See where it leads ...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2009 12:59 PM GMT
    Okay guys.... Here's a question for you all, and maybe I'm just too much of an realist/analyst...

    So on one of the local dating sites, I have a profile on there that states:

    I'm looking for some friends first. My belief is that any kind of relationship needs to be based on a solid footing. Having said that, in my experience, being an individual's friend solidifies that footing, and allows it to be used as a launchpad for more, if both are interested.

    Practical and analytical here. Always thinking ahead. Having said that I am a romantic at heart - Caveat: The fit has got to feeling right for that side of me to come out.


    So I get messages that say: I'd love to start a friendship and see where that leads.

    Now reading a response like the above makes me wonder:

    1) What are their underlying thoughts in terms of "seeing where it leads"
    2) Why would they LOVE to start a friendship - when they just messaged me, and haven't had any sort of personal exchange to base such an assumption on?
    3) What happened to meeting people in person prior to making such an expectation?

    Am I that far off base?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2009 1:25 PM GMT
    I would consider talking (or writing) to the guy in question - and see where it goes. Check it out and try to determine through your first couple of contacts - what you'd like to do next. You'll end up either deciding not to go forward - or you'll chat for a good bit of time and eventually decide whether or not to meet. It could be interesting.

    I'm proof that on-line situations can be terrific. An R.J. member here in Forums and I began writing a bit to each other. I had admired his posts whenever I saw them for about a year. (This guy is not only amazingly handsome, but brilliant in many ways.) Then came phone calls - long ones - stretching 3 hours or so - every day sometimes. Now - he's flying across the country to meet me and spend time together. We'll see how that goes!

    See what can come of your situation there. Good luck!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 19, 2009 3:16 PM GMT
    Don't take my approach and be an analyst... based on words in an e-mail.
    They may mean something specific, but they might also just be answering your original ad as best they can.

    The best way is to start a dialogue with them and you will be able to tell if they are really on the same page as you. If warranted, meet them and see what you think. You'll know when to call it off if they aren't really interested
    in a "friendship footing first" and rather, your footing in bed ... "first".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2009 3:41 PM GMT

    Hey DolGe,


    This message "I'd love to start a friendship and see where that leads."
    is a little awkward on the part of the sender, eh?
    We think, though, that he's sent you an email based solely on what you put in your profile. Perhaps play with the wording a little?

    maybe.....

    ' I'm looking for some friends. My belief is that any kind of relationship needs to be based on a solid footing, like being friends. '

    ....much shortened, lol.

    You could always reply with something like,

    "LOL, I think we should meet first."

    or " So let's get acquainted with each other a bit...." ...then ask a few questions about what the guy likes in the way of fun, travel, hobbies, what they like about the site etc..


    PS if it hasn't been said, welcome to RealJock! - from the wet coast!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2009 8:42 PM GMT
    This is a very ambiguous situation. On the one hand, he may have been responding to your ad as best as could be done, as it’s been pointed out. On the other hand, he may be responding to your ad and working his advanced intentions into your words, and stuffing those words back into your e-mouth. I can’t tell where his one intention begins and other intention ends, but it’s definitely some of both. My unsolicited advice? Walk into the situation with both eyes wide open. If push comes to shove, go with your original plan – to make friends first. Question and reject any pressure to move faster than your intuition allows. 2 cents, clink.

    And welcome to RJ!