The Exit Interview

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2009 3:37 PM GMT
    I came across this poignant, accurate term for the first time in my life in another thread about closure.

    A cherished relationship ends (or some equally tragic thing happens) and a part of you cannot stop asking Why. You can’t help feeling that the other person owes you more of an explanation than he’s given.

    You can’t help probing and dissecting . . . The things he said. The things you said. That night after the movie. That sigh – what did that damned sigh mean anyway? What did he mean when he said, ‘It’s nothing.’ The questions multiply, and often when you ask them . . . (crickets here).

    The anguish seems endless. It’s a living hell.
    appleseed-dust3.png

    What I want to know is . . .

    1) Is there someone you feel owes you an exit interview? What do you want to know?

    2) Is there someone YOU owe an exit interview?

    3) Have you had one before? Have you extended one to someone you thought deserved to know everything?

    4) Do they make a difference?


    5) At which age do you completely outgrow the need for an exit interview at the end of a relationship?


    Fire at will.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2009 10:28 PM GMT
    the_others saidI came across this poignant, accurate term for the first time in my life in another thread about closure.

    A cherished relationship ends (or some equally tragic thing happens) and a part of you cannot stop asking Why. You can’t help feeling that the other person owes you more of an explanation than he’s given.

    You can’t help probing and dissecting . . . The things he said. The things you said. That night after the movie. That sigh – what did that damned sigh mean anyway? What did he
    4) Do they make a difference?



    Fire at will.


    it helps to bring closure. which some guys need to be able to move on
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2009 10:32 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 20, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    Sure, closure is useful. Sometimes I wonder why relationships end, why people change, why things don't work out. . . and an "exit interview," as you put it, would probably help.

    Problem is, most people generally aren't willing to tell you what went wrong. They just clam up. Or, worse, you get a feeble excuse instead of the real answer.

    Sometimes, there really isn't a reason anyway. Fact is, people can be fickle, and they turn on a dime.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 20, 2009 1:54 AM GMT
    1) Is there someone you feel owes you an exit interview? What do you want to know?

    no not anymore

    2) Is there someone YOU owe an exit interview?

    I have no idea

    3) Have you had one before? Have you extended one to someone you thought deserved to know everything?

    Don't think I ever had one

    4) Do they make a difference?

    As long as it was an honest open communication then yes it would make a difference


    5) At which age do you completely outgrow the need for an exit interview at the end of a relationship?

    I doubt you ever outgrow it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 20, 2009 3:13 AM GMT
    1) Is there someone you feel owes you an exit interview? What do you want to know? The times I have requested one I gained no useful information in part because (A) I almost always have all the answers I just didn't want to look at them and (B) the other person usually wants to be nice not say anything hurtful.

    2) Is there someone YOU owe an exit interview? Nope. I'm a pretty open book and so by that point they already know all the answers... although they may not want to look at them.

    3) Have you had one before? Have you extended one to someone you thought deserved to know everything? I have had one and I have given when asked.

    4) Do they make a difference? Almost never. emotions are too high and the wound is too raw.


    5) At which age do you completely outgrow the need for an exit interview at the end of a relationship? I think this is not so much a function of age as much as the number of times and the depth of emotional pain of separation. It took three deeply painful separations for me to outgrow it.
  • SFTraveler

    Posts: 171

    Jun 20, 2009 3:54 AM GMT
    For the longest time, I questioned why my mother committed suicide and wondered if there was something I failed to do to prevent it.
    That was in 1974 and it wasn't until last year that my priest/confessor/therapist convinced me that I would never really know the answer and there was really nothing I could have done to prevent it, given her history of manic depression (now called bipolar).
    I still miss her...
    icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 20, 2009 2:55 PM GMT
    SFTraveler saidFor the longest time, I questioned why my mother committed suicide and wondered if there was something I failed to do to prevent it.
    That was in 1974 and it wasn't until last year that my priest/confessor/therapist convinced me that I would never really know the answer and there was really nothing I could have done to prevent it, given her history of manic depression (now called bipolar).
    I still miss her...
    icon_sad.gif


    I’m very sorry about that. It may not be my place to judge, but I’ve never seen suicide as something you commit – I’ve always seen it more as something that happens to you. Less of a choice and more of an anti-impulse that tunnel-visions every other alternative out of your perspective. A chemical imbalance that eats you from the inside. A cancer of the will that’s almost impossible to stop.

    And for those left behind wondering why, it’s very easy to fall into the if-only trap… please don’t.
  • SFTraveler

    Posts: 171

    Jun 20, 2009 5:58 PM GMT
    Well said, Siya!
    But if I ever commit suicide, it will be a deliberate, thought-out choice. I'm very rational when it comes to this.