy list with no intentions of speaking to me again? I'm not a stalker. I'm sure the haters will have a field day with this post. Just looking to make some chat buddies. Why's it gotta be so hard?




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2009 2:36 PM GMT
    some mos are screwy.

    sad but true.

    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2009 2:47 PM GMT
    That sucks, I'm sorry that happened to you. He probably just wanted to see those unlocked pictures and would stay around as long as he had to to get those pics and then would leave when he got what he wanted.

    Some guys are just dumb like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2009 9:18 PM GMT
    Happens to me a lot, too..

    I think a lot of guys are flaky...

    either that or they're only interested in chatting when they're beating their meat... then when it comes to a real conversation the next time, they check out.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2009 9:23 PM GMT
    Yeah. I put them on the buddy list. IM a couple times. I understand because I leave this page open a lot and come back to find my IM windows "timed out" because I just was away. And sometimes I just don't feel like chatting. I get that.

    So I usually send a message with just a, "Hey ... what's up? Tried to chat a couple times. How've things been?"

    If you don't get anything back after that, just remove them. Spare yourself the headache. icon_wink.gif
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jun 14, 2009 9:26 PM GMT
    Some people turn off their instant messaging because harassment from strangers starts and they don't want to deal with it. It doesn't mean you didn't enjoy talking to the more "normal" guys that really did just want to chat.

    However, you didn't say he turned chat off, so that does not sound like the case, but email him just to be sure. Email is so much better anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2009 9:27 PM GMT
    Oh that's just so weird! Thinking back to make sure I haven't done that to anyone.... mmm, I don't think so! Well, if I did (which I don't remember) I didn't purposely ignore someone! I know what you mean, though. I just wanna talk to people. That's all. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2009 11:36 PM GMT
    Although I'm suddenly concerned if there's some way for would-be IM'ers to know I've got mine turned off and I'm not being rude, I think it's a safe conclusion a lot of gay men are flaky & socially retarded.

    Gay men: the only thing more like women, than women.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 12:12 AM GMT
    Beaux saidAlthough I'm suddenly concerned if there's some way for would-be IM'ers to know I've got mine turned off and I'm not being rude, I think it's a safe conclusion a lot of gay men are flaky & socially retarded.

    Gay men: the only thing more like women, than women.


    LOL - that's funny icon_biggrin.gif

    but yeah - gay men are flakes. i'm amazed at how many complain of this yet there seems to be no end to flakes.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 15, 2009 12:14 AM GMT
    I think the focus is probably more "romantic" or "sexual" not so much buddy with some of the guys you are talking to..... but that should tell you something for sure.

    There are many really grounded, cool guys here on RJ... and then there are some that are the exception. Don't give up, just know who is "buddy" material and who isn't.
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    Jun 15, 2009 12:21 AM GMT
    He really didn't like your face shot.

    ?
    icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 12:43 AM GMT

    so begins the mystery, dig deeper....









    with another RealJocker.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 12:45 AM GMT
    sometimes the IM function doesn't work properly..

    other than that i can relate to what you say. just don't give up. Like everywhere, there are good people that are worth the effort.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 12:52 AM GMT
    I total agree I hate when that happens!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 1:01 AM GMT
    Clearly this is an insight to his true self, So now it's left for you to make the decission to give him another chance or hang in the towel. Lots more dudes for you to befriend that I'm sure will value what you bring to the table
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 1:34 AM GMT

    Sometimes it's just a conquest thing...."How many guys can I get to open up their privates or how many guys can I get totally crushing on me."
    Then, when you do, they move on to the next challenge. Some guys will do this in real life so beware.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 2:57 AM GMT
    ...and these are the Days of Our Lives.icon_lol.gif

    That's why I don't bother with hotlists or buddy lists. An online friend of mine will clearly know he is my friend, and that's all that matters to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 3:13 AM GMT
    Beaux saidGay men: the only thing more like women, than women.



    HAHAHAHAHA No $hit!!!

    Yeah, it happens to me sometimes but it's no big deal if it was just a one time email. Now if we chat for weeks or more and then you won't talk to me; that would get under my skin!

    Let me say that if I have ever done that to anyone on this site you have my sincere apology. I'm here to make some gay friends and I make an honest effort to answer each and every email I get. Sometimes I get really busy and it may take a while to reply and sometimes my RJ account may be logged in but I am not at my PC. I swear I'm not watching your email come in and laughingicon_lol.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 2:48 PM GMT
    DanielH saidHe really didn't like your face shot.

    ?
    icon_cry.gif


    Hey that's totally fine. Then don't add me to your buddy list AFTER you see my face shot. I'm not offended when other people don't like my face shot... we all have our types.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Jun 15, 2009 2:52 PM GMT
    It could be as innocent as the guy does not have his IM on. I think the advice that a few guys gave you here about emailing the guy might help you better understand the situation! I hope it is an honest mistake! You can always message me if you would like to chat!! icon_wink.gif
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Jun 15, 2009 3:00 PM GMT
    Beaux saidAlthough I'm suddenly concerned if there's some way for would-be IM'ers to know I've got mine turned off and I'm not being rude, I think it's a safe conclusion a lot of gay men are flaky & socially retarded.

    Gay men: the only thing more like women, than women.


    Not exactly. Women don't behave like that. Men do. Men notoriously overpromise and underdeliver. We are so always in the moment that we don't really think too much about where things are going. And then when a real commitment seems to be happening, we get scared and back off fast. At least when using our reptilian brain stems anyway, which is where all our relationships, sexual or not, come from...
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jun 15, 2009 3:03 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidSome people turn off their instant messaging because harassment from strangers starts and they don't want to deal with it. It doesn't mean you didn't enjoy talking to the more "normal" guys that really did just want to chat.

    However, you didn't say he turned chat off, so that does not sound like the case, but email him just to be sure. Email is so much better anyway.


    listen to the man, for he's not only cute but he's the cute-wise hybrid.
    hi, jolly. =]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2009 3:12 PM GMT
    If someone has their IM turned off, that link/option does not appear in the profile task menu on the left. So one must have the feature enabled for another to even initiate the process.

    I'd say there are too many variables to suggest a definitive cause or answer unless it happens repeatedly over a period of close time - only then could you be certain you're being avoided. At which point you keep it movin'. His loss, right?