Is this bad . . . ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2009 8:41 AM GMT
    It starts innocently enough.

    A very nice, sweet guy sends you a heartwarming mail, to introduce himself. You read it, and think, ‘I must check his profile out.’

    You’re in there 3 seconds before you see his hot list – WHOA!
    Gods2%20Andrew%20welsh.jpg

    You end up feasting on his hot list instead of feasting on him. And you find someone on his hot list that has an even hotter hotlist . . . and a hotter-than-hot hotlist . . . and . . . oh, I think you get the idea. Hotbeds of hotlists within hotlists. So much to feast on, such little time. So gluttonous.

    Is this common? Is this bad? Am I being a prude for feeling awkward about this?

    (PS: this is just a semi-hypothetical question . . . do drop me a mail if the urge takes over)
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    Jun 17, 2009 11:32 AM GMT
    Drop you a mail?

    Drop you an email, send snail mail or really drop you a male?
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    Jun 17, 2009 11:40 AM GMT
    LOL, I know what you mean. It's very easy getting lost in all these hot lists and you'd think at the end of it all there would be the perfect boyfriend/demigod you've been looking for all this time.

    Then again you can end up going in circles icon_smile.gif

    I don't think there is anything bad about it, just because you may have a boyfriend doesn't mean you'll stop looking at hot guys in the street - contrary to what I used to believe.
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    Jun 17, 2009 12:46 PM GMT
    ErikTaurean saidDrop you an email, send snail mail or really drop you a male?


    A mail would do just fine, but thanks for offering icon_rolleyes.gif

    (Edit: sorry about that, mispelt 'mail' as 'male'. I believe they call that a Freudian slip icon_redface.gif)
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    Jun 17, 2009 12:57 PM GMT
    the_others saidIs this common? Is this bad? Am I being a prude for feeling awkward about this?

    It sounds as common as the perpetual dilemma of what do we want in a guy? "A very nice, sweet guy" sent you a "heartwarming email" but turns out he's not the hottest. But can those hottest guys put 2 words together, and are they as nice & sweet or totally selfish players instead, and complete jerks?

    I do know guys who are both nice & hot in the same person, but often it's one or the other characteristic that's more prominent. You gotta decide what you want. But if it's hot over sweet you like (sounds like a Chinese food choice), then cruising the hotlists is not bad, IMHO. Otherwise, chat up guy number one and learn some more about him.
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    Jun 17, 2009 2:12 PM GMT
    the_others said

    You end up feasting on his hot list instead of feasting on him. And you find someone on his hot list that has an even hotter hotlist . . . and a hotter-than-hot hotlist . . . and . . . oh, I think you get the idea. Hotbeds of hotlists within hotlists. So much to feast on, such little time. So gluttonous.

    Is this common? Is this bad? Am I being a prude for feeling awkward about this?


    LOL. Yes it is. I call it the 'Loop of Despair'.
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    Jun 17, 2009 3:28 PM GMT
    I think you speak of the theory of Perpetuating Hotness.
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    Jun 17, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    I dont think its bad at all, there is no commitment involved here. Just show respect to one anuthaicon_lol.gif
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    Jun 17, 2009 3:59 PM GMT
    That was one of the reasons why I don't add people to my hot list.
    icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif
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    Jun 17, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    Why you make it sound like you're "cheating" on someone??? Just look that's what they're there for.... icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 17, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    Why beat yourself up, they're only pixels. You have no actual relationship with what's merely an image on your computer screen.
    If you try to communicate with them it's a different story.
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    Jun 17, 2009 4:25 PM GMT
    Hmmm...mostly I think it consciously underscores most gay men's short attention span and unconsciously underscores most gay men's idealism of wanting the next 'best' thing--regardless of whether it's a realistic want or not. Is it a bad thing? Depends on your own thought process, eh? icon_wink.gif
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    Jun 17, 2009 6:23 PM GMT
    I need you to send me some skittles..
  • MercuryMax

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    Jun 17, 2009 6:25 PM GMT
    masculine31 saidI dont think its bad at all, there is no commitment involved here. Just show respect to one anuthaicon_lol.gif


    I love you, is that respect enough?
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    Jun 17, 2009 6:59 PM GMT
    There's nothing wrong about it. Why not find out more about the hot guys from these hotlists, not just how they look. If you can relate to what they talk about in their profiles all the better. Some of these guys are egotistical assholes, others are an inspiration to most of us.

    Not to say you should ignore the guy who sent you a heartwarming mail, but if his profile isn't that interesting don't feel obligated to spend more time on it than writing a polite note.
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    Jun 17, 2009 7:02 PM GMT
    the_others saidIt starts innocently enough.

    A very nice, sweet guy sends you a heartwarming mail, to introduce himself. You read it, and think, ‘I must check his profile out.’

    You’re in there 3 seconds before you see his hot list – WHOA!
    Gods2%20Andrew%20welsh.jpg

    You end up feasting on his hot list instead of feasting on him. And you find someone on his hot list that has an even hotter hotlist . . . and a hotter-than-hot hotlist . . . and . . . oh, I think you get the idea. Hotbeds of hotlists within hotlists. So much to feast on, such little time. So gluttonous.

    Is this common? Is this bad? Am I being a prude for feeling awkward about this?

    (PS: this is just a semi-hypothetical question . . . do drop me a mail if the urge takes over)



    Guilty, hahaha!!! Yes, it's gluttonous and desperate, but at least it's not fattening!
    icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 18, 2009 8:53 PM GMT
    RandyMan saidHmmm...mostly I think it consciously underscores most gay men's short attention span and unconsciously underscores most gay men's idealism of wanting the next 'best' thing--regardless of whether it's a realistic want or not. Is it a bad thing? Depends on your own thought process, eh? icon_wink.gif


    Comment from the OP:

    Maybe I left this too cut-and dry.

    Try this for size:

    Growing up, you don’t really know yourself. Therefore, you can’t predict the image and the energy you will project into the world. You’re gay, and you’re different. You project your different-ness into the world. And the world rejects you because you are different. They don’t just reject a part of you – they reject the whole of you. They don’t just reject your outer personality: they reject the innermost you.

    You may not experience this personally. But you see it happen to other boys (and girls) that you instinctively sense are ‘different.’ And you will be damned if you experience their rejection, even if it’s secondhand.

    Your subconscious mind makes a bargain with your conscious mind: to project something the world can’t resist. You project the one thing that is easiest to work on and easiest to see: a good body. You work on the outer trappings. You choose to believe that they are the be-all and end-all of attraction. Because if you allow yourself to get close to people on the basis of who you really are, then you stand a chance of being rejected on the basis of who you really are all over again. So you don’t judge them on the basis of who they really are either.
    It’s like an unspoken agreement in the gay world. I accept you into my bed and possibly into my body or vice-versa. Why? Because you’re an honest, well-intentioned person? Hell to the no, I’m not that deep. I accept you because you are hot. There. There was nothing more for you to do, and there was nothing more for you to be. Unconditional love and acceptance on tap, it would seem. Why the hell would you want to make it more complicated than that?

    Keep em coming, boys, we've cooking
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    Jun 18, 2009 8:55 PM GMT
    TexDef07 saidWhy beat yourself up, they're only pixels. You have no actual relationship with what's merely an image on your computer screen.
    If you try to communicate with them it's a different story.



    The pixilated Adonis. The visual thrill of seeing a good-looking body should diminish with each look. That’s what logic says. Of course, a storm of hormones can crush common sense like a blaze crushes a haystack. Think about it: good looking men are usually similar. The proportions are compatible. In an anatomy textbook, the muscles and blood vessels have the same names – good bodies are almost interchangeable. If you squint your eyes and look at three perfect bodies, you won’t be able to distinguish them. Shouldn't we be over this?

    Most importantly, a good body is no absolute indicator of quality. That's just the hormones talking. Or maybe it's a compex of fears, stemming from the refusal to be judged on something other than what you can control (see above post)

    So why do we buy the lie so often?

    Talk to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 18, 2009 8:58 PM GMT
    I just want a harem of men or is that a stable of men?
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    Jun 18, 2009 9:33 PM GMT
    To OP:

    I see that the body dimension seems to be what you focus on as being "hot". You're right that 3 "hot" bodies are probably indistinguishable if they are of the same race. To me body is but a small factor of what I consider "hot". The face and especially the eyes that communicate a personality matter a lot more. Ultimately, flesh is pleasurable but it cannot compare with the pleasure you get from a wonderful heart and mind.

    I'd say there are some quality guys on RJ, who have the critical ingredients: heart and mind. Looking at body pictures do not reveal that. I always skip profiles that don't have a face shot. It's the whole profile, the personality, the emotions communicated by the face shots and the writing that get me interested.
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    Jun 18, 2009 10:44 PM GMT
    Okay, the tables are turned icon_twisted.gif

    You send him a heart-warming letter . . .

    letter2.jpg

    and he doesn't respond . . .

    the next day you look at his profile, and what do you see? his hotlist, which was empty but a day ago . . .

    is full, with your hotlisted guys - AND IN THE SAME ORDER YOU HAVE THEM IN YOUR HOTLIST!!!!!! Now what?
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    Jun 18, 2009 11:19 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxia saidThat was one of the reasons why I don't add people to my hot list.
    icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif


    I'll second that motion. Ha!
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    Jun 18, 2009 11:22 PM GMT
    Sedative said
    the_others said

    You end up feasting on his hot list instead of feasting on him. And you find someone on his hot list that has an even hotter hotlist . . . and a hotter-than-hot hotlist . . . and . . . oh, I think you get the idea. Hotbeds of hotlists within hotlists. So much to feast on, such little time. So gluttonous.

    Is this common? Is this bad? Am I being a prude for feeling awkward about this?


    LOL. Yes it is. I call it the 'Loop of Despair'.


    or better viscious cycle icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 18, 2009 11:50 PM GMT
    MercuryMax said
    masculine31 saidI dont think its bad at all, there is no commitment involved here. Just show respect to one anuthaicon_lol.gif


    I love you, is that respect enough?


    icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 18, 2009 11:59 PM GMT
    the_others said
    Gods2%20Andrew%20welsh.jpg




    Where can I get one of these - this would prevent any further search though any hypothetical hot lists icon_smile.gif