How did you get over your ex?


  • Jun 18, 2009 3:39 PM GMT
    So I'm 22 and I'm now in the process of getting over my first real love. Lost our virginity to each other and were pretty much straight before each other. I treat my ex as two separate people, oddly enough. The really good side of him who loved me, and spooned with me in bed all day. He was an artist which I loved, and really funny. Got along with EVERYBODY. But, he has some bad anger issues, and he drinks a lot. I tried to help him out while we were dating but, we ended it. He came after me one night trying to hurt me, and that ended that. I ended up in therapy, I lost a lot of mutual friends in the break up. This has been so hard. I moved 20 miles north of him and never ventured back down that way though there is a lot I miss from that area.

    From what I hear, he's not even thinking twice about me. He moved on. He was a pretty genuine guy and told me how much he loved me, and how he was going to marry me etc. Oh, and here's the worst/best part. He was the epitome of perfection physically to me. I could never even draw out a better math for myself. I still can't even really be physically attracted to other guys. Even when I'm giving myself a little 'self love' I still think about him. He was just REALLY my type. So two things... I'm actually physically scared of him trying some shit on me, if he saw me in public. He's a pretty aggressive guy and I've seen him beat up a handful of people and I just need to get over it but we literally had 90 percent of the same mutual friends. Which I all lost, and going out in public now is so hard.

    I know I'm new but I read these forums all the time. I just think nobody will get this like another gay guy would get this. Help?
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    Jun 18, 2009 5:15 PM GMT
    Welcome to my world. I know what it’s like.

    Time. There is no other trick to it, and there is no shortcut around it.

    Invest some in yourself. Learn a new skill. Get a better job. Make more money. Grow in your spiritual walk with whatever Higher Power you may believe in. Grow your muscles, or work on whatever body type makes you happy. Let the feelings go through you. But remember, and do not forget you are bigger than your biggest trouble, deeper than your deepest love, more profound than any sorrow and more beautiful than the ugliest situation life could throw you into. You are more, and you deserve more, than any so-called relationship you’ve had. It wasn’t real. Or maybe it was, but it wasn’t meant to be for longer than it was. We don’t have the imagination to see what the future has in store for us, but we’re really good at convincing ourselves that what is lost was the best we could have. The truth is, you can have better. And you will.

    But first you have to work on you.
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    Jun 18, 2009 6:34 PM GMT
    quarterlifecrisis saidSo I'm 22 and I'm now in the process of getting over my first real love. Lost our virginity to each other and were pretty much straight before each other. I treat my ex as two separate people, oddly enough. The really good side of him who loved me, and spooned with me in bed all day. He was an artist which I loved, and really funny. Got along with EVERYBODY. But, he has some bad anger issues, and he drinks a lot. I tried to help him out while we were dating but, we ended it. He came after me one night trying to hurt me, and that ended that. I ended up in therapy, I lost a lot of mutual friends in the break up. This has been so hard. I moved 20 miles north of him and never ventured back down that way though there is a lot I miss from that area.

    From what I hear, he's not even thinking twice about me. He moved on. He was a pretty genuine guy and told me how much he loved me, and how he was going to marry me etc. Oh, and here's the worst/best part. He was the epitome of perfection physically to me. I could never even draw out a better math for myself. I still can't even really be physically attracted to other guys. Even when I'm giving myself a little 'self love' I still think about him. He was just REALLY my type. So two things... I'm actually physically scared of him trying some shit on me, if he saw me in public. He's a pretty aggressive guy and I've seen him beat up a handful of people and I just need to get over it but we literally had 90 percent of the same mutual friends. Which I all lost, and going out in public now is so hard.

    I know I'm new but I read these forums all the time. I just think nobody will get this like another gay guy would get this. Help?



    It hurts now- sure. But you will get over it. We all go thru this. Just don't let it break you. Let it make you stronger. It doesn't seem so right now, but time will heal the wounds. I had my faith in God to rely on and that was a tremendous help for me.

    Time heals. Try not to dwell on him too much. If you keep wallowing in it. The pain will never go away
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    Jun 18, 2009 6:41 PM GMT

    I'm so sorry you have to go through this heartache. Just know that the way out is through. One day, this will be experience strength and hope you can pass on to the next guy who is heartbroken. Take it from me... I've been there before. Hell, I am there now! Currently in a break up that has been less than savory, and what is really helping to see me through is time with my friends.
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    Jun 18, 2009 7:06 PM GMT
    jprichva saidI had him killed.

    Sure, I felt bad about it for 15 seconds, but I'm fine now, thanks for asking.

    I wonder what I should make for dinner.


    Lamb icon_idea.gif
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    Jun 18, 2009 7:07 PM GMT
    Time and space. There is no substitute for this.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 18, 2009 7:34 PM GMT
    I just want to point out that your "loss" of mutual friends wasn't so much a loss to you. Most likely, their view of friendship with you had to do with getting into your ex's pants or some other sort of self-serving reason. I know that sounds harsh, but I wanted to let you know that true friendship is based on what people do for others, not the other way around.
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    Jun 18, 2009 7:42 PM GMT
    I can only imagine how tough your situation is and im sure you will overcome it.... but heres my 2 cents

    Don’t make him out to be more then he is. Would a genuine man of character behave the way he did? I certainly wouldn’t expect my "ideal" guy to be an anger ridden, over aggressive drunk regardless of how perfect his body was.

    The dude put you in therapy! And your afraid for your well being if you encounter him again. From the description you gave he sounds like trailer park trash. Their are a lot of guys out there, including ones who will treat you how you deserve to be treated. Don’t settle for anything less then you deserve.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jun 18, 2009 8:00 PM GMT
    Not in this lifetime. He cheat on me, abandoned me for some other guy but yet, I still very much in love with him. Just like the Jack Twist tell Eniss.. "I wish I know how to quit you'

    Probably if another love come around it will be easier.. I dont know
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 18, 2009 10:36 PM GMT
    How did you get over your ex?

    By putting him in a trash can and some cheap warehouse space icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 18, 2009 10:54 PM GMT
    It took a while, but I think the power of forgiveness really shines through whenever we want it to. I still have some issues that I need to work out; however, I think it's just a matter of time before I shine again.


    Besides icon_lol.gif I'm not gonna let some flake take control over my rational thinking for the rest of my life.

  • Jun 18, 2009 10:57 PM GMT
    he is now at the bottom of lake michigan. lol totally kidding. i just became cold and heartless and hated the world, it ruined my life. i dont think anyone ever gets completely over it
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    Jun 18, 2009 11:06 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxia saidIt took a while, but I think the power of forgiveness really shines through whenever we want it to. I still have some issues that I need to work out; however, I think it's just a matter of time before I shine again.


    Besides icon_lol.gif I'm not gonna let some flake take control over my rational thinking for the rest of my life.


    AMEN icon_exclaim.gif It takes time, and sometimes, a little help (therapy).
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    Jun 18, 2009 11:12 PM GMT
    Precaution: it does not do ALL the psychological work for you.


    Tequila,-Lemon-Slices-and-Salt.jpg

    There you go. Don't say I never loved you.
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    Jun 18, 2009 11:13 PM GMT
    I don't get "over" and ex - I get "even". Each of them is stored neatly in his own body bag - buried under the house.......never to be seen again. All of their dividends and royalties come to my mailbox. I do very well. You don't want to cross me.

    icon_razz.gif


    Edit: Actually I am friendly with any ex that I have - they're all good, quality guys - full of integrity. We just grew apart - or geography / job changes got in the way. I wish them all well and the best of everything........the bastards! (I don't know why I say such awful things!)
  • JockChefJim

    Posts: 373

    Jun 18, 2009 11:17 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidI don't get "over" and ex - I get "even". Each of them is stored neatly in his own body bag - buried under the house.......never to be seen again. All of their dividends and royalties come to my mailbox. I do very well. You don't want to cross me.

    icon_razz.gif


    Now that is mistake number one.....that's how soo many amatuers get caught. Now me....i buried them in my friend's back yard.

    time, a strong will and a good sense of humor will get you through all heart aches. Sometimes longer than others.
  • DanielQQ

    Posts: 365

    Jun 18, 2009 11:20 PM GMT
    you could become callous to the world, pretend that nothing bothers you until you're convinced it's true, keep everyone else at arm's length, and the moment someone begins to penetrate your walls, push them away. or make them fall in love with you and then crush them in some twisted retribution against your ex.

    but i wouldn't recommend it.

  • Jun 18, 2009 11:32 PM GMT
    my ex cheated several times, so when i finally kicked him to the curb, i turned around and fucked his ex. boy was he pissed!!!! revenge is sweet icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 19, 2009 1:16 AM GMT
    It's a hard process! Start by engaging in activities that might distract you frm thinking about him. I'm sure that you have friends that you need. Draw them close as your support and don't dwell on it. Pick yourself up learn frm what you want and what it is you don't. Take that into your next relationship. Don't let this jade you or you will be a repeat offender! Oh one last thing, remember what it was that you brought to this relationship. If it was true to who you are then you can walk away w/ dignity.

    Best of luck, wear a happy face and I promise in time you will be happy again!
  • Pheo

    Posts: 198

    Jun 19, 2009 1:17 AM GMT
    I'm going through the same thing. He dumped me because of my infection and battle with MRSA that I've almost already won. It hurts because he promised things. I'm on regular antibiotics now, the infection is untraceable in my blood count and my physical wounds are healing up nicely. Last night he decided that 'us' wasn't worth it and I had a life up there in LA. So I'm going up there tomorrow for him to tell me this to my face rather than behind a phone or a screen. That and if I'm to truly move on... Missouri is not the place to do it. =/

    I'm hurt, I feel dead inside. I've been battling not only the infection, the mental pain from the infection, the pain of facing death a few times, writing a will and testament, and now fighting my urge to wreck bloody vengeance for what he did, lying to me and playing with my feelings for a year. It sucks. I know better of it... I gave him a part of me I will NEVER get back. I want to be with him, but... I just can't keep on this turmoil. I gave him more of myself than I would anyone... And he just tosses it aside. Like nothing. It's sickening.

    I admit... I'm jaded now. Hurt... Angry... I feel worthless, a mistake... I can't figure that out. I truly love him and he has issues as we all do... But to push away help? Everyone says I should lose him, but I can't turn off these feelings. It's so hard right now. I drink to feel happy, but in moderation. I have loads of time to myself for a day and a half on a bus to see him one last time to maybe talk or be friends. I dunno what will happen, but something has to turn up. I'm tired of the let downs.
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    Jun 19, 2009 1:21 AM GMT
    princealbertofpa saidmy ex cheated several times, so when i finally kicked him to the curb, i turned around and fucked his ex. boy was he pissed!!!! revenge is sweet icon_twisted.gif


    But for some reason that sort of revenge doesn't make you look any better icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 19, 2009 1:27 AM GMT
    i cut mine up in little pieces and buried him in the back yard. icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 19, 2009 1:43 AM GMT
    Pheo saidI'm going through the same thing. He dumped me because of my infection and battle with MRSA that I've almost already won. It hurts because he promised things. I'm on regular antibiotics now, the infection is untraceable in my blood count and my physical wounds are healing up nicely. Last night he decided that 'us' wasn't worth it and I had a life up there in LA. So I'm going up there tomorrow for him to tell me this to my face rather than behind a phone or a screen. That and if I'm to truly move on... Missouri is not the place to do it. =/

    I'm hurt, I feel dead inside. I've been battling not only the infection, the mental pain from the infection, the pain of facing death a few times, writing a will and testament, and now fighting my urge to wreck bloody vengeance for what he did, lying to me and playing with my feelings for a year. It sucks. I know better of it... I gave him a part of me I will NEVER get back. I want to be with him, but... I just can't keep on this turmoil. I gave him more of myself than I would anyone... And he just tosses it aside. Like nothing. It's sickening.

    I admit... I'm jaded now. Hurt... Angry... I feel worthless, a mistake... I can't figure that out. I truly love him and he has issues as we all do... But to push away help? Everyone says I should lose him, but I can't turn off these feelings. It's so hard right now. I drink to feel happy, but in moderation. I have loads of time to myself for a day and a half on a bus to see him one last time to maybe talk or be friends. I dunno what will happen, but something has to turn up. I'm tired of the let downs.



    Pheo:
    This sucks and I think in the long run your probaly better of w/out him. No need to invest anymore time. I wish you the best of health.....ps read my post above yours
  • Pheo

    Posts: 198

    Jun 19, 2009 4:45 AM GMT
    Been tryin' Hillie. I've got to go up there to get some form of closure... If he's not there, then that's my answer. If he's there and wants to talk... I'll get my answers. I'm just angry that he lies to me about his feelings.
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    Jun 19, 2009 6:40 AM GMT
    the_others saidWelcome to my world. I know what it’s like.

    Time. There is no other trick to it, and there is no shortcut around it.

    Invest some in yourself. Learn a new skill. Get a better job. Make more money. Grow in your spiritual walk with whatever Higher Power you may believe in. Grow your muscles, or work on whatever body type makes you happy. Let the feelings go through you. But remember, and do not forget you are bigger than your biggest trouble, deeper than your deepest love, more profound than any sorrow and more beautiful than the ugliest situation life could throw you into. You are more, and you deserve more, than any so-called relationship you’ve had. It wasn’t real. Or maybe it was, but it wasn’t meant to be for longer than it was. We don’t have the imagination to see what the future has in store for us, but we’re really good at convincing ourselves that what is lost was the best we could have. The truth is, you can have better. And you will.

    But first you have to work on you.
    wow, this is very well worded...