Confronting the obvious, what’s your story

  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    Nov 19, 2007 4:58 PM GMT
    I want to know your thoughts on this. Do you ever waste your time confronting people on the web who you think are being dishonest?
    It always surprises me when men obviously older them me tell me they are 25 or something. I was just chatting with this man who says he is 28, I know he has to be older than me, he has deep crow’s feet, a receding hair line etc. I decided to give him an opportunity to come clean and asked him how old he was and he said 10 yrs younger than me. I wonder if he thinks I am that stupid. I want to say “Holly shit life’s been tough on you, cause you look 10 years older than me!” “If you are 40 or older you look hot, but if you are 28 someone beat you with an ugly stick.” LOL. I know some men go bald early and I know a history of extreme drug and or alcohol abuse can age you but sometimes I have to laugh at peoples posted age.
    Honestly I know people embellish and they may modify their age by a few years, and we all put up our better photos, but 20 yrs seems out of line.
    I met another guy and 6 months into being friends I find out the posted photo is from his high school sr trip 18 yrs ago. I am still friends with him but if I would have gone on a date I would have been looking for this thick blond hair and would have found what appeared to be is bald father, the date would have ended if it was the look that captured me.
    You all have to have funny stories of deceit so let’s hear them.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16305

    Nov 19, 2007 5:18 PM GMT
    Well actually I haven't met very many guys who have lied (appreciably) about their pictures. A couple of notable exceptions. I know one gentleman that has a pic that has to be 15 years old. When I met him socially he had to tell me who he was...

    Another more sinister situation, one of my best friends has a partner who is in his early 50's, uses a
    "head cut off pic" online and says he is 38 for hook up purposes. I find that disturbing.

    I always use recent pics myself and have them taken frequently. Probably all but 2 or 3 were taken in the summer and fall of 2007, two from 2006 and I think I do have one that is from 2004.

    My belief about the "confrontation" thing is, it probably isn't really helpful. If you know factually the person is being dishonest and you know them or are getting to know them, ask them, but if you don't plan to get to know them for (obvious) reasons, just let it go. You have enough tension in your life without bringing on more. Some may well disagree with this, but I have other things to do than confront someone about an old picture.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Nov 19, 2007 5:43 PM GMT
    haha.

    It amazes me that people do this. Don't they realise they will get rumbled eventually. And it kinda ruins the friendship if one party feels they are being lied to.

    My rule of thumb is if the picture they use is in sepia, they're wearing flares, or leg warmers, then they're probably using an old picture.

    Lozx
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    Nov 19, 2007 5:53 PM GMT
    I think that when it comes to pics, the profiles are a great tool to help you see who has old pics. If the profile has remained the same with the same pics for a while, you know that guy is using old photos. Those guys who constantly add new pics and change them around, you know those are the ones who like to keep things real.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2007 6:25 PM GMT
    I rarely confront on-line fakes. Partly this is because it's extremely unlikely that I'll ever meet them. Those obvious fakes that do seem to be angling for a hook-up just get ignored.
    On the other hand, I've encountered a few on-line personas, in forums or blogs, that are clearly fictitious constructs. As long as they're entertaining, or interesting, who cares? It is a little disturbing how some of the obviously fictional guys get large followings of people who seem to think it's all real. Sometimes it all looks like grand variation on rat lab from psych 210.

    es2577Those guys who constantly add new pics and change them around, you know those are the ones who like to keep things real.

    Hmm... actually it makes me wonder if they have a personal photographer and publicist. I'll have to add one to my entourage, one of these days.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2007 9:11 PM GMT
    when I was single it mattered to me and as Laurence said it always amazed me that they wouldn't think it would be obvious if you met up with someone. The idea that any friendship or any kind of relationship could start on a lie is foolish in the extreme.

    I also grew tired of guys who claimed they "looked younger" than they were. Either they were lying to themselves or their friends were lying to them.

    One guy kept hitting on me [not welcome nor was I encouraging it] and I finally msged him to look at my photo - that I was REALLY 42 (at the time) - and that he looked to be at least 15 years older (I knocked off 5 years from my estimate to be polite) and that I really couldn't start a friendship on a lie. He replied with a lot of invective ... which maybe I deserved icon_twisted.gif

    He apparently forgot about it though because he hit on me again a year later.

    But man do people kid themselves!!

    I KNOW I look my age.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2007 9:34 PM GMT
    why lie about your agae thats rediculous, we all age, with age come experience and knowledg why be ashamed of that? do i look my age?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 2:19 AM GMT
    Yeah. You look 19 and in good shape.

    (This is where you tell us that you are actually 30 somthing right?) icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 2:44 AM GMT
    You know what I'm allergic to? LIERS!

    I hate when guys lie about their age. I don't mind if they tell me they lied shortly after we start talking, whether that is a few days or weeks. Age is not a big deal. If you are attracted to someone’s photo then you are attracted. I don't search for an age limit. If I find a guy in a photo is hot then he is hot. Now when people have fake pictures, I really HATE that. And I don't use the word hate that often.
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    Nov 20, 2007 4:04 AM GMT
    I personally don't let it bother me. I just assume that not all people are telling the truth, yet I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
    I will never meet most of the guys I meet online, so it's sorta like I have my real life reality and then online reality. lol

    There again, I personally am an open book. I don't mind telling anyone what they want to know about me. I'm me and have noticed the thinning of my hair, but I just keep it short and use a little product. I'm 37 with plenty of goals, but still searching for someone to share. I'm also 30 minutes from the Savannah Airport Cowboy. Come on down and I'll show you around.

    LANCE
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 4:08 AM GMT
    Lying about one's age shows a serious lack of self-respect. How depressing to hate something as basic and core as the amount of time you've spent living. Not hot at all, despite the image they're trying to convey.
  • Alan95823

    Posts: 306

    Nov 20, 2007 4:10 AM GMT
    I think my first experience with an online liar was with a guy who was using a photo that wasn't him at all. I live in Northern California, he lived in Southern California, and I was flying down to his town for a work-related conference.

    We agreed to meet for dinner, and were talking on the phone when he told me what he'd be wearing when he picked me up at the hotel so I'd recognize him.

    Instead of the blond, chiseled guy I thought I was getting to know, I met a balding curly-haired guy with pretty serious acne scars. I was surprised enough by the difference that I think I actually took a step backward.

    He'd forgotten that the picture I'd been seeing for 4 months wasn't him, because he never checked his profile. We had dinner anyway, and we had a nice time, but it's hard to be friends with someone who lies about something as basic as their appearance. An out of date picture is bad enough, but a completely fake photo is just silly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 4:48 AM GMT
    I can not count the number of times I've been lied to. Although it was a reverse of what some of you are talking about, there was a 16 year old romanian kid who tried to pass himself off as a 20 something lawyer in New York. He used the funniest pictures. I eventually pulled the truth out of him and he was telling me about how he is having difficulty coming out in Romania and this and that. Or at least I think it was the truth.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Nov 20, 2007 5:00 AM GMT
    I think it can be dangerous to make too many assumptions about people from their profile pictures, and that works in both directions. I've known several guys who looked substantially different than their actual ages, such as a friend who is 24 and looks 15. I've also had guys accuse me of lying about my age (according to one, I'm clearly at least 35; according to another, I was 20), which is disconcerting as I've listed my actual age. The one time someone questioned my age in person, he steered the conversation to driver's license photos and suggest we compare ours to see who had the worse one--not terribly subtle (and he admitted he was checking my age when I asked him), but by being in person and not just flat out asserting that I was lying when he was was wrong to assume that I was, the situation was different enough that I didn't get angry.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 5:56 AM GMT
    Gigman I don't mind if they tell me they lied shortly after we start talking, whether that is a few days or weeks.


    Even this bothers me - I just feel like a liar is a liar is a liar - and if you're lying about one thing, then you're lying about other things. These people are even worse to me than people that do not come clean in a way, because they clearly consciously know they're doing something wrong and they're doing it anyway. It's not compulsive so much as calculated.

    Profile deception is one of the big reasons I have become pretty wary of meeting anyone from online anymore - even as far as putting up misrepresentative pics. It just gets to be such a bother. And I really don't understand the point since your cover will be blown eventually. I actually like being told I look better in person because it means I am definitively not leading anyone on!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 1:20 PM GMT
    Well, I hit 50 this year but my friends assure me I don't look a day over 49-1/2.
  • waltex

    Posts: 140

    Nov 20, 2007 1:55 PM GMT
    YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW FOR SURE WITH ANYTHING WHEN YOU CHAT WITH ANYONE ON LINE.

    PEOPLE CAN - AND DO - FIND WAYS ABOUT LYING ABOUT THEMSELVES TO GET ATTENTION.

    BUT HERE IS MY SCREENING PROCESS TO MINIMIZE THE CHANCE OF SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH PHONEYS . . .

    THE PICTURES TELL MOST OF THE STORY. WHEN ALL THE FACES ARE CHOPPED OFF, WELL, THAT'S AN OBVIOUS ONE. OR WHEN THEY ARE ALL PROFESSIONAL PICTURES, THAT'S THE SAME. IF THERE ARE REGULAR PICTUREES MIXED IN WITH PROFESSIONAL, AND THERE IS A SIMILARITY, I WILL BE MORE RECEPTIVE, BUT STILL SUSPICIOUS.

    POOR IMAGE QUALITY IS OBVIOUS.

    ONE OF MY FAVORITES IS DIFFERENT TROLLS USING THE SAME HOT A&F PIX . . .

    NO PIX - NO TALK

    IF U JUST SHOW A DICK AND BUTT, IMMEDIATE TURN OFF.

    IF THE FIRST WORDS OUT SPILLING OUT IS "HOW BIG IS YOUR COCK" - THAT'S ANOTHER . . .

    I CAN GO ON AND ON . . . .

  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    Nov 20, 2007 2:25 PM GMT

    ow1975 I feel bad for the kid. That would not bother me at all. I would feel for the kid and probably befriend him and even try to connect him with an organization for gay youth.

    Innerathlete You can web cam if you need to know who you are talking to. It does not have to be sexual to web cam. I like just seeing people laugh when I think I am being funny. I just wish I looked better on the cam. I think it’s the lighting LOL. Does the cam put on 10 lbs and 10 years:lolicon_confused.gif

    There is one guy on here who claims to be 57 and in his photo he does not look a day over 35. I e-mailed him and he states the photo was from when he was like 55 (I believe him) I thought good for him. I pray I am that hot at that age but it will be hard as I am not that hot now( never have been probably never will be).
    For the most part I know some ppl will lie. In our society women have been conditioned to lie about age and weight, and some gays are just big women LOL. Maybe when you have been conditioned to hate yourself for being gay it is easier to hate yourself for other things like age, weight, looks etc.
    I went out with one guy I met on line he most likely was the correct age but he was not the correct weight. He was at least 50 lbs heavier then his photo. The funny part was I was eating poorly and I said something about being one 180lbs and wanting to get down to 170, he says “Oh I’m surprised I only weigh 170 and you look thinner then I do.” I about fell over there was no way he weighed less then 200lbs. Is it lying if they believe what they are saying LOL?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 2:48 PM GMT
    It's when they lie about their height, you meet them and (no word of a lie here as it happened to me) their 5ft7 is actually 5ft3. "And no, you can't stand on a box to have sex with me." Get lost!

    And the other one of course, is dick size. Why is it guys are so bad at knowing the difference between 4in and 8in? Terrible.
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    Nov 20, 2007 3:09 PM GMT
    I have to say though that I don't subscribe to this idea that just because someone lies about their age then they are a "bad" person or will lie about other stuff. Really the two things aren't related.

    C'mon we will all grow old and I think that you should be asking yourself whether you still be telling people your real age when you leave those magical decades of the 20s and 30s?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 4:13 PM GMT
    A person that condones lieing as a matter of course? Humm, to me, something seems real wrong with that process.

    I'm 47. Period, as I write this.

    I someone lies to me about simple things, there's no way I can trust them further, with anything, and that's just common sense.

    Dishonesty is dishonesty. It's as simple as that.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Nov 20, 2007 4:25 PM GMT
    hahaha. No surprise you defending lying about age Red. Do you admit to being in your 30s yet?

    Though I agree, age isn't that much of a problem, if it's a couple of years. A couple of decades may cause problems though.

    Hilarious that Chucky is against dishonesty. Wasn't he caught being 'confused' about his age on another forum thread?

    That's the problem with bending the truth, you have to have a good memory and be very on the ball to be good at it.

    Lozx
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 4:42 PM GMT
    Well, Laurence, I'm intending to stay 37 for good few more years. And that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 5:00 PM GMT
    RedheadC'mon we will all grow old and I think that you should be asking yourself whether you still be telling people your real age when you leave those magical decades of the 20s and 30s?


    I don't think people that lie about their age are inherently bad people - and I have had close friends that openly admit to lying about their age on sites like this - but, no, it's not something I would personally ever do. There are so many guys out there that are into guys in their 40s and beyond (if you're fit) - and there are so many 40+ guys that are still hot without qualification that it doesn't seem necessary. Maybe part of it is that I used to carry so much shame that I now have no desire to hide in any way again, or maybe part of it is that I look a lot younger than my age so far (knock on wood!) that I am not too worried about it - but it would make me personally feel like I was in hiding or somehow "not enough," and that's not a good way to feel.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2007 5:01 PM GMT
    Our society and culture idolizes youth and beauty (worse in gay culture) so what else do we expect?? I think we need to realize that we can (and must!) age with dignity and class…. I live terrified of becoming the old fart hitting on young guys and wearing A&F for the rest of my life….I think they are lying even to themselves….

    Obviously you shouldn’t be taking all this crap personal, just ignore it, there are better things to get angry about…let say the crisis in Darfur for example!

    tomorrow my profile will let me know that I got a year older!! But honestly the older I get the more I enjoy my life so I don’t mind it…at least not yet!

    By the way…so far my experience has been that the people I have met online and then meet on person…usually look better in person! Pretty much without exception so far!