New gay guy out - Question FOUR - last in series - regarding relationships and being shallow, myself.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2007 7:32 PM GMT
    Last one, guys. Oh, and thanks in advance. You guys helped me through my pre-coming-out period, and I appreciate it. Please, those of you who have been through all this crap, I can really use your insight - especially those of you who came out late in life (and I mean like in your 40's and 50's - but all comments are welcome and appreciated).

    What I'm really looking for in a guy is someone who might be a college professor, maybe, or a business man, or a researcher or doctor -- someone who can carry on a really intelligent conversation. I want him to be someone who likes to work out and makes time to do it, and someone who feels that maintaining good health is highly important, because once I find him, I really don't want to lose him to obesity-related health problems. I also need motivation, in that area, myself. He doesn't have to be a movie star, but there has to be a physical attraction as well as an intellectual and emotional one. I don't want to smother him, but I want to know that at the end of the day, I'M the one he wants to come home to, cuddle up to in bed, and fuck the shit out of, to put it bluntly.

    Do I have to hold off on having sex with a guy when I'm first dating him, in order to get a guy like this? Do guys like to play games? Am I being shallow about the guy I'm looking for and want to create a home with? And finally, is it too late in my life to find him (I'm 52 - but everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, is totally convinced I'm in my mid to late 30's, or else they're lying to me to suck up and get into my pants)?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 17, 2007 7:38 PM GMT
    At risk of being called a prude, I think that if you want a serious relationship you should date a guy and not have sex for a few weeks.
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    Nov 18, 2007 2:25 AM GMT
    My advice, for what it's worth---

    Lots of gay men are just out there looking for sex, which is fine, and some are looking for "more" which is fine too. If you have sex on the first date, or even the second, you are placing yourself IN HIS EYES as the kind of guy who's just looking for a romp. And there's nothing wrong with that, except that now he's going to see YOU in this light, and mentally cross you off his list of potential LTRs. See, it isn't just about what you want or expect, it's about him too.
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    Nov 18, 2007 8:35 AM GMT
    This is good, because I just finally made a breakthrough with a guy who I've been trying to get next to for two months. Every time I see him, I just want to be close to him, and if it means delaying sex to formulate a stronger friendship, first, I'm all for it. He's the only guy with whom I have wanted to have sex in years.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Nov 18, 2007 12:52 PM GMT
    If I'm interested in a guy for more than just sex ...
    I will specifically hold off on jumping into bed with him for a while
    when have sex with someone right away - you get into that scenario where that's all you get together for